Being-Towards-Death

Zheng Zhichu's illness came on violently, which was also inexplicable.It may be that after the tit-for-tat confrontation without looking for Shi Guyuan, the emptiness of losing the purpose of life made the virus take advantage of the emptiness.He was sluggish at home for a few days, tired of eating the nanny's unchanging sick meals, and unconsciously missed Shi Guyuan's craftsmanship.

He had eaten the meal made by Shi Guyuan—before he broke the secret between Shi Guyuan and his father, he didn't reject this nominal brother like he does now; In the past, Shi Guyuan didn't pay much attention to Zheng Zhichu's nonsense when he was a child—at that time, his nonsense couldn't step on Shi Guyuan's bottom line.

But now, the lion cub has grown into the size of a leader, and the foreign leopard that has occupied the magpie's nest should have abdicated long ago to make way for the virtuous, and entanglements inevitably arose.But this does not prevent the cub from coveting the tender antelope that the leopard once hunted for him in the lonely and difficult night.

Shi Guyuan didn't move for a few seconds, Zheng Zhichu turned over with the pillow between his arms, and said, "Hey, I asked you to come here, do you hear me?"

Shi Guyuan took a long puff of cigarette, and glanced calmly at Chi Yu who was drinking juice in the French window; Chi Yu was also looking at him, seeing Shi Guyuan turned his head, he hurriedly looked elsewhere.

Shi Guyuan withdrew his gaze, and said to Zheng Zhichu, "Have you gone to the hospital?"

Zheng Zhichu said irritably: "It's not like you're going to die if you catch a cold and have a fever. Who the hell is going to the hospital? Are you coming or not? Stop moaning!"

Shi Guyuan weighed his current situation: Zheng Zhichu bears the title of "fostering father and son". As the eldest brother, his younger brother is sick, so he wants to visit out of reason; If we continue to hold each other, we will be speechless. It is better to leave enough steps first, so that we can be more stable with each other, so that we can meet each other in the future.

But Shi Guyuan still has concerns: Zheng Zhichu's thoughts are clearly revealed.He can forgive Zheng Zhichu for being frivolous and young, and going astray, but he himself has no excuse for being young, so he absolutely cannot let Zheng Zhichu get deeper and deeper; no matter whether he is active or passive, he will never lean towards Zheng Zhichu again.

Shi Guyuan lit another cigarette and turned his back. Chi Yu in the floor-to-ceiling window couldn't see his small movements; Zheng Zhichu's urging was endless on the phone, and he sent out gray mist, saying: " I'll be there in a while."

Zheng Zhichu hung up the phone contentedly, walked to the stairs, blowing his nose, and shouted down, "Aunt Liu, Shi Guyuan is back at noon, you don't need to cook, let him do it!"

............................................................

Shi Guyuan waited for Chi Xiaoyu to finish class, then sent her and Chi Yu home, and excused himself from work, so he didn't have lunch with them.Chi Yu couldn't ask for it, but Chi Xiaoyu couldn't bear it. She grabbed Shi Guyuan's two fingers and said pitifully, "What about the night? What about the night?"

Shi Guyuan glanced at Chi Yu, and replied, "I'm back at night, I'll call you."

Chi Xiaoyu was obviously dissatisfied with the answer, and was just about to hug Shi Guyuan's thigh and refused to let him go, but was picked up by his father.Shi Guyuan smiled at Chi Yu, and went out without saying goodbye.

Chi Xiaoyu stared at the door unsatisfied, lowered her head in frustration, and said, "Father, I don't want Uncle Shi to go..."

"Uncle Shi is busy."

Chi Xiaoyu said angrily: "Adults always have something to do, and so do children! But I will still be with you!"

The appearance of Chi Xiaoyu's little adult made Chi Yu amused, and coaxed her to have lunch; Chi Xiaoyu didn't want to take a nap, so ran to the study to take out the cello and creaked it; The road to art; he wrote an experimental report for a while, and was finally tortured until he lost his mood.

He opened the drawer, put the report in, and saw the portfolio.

Chi Yu's hand stayed in the air for a long time, and finally took out the painting clip; his dazed look caught Chi Xiaoyu's attention; Chi Xiaoyu put down the piano, ran to him, jumped up and looked: "What is this? "

Chi Yu hugged her to his lap and opened the portfolio.

Chi Xiaoyu said excitedly, "This is me!"

Chi Yu kissed the top of her daughter's head; Chi Xiaoyu took the opportunity to win the right to turn the page, but before Chi Yu could stop it, the drawing paper had already turned to the end.

Chi Xiaoyu pointed at the painting in surprise, flicked her braid, and swept Chi Yu's face; she said to her father in surprise, "It's Uncle Shi!"

Chi Yu stuck his shell and said, "This is your father."

Chi Xiaoyu couldn't understand the connection, and said, "Father, this is Uncle Shi, not you!"

Chi Yu stared at Chi Xiaoyu's face, and inspected the facial features that hadn't grown yet but could see the outline of the future several times; Chi Xiaoyu was a little puzzled, she lowered her head, looked at the drawing paper again, and then raised her head Come on, and said firmly: "Dad, this is Uncle Shi, it's really not you." Then, his eyes lit up suddenly, and he clapped his hands happily and said, "I see, Uncle Shi is also my father, right!"

The topic turned around, and Chi Yu's thinking did not catch up with his daughter's rapid brain circuit, and he was struggling to catch up behind Chi Xiaoyu's words; I'm a father now, father, you discuss with Uncle Shi, who of you don't want to be a father, but be my mother?"

Chi Yu said: "Uncle Shi is not your father, your father is only me from beginning to end."

Chi Xiaoyu blinked and asked, "What about Uncle Shi?"

"It's Uncle Shi."

Chi Xiaoyu said "oh", without any emotion on the surface, she scratched a corner of the drawing paper and said, "This is Uncle Shi."

Chi Yu held his daughter's troublesome hand, looked at the drawing paper, and was a little absent-minded—this is not Shi Guyuan, but everyone thinks it is, even Chi Xiaoyu swears that his biological father is Shi Guyuan. another man.

That's fine too, Chi Yu thought, one thing more is worse than one thing less, from now on, Chi Xiaoyu is his own daughter, she will never know her life experience; A stroke of painstaking effort.

A tsunami of nostalgia surged in his chest, and Chi Yu silently said to the real person in the painting: From now on, I will be you, and you will be him.

He has engraved on the past that he intends to seal up, but he is destined not to be able to participate in his future.And now, he can participate.

As soon as the ears hurt, Chi Xiaoyu pulled Chi Yu's ears and said loudly, "Dad? Dad!"

Chi Yu came back to his senses and rubbed his ears: "Huh?"

Chi Xiaoyu tapped the drawing paper: "You made a mistake here, Dad!" She turned over Chi Yu's palm and said, "Uncle Shi also has this, but you didn't draw it!"

Chi Yu took her hand and said solemnly: "There is no mistake in the painting."

"Wrong! Wrong!"

"That's right," Chi Yu said, closing the portfolio, "Do you want to go to the park this afternoon?"

Chi Xiaoyu's eyes lit up, and he immediately threw the portfolio behind his head, and said flatly, "I want to!"

The folders were closed in a hurry, exposing the edge of the drawing paper; Chi Yu put Chi Xiaoyu on the ground and rearranged it.

The poem on the drawing paper has not faded—

Today the bodhi tree bloomed again,

My heart is infinitely melancholy.

How gentle I was then,

I put flower petals in your hair,

when you leave,

My heart won't get cold,

-

Chi Yu prayed, praying that Shi Guyuan would never know the next sentence of this poem for the rest of his life.

.......................................

Before Shi Guyuan arrived at the small house in the north of the city, he called the landline there; Zheng Zhichu was sick and lazy, so the only person who answered the phone was the nanny; but for Shi Guyuan, the nanny was many times more reliable than Zheng Zhichu.

He asked the nanny what was lacking at home, and he took it home with him; he also asked about Zheng Zhichu's condition, and he couldn't help laughing: this kid sleeps at night because he wants to be cool, and he said that he didn't close the window when he died.

The nanny said again: "There is everything in the house, but Xiao Chu misses your craftsmanship. It's this time, and there has been no dinner. I think he is very unhappy."

Shi Guyuan glanced at his watch, it was getting closer.He said to the phone: "I'll be there right away, you can get the rice first."

Shi Guyuan was actually quite surprised that Zheng Zhichu actually dared to eat his cooking, so he wasn't afraid of his revenge by poisoning him?Thinking of the farce in the elevator not long ago, I felt uncomfortable for a while.He turned on the music in the car, and used his singing to dispel Zheng Zhichu's lingering growl in his mind, and concentrated on drawing up a recipe in his mind.

The patient is nothing more than clear porridge and side dishes; he is less sure of Zheng Zhichu's taste, so he chooses conservative chicken and vegetable porridge, then steams a chicken cake, and finally stews a pear soup to relieve the heat; but when he enters the door, Zheng Zhichu rejects everything; Negative, followed by a series of rampant questions——

"What time did I call you? What time is it now? You're only here now, are you fucking starving me?"

Shi Guyuan said, "If you don't eat porridge, what would you like to eat?"

"You cook and you ask me what I want to eat?!"

"Cook for you, don't ask what you eat, who to ask?"

"If you want to go by yourself, I'm so angry that my head hurts!"

"That's still chicken and vegetable porridge."

After Shi Guyuan finished speaking, he turned around and left. Zheng Zhichu jumped up from the bed, pulled him over and said, "You can't use your brain? I eat porridge every fucking day, and my tongue fades out!"

Shi Guyuan deliberately squeezed him: "Light? Then I'll add more salt."

"Fuck - come back to me!" Zheng Zhichu kicked the door shut, squeezed Shi Guyuan's wrist and growled, "You're just angry with me, aren't you?!"

Shi Guyuan glanced at the imprisoned wrist, and said coldly, "Release!"

"Don't let go!" Zheng Zhichu stuck his neck, gnashing his teeth, "Don't you think about what I like to eat? Didn't you understand it before? Why, my dad died, and you lost your mind?"

Shi Guyuan looked at him unreasonably, and said, "Are you addicted to being hungry? You want me to guess? Then you are hungry."

"you!"

Zheng Zhichu was so angry that he jumped up, snorted coldly and planned to fight Shi Guyuan to the end, but unfortunately he had a cold and stuffy nose, he didn't hum with the momentum he should have, instead he blew a huge snot bubble.

The snot bubble swelled like bubble gum into a perfect ball, hanging on Zheng Zhichu's tense face, round, flexible, smooth, transparent, swaying, precarious, and just refused to break.

Shi Guyuan couldn't hold back, and burst out laughing; Zheng Zhichu's face was bright and colorful, turning into anger from embarrassment, he shook off Shi Guyuan's hand, tore off a long strip of toilet paper, blew his nose loudly with a broken jar, and stared Touching Shi Guyuan, with a murmuring nasal voice, he said, "I want to eat the noodles you made for me before! Hurry up!"

Shi Guyuan pulled out this small fragment many years ago from his memory, and said: "It's just noodles mixed with sauce, what's so delicious? You should drink porridge when you're sick."

"I've been talking to you for a long time, but you haven't listened to a single word, have you? I don't want to eat porridge, I just want to eat noodles made by you!"

Shi Guyuan said: "Up to you." Then he went to the kitchen, cooked a bowl of noodles in less than 10 minutes, and asked the nanny to deliver it; he felt that the sauce was not appropriate, so he made a tomato and egg marinade; he didn't plan to wait any longer , to see Zheng Zhichu, but to fulfill the duty of the elder brother, to see it, express it, and that's enough.

Shi Guyuan put on a thin coat, took out the car keys, and planned to leave after the nanny came down, but unexpectedly the nanny brought down the bowl intact, and said helplessly, "Mr. Otherwise don't eat."

Shi Guyuan pretended to look at his watch and said, "I have something to do later, he will be hungry if he doesn't eat, and he will eat when he is hungry."

The nanny felt a little distressed, and said, "I'm still a child after all. He and I are usually the only ones at home. Mr. Zheng just left a while ago, and Xiao Chu returned after a fight. In fact, he just wanted someone to accompany him..."

Shi Guyuan closed his eyes, heaved a long sigh in his heart, opened them and stretched out his hand, saying, "Bring it, I'll send it up."