With the wind

In the house, everyone's staggered figures, the sound of pushing cups and changing glasses, we are very happy, but also a little sad.Because today, we graduated!

This will be the last time we get together.After that, we will embark on our own new journeys and meet new people.Life is in such constant encounters and separations, some people will leave when they come, and some people will stay when they come.

For me, parting may be a publicized ceremony, or it may be a silent departure.The former may be due to certain emotions, while the latter is a deliberate decision. This time, which way will I choose to exit from your life?

After leaving the hotel, the group headed to KTV in a mighty manner.Today we can no longer heed the warnings of our parents, and try things that were once banned, such as singing K, such as drinking.

In the previous ten years of life, all we did was to strive for a limit for ourselves, within which we can do whatever we want.As we get older and bigger, the range gets wider and wider.The admission letter of the university is also like a certificate, flaunting that we have obtained this qualification, and start to stand independently in this world to contact it, to try those false and deceitful dialogues, and to understand its darkness and rules.

The loud music and changing lights in the private room made me a little annoyed.I don't like this kind of environment, it's too noisy, even if I talk to the people around me, I have to yell.It made me feel alone, and that's precisely the thing I'm most afraid of being alone.

Lin Lin was ordering songs on the screen, and she was familiar with such occasions.After ordering the song, he walked towards me, sat down, and kissed me.The people next to him are already familiar with it.About us, there must be a lot of speculation in the class.They are obviously very ambiguous, and they have never heard of being together.Oh, I laugh.

Lin Lin whispered to me: "The next song is for you, do you want to hear it?" She held the microphone and looked straight at me, hoping to get my response.

I laughed.

"Huh? Do you want to listen?"

Seeing that I didn't respond, she made a gesture and said, "It doesn't count."

Seeing that she turned her head and was about to leave, I unhurriedly took her hand, followed the fingers and interlocked them.I saw the corners of her mouth curled up.

"Listen... as long as you sing, I will listen."

The music was playing, she held the microphone and looked at me with a smile.It is Mavis Fan's "darling".

I don't really remember what I sang, I just remember that the "darling" and my heartbeat were embedded together, she sang a sentence, and my heart beat.

I dare not think about who listened to this song once through her mouth.However, this "darling" made me lose myself for a moment, and then I woke up.How real is the person in front of me?How much is false?I can't see it.

After the song was over, she left her seat, and I watched her sing, drink, talk, and her every move with her classmates.Holding the cup in one hand, pressing the other hand on the table, talking to the person standing across the table, maybe you are fooling people again.

What is it about her that attracts me?Knowing her promiscuity and fickleness, why are you still willing to stay by her side?I hate myself, why don't I pierce her false face!Why can't I break free from her shackles!

I'm just afraid of losing.

In fact, I am a cowardly person, afraid of losing people, things, things around me.I am very attached to everything I have obtained, even if I am injured.So I don't want to take the initiative to leave, always expecting that everything will be fine and everything will be fine.But I waited and waited... but I didn't wait for her.

enough!It's enough to get here.

Forcibly take back my thoughts, don't think about it, it will be sad.Looking at the time, it's time to go back.

I told her, "It's getting late, I should go."

"Okay, I'll go with you and take you back." She walked over to greet everyone.I tidied up, picked up my bag, and went over to say goodbye to everyone.

we

When we got out of the box together, she took my hand naturally, and we just walked slowly, enjoying the night.

When I arrived downstairs in my house, I was just about to enter the door.Lin Lin asked: "Didn't you say you have something to tell me?"

At the moment of opening the door, I thought, forget it, I will talk about it next time I find a chance.Unexpectedly, she took the initiative to mention it.

"Yeah." I turned around and faced her, but didn't dare to look at her. After taking a deep breath, I said slowly, "Let's end it."

She was silent.

"Let's end this ambiguous relationship." I held the strap of the canvas bag in my hand. "What are we like now. Lovers? Friends? Or lovers? I'm tired of living like this." I said flatly, with no expression on my face.

She remained silent.

After a while, she still didn't seem to want to speak.This is the second time she has heard this sentence from me, and she will not keep it again.

"That's it. Thank you for sending me back today." I looked up, and there was a dirty lamp above that was shining yellow, illuminating the small area at the door, and she happened to be standing at the intersection of light and night, Can't make out her expression.I turned around, put the key in the lock, and opened the door again.

"Wait a minute," she said suddenly.

I stop.

"why?"

I asked back, "Why? Don't you know?" With a sneer, I turned around again, looked directly into her eyes, and said, "I don't need a girlfriend who can throw me halfway because of other girls at any time. Got it ?” The moment I said it, I had some pleasure of revenge, and I finally slapped her hard.

She had no words to refute.

I smiled, turned around and entered the door, and the door closed, and I leaned against the door, a little weak.

At this moment, I felt that everything around me slowed down, my senses slowed down, my heartbeat slowed down, there was no sadness, no sadness, and even no pain.

I clenched the canvas bag in my hand. My expression must be very strange now. I am obviously very sad, but I am desperately suppressing it. The two emotions are intertwined. It is ugly.How can she see it?When he turned around just now, he was so clean and neat, how could he be dragging his feet.This is the last dignity I have left for myself.

I'd love to open the door to see if she's gone?But I can't.

Suddenly remembered that there was a window in the corridor, I walked upstairs quickly.Standing by the window, she was still where she was.That sentence was like a mantra.I was the witch who cast the spell, and the spell, 'I don't need a girlfriend who threw me halfway', stopped her where she was.

"You go back." Before he had time to think, the words had already blurted out.

She followed the sound and found it.

The moment she looked over, my heart seemed to be pricked by a needle, and all the sensations around me returned to my body, and the pain came to my face, which became clearer and deeper.

She didn't answer, nor did she leave, she just raised her head stubbornly.Is she trying to keep it?Then why don't you talk?

I took three steps and made two steps, and arrived at the door of the house. "Boom", closed the door.I walked quickly to the balcony where I could see her.

I gently and slowly opened the window.I was afraid that if I was in a hurry, the old window would not be able to withstand the toss and make a creaking sound, which would be heard by her.When the window opened, I only saw her back, disappearing step by step from my sight.

Go, don't look back, you can always shake me easily.

When I came out from the balcony, there was no one in the house.My head was buzzing and I was feeling cluttered.I sat down, and after a while, I slowly calmed down.Turn on the TV and turn up the volume to the maximum to stop my random thoughts.

How could she take the initiative to ask?Does she think I'm finally going to confess my love and want to be with her?

No!There's no way she can't guess what I'm going to say!She couldn't have had a hunch.

I turned off the phone, because I didn't dare to look at it, I was afraid that she would send a message, and I was even more afraid that there would be no message at all.I was afraid that she would just let go, and even more afraid that she would not let go.I know it's contradictory, but it's a question only she can answer.

When I found the third person between us.I thought about separating, but I was a little bit reluctant, so I told myself to give each other more time, maybe one day she will wholeheartedly be just for me?Maybe one day I wait for the love I imagined?So procrastinate and procrastinate.

Until later, she did something that pissed me off, about that girl, and I said the words 'let's end it' on impulse.

I have thought about it many times, when I say this sentence, how will she react, maybe she will leave without saying a word.But not twice.

For the first time, after hearing me say the word 'separate', she pursed her lower lip and buried her head directly on the table.I was at a loss for a while, but after a while she got up and asked me, "Are you sure?"

The atmosphere before us suddenly became very heavy, and she was very angry.But so what?Knowing the existence of the third person, I can't do anything, after all, I'm not her girlfriend, even though I thought I would be.So, I simply cut off the blood and flesh in two.

But I can't just walk away, I want to get revenge for all her inaction for so long.At that time, I already vaguely felt that the most unacceptable thing for her would be to lose me.Separation is just revenge for you, but it also hurts me.

After Lin Lin got my affirmative answer, he never said a word to me again.This is what I guessed, it's ok, I'll get used to it soon.It's fine until the next time you change seats.

At the desk that night, I flipped through the text messages on the phone, thinking of everything about us, from the beginning to the present, those moments that warmed me, she spoiled me and protected me.I think I can't bear it, the person who spoils me and warms me without any kinship relationship, even if she hurts me

Unexpectedly, the next afternoon, things reversed.She handed me a note that said: Are you sure you want to end this relationship between us?

What did she want to get by asking repeatedly?I don't know, pen in hand and wrote 'yes'.

She asked again, no regrets?

At this moment, I was very stupid and gave her an ambiguous answer because of the fleeting reluctance in my heart.

She said, I want you to promise me one thing before it's over.

My heart tightened, is it because I want to owe nothing to each other, and stop dating?I'm hesitating, but this is actually the best way to go.With a relationship like ours, it is impossible to be friends anymore, at least with me.

After hesitating, I still agreed.

She said, well, let's end it then.

I breathed a sigh of relief and then she threw over a note that said: Let's start over.

I didn't expect such a request at all.I didn't expect her to reverse the ending so easily, I was stunned.Maybe it was my ambiguous answers that made her think I was playing hard to get, maybe she couldn't accept my ending.Whatever the reason, what is this now?

I was very angry and felt like a clown, being played around by her three or two words. "Good! Very good! You did a beautiful job!"

"The dog that was thrown away can still know the way home. You lost me, and you still don't allow me to find it by myself?" In her explanation, I heard a hint of guilt and a little bit of grievance, and then I thought about it Understood.

"Oh, so from yesterday to now, you just taught me a lesson and let me know the consequences of losing you." I suddenly realized that I forgot her grievances.

"Yes, I don't want you to abandon me so easily." She said.

Ha ha, then congratulations, you did it, I have learned my lesson.But I will still leave, this is the first time I have clearly told others that we should not have any relationship, and I am angry, so I decided to find an opportunity to say it again.

After I calm down, I want to at least prove that she likes me, at least in the next few days, it will be easier without embarrassment.

At the same time, because of her painstaking efforts to keep me, I was sure that she liked me.It was also because I was sure that she liked me that I became more and more unable to control my heart in the later days and began to sink.Anyway, she liked me first.

After that, the gap between us disappeared a lot, she started to cling to me more and more, and we became closer and closer.Those were our happiest days.

The only thing we can quarrel with is that her.We all consciously avoided it, but it wasn't the solution, so it became a bomb, and one day it exploded without warning, and I was left with nothing.And that day has come so soon.