I sat on the edge of the bed, looking out the window at night.Akashi Mansion is a rare place in Tokyo where you can see the stars, and the stars tonight are as beautiful as ever, but I am really not interested in seeing them tonight.I lay on the pillow, looking at the night sky in the summer of August, my chest was full of panic.

Masayoshi Akashi just told me the beginning of the company's incident, and I realized that this incident was more serious than I imagined, and that the pressure Ah Zheng was under during this period was heavier than I imagined.I understand why Ah Zheng didn't tell me these things before, and I have tried to do so myself.Besides, I don't understand these things, so if you really tell me, it won't help.

But no matter how much I find reasons for him, I can't convince myself to expose this matter as Ah Zheng intended.

I know he doesn't want to mention it.

But I want to mention.

He was the one who told me it couldn't be done.

"Saki?" Ah Zheng walked in.

I frowned, sat up with my pillow in my arms, and looked at him.Despite this, Ah Zheng's face remained unchanged, and he would never fidget when he lied to me.

It's a hundred steps, but at least I'm not lying. When he asks, I will tell the truth no matter what I don't want to.

"Saki, you didn't go down to eat dessert." He sat down and pinched my face lightly, "What's wrong?"

"Ah Zheng, Dad asked me to go to the study just now." Going on like this is not an option.

Ah Zheng must know what I want to say, but he still kept his composure, "You don't need to mind what Dad said, no matter what these words are. Your tutor, didn't you praise you recently? Saki, you did a very good job, There's no need to feel too much pressure." He stretched out his arms to hug me, and kissed my forehead, "It's enough for us to be together, and you don't need to worry about the rest, just leave it to me."

"You also agree that I need to be independent." Don't you think you're contradicting yourself.

"So, after you go back to school, promise me that you will not drop out of school again without discussing with me. Regarding your work, I have talked to my father, and he will not interfere again. I am very grateful for your willingness to Attending those events as my wife, you can also understand my work, but, Saki, I hope you can be happy, that's the most important thing."

"You say that every time." I wanted to say more, but Ah Zheng kissed me down and didn't let me speak.I frowned, but Ah Zheng took my hand, I thought about it, but still didn't push him away.

"Saki." He backed away slightly and looked at me, with my reflection reflected in his red pupils.

I didn't push him away.

Ash continued.This time he was much more irritable and even tried a little harder, but I gritted my teeth and followed him.After it was over, Ah Zheng hugged me.

"Sorry," he said.

"..." In fact, the so-called roughness is only compared with the past. A Zheng has always been very considerate of my feelings in this regard, no matter how bad the mood is, he dare not hurt me at all.I used to feel sorry for his patience, but now I feel bored.What does he think of me, little white rabbit?I know he treats me well, but I don't want to be that kind of wife.

"Sorry." But my silence misunderstood him, Ah Zheng rubbed my head comfortingly, and kissed my face, "Is it uncomfortable?"

"No, it's okay." I pushed him away, straightened up, put on my clothes and got out of bed, and went to the bathroom to rinse off.If you say you are uncomfortable, you are also uncomfortable.Why don't you let me speak.

When I went out, I saw Ah Zheng waiting outside the door with arms folded.I looked at him, still stretched out my arms to hug his waist, buried my head between his shoulder blades, Ah Zheng's originally tense body relaxed slightly, exhaled lightly, and hugged me.

"Sorry, Saki, did I scare you?"

"No, it's fine."

He carried me back to bed and fell asleep.I turned my back to him, and he hugged my waist from behind.I closed my eyes, and he closed his eyelids, but neither of us fell asleep.I don't want to make him unhappy, but it won't work if it goes on like this.Ah Zheng's thinking is still very different from mine, and his world is getting further and further away from mine. I don't want to hold him back, but I also don't want to hold myself back.Marriage is not like this, at least the marriage I want is not like this. As long as someone holds back, sooner or later it will become uncomfortable for both of them.

What's more, I don't believe that Ah Zheng really feels better like this.

I don't like his cautiousness lately.

I pretended not to know that he was not asleep, gently moved his arm across my waist, got out of bed, helped him cover the quilt, took the coat and turned and walked out.I held on to the railing of the stairs, walked down step by step, and walked to the basketball court that had been built for several years, and sat on the sidelines with my back bent.When I came outside, I let out a long breath and felt a lot more comfortable with the summer evening breeze mixed with heat.I don't like being indoors.

Am I not giving enough, or am I overlooking something?Ah Zheng said that he hoped that I would be happy, but I am not happy at all now; I also hope that Ah Zheng is happy, but I find that every time we quarrel, it is Ah Zheng who comes to coax me first.I always want to solve the problem, but every time I want to ask a question, Ah Zheng "solves" it first, and when I want to reach out to catch him again, he has already caught me tightly.He is nervous about me, I am naturally happy, but is this really right?

Of course there is something wrong.

Why is it not me or us who solve the problem together, but Ah Zheng every time.

I pursed my lips and thought for a long time, until Ah Zheng hugged me from behind, I finally figured it out.

"Ah Zheng, it's not my problem alone."

"Of course," Ah Zheng said, "I didn't do well enough. Saki, I promise there won't be a next time. Don't be unhappy anymore, huh?"

"No, you don't understand." I pushed him away, turned around and looked into his eyes, "Seijuro, the one who doesn't trust you is you from the beginning to the end." If you don't trust, you will catch him tightly.

"...Saki?"

"I don't understand, you can make it clear, what exactly do you want me to do to make you satisfied?" Since it's not that I don't have the willingness to respond, but that he preempts me every time, then the problem is not limited to me.

"..." Ah Zheng frowned, "Saki, I don't want to say that, but the truth is, you are the one who is dissatisfied."

"I didn't say I'm not dissatisfied, but the reason I'm dissatisfied is that I don't know how to satisfy you. Let's talk honestly about what you think of me."

"Of course it's the wife, there's no doubt about it."

"The question is what do you think a wife is. Ah Zheng, what do you want me to do? Stay at home every day waiting for you to come back, and always stay where you can see it?"

"Saki!" Ah Zheng slightly raised the volume, "You know I don't mean that, I understand that you are angry, but that doesn't mean you can misunderstand me."

"You don't want me to do it exactly, but that's what you mean." The more I think about it, the angrier I get, "Akashi Seijuro, you are the one who keeps saying that we should be honest with each other, and that we don't want that kind of tact between us People are also you, but in fact you just draw a range, let me move within this range. You say let me do what I want to do, and then give myself to you, but you? The so-called understanding you, It is within the scope of your permission. If you are happy, let me know, and if you are not happy, don’t let me know. You are also the one who lied. You took advantage of the matter of your father’s illness to lie to me. You lie for my own good, and I Don’t you think you’re too cunning for being scolded when you conceal something?”

"Sakura!" He frowned tightly, his face sinking into water, "Your words are too much. I know you are dissatisfied that I have kept information about your company from you. I can apologize to you, but as I said, you can't misunderstand me. My feelings for you. If you ask, I can promise you, and I will never hide anything from you in the future. This time, I did not do it properly, but the starting point is that I don’t want you to worry. I hope you can understand Me this time."

It's a hundred thousand words again.I rolled my eyes in anger, "It's not a problem that I didn't forgive, but we have a problem that needs to be resolved. I don't know how you feel, do I need to waste my saliva with you? I won't apologize, this time I don't feel at all I said too much, and it sounds too much, but because the truth is always crueler than a lie. There are many angles of explanation, but the fact is the fact, in fact, you did it at all.”

"Sakura!" His face turned cold, but he still tried his best to suppress his voice, and his voice inevitably became deep, "Calm down first, and listen to me."

"It's you who want to listen to me. I've heard enough of your words. Ask yourself, have you understood my words with your heart?"

"The more you talk, the more you go too far! When have I never realized what you like? If you have any dissatisfaction, as long as you tell me, I said it, I will accommodate you!"

"Am I too much? To accommodate? You told me not to think about anything, and to confess to you [-]% of the time, but you yourself used the measure to accommodate me. It sounds nice that you love me, and people all over the world say you Well, the fact is that you are cunning. This kind of trick is your favorite!" He will bully anyone who is a bit stupid.I gritted my teeth hard, "I also know how to measure. I didn't force you to accommodate me like this. It was you who stepped on the boundary and you asked me to remove it. I said that I don't like to maintain a boundary carefully. Day, I know what to do, but I hate it. I don't care about people outside, and my own space doesn't have my willful freedom. Either you want it all, or you can give it back to me!"

"Let's say this, Saki," Ah Zheng's face was scary, "I want to know where you set the boundary between us? If I didn't take this step, wouldn't you have thought about it?" Want to be with me? Saki, answer me. Don't go too far, my patience is limited."

Who is too much?I sneered and stood up, "If it wasn't my will, do you think you can make me nod to get married? Why say it," I almost gritted my teeth, "why say I don't like you anymore! Does the one who chases first pay? If you mind this, don’t mess with me! Who doesn’t know the boundaries between husband and wife? Close relatives and distant husbands and wives. Of course, your requirements are much higher than this, aren’t you Want me to force myself to do what you want me to do, in line with the boundaries; but want me to do it willingly, and make me really feel happy within the range you give me! This is how you take advantage of the mood that others are willing to change for you , Fuck you, have you become more perverted!"

Trying to train and lying without changing his face, he is a manipulative freak, and he is wearing a super-excellent skin, and he is accidentally tricked again, almost without a chance to react, he is gnawed until there is no bone left .Akashi Seijuro, you go for me.die!

Ah Zheng also stood up, his voice could no longer be suppressed, "I repeated it more than once, Sakura, you can't misunderstand me! I never said that I don't believe you like me, if you don't believe this, know You will know how to cherish my heart, why should I do this! Now, you have misunderstood me! Where you refuse to change for me, I can accommodate you. I never intend to deny Saki himself. Let me say again For the last time, I will not allow you to misunderstand me from this angle!"

"It's a misunderstanding. Who knows what you mean by being so cunning! You want me to believe you, but you don't believe me at all! You say sorry, sorry for making me unhappy, but you don't think it's wrong to hide it from me at all You still feel that it is for my own good, this is the problem! You want me to reflect on it, and I have reflected on it. I will voluntarily surrender to the police on major matters, you? You can’t blur the key points every time. That's fine; but since you're still guarding your own realm, why do you want me to take care of you? You bastard! You bastard!"

"Sakura Takahashi!"

"If you have the ability to refute!"

"Saki, even in the face of me, don't you still guard your damn self-esteem? If you really value me so much as you said, why can't you understand me? Have you considered, How tired will I be if I keep accommodating you so willfully!"

I live.

We both fell silent, only a slight gasp remaining.

── Willfulness.

──Tired.

what should i sayHe sneered and said, "Ha, I said a long time ago that no one can fully accept another person, everything will come true, it will only be annoying in the end, look, I expected it a long time ago", and then laughed three times?

I know that Ah Zheng is just talking in a fit of anger. After so many years, whether he is sincere to me, of course I know that [-]% of the time, he has worked hard to fulfill our promise to each other.When he thinks that I don't trust him, he will be angry; when I think he doesn't trust me, I will be annoyed.

There must be a sense of proportion between people, this is what it should be, isn't it.

Actually he was good enough for me.

What am I minding.

I really understand everything.

However, after hearing this sentence, I was full of words, but I suddenly became unwilling to say a word.

I read a story before, in which the wife was depressed all day long when faced with problems in her natal family, the husband asked her to rely on him more and tell him if she was unhappy.Later, one day, the husband couldn't bear it any longer under the grievances of his wife all day long, and said that he was tired enough when he came home from work, could she be considerate of him.So, his wife never said anything to him again.In fact, a wife doesn't have to yell to survive, but she is willing to share it with others, otherwise, a woman can always be very strong.After a while, the husband thoughtfully and tenderly told his wife, who had not complained to him for a long time, that she should tell him about her unhappiness.He loves his wife dearly, and also feels that the silent wife makes him uneasy.This time, the wife still responded with a smile, but didn't say a word.Well, occasionally I would say a few words, pretending to let my husband coax him, but in fact, just to make him happy.The married life has been harmonious since then, and the husband tells everyone that his wife is very sensible, so sensible that it makes him feel distressed.

The older I get, the colder my heart gets every time I think of this novel.

I know it's fiction and I know it's true.

Looking at Ah Zheng's flustered eyes, I realized that the corners of my mouth had been flattened, and my annoyed face had subconsciously cooled down.

I don't want to say another word.I turned around to leave, but Ah Zheng stretched out his hand and grabbed me.I looked down at him holding my hand tightly, and suddenly felt that what I had done in Akashi's house in the past few years really felt good about myself.The homework and communication that I thought were acceptable, suddenly I couldn't bear it for a moment.

Taking care of the family, taking care of my appearance, homework, socializing, God knows how much time I have left to continue my studies.

I'm very presumptuous, but when will I really be so presumptuous that I don't care about it?It's only when it's facing you!

I said: "Promises are useless at all, the most important thing is people's hearts, otherwise, no amount of promises is rubbish, isn't it." A few years old, he actually took those beautiful words seriously.Fully accept each other?joke.

For the first time since I said I couldn't shake off his hand, I ruthlessly shook off his holding my hand.

I don't blame him, this promise, in fact, none of us can make it.It's not that he's out of his wits, out of proportion, and deserves what happened.

After that, and for the first time, Ah Zheng did not catch up.

I went upstairs, walked to the bedroom, and sat on the edge of the bed in a daze.Disappointed in Ah Zheng, disappointed in myself, I don't know if I have been disappointed in this marriage.It's much easier to find someone to live with casually than to say something sincere.

The requirements should not be set so high.

It should not be believed that I and Ah Zheng are different.

I stood up on the bed, took my nightgown and pillows, and went to my study.The bed inside was thrown away by Ah Zheng long ago. I lay on the big sofa, but I didn't feel cramped.It doesn't matter whether you throw it or not, the key still depends on the person.

After an unknown amount of time, when the sky began to dimly light up, the study door was pushed open.

"Saki," came Ah Zheng's weary voice, "go back."

I didn't move, just closed my eyes, which were dry and stinging from not sleeping all night.

"go back."

I turned my face to the inside of the couch, my back to him.Even if Ah Zheng stretches out his hand to me again, I don't want to give it up again.

"Sakura."

Want to solve the problem, should not be like me now.In the past, it was A Zheng who came to coax me first, and I could still argue that it was A Zheng who reached out his hand before me. It's not that I didn't take the initiative, but now, I don't need to defend anymore.If you don't want to solve the problem, you don't need to move.

Thinking of these six years of marriage makes me want to laugh out loud.

ridiculous.

"I'll say it again, Sakura, go back, you and I both promised, don't make me repeat it." Ah Zheng's voice was very heavy, "Don't disobey my words again."

I promised that no matter what happens, as long as we are at home, we are not allowed to sleep in separate rooms.

I didn't even move.

Footsteps sounded, and I felt Ah Zheng standing beside him.He whispered: "One last time, go back." I didn't respond, Ah Zheng suddenly laughed lowly, and continued in a slightly strange tone: "Saki's happiness is now based on destroying all the past between us Is it? Interesting. Since this is what Saki means, I understand. Saki, if I say no, it’s not allowed, but if you think this will make you happy, okay, I will accompany you.”

Before I could react, Ah Zheng picked me up by the waist and carried me on his shoulders like a sack. His shoulders pressed against my stomach, which made me extremely uncomfortable.I opened my eyes wide.

"Hey, hello, Ah Zheng!" With my head down, my feet dangling in the air, I tried hard to look up at his face, but failed, and I could only see the back of Ah Zheng's red head.Always feel that something is wrong.

"..." Ah Zheng didn't say a word, he put one hand on my waist, and the other pressed my leg, preventing me from struggling.With a bang, he kicked open the door of the study roughly, and carried me out.

What's going on here? "A Zheng! Let me down! Hey!" No matter what I said, A Zheng didn't respond, I pursed my lips and patted his back hard, "Akashi Seijuro! What are you crazy about!"

"Young master!" The servants in the corridor stood on both sides, trying to persuade them but dared not go forward.

"Hey!" I gritted my teeth and punched him on the back as hard as I could, but Ah Zheng still didn't say a word, just hugged my feet hard.

Boom!Walking through the long corridor, Ah Zheng kicked the door open again, carried me back to the bedroom, kicked back, closed the door forcefully, turned around and locked the door.The yelling of the servants was blocked by the sound-proof door.I frowned.

"Ah Zheng! You... ah!" I was thrown on the bed vigorously by him.Because of the posture problem, my neck was twisted a bit, and the pain made me let out a low cry, but Ah Zheng still didn't respond. "Seijuro, what are you doing!" What a nerve!I sat up straight on the bed and looked at him, but he pushed me back on the bed, straddled my waist and pressed me down.

I opened my eyes wide.

"..." Ah Zheng bent down, put one hand on my face, and looked at me expressionlessly, with the coldness in his eyes that I haven't seen for a long time.

"You...!" As soon as I opened my mouth, my chin was pinched and lifted by Ah Zheng, the pain was so painful that I couldn't speak.

Ah Zheng pressed down on me with his whole body, grabbed my struggling hands with one hand, raised them above his head, and kissed him himself, even if I bit him, he would not let go.I kept kicking my feet, Ah Zheng's kiss moved to my neck, I don't need a mirror to know how my neck was made by him.I told him I didn't want it, and he still didn't hear it.I turned my head and bit down on his shoulder, and Ah Zheng was completely unaffected.

I struggled until I had no strength, stopped, and looked at Ah Zheng who was on top of me in disbelief.

I can hardly believe that Ah Zheng would treat me like this.

"Akashi Seijuro, let me say this for the last time," I took a deep breath, and said as calmly as possible, "Don't touch me again, get the hell out of here."

Ah Zheng's movements stopped.

We stayed in this strange position for several minutes, neither of us moved.

"..." Ah Zheng still raised his head, straightened up, reached out and took out my military folding knife from the drawer of the bedside cabinet, put it in my palm, and then closed my fingers to make me hold it tightly.

"..." I stared blankly at him.

"..." Ah Zheng just looked at me like this, and I couldn't see the meaning of his eyes clearly.

Not long after, he leaned on my body again and roughly pulled my clothes. My body must have been pinched and blue, and my right foot was forcibly suppressed by him. The sharp pain stabbed me almost convulsed, and my lips were on fire Spicy pain, the mouth is full of rust.

But I couldn't get annoyed to the point of hatred like before.

I held the knife tightly, bit my lip when Ah Zheng hurt me, and said nothing, but the bridge of my nose was sore uncontrollably.

"... Seijuro." I looked at Ah Zheng who left his neck and back free for me.

"..." Ah Zheng didn't look at me, and he didn't stop, but I knew he was listening.

With a bang, I threw the sharp pocket knife far under the bed, stopped struggling, looked at the crystal chandelier on the ceiling, and said: "Stop now, otherwise, I will never forgive you. You know I'm serious of."

Ah Zheng, who I struggled for so long without being moved, actually stopped because of this sentence.I covered my face with one hand and used all my remaining strength to force back the sourness in my eyes.

If he's a scumbag, I'll be better off.

Why are you handing me the knife.

And why we, who can't be said to be scum, are more difficult to deal with than scum.

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