Time flies, eyebrows become books

【18】

That weekend, we couldn't wait to start looking for a house. We were going to find a one-bedroom house first, and then live together.Although we haven't made any further progress, we desperately want an intimate environment. We know that there is love that cannot be concealed in the way we look at each other now, and this love cannot be accommodated in the unit dormitory.

In a hurry, we only spent two days finding a flat. Although there were some dissatisfaction, it was generally good.Next week I'll be working on checking out and arranging the move, etc.

When we finally lay on the big bed that belonged to us, we were full of joy and excitement. After so many years of waiting, we finally lived up to our deep love.We chatted a lot during this time, about our former classmates and friends, about our uneasy feelings, about the moment of grievance and resentment, and about the moment when we fell in love with each other.It turns out that when all troubles are not troubles, even the troubles of the past can be so sweet.

When everything was settled, we invited Reiko to our house for dinner. She is the only person who knows about our relationship and can be regarded as our "matchmaker". We have to share this joy with her.She was so excited that day, she looked around as soon as she entered the door, and all kinds of gossip questions emerged one after another, which made us overwhelmed, and finally we had to stop her mouth with delicious food.I knew what she wanted to ask the most. Fortunately, she still had a little bit of girlish reserve, so we pretended not to know.What's more, we can't answer her that question, because our relationship is still kissing.

Reiko left that night, and we lay down and chatted. "What does she want to ask, do you know?" I asked him deliberately.

"What? I don't know." I knew he was pretending to be stupid again, deliberately not falling into his trap, so I said, "I don't know either."

"You don't know?" He laughed and pressed my hand, turned over and pressed on me, I could feel the strangeness, the ambiguous factor floating in the air, the feeling of each other's thoughts, the imagining of the blending of each other intimate.

We also tried before, but at the beginning I couldn't get over the hurdles in my heart. Although he is the person I have been greedy for a long time, it doesn't mean that I can have nothing else to do. I have been involved in a strong emotion, and I can't explain it clearly.He said he didn't mind, it was just a way of bonding, if I wanted it, he was totally fine with it, but I couldn't bear it for fear of hurting him.But then, it stopped being an issue for us, there are many ways to express love, it’s really just one of those ways, we’re all willing to give everything for each other, so there’s no set pattern.I think the essence of love should be to make people in love beautiful, learn to be tolerant and considerate.

【19】

At that time, he entered the sprint stage of the postgraduate entrance examination, and he wanted to continue his studies, so it was very hard at that time. Originally, he was eligible to be exempted. Based on his undergraduate performance, it was no problem to be expelled from a better school, but he said that at that time I didn't submit the application and missed the opportunity, so hurry up to review and prepare for the postgraduate entrance examination.

Of course, he was admitted to our school later, but I was really stupid at that time, because I didn't understand the situation, I accepted all his perfunctory words, and I didn't understand how much hardship he had put in.

He didn't go home during the Chinese New Year that year, saying that he was going to prepare for a retest, so I went back to visit my grandma alone.

I don't have any desire for the new year. Since I was a child, everyone's house is deserted, usually just me and my grandma, so there is no lively scene of firecrackers and gongs and drums.After going to work, I spend less and less time with my grandma. I just want to go back and talk to her quietly and go for a walk.After the Chinese New Year, I started to visit relatives and friends. I went to Ziqi's house first, thinking that I hadn't seen my uncle or aunt for a long time. Besides, Ziqi didn't go home this year, so I should go and visit.I called my aunt first, she was very enthusiastic to invite me over, I bought some supplements and brought them over.

Auntie's health has been deteriorating in recent years. Although Ziqi doesn't say anything on the surface, I understand his anxiety.When I went to his house in junior high school, I often smelled the smell of traditional Chinese medicine, but I was not sensible at the time. I only knew that his mother was weak, but it should be fine, because she still took care of the house in order.When I was in high school, my aunt had a heart operation and was hospitalized for a long time. Afterwards, she recovered well. For several years, I didn’t hear Ziqi mention any discomfort with my aunt, but recently I heard that my aunt had some old problems again.

Around ten o'clock, I arrived at his house, only my aunt was at home.

"Where's uncle? Are you out?"

"He's gone to a relative's house. Sit down quickly, and I'll cut some fruit for you." Auntie hurried into the kitchen. She had indeed lost a lot of weight, and her complexion was not as good as before.I quickly followed and said, "Auntie, you don't have to be busy, I'll just drink some water, what about Aunt Wang?" Aunt Wang has worked as a nanny in his house for more than ten years, and I used to see him every time I went.

"For Chinese New Year, I'll let her go back to my son's house and have fun for a few days." She took out some fresh fruits from the refrigerator, and I took them to help wash and cut them.

"Auntie, how are you doing recently? I heard from Ziqi that you are not feeling well."

"It's nothing, it's just an old problem. I stayed in the hospital for a while years ago, and it's getting better recently." Her voice was obviously softer, a little light. "Oh, don't tell him about my hospitalization!" She raised the decibel suddenly, and I understood what she meant, so I could only nod silently.

Auntie is a very nice person, very educated, a graduate of an established university. I heard that her family used to be a big landlord. Of course, it declined in her father's generation, but the demeanor of a lady is still retained.She has a gentle personality, she does things neither too slowly nor too fast, and she never prys into other people's private affairs, let alone gossip.She knew about my family's situation, but she never inquired too much, she just loved me more.

We were sitting in the living room chatting, she asked me about my work, I tried to tell her interesting things about my work, she listened with great interest, and kindly gave me some advice.

We chatted until almost noon, and saw that my aunt was unwell and needed more rest. I was about to get up and leave, but she insisted on keeping me for dinner, so I couldn't shirk it, so I stayed.I didn't want to make my aunt tired, so I cooked two simple dishes. Fortunately, I practiced cooking after work, so it was easy to deal with.

"Your cooking skills are good, you look good." Auntie smiled and took a sip.

"It's all forced by work. The food in the cafeteria is very unpalatable. There's nothing I can do about it."

"If I can have cooking skills like yours in Xiaoqi, I won't worry about it in the future."

"Don't worry, Ziqi is very good, he has learned quickly, and now he has a specialty."

"Really? When did he learn to cook?" Auntie asked me in confusion.I suddenly realized that I had slipped my mouth, so I quickly explained, "He sometimes comes to eat at my place and sees me cooking for fun, so he learns from it. His tomato scrambled eggs are still good." I deliberately protracted my voice, took Ziqi made fun of it, which caused the aunt to giggle. "I thought it was impossible for him to cook. He hates the smell of oily smoke the most. He never enters the kitchen at home. How can he cook seriously?" Hearing what my aunt said, I suddenly felt a little proud. It can be different. Only I can see his unique side.

"Is he busy recently?" Auntie suddenly asked in a disappointed tone.

I think she was sad because Ziqi didn't come back. "He was helping the teacher with something, so he didn't come back this time, but he said that when he was done, he would definitely find time to go home and see you." I added the last half of the sentence. Looking at Auntie's state, I really couldn't bear her sadness.

"I understand that he won't come back for a while, but you should persuade him more when you go back, and let him stop being angry with his father."

I was confused and didn't know what was going on, but I didn't want to ask abruptly.He could only make an ambiguous "hmm".

"Does he have a good girl?" Auntie asked very reservedly, but it surprised me.

"I don't know, we don't see each other every day." I was involved in it myself, and I didn't know what Auntie wanted to say, so I started to protect myself unconsciously.

"It's nothing, I just want you to have such a good time, will he tell you what he doesn't want to talk to his family about?" Auntie looked at me a little disappointed.

"Auntie, why did you suddenly ask this? What's the matter?" I peeped cautiously.

"Hey, just asking casually, you also know that he planned to go abroad at first, and all the formalities have been completed, so he won't go. Do you think his father can't be angry?"

Speaking of which, I finally had a rough guess, but the shock that this incident brought to me still made me unable to recover for a while.

"I haven't heard him talk about it, have I applied for it?" I can only clarify the facts by confessing.

"He didn't tell you?" Auntie was obviously surprised. In fact, not only she was surprised, but I was also surprised. According to our relationship, he should have told me whether it was before or now, but the fact is that I don't know at all.

"We haven't seen each other for a long time. I'm too busy with work in the second half of the year, so I haven't contacted him much. I only know that he is busy with the postgraduate entrance examination." I can only prevaricate like this.

"Oh! Then I really don't know why he didn't go there all of a sudden. He was in contact with me in his senior year to prepare, and he passed the TOEFL and GRE exams. He applied to a university in the United States. His father happened to have a friend there and helped him a lot. I was busy, and in the end everything was almost done, and he suddenly said that he didn’t want to go, and said that it was the same everywhere. Do you think it will be the same?” I could hear that the aunt was also very annoyed.

Although I don't know the reason, I secretly feel that it has something to do with me.

"You said he didn't want to go far because of my poor health?" Auntie showed a puzzled and melancholy expression, and I felt heartbroken and helpless.

"Auntie, don't think too much, Ziqi is very good, no matter where he studies, and the professor he will be studying with is very good." I can only comfort her first.

"Actually, I'm fine. The main reason is that his dad can't accept it. Back then, he was thinking of sending him abroad after graduating from high school, but seeing his good grades, I thought it might be better to go out after studying in China. Now everything is in place. But he didn't go. Do you think his dad can't be angry?" She sighed a long time, "Because of this, the two fathers and sons quarreled a lot. At that time, his dad was in a hurry to fly over. He said It's useless for you to come, he has already made up his mind. Hey, I was afraid that they would make the fight worse, so I stopped him from going. Because of this, his father didn't come home for several days." Suddenly, she realized that she had made a slip of the tongue , smiled awkwardly.

I understand their expectations and requirements for Ziqi, so my consolation seems weak, and I can only leave as soon as possible.

On the way back, I kept thinking why he missed the waiver at that time. It seems that it was not that he simply forgot to submit the application lightly, but that he did not want to submit the application at all. He was preparing to go abroad more than a year ago. It's okay, the TOEFL test book I saw in his dormitory at that time was not surprising.At that time, we were in the embarrassing Cold War period.

I thought repeatedly, if we were not together at this moment, would he have already boarded the flight abroad and headed for a bright future.And am I considered a stumbling block hindering his development?

In the evening, he called me and asked me how I was doing today.I chatted absent-mindedly, thinking about whether to ask him about it, and kept struggling.

He noticed something strange and asked cautiously, "What's the matter? What's the matter today?"

I thought about whether to say it, but finally decided to say it. After all, we almost missed it because we hid too much. "I went to your house. Auntie is in good health. She misses you very much. If you have time, call home more." I paused, "I heard that you were planning to go abroad, why didn't you go?"

He was silent for a while, and then said in a calm tone: "You are absent-minded because of this? Do you want me to go too?"

"It has nothing to do with my hope or not, you didn't tell me." I felt a trace of complaint in my tone, although I tried my best to restrain myself.

"We didn't have much contact at the time, so I don't know how to say it. But I didn't go because of you. Don't think too much. After I think about it carefully, I think it's good to study in China. The process of going out is too troublesome. If you want to continue The clinic is also very troublesome, a lot of time wasted, and it is also related to my mother's body."

He said this, but I didn't want to say anything more, after all, I didn't know if it was related to his mother's health, and secondly, I couldn't make a sentimental connection with myself.

Seeing that I hadn't spoken for a long time, he began to tease me, "What's the matter? I'm disappointed, I was wrong, I was wrong. I should say, all this is because of you, because I love you so much that I can't bear to leave, I can't move my legs, haha .” It was the first time I heard the word “love” from his mouth, but it was so joking.Suddenly I remembered that the big man once said to me that Ziqi can always talk about irrelevant things in a serious way, while talking about important things in a dispensable way.