Time flies, eyebrows become books

【34】

Ziqi will return to school soon, and I will return to my usual work rhythm.One day, while browsing Qzone, I accidentally saw Lin Sha’s Japanese travel notes. I flipped through them one by one, and the scenery was beautiful.Suddenly, a photo caught my eye, it was a group photo of her and Ziqi, placed behind a bunch of landscape photos, so casual yet so eye-catching.The two stood on the left and right sides of a stone statue, smiling brightly, and their cute couple T-shits were shining brightly.Below the photos are rows of messages, all kinds of words of blessing, envy, and booing. It can be seen that many of the messagers are their mutual friends, and they have a well-known attitude.

I felt my blood boiling, but I forced myself to take a deep breath, and calmly looked at the posted time, it turned out to be past twelve noon.Very good, I'm not impulsive, just wait, wait for Ziqi's explanation.I do feel that the days feel like years, almost counting the seconds.At eight o'clock in the evening, he didn't call.Nine o'clock, still nothing.Ten o'clock, still nothing.Eleven o'clock, if he calls before eleven o'clock, he can explain to me, be sorry, whatever, and I will accept it.But no, I felt my patience being eaten alive.When the second hand ticked to eleven o'clock, I quickly called him.

"Why didn't you call?" The first sentence was a question, maybe I have endured it for too long.

"What's wrong?" He was a little dazed.

"Didn't you see it? Why didn't you fight?" I refused to let go.

"I'm very busy in the lab today. We don't talk on the phone every day, what's wrong?"

"You gave Lin Sha a couple's T-shit, right?" I cut to the chase.

Silence, a long silence.

"Why don't you explain it, can't you refute it?" I know I'm sharp.

"Why do you want me to explain? You want to know, why didn't you call the first time, why did you wait until now?" The topic was completely misdirected.

"It seems I was wrong?"

"You're angry, aren't you? You were angry at the beginning, but you have to wait until the end to explode." He hit the nail on the head.

"Are you blaming me now? You can only make me feel that you are wrong. "

"Even if I'm wrong, I don't like you like this." He argued.

"Then you just admit it? Having said so much, the fact is that you have a problem with her." I broke out, almost roaring.

"I can't explain it to you. You always think we have a problem, but there is still a problem after explaining it. This is no longer a problem that can be explained clearly." He did not show any weakness.

"Why did I misunderstand, if you don't do this, can I misunderstand?"

"Anyway, it's always my problem. I'm always the one to explain, and I'm the one to apologize." Our topic was completely off track.

That's what quarrels are like, we fight over one issue and end it over another until we forget the reason for the quarrel.Therefore, when people are angry, they are disorderly, and any hurtful words may be aroused, and even pick out hurtful words.The two people who once needed only one look to understand each other were separated by thousands of words.

It turns out that we have so many problems, which have been covered up by various appearances.It was the first time I heard his voice, so much dissatisfaction, I was both aggrieved and shocked.Since when, dissatisfaction has been breeding in our hearts.Long-term depression and concessions made me think that I was the one who compromised.Unexpectedly, he also thought that he was the one who compromised.

When my aunt was sick, we argued several times because of Lin Sha, but I couldn't argue because I couldn't argue with the patient.At the most difficult time, when my aunt laughed and said that they were a good match, I smiled and agreed, but the hand holding the chopsticks was trembling slightly. I only endured the embarrassment of the three walking together with hope.But now that times have changed, I can no longer accept the blurred and ambiguous boundaries between the three.Maybe I have a spiritual addiction to feelings, and what I want is too pure, so this matter itself has caused a psychological shadow on me. Once it touches on related matters, it is not easy for me to deal with them calmly.I thought that after my aunt left, our relationship would naturally return to the right track, and the trip should also be a parting gift.But the reality is more complicated than I imagined. They are inextricably linked, and those links intentionally or unintentionally imply that my matter is not over, or it cannot end.

I know Ziqi, he is a person who attaches great importance to emotions, and it is impossible for him to do something like killing a donkey.He wants everyone around him to be happy and comfortable.Of course, he can always bring this feeling to others, but he himself will suffer from it.Regardless of morality or emotion, I know he can't easily reject her.

Our quarrels turned out to be long cold wars, and he was tired of explaining and making peace, and I was tired of arguing over the same person over and over again.During that period, I suffered from severe insomnia, and I often could not fall asleep until midnight. Even thinking about work could make me so excited that I couldn't sleep all night.I started to hang out in nightclubs, deliberately looking for G bars everywhere, and going there without working overtime.It's like revenge, and it's like self-affirmation.Because I can't get what I care too much about, resentment arises.Because he is too dazzling, so not convinced.Can I just passively accept his ambiguous affair?Am I dispensable?

Maybe it's because I need a sense of security too much, maybe it's because I need a sense of presence too much.The temporary prosperity wiped away the long-term anxiety. It turns out that I am also popular, and I can walk among all kinds of people.Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the illusory atmosphere, my insomnia improved and I even slept better than before.I can chat with all kinds of men, whether they are flirtatious or dignified, lively or calm, but it is also limited to chatting. It is not passionate or exciting, but it does fill the void in my heart.

Sleeping late for days on end left me groggy.I only sat for an hour that day and was about to leave when I happened to see him come in.He was obviously cramped and flustered like me when I entered G Bar for the first time, and then he also came to the bar and sat down, a seat away from me.His demeanor is very clean, very similar to Ziqi's, light.But Ziqi is clean and handsome, he is clean and warm.