All men are like my ex

Shi Yinan didn't make a sound, but his silence just represented acquiescence.

Bai Weihuan really felt that Shi Yinan was out of order. After all, he hated people smoking the most. Ye Wanxiang smoked in his office and the two of them could quarrel like that. Why do they suddenly want to smoke now?

But Shi Yinan didn't linger too much on this matter, he was spinning the pen with one hand, and put the other hand on the table, pressing it against his lips in silence.If Bai Yichen were here, he would be able to tell at a glance that Shi Yinan was in a very bad mood at the moment, even though there was no expression on his face, and he didn't even frown.

But Bai Weihuan has been with Shi Yinan for almost four years, of course he also knows Shi Yinan's subconscious actions when he is depressed.

The company is fine, Ye Wanxiang didn't come, the only one who can make Shi Yinan care so much is his boyfriend - Bai Yichen.

Did they quarrel?

Bai Weihuan guessed in his heart, but he didn't think so. After all, he had met Bai Yichen several times. That young man was gentle and quiet, and Shi Yinan and him seemed to have a good relationship. What could they quarrel with? Why?

And Shi Yinan was silent for a long time, and suddenly asked Bai Weihuan a somewhat inexplicable question: "Bai Weihuan, under what circumstances do you think a person would choose to commit suicide?"

"Of course I feel that living is more difficult than dying, and there is no need to live, right?" Bai Weihuan replied subconsciously.

In the world, regardless of day and night, regardless of holidays, the place with the most people will always be the hospital?Why?Because whether it is a human or an animal, the deepest instinct is to live.

From breathing to eating, these instincts that do not need to be taught by humans all exist for the need to "live".

Don't those who practice suicide understand how difficult it is to choose death?Of course they understand, but living is more difficult than dying, so death is a kind of relief for them.

"Mr. Shi... Do you have any friends or relatives around you, did they commit suicide?" Bai Weihuan asked cautiously, he felt that this was probably the only reason that could explain Shi Yinan's depressed mood.

"No." Shi Yinan hooked the corners of his lips in a daze, and added, "I haven't passed away."

After saying this, he paused for a few seconds, and continued: "When I returned to Shi's house four years ago, my brother died, but my dad was not dead yet. He got lung cancer, and all his hair fell out after chemotherapy, but Still trying very hard to survive.”

"Of course, if he hadn't died, I wouldn't be sitting here today." Shi Yinan laughed again, but his laughter was stiff and numb, and he couldn't tell whether he was happy or sad, or something else. what emotion.

Four years ago when Shi Yinan returned to Hwaseong to visit Shi Qingze, that man was indeed still alive, but that was the last time Shi Yinan saw him.They still met in the hospital at that time, Shi Qingze had just finished his sixth chemotherapy, he was lying weakly on the hospital bed, even though his eyes were still open, Shi Yinan still felt that he was no different than dead.

There was nothing left in his eyes except the longing for life and the fear of death. When he saw his most hated son, there was not much disgust in his eyes. When he died in a car accident, Shi Qingze didn't react much, as if the person who died was not his favorite son, but just a stranger.

He just lay on the bed silently, his eyes widened only when the doctor came over with the case, and asked the doctor how long he could live.Shi Yinan felt that only at that time, he was like a living person.

But Shi Qingze finally died a month after he returned to Hwaseong.

No matter when he was attending Shi Yibei's funeral or attending Shi Qingze's funeral, Shi Yinan didn't cry, he didn't even turn his eyes red, he always felt that birth, old age, sickness and death are normal life, and who should die at any time is doomed Good thing, he didn't need to cry for the dead.

"If you got lung cancer, would you commit suicide? Bai Weihuan." Shi Yinan asked again.

Bai Weihuan said: "No, even if it is an advanced stage, I will go for treatment, in case there is still a chance to survive."

"That's right, no one wants to die." Shi Yinan said, not knowing whether he was talking to Bai Weihuan or to himself.

Shi Qingze clearly knew that he was terminally ill, an incurable terminal lung cancer, but he still desperately tried chemotherapy and was dying.Chemotherapy is so painful, there is even a saying in the hospital that the more chemotherapy you do, the faster you will die. After going through such difficult chemotherapy over and over again, it is better to die.

And what about Bai Yichen?

His body is not particularly healthy, but he can be regarded as good; he often has a smile on his face, likes to plant flowers, likes to draw, and is a person who loves life very much; he has no father or mother, no relatives, even friends I couldn't find a few, and the only adoptive father who was barely considered a "relative" still beat and tortured him since he was a child, but these didn't dampen his will to live. He used to yearn for a better future.

As long as Shi Yinan calms down and recalls now, he can still remember when he lived with Bai Yichen in the rented house, Bai Yichen was lying in his arms, holding his arms and telling him that he would Raise a cat, have your own small garden, change all the lights in the house to warm yellow, and stay with him all the time.

In the end, he made such a strong person choose to commit suicide and give up the hope of living.

How desperate did he make Bai Yichen to make him choose to die?

"...Mr. Shi?" Bai Weihuan stared at Shi Yinan's dazed expression, and opened his mouth in a daze.

Shi Yinan turned his eyes away, took a deep breath, and said to Bai Weihuan in a hoarse voice, "Go and check things for me."

"Okay." Bai Weihuan replied, "What do you want to check?"

"Check it out for me, Yichen... Bai Yichen, that's my boyfriend." Shi Yinan was afraid that Bai Weihuan didn't hear clearly, so he repeated it several times, "Check him, during the four years we've been apart, he... ... how did he get here?"

After hearing this, Bai Weihuan froze in place. When an ordinary secretary or assistant heard that his boss wanted to investigate such a matter by himself, it was probably that person who cheated on his boss.But when he looked at Shi Yinan's appearance, and then thought of those inexplicable questions that Shi Yinan just asked, Bai Weihuan suddenly felt a chill run up his forehead along the soles of his feet, he swallowed, and said, "...Okay."

Shi Yinan waved his hand, signaling Bai Weihuan to leave the office, and let him calm down by himself.

Before Bai Weihuan came to the door, he looked up at Shi Yinan. Shi Yinan had his back to the light, so he couldn't see the expression on his face, but he kept the movement that only appeared when he was in a bad mood, and remained motionless.

Bai Weihuan didn't dare to waste any more time, and stopped all the work he was doing to find someone to investigate everything that happened to Bai Yichen during the four years when Shi Yinan left.

The door of the office was closed with a soft "click".

The next moment, Shi Yinan's phone on the table vibrated, the screen lit up quickly, and then dimmed a few seconds later.

Shi Yinan's body was almost numb, and when he heard this movement, he just moved his eyes and looked towards the screen dully. After seeing the name of the sender of the text message, he moved suddenly, and frantically unlocked the screen to check the text message.

He was so bewildered and flustered because the text message was sent to him by Bai Yichen——

[Is the company busy?You don't seem to be in a good mood this afternoon. Are you coming back for dinner tonight?I'll make you sweet pumpkin soup 030]

Shi Yinan read the text message several times back and forth, his breathing suddenly became short of breath, he leaned down in front of the table, and after a while he calmed down, and replied to Bai Yichen in the same tone as usual: [I'm back, baby, You don't have to do it, I'll be back early in the evening, I just do it. ]

[Okay, then you come back early. ]

[Well, I love you. ]

[I love you too. ]

After reading all of Bai Yichen's replies, Shi Yinan was silent for a few seconds, and when the screen of the phone went off, he suddenly threw it on the ground, then stroked all the hair on his forehead back with his fingers, and propped his forehead on the table. Before silence.

He has no idea what he is doing now, and how much willpower he needs to make himself type those disgusting words—he despises himself, especially when he clearly understands how much he has done to Bai Yichen After the incident, now he said these love words to him again, Shi Yinan felt that what Ye Wanxiang said was actually true, and now he pretends to be a lover of infatuation, he is really fucking disgusting.

But he had to face Bai Yichen with this disgusting side.

He leaned on the table and smiled softly. Ten minutes later, he called Bai Weihuan in again and asked him, "Did you find out?"

Bai Weihuan looked at Shi Yinan in astonishment, and explained: "Mr. Shi, we just found someone...the information hasn't been sorted out yet."

"Hurry up." Shi Yinan nodded lightly, and let Bai Weihuan go out after saying these two words.

Shi Yinan feels like a death row prisoner waiting for the electric chair, he can no longer bear the long waiting time, he can't calm down to think about other things, he just wants to know what Bai Yichen has been doing all these years How did he come here, when did he commit suicide, and why did he even hide it from himself when he saw a psychiatrist.

As long as he thought of Bai Yichen smiling and leaving him in the morning, lying to him that he was going to find Le Dong for dinner, but then turned around and went to see a psychiatrist, Shi Yinan felt that he was going crazy.

What was Bai Yichen like before?

He would laugh, blush, get angry with him, but never lie to him.

And now Bai Yichen still laughs, blushes because of his excessive intimacy, and sometimes frowns when he is unhappy, but he has also learned to tell lies without changing his face, and as a person who sleeps with him every night The people next to him couldn't tell whether any of his words were true or false.

What if it's all fake?

Bai Yichen said that he still loves him and doesn't hate him at all, what if these are all false?He couldn't tell the difference at all.

From the moment he saw Bai Yichen come out of Xia Tian's psychological counseling room in the morning, Shi Yinan felt that a fire was burning in his chest, and that fire burned his flesh and blood, and burned every bit of his blood. Oxygen so that he cannot breathe.

Shi Yinan felt that he couldn't wait any longer, he couldn't wait for Bai Weihuan to collect information slowly, if Bai Weihuan moved slower, would he have to wait until tomorrow?He wanted to know what Bai Yichen had experienced in those four years now.

So Shi Yi-nan did something that he thought he would never do before - call Le Dong.