I just want you to be well

It turned out that I was not far from graduation.

Since living together with Wei Jun, I seem to be derailed from my college classmates, especially my girlfriends.She kept complaining that she couldn't find me.

She texted me that she broke up with her boyfriend.

The day after the final exam, we made an appointment to meet at Seesaw Coffee in K11 at 11:[-] pm.It happened to be Saturday, and Wei Jun drove me to K[-].Along the way, Wei Jun didn't say much.

"Uncle Wei?"

"Huh?" He seemed a little absent-minded.

"Why are you so quiet today, you haven't talked much since breakfast."

"No." He seemed to have something to say, but he refused to say it.

"Just tell me if you have anything to do."

"I think...how about I tell you again tonight. It's too late to say it now, and we'll be at K11 with one more traffic light."

"All right".

He smiled deliberately at me, always feeling that he had something to hide from me.

As soon as I arrived at SeesawCoffee, I saw my best friend sitting alone in a corner of the hall.She was wearing a pink Scottish skirt and a long black coat, and the emeralds hanging around her neck made her look extravagant.

"I haven't seen you for so long, you are becoming more and more... a lady."

"Is there?" She looked at herself, and then turned to hug, "You, you, since you fell in love with your Uncle Wei, you have been despising friends because of sex."

"Yeah," I sighed apologetically, "since I've been with him, I just go to work, get off work, go home, and then read novels in my free time. I think I'm suffering from social phobia."

She rolled her eyes, "I think you are suffering from 'Uncle Wei' disease! No wonder people say that best friends are just that, after one fell in love, the other fell in love (connected)."

We both laughed in unison.

"Sorry I wasn't there for you when you broke up".

"Hey, what apologies, I didn't blame you."

She touched the cup of latte in her hand, "I think you are fine now, at least you and your Uncle Wei are getting along so well now. Unlike me, not only was my boyfriend cheated on me, but I also worried about whether I could graduate ".

"In fact, we also had times when we were unhappy, but you couldn't see it. By the way, don't bother talking about me, why did you and your boyfriend break up? What's the matter if you can't graduate?"

"Do you still remember what I told you before, that he treats me hot and cold, and doesn't care about me? In fact, since then, he has dated a woman on Momo, and he has become addicted to it. Two Playing with me behind my back," she complained angrily.

"It's like he treats me like he's at home. He ignores me and treats that stinky woman as a hotel, and he keeps dating all the time. I thought I wasn't doing well enough, so I changed it on my own, just to please him. Fuck it, it turned out that that stinky and shameless man cheated on me and played a mistress behind my back, and that mistress was only a sophomore! What a bitch. They are a perfect pair of scumbags!"

I was instantly overwhelmed by the courage of my best friend.Although she looked angry, she still couldn't hide the sadness in her heart.After a while, it all seeped into the expression.

"But after the breakup, I always felt that I was about to fall apart. I felt that he was the center of my life before. But after the breakup, I realized how stupid I was at the time, to lose my life for a man" .

I comforted my best friend, "You are just too involved, and lost yourself in it."

"Yes, at that time he was regarded as the only one in this life. So it was just my own wishful thinking."

She sighed and continued to mourn, "Before, beauty was in the eye of the beholder. Now? When I don't love you, the eye of the beholder is full of shit."

She smiled, as if laughing at herself for being too naive, for a relationship that was hard to get in return no matter how hard she tried.But I admire her for being able to joke around and laugh at herself frankly.

Her sneer was full of reluctance and sorrow.

She continued, "I'm still worried that I won't be able to graduate", a little choked up, "Don't we major in accounting have to learn calculus? I forgot that I failed that course and didn't take supplementary courses."

"This...what the hell is going on, why are there so many things happening before graduation?", I stretched out my hand to hold her tightly, trying to comfort her.

"It's all the fault of that man. I haven't been thinking about my studies. Let me tell you, it's been three years since I broke up with him from the first semester of my freshman year. But he and that junior..."

I saw her eyes start to turn red.I hurriedly sat next to her and gave her best friend a hug.

"Why did he treat me like this...", her tears rolled down the corner of her eyes and fell on her palm.

The people around looked at us.

She raised her head slowly, her eye makeup began to blur, "Are you sure you are happy now?"

I looked at her, listened to the crying question, hesitated for a second, but still nodded vigorously.

"That's good."

She suddenly squeezed my hand.

*

I feel sorry for my girlfriend's experience, and because of her experience, I seem to understand Wei Jun's feelings when he broke up with his first love.If I love him for four years, but one day he tells me that he is going to leave with someone else, it is as if he is guarding a piece of meat that he has been hiding for a long time and is unwilling to eat, and is inexplicably taken away by another wild dog one day .

Why does loving someone become another reason to cheat?bound?No more freedom?Or while accepting the love of others as a matter of course, can you justly dislike or even betray him?

When did it become a lesson to love someone with all your heart?What if, in order not to suffer the most damage when the relationship breaks down, would you rather keep restraining your feelings for this person than love with all your heart and no regrets?However, while satisfying one's own selfish desires, will the other party think the same way?Will the scales of love always be balanced because of each other's equal contributions?

I have no idea.Even whether the scale of love itself will be balanced is a proposition that no one knows.

But can I compare my relationship with Wei Jun to the relationship between a best friend and his boyfriend?Does every relationship have a similar start?Admiration, passion, love, and then gradually become plain, until indifference and decline?

Passion will eventually disappear with the reduction of pheromones, and love flames will eventually disappear in the dullness and disputes of rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea.Maybe the love at that time was more than mutual appreciation with similar tastes; Activate long-lost hormones.

But I don't want to.

I just want to be Wei Jun's only and last round of red sun, the hormones that only belong to him and the pheromones that make him morbidly dependent.

We've been together for almost a year.I feel like seeing him for the first time, I still love him very much, and my heart is still moving.It's just that every time I touch his face, he seems to lose some weight.Every sexy stubble is not my heartbeat, but my heartache.

In the last year of school, except for occasional daytime classes, I usually continue my summer internship in the office.Happily, the amount of overtime I worked gradually decreased.Even though he worked overtime, Wei Jun slowly got used to the rhythm when I was not at home.

It might be easier for me to fit into his rhythm of life.Apart from going to work, he just stays at home and watches TV series and movies.He once confessed to me that before he met me, the only possibility for him to stay at home for a day was because he didn't get an appointment.

I like to lie on his lap on the sofa in the living room every night after taking a shower and let him dry my hair.

I like the touch when he touches my hair; I like the temperature of his kisses on my cheeks from time to time; I like his tenderness and consideration for me even more, but his face is capitalized "pretend indifference".

We always think about some things that are not there before going to bed.For example, when we browse Weibo and see which celebrity has been rumored recently, we will also look at our respective circles of friends, and then complain about some pretentious colleagues and friends.I prefer to listen to him talk about the secrets of which employees in the company have recently been discovered, such as knowing which male colleagues are married and unmarried through employee files, and judging whether he may be a gay friend based on his age.

Of course, we are always inseparable from heavy topics, such as his monthly CD value and physical condition.It's just that every time he finished the inspection alone, he didn't particularly want to talk to me about related issues.While I respect his right not to speak, it also makes me worry about him more.However, he can always reassure me that he is still in good health in some special ways, for example, in bed.

Just like many couples after work, we have lost a lot of face-to-face time, especially the messages on WeChat have gradually decreased, and he rarely takes the initiative to pick me up.

However, what warms my heart is that every time we go home, we still feel like we haven't seen each other for a long time.

I will look at him like a fanboy, and he will keep warming my lips in cooperation.

This may be unbelievable to ordinary couples, but it happened to us.Perhaps it is because we all have a sense of insecurity that we are afraid of losing, so we want to cherish every time we spend together.

I can't calculate, which of us paid more and who paid less.Every weekend, I will take good care of his diet and arrange programs for the two of us, such as watching movies, watching the latest art exhibitions, going to a romantic place for dinner, and accompanying him to a gay bar for a drink to meet old friends, etc.

He often relies on me to make decisions, and I occasionally lose my temper and act like a spoiled child to him; sometimes even if he is unwilling in every possible way, he will still accommodate me and let me do what he wants to do. For example, I sometimes go back to the dormitory for a few days, Enjoy some alone time, or meet up with roommates and college friends for dinner.

Perhaps, for us, the balance of love can always find a balance point consciously or unconsciously.

*

The weather is very cold tonight, Wei Jun insisted on taking me to eat hot pot.The two of us sat in a corner of the restaurant, and I looked at him opposite, calmly with a little seriousness.A few days ago, Wei Jun seemed to hold back some words, but swallowed them back when he wanted to speak.

The waiter served the food very fast, but Wei Jun and I kept silent.I quietly watched him boil beef, lamb and meatballs.His eyes looked back at me from time to time, but a little flickering.

I couldn't stand such an awkward atmosphere, so I left my seat to adjust the soy sauce.

"Where are you going?", he finally spoke.

"Adjust soy sauce", I replied a little coldly.

He nodded and continued to look at the food in the pot.

In the end, I still couldn't hold back, and the moment I just stood up, I sat back.

"You have been holding back something in your heart for the past few days, so if I don't ask, you won't say it?"

He froze for a moment, then gave me a piece of meat, "Let's have some beef first."

"It's hot."

"Then I'll get the seasoning."

"Wei Jun!"

He has gone far.

When he came back, I was already silently eating the food in the bowl.

He looked at me and I stared at him.

"Uncle Wei, I'm serious, just tell me if you have anything to say", I even prepared for the worst, "Is it because of illness or something I did wrong recently or..."

He finally interrupted me hesitantly, "What are your plans for this year's Spring Festival?"

I put down the meat I was going to put in my mouth, and hesitated for a while, "I don't know yet. My parents are in Shanghai, but I don't want to go home so soon."

What he said next startled me a bit.

"Then... why don't you go back to Beijing with me."

I had some bad premonition, so I asked knowingly, "What are you going to do?"

"Take you for a walk", I was about to put a piece of fat beef into my mouth, "meet my parents by the way".

My meat was burning in my mouth and I spit it out immediately.

"Are you okay?" Wei Jun quickly handed me water.

I took a sip and asked back, "Are you okay? You want to take me back to Beijing? To meet your parents? Have you forgotten your first love...", I don't really want to go on.

Wei Jun nodded with a serious face, "But this time I am serious. I really want you to go back with me. As my boyfriend and relatives, go back."

I hesitated and worried, "But... aren't you afraid that the tragedy will repeat itself?"

"Yes. After all, my dad..." He frowned, his expression a little flinching, "but I haven't gone back to see them for almost three years. So...I want to take this opportunity to go back and meet them together."

I caught another piece of meat, but I was reluctant to put it in my mouth.

Wei Jun continued, "Aren't you still here?"

I looked at him suspiciously.

"The last time it happened, it was because I came out of the closet on my own initiative, and things naturally became serious. But last month, my mother called me and said that they missed me very much and wanted me to go home for the Spring Festival. I was I wonder if they've calmed down and forgiven me."

Looking at his nostalgic expression, he really missed his parents.Although my heart just wants to stay away from my parents.

"Uncle Wei, you haven't seen your parents for so long, you should go back." After all, I didn't eat the piece of meat, "But I still can't go back with you, I'm really afraid that your parents won't accept us..."

"It's okay. I really want to take you to meet my parents. I'm afraid that if I don't leave this time, I will..."

"What day is it? Let's come to Japan for a long time, don't rush for a while. Besides, your parents finally want to reunite with you, so why should I join in the fun?" Although I wanted to go, I knew that going would only add to the chaos.

He hesitated a little, and forced a smile on his face, "It's only fun if you go. In fact, I told my mother that I will bring guests home."

"Then you can also temporarily change your mind and say that the guests will not come if they have something to do."

He looked displeased, "Why don't you go with me?"

I said anxiously, "Because I don't want to hinder your family reunion. I'm really afraid that if we go back together, the situation will be the same as before."

Wei Jun was a little angry, "How was it before?"

"Just like when you went back with your first love before."

"Can you stop mentioning him?" He put down his chopsticks vigorously, with a displeased expression on his face.

"Wei Jun, now is not the time to get emotional."

"Who is in a relationship with you?" He didn't even look at me, and continued to pick up the drink beside him and started drinking.

That piece of meat was already cold in my bowl.

"Wei Jun..."

He still ignored me.He seemed genuinely angry.

"I'm really afraid..." Before he finished speaking, he stood up, holding the table with his hands, and stared at me.

"With me here, what are you afraid of?" He said these words very domineeringly.I could clearly feel the eyes of the people around us staring at us.

I looked up at him, with a sad request permeated in the domineering expression, as if telling me, "Promise him, promise him."

But I'm still too scared to say it.My timidity really couldn't overcome the anger of Wei Jun's parents.

He sighed and sat down.The two were silent for about a minute.All the movements seemed to be still, only the steam from the hot pot kept rising.

His left hand slowly approached my right hand, and he whispered, "Come back with me, okay? I just want to stay with you."

My lowered eyes slowly lifted up, seeing him staring at my eyes, I couldn't help but hold my right hand up, "Then... let me tell my parents about it", I pretended to be mysterious, and moved my eyes Xiang Hong's colorful ceiling, "Anyway... I haven't been to Beijing."

The dark clouds covering Wei Jun's face dissipated immediately, and he began to happily pick up raw meat and cook it in a hot pot, "Okay, okay, tell your parents first, and it won't be too late to tell me later."

He brought me a few slices of meat that had just been cooked in the pot, "Eat more."

His usual smile was back.But at this time, I became extremely worried.

I poked the meat in the bowl with my chopsticks and looked at his happy face. I couldn't back down that day when I went back.But another question came up again, he and I will go to Beijing to meet the parents, will it really be all right?Will Wei Jun's parents accept us?

I don't know what to do.