star embarrassment

Leaving aside sexual orientation, Jiang Cheng believes that love has nothing to do with gender. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with liking the same sex. The generation of love itself is independent of identity, status, money, age and gender.

But for some reason, Jiangcheng hopes that he can have a happy family advocated by the mainstream values ​​of society.He was even a little afraid of falling in love, because love was contrary to reason, and for Jiangcheng now, he didn't need love at all.

There are too many things worth worrying about.

But how should he tell Shen Hengyu all this?Shen Hengyu is really kind to him, sometimes, the better Shen Hengyu treats him, the more frightened he is.

He couldn't accept all this with peace of mind, and he couldn't give Shen Hengyu what he wanted in return.

Shen Hengyu saw Jiang Cheng standing at the door for a long while, without urging him, he stood quietly and looked at him.

Jiang Cheng turned his head and said to the video camera brother who was following him, "Hi, I'm sorry, I might have to talk to Mr. Shen alone for a while, is that okay?"

The camera brother put the camera away considerately: "It's just right, we are going to eat too, the two teachers chat slowly."

Jiang Cheng nodded his thanks again, and waited for the camera to leave, then he dismissed his assistant and asked him to buy some food for the staff here.

Shen Hengyu raised his eyebrows, which meant that Jiang Cheng had something to say to him.

Jiang Cheng finally entered the door. He seemed to be very familiar with this place, and led Shen Hengyu to the inner courtyard. There was a long wooden table carved with roots, and there was a row of large water tanks next to it, with water lilies and fish in them.

"Teacher Shen, sit down." Jiang Cheng said softly.

Shen Hengyu sat across from Jiangcheng, and the two of them met each other's eyes, and couldn't help being a little dazed.Jiang Cheng suddenly felt that some things should actually be confused, which would be good for Mr. Shen and him.

The rays of the sun gradually dissipated, the night came up little by little, and there was a faint fragrance of flowers in the air.

Jiang Cheng spoke first: "Why did Mr. Shen come to record this program?"

Shen Hengyu rubbed his nose: "Something happened to Li Chuan, so let me take care of him. He contacted the program team for specific matters, and I also..."

Jiang Cheng smiled knowingly: "This show is quite popular. Teacher Shen cooperates with the publicity and release, and it will definitely increase fans."

Shen Hengyu sighed inwardly, he was not interested in gaining followers at all, he came to this show purely because he was fooled by Li Chuan.

Li Chuan said, you can't figure out what to do with Jiangcheng, and you can't figure it out even after hiding at home, why don't you go to him, everyone understands, and you will know what to do when the time comes.Feelings are two-way, no matter how one person thinks, it is useless, you have to understand the other person's thoughts.

Jiang Cheng looked around the yard, and smiled softly: "Mr. Shen, do you know? Before I went to elementary school, I lived here with my grandparents. This Juren old house is actually my old house."

Shen Hengyu was surprised: "So this is your home?"

Jiang Cheng smiled and shook his head: "It used to be that after my grandfather passed away, my father donated the house. When I was young, because my parents were busy with work, I lived here with my grandparents until I was about to go to school. I was taken to City C, but during the winter and summer vacations, I will still come back to accompany my grandparents."

Jiang Cheng caressed the carvings on the wooden table, feeling a little nostalgic: "I like town poles very much. Compared with when I was a child, the bluestone slabs here were still loose, and the stone slabs here were still loose when it rained. , that day it will rise up and splash a circle of water."

Just listening to Jiang Cheng's description, Shen Hengyu can imagine those scenes, which is a very interesting life: "If you like it, when the show is finished, you can stay here for a few more days."

Jiang Cheng pursed his lips and smiled: "That's not okay. Sister Huan is still waiting for me to go back, and there are a lot of things in the back. What's more, the current township is meaningless to me. Grandpa passed away, grandma In Beijing, my parents are gone.”

Shen Hengyu's eyelashes trembled slightly, he carefully raised his eyelids, and looked at Jiang Cheng's expression.

Jiang Cheng showed a faint smile, even paler than Bai Tu's paintings.He lowered the corners of his eyes, revealing half of the emotions in his heart and half hiding them, which made people feel distressed.

Jiang Cheng's background was a bit beyond Shen Hengyu's expectation.

He also thought about why a good kid would come to this circle to toss around, but he never thought about it, the reason behind it was this.

Jiang Cheng's parents are gone.

Jiang Cheng watched Shen Hengyu sit up straight, knowing that Mr. Shen understood: "The lilac tree outside was planted by my grandfather when my father was born, and the tree is still there now, but neither my father nor my grandfather have planted it. Yes. Grandpa died of illness. He was old and passed away peacefully. There was a painter in front of him, and a group of people from their painting association came to see him off. It was a happy funeral."

"But my dad is different." The smile on Jiang Cheng's face disappeared, and he looked at Shen Hengyu, "Mr. Shen, do you want to hear my dad's story?"

Shen Hengyu looked at Jiang Cheng and always felt that he was tearing open his scabbed wound: "Do you want to say it? If you want to say it, I will listen."

Jiang Cheng hesitated for a moment, but still nodded: "My father and my mother died in a car accident on the road when they were going to get a divorce. It was the last day of my college entrance examination, and I just missed the exam..."

A magpie was carved on the wooden table, and Jiang Cheng kept rubbing his hands on the lifelike wooden magpie: "The reason why my father and my mother divorced is because my father is a gay man who cheated on marriage."

Probably to make his language more gentle, Jiang Cheng also used the word comrade.

Shen Hengyu's face turned black—he was really caught off guard by this miraculous plot twist, and if he came twice more, he might suffer from heart disease and high blood pressure.

Jiang Cheng didn't look at Mr. Shen, and continued: "My mother didn't know about this. It was at the beginning of April of that year that my father's first love, Bai Yueguang, came to my father. This was my father's lover back then. In a few words, my mother broke down. She wants to divorce my dad, and I will divorce after I finish the college entrance examination. Teacher Shen, you know, one of the deformed products of Chinese-style marriage and Chinese-style education. After the child finishes the college entrance examination, we will divorce. divorce."

When he was talking about this, Jiang Cheng couldn't help but swear: "If you want to leave, leave now. Why wait until I finish the college entrance examination? Divorce after I finish the college entrance examination. Isn't hurting hurt? They wait until I finish the college entrance examination before divorcing. It directly took the lives of two people. They met a big truck...they..."

Shen Hengyu stood up, walked to Jiang Cheng, and opened his arms: "Okay Jiang Cheng, stop talking, come, Mr. Shen hugs."

Jiang Cheng suddenly raised his head: "Shen Hengyu, you still don't understand..."

Before Jiang Cheng finished speaking, Shen Heng Yulou held him in his arms.

Hugging is a very intimate gesture. It is different from the intimacy of holding hands and kissing. Hugging is the behavior that best conveys a sense of security and warmth.

Shen Hengyu took advantage of the situation and sat next to Jiang Cheng. He put his arm around Jiang Cheng's waist and his shoulder with the other, and patted Jiang Cheng's back.

A 20-year-old boy is still thin.

Shen Hengyu asked Jiang Cheng to rest his chin on his shoulder, and coaxed him softly in his ear: "I understand what you mean, you told me a story about you. This unfortunate story is very complicated. Your parents The accident, your father's choice back then... There is no way to simply attribute these things, and it is difficult to give an answer to whose fault it is."

Jiang Cheng wanted to break free from Shen Hengyu's hand, but Shen Hengyu gently held it.

"Jiangcheng, listen to me first." Shen Hengyu's voice was gentler than the moonlight tonight, "I'm actually a little sad. You told me this story, but the purpose is to make me leave you. You are too Well, if you don’t like me, you can just say it directly, you can scold me, and even when you’re old, you still have to eat young grass shamelessly—you don’t need to tear your scars open, so you will be sad, and I will be sad too. The problem of feelings is not a math problem, and you don’t need a major premise and a minor premise to prove it. If you don’t like me, you don’t need to find a reason for not liking it, and you don’t need to find a reason from yourself.”

Jiang Cheng closed his eyes, leaned on Shen Hengyu's shoulder without saying a word, and Ren Shen Hengyu hugged him gently.

Teacher Shen probably sprayed on some perfume before going out. It smells very nice, warm and sweet.

Jiang Cheng originally wanted Shen Hengyu to understand that the accident in his family was ultimately because his father was a cowardly comrade who loved a man but married a woman. He didn't want to be like his father, he didn't want to be with a man Tangled, he wanted happiness that could be accepted by the world, simple and plain, but he never got it.

Shen Hengyu only felt distressed.

Of course he understands that the misfortune of the previous generation will affect the value choices of this generation, but he feels that the problem between him and Jiang Cheng is not about sexual orientation. Wish I was gay, not that I wasn't gay.

It's actually more embarrassing than it isn't.Shen Hengyu could sense Jiang Cheng's affection for him, but it was this affection that made Jiang Cheng even more painful, so much so that he opened his own wound on impulse—he wanted to push Shen Hengyu away from it. , I also want to use this to remind myself to stop losses in time.

Shen Hengyu felt as if someone had stabbed him in the heart, and he felt pain from the bottom of his heart to his fingertips.

He held Jiang Cheng's hand tightly, looked into his eyes, and said earnestly and gently: "Actually, I have thought about what I should do if one day you pierce the paper on the window. I have prepared a lot of excuses, you know Yes, 30-year-old men are always thinner-skinned than teenagers. The things they care about become more and more complex as they grow older. They care more about being decent. I can tell you that I like you It is the elder brother's love for the younger brother, and the elder's love for the younger generation. But in front of you, I can't say such words. Law, morality, ethics, responsibility...there are too many things imposed on us by society, and even I I often don’t know what I am living for. In other words, I want to live for myself, but I don’t know what I want.”

Shen Hengyu sighed, he likes Jiangcheng, really likes it, even more than he imagined.

"But now, I just want you to be well, and I want to take care of you by your side."