disqualified hero

In her short life this year, she has given birth to two children.

The one born was Yage, and the other one could only be called an unnamed embryo.

She never thought about becoming a mother, even though she knew it was bound to happen, she was the only one left in this generation of the family, her father didn't love the girl and her mother was physically damaged by giving birth to her, so the man kept cheating and looking for lovers trying to give birth to a child Son, but it seemed like he was cursed and couldn't succeed no matter what.

When she was in middle school, her father finally went for an examination, and the results of the case report are still engraved in her mind, [low sperm motility], and then the long-winded diagnosis translated in vernacular is nothing more than that his fertility is impaired, and he can have today. A daughter at the age of one is a gift from God, and it is undoubtedly a fantasy to have children.

Since then, medicine has been full of strange charms for her.

[Father’s expression that day was too shocked and desperate. ]

When she recalled what kind of mentality she had in choosing to go to the Faculty of Medicine of Dongda University, she could only give this answer: [I decided to study medicine because I saw my father’s expression. I was a smart child since I was a child. He also hated his father very much.Since I was very young, my mother hugged me and told my father over and over again, about his dissolute life, about his disregard for the family, about how he hates our mother and son, about the evil things he committed, and listening to them grow up I justly hated my father and wished he were dead.

Of course he won’t die, not only is he living in the world well, but he also stands in front of me as a tough, precipitous mountain. I look forward to the storm or the tornado that sweeps across the mountains. I am too weak to take revenge on him. We can only hope that an accident from the outside world will come suddenly, bringing a mudslide and destroying the steep mountain. ]

[The doctor's paperwork is a godsend accident. ]

So she studied medicine, not out of the motivation of doctors to save the world, but because doctors also bring hopeless news.

This year's parents are very upset. Her father claims to be an old Chinese, and has not embraced the new era of civilization and civilization. Old Chinese women are ashamed to become professional women. He sent this year to the University of Tokyo in the hope that she will study art Or Guowen, after graduation, she will take care of her husband and children as an intellectual woman, instead of becoming a valuable doctor.

The mother has no opinion. She poured her enthusiasm into complaining about her father, but when her daughter showed her dislike for her father, she would show a frightened expression and say, "How can you say that about your father? He is your father." Dad, he raised you up, yet you hate him?"

[Growing up in an unhappy family, I have a lot of personality flaws. ]

Until this year, she used reading to fill her long childhood and adolescence that lacked parental love. She read everything, novels, picture albums, essays, codes of conduct, magic weapons for love, character secrets... Thanks to books, she realized her own Personality is very flawed, and the reason for the formation of the flaw is nothing more than the family of origin. From the perspective of genetics, it is also related to the continuous intermarriage and deterioration of the old Chinese.

[It's normal for my classmates not to like me. Men like my appearance most, and women hate cold and gloomy people. I have good grades, which is one of the reasons why others are jealous. I know that if I want to fit into the group, I must participate in it. Activities to make friends with other people, but I don't want to do that. ]

She likes being alone and likes to wrap herself in a cocoon, which makes her more comfortable.

At the same time, she will also find something to do for herself, such as making a long and boring perfect crime plan. She knows that she is an evil person, a bad girl, and she has been planning to kill people without anyone noticing since middle school. dead father.

At the beginning, the plan stayed in the brain, she just thought about it, but every time she was reprimanded, beaten, or forced to change her goal, the plan would be brought up and turned around in her heart.

When she was in college, she met her favorite author, Mr. Kyogoku Natsuhiko, who gave a lecture at school. After the lecture, she talked with the teacher for a while, and for some reason she opened up and said, "I wish they would die". I don't know why he would be honest and hateful, it was like being pushed from behind by an evil spirit.

"Why don't you do that?" Mr. Jingji Xiayan said, "I always believe that people have the right to retaliate reasonably. The root of monster novels is that the hatred of living people cannot be resolved, so they turn into ghosts after death. Generally speaking, they focus on kindness. Good is rewarded for evil and evil is rewarded for evil, and hatred must be returned to the enemy.”

"When you see those folk customs, you often have empathy for the depraved ghosts, and feel that they are too pitiful. The people who really hate them are those who persecute them. From this perspective, homosexual revenge is originally allowed by society. "

"Let's make a plan." He said, "What you have to worry about is not whether the revenge is correct, but how to get revenge perfectly without being discovered by the police." The old man has seen all kinds of things in the world. He may not be born wise, but now Can see me through at a glance, "You have never felt guilty for killing yourself, which proves that you think it is a legitimate thing for you to think about them."

[yes. ] I would like to say.

"Then do what feels right to you."

[To be honest, even though I was pushed forward by the evil spirit, I was still hesitating whether I should take revenge. murder drug. ]

[Later, I graduated, got married and became pregnant before I realized my plan. My husband is a strange person. I think he may have some mental defects like me, but he loves me, loves me crazily, and has a fanatical emotion. It's hard to put into words, I thought at the time that he could do everything for me and even cut people's necks for me, it's definitely not my imagination. ]

Sui Zhi put her perfect crime plan on hold after giving birth to her first child.

[On that day, I felt the pulse of life. ]

The child in her belly kicked her.

It's hard to say what it was like. She has a brilliant literary talent and can't describe it in beautiful words at this age. She looked at the tadpole-like embryo through the B-ultrasound machine, bore his growing weight, and felt the first time he turned over and jumped for the first time. For the first time, movement exists alive.

[It's like seeing a stream gurgling eastward, birds singing songs on the branches, cherry blossoms full of trees blooming overnight, and the new rising sun casting warm sun on me. For the first time in my life, I feel the beauty of being alive. There is a A new life that is closely related to me and connected by blood has descended into the world. He belongs to me completely. He will be sad because I am sad and laugh because I am laughing. I will love him with all my life, teach him the value of life, and show him the value of life. The truth and beauty of the world, and he also painted colorful colors on my pale and dim picture. ]

This year I still remember that afternoon, she put on the earphones, the notes flowed, she heard the forest, the sea and the snow-capped mountains, holding the book of the favorite author in her hand, it said "I received a new kimono this winter, the texture is linen, I think I'll live until the summer."

He never understood before, how could the little happiness brought by the kimono give him the courage to live?But now I understand that the birth of a small life can be earth-shaking.

[But my happiness is short-lived. ]

she thinks.

[Sometimes I have to think about whether what my mother said is correct, people are born to suffer. ]

In summer, she was carrying a bento box to visit Fujiwara Shimizu. On the way, she was hit by an escaped thief. This year, she fell and sat on the ground. The little life connected to her died.

In the winter of the following year, the second child was born and was named Fujiwara Yaka. I love him so much until this year, but I think of the first child from time to time. When she thinks too much, the empty abdomen will be pierced The pain was the same as the throes I felt the day I lost him.

Yage is a gentle child, he has brought a lot of love to this year, the image of the child in every mother's dream is put together to be Fujiwara Yage, he is smart, alert, kind, and considerate, this year will take him Go to the forest park for a picnic, go to the mountains to see the vastness of the Milky Way, sit on the edge of the bed and read him bizarre legends, and take him to see the famous art exhibitions in Dongdu.

[I gave up my evil and meticulous plan, and the hatred was wiped from my heart. ]

Fujiwara Shimizu never showed up when he was with Yage this year. He is a majestic father, and he seems to be unable to find a way to get along with his son. Well, this child is so sensible, he never asked why his father didn't talk to him until this year, he only loved his mother more.

The woman named mother can feel that Fujiwara Shimizu doesn't love children, and he doesn't hate them, so she regards the son who is connected by blood as not existing. She is enough for herself, the child is her own child, her treasure, and does not need other people to get involved, she has given all the love in her life to Fujiwara Yaka, and does not need other people's love.

She is very possessive.

The second tragedy also happened in the summer. Fujiwara Kiyomizu performed two years of undercover missions and spent another year to clear his identity. During these three years, he was missing from his family and almost everyone They all think that she has become a widow this year.

Three years later, he returned to the family with the commendation of the military police and a higher position. Except for one more person staring at him eagerly and telling him about love all the time, his life has not changed much this year. Still put all my heart on Yage.

One day in summer, she took Yage to the amusement park.

No one knew how the attack happened, only a "bang" gunshot was heard, and the amusement park exploded. No one knew who the gun was aiming at, and who the gun was firing at. She quickly hugged Yage to find cover. Knowledge of evacuation swirls in his mind.

The second shot hit Suizhi's abdomen, and she immediately understood that it was not an accidental injury, the other party came prepared, and the target was her, and maybe her child.

Looking up at Ya Ge, she shouted hoarsely: "Run!"

The child hesitated, he didn't want to leave his mother here, but he was a very smart child, he knew he had to run, and he had to run quickly, the only way his mother wanted was to escape from this place.

He turned around and ran towards the densely populated area, when a few more gunshots rang out.

"Bam—"

"Bam—"

"Bam—"

He fell in a pool of blood.

……

Shuji Tsushima didn't speak.

He can't empathize with the tragic experience of this year's age. The story will always live in other people's mouths, and only those with strong empathy can empathize.

He lacks empathy.

At the same time, Shuji Tsushima did not feel happy, and the suffering and tragedy of others could not please him.

[At least I'm not that bad. ]

"This is my story, one of the sources of my revenge." Today, older women have been able to face their past calmly, or she can talk about it in front of Shuji Tsushima, as she said, In her heart, Tsujima Shuji is very similar to her own child, "If you go back to the source, Yage is just a trigger to arouse my desire for revenge. I planned to murder my father when I was young, and it was not out of impulse. From that point of view, I'm definitely an evil person."

"You just said." Shuji Tsushima said, "I resemble Yage."

"Yes." The year-old lady still looked at him with loving eyes.

"I don't think they resemble each other at all." He suddenly didn't want to deceive the woman in front of him. "At most, there is a slight similarity in appearance, but I have never been a kind, considerate and lovely person."

"No." Rou Ning caressed his cheek, "You two are very similar."

[There is no reason for her persistence. ] Shuji Tsushima thought, he let his hands rub the skin of his face up and down, and his mother also liked to do this action. Whether it was before or after she lay in bed, Shuji Tsushima cherished a faint love for his mother, even now .

[Perhaps like her, she saw the shadow of her son in me, and I also found a part of my mother in her. ] Shuji Tsushima thought, [So I can't refuse her. ]

"I want to say something to you." The woman's expression became more pious, she held her breath, and stared into Shuji Tsushima's eyes, who thought she was not looking at herself, but the imaginary reflected in the pupil" he".

[She is watching Fujiwara Yaka. ]

The woman's brows were slightly frowned, she took a few breaths, the tip of her nose trembled, her upper teeth were biting the lip flesh close to the inside of her mouth, so that her small mouth was wrinkled together.Shuji Tsushima looked at her, but thought of the picture of the Virgin Mary seen in the album, which seemed to be called Mourning for Christ. Michelangelo's works are now hidden in the Vatican, and the sculpture of the Virgin Mary is vividly sculpted with superb skills. She is sad and sad. They seem to be full of apologies, they are only Oriental women this year, and they have nothing to do with the nationality of the Virgin Mary, but the expressions on their faces and some deeper emotions are exactly the same at this time.

"I'm sorry." The woman held him in her arms, he could only smell the faint scent of lemon, and could no longer read her expression carefully, "I'm really sorry, Yage."

Her chest trembled up and down, and her apology and regret were all condensed into two sentences. Even though she knew that the words were not addressed to herself, Shuji Tsushima felt that she was swept away by the turbulent emotional torrent.

So he said, "It's okay."

"it does not matter."

……

[No military police can swagger and enter the Yokohama slums alone. ]

Asuka had been in this business for a long time, but he had never been to Yokohama to carry out missions. There was no law, and only the cannon fodder and the most elite were sent there. He was lucky and unfortunate to be in between.

Too many colleagues are buried in Yokohama. Even the military and police who are far away from right and wrong have heard the legends there. The first thing mentioned is the Yokohama slums. It is said that the children there are like wild dogs. They have no basic education but are proficient in firearms. All gang members dare to shoot, let alone foreign military police.

"They can distinguish the smell." The senior said earnestly, "If you know whether you are an outsider or an insider, they will respect you more. If you come from outside, unless someone guides you, you will be swallowed to the bone. Not left."

He meant something: "Some brats are so hungry that they can eat people."

"They are much more powerful than the local gangs in Tokyo. In terms of ruthlessness, their counterparts in Kyushu may not be able to compare."

The talking old man didn't like to boast about his achievements, he was honest and sincere. Asuka kept his words in his heart and never provoked the affairs of Yokohama. How could he have imagined that one day he would wear a black suit and dress up as a mafia member and enter the slums openly?

Dazai also changed his clothes. He didn't wear a suit, but changed the sand-colored windbreaker into a black one. The dark color suits him very well. The pace of this man's walking has not changed, and he needs to jump two or three steps at a time, as if he is walking all the time. Dance.

He swaggered open the wire door and walked in. Asuka followed behind cautiously, keeping his eyes on him for a moment. The road was so smooth that people from all walks of life hid and curled up in cardboard boxes, not daring to show their heads.

[Is it too smooth? ]

Asuka felt weird.

"Look, Asuka." Dazai said, pointing to the huge hollow, "This is Saibachi Street." A year and a half ago, an unknown giant explosion occurred here.

"Ah, yes."

Passing Leibo Street and walking forward is Dr. Mori's shop. After the last conversation, he gave himself a key.

"It was sent to me by Fujimizu." Dr. Mori said, "He said it was a gift for saving my life, and I can handle it by myself, throw it away, go find treasures, or give it to others." He said, "I Think about it, it's impossible for a smart person like me to throw it away, but I can't eat those supplies, so I decided to give you a favor." He shrugged and said, "Anyway, it's only one-third of the favor That’s all, I went to the warehouse to check, and there are three keys needed to open it.”

Dazai asked him, "Then what kind of favor do you want from me?"

"Of course I owe it first." Sen said, "The unknown IOU is the scariest."

"The second key?" Asuka asked.

"Here I am." Osamu Dazai said, "It took me a lot of time to find it. Fortunately, I have always been good at finding treasures."

"As for the third..."

They were walking back, and Leibo Street appeared in front of Asuka again. This street only appeared last year, but many people have already lived there. Most of them just set up tents and huts, and some people built walls with bricks. Lay the stairs in front of the house.

He stopped in front of a magnificent house, which was only a little bigger than the surrounding houses. It was built of bricks, and it was easy to shelter from the wind and rain, but the structure did not conform to the principles of architecture. It was built by laymen , if a tsunami comes, it must not be able to bear the load, but there is no tsunami in Yokohama, not to mention that it is much better than a straw house.

Osamu Dazai bent his knuckles and knocked on the door three times, dubbing "咚咚咚" and "咚咚咚" in his mouth, which is very childlike.

"Be careful, Mr. Dazai." Asuka had to remind him, no one knows what will greet the person behind the door, is it the muzzle of a gun?It must be.

"Click—" The door clicked.

The orange-haired kid came out to open the door. Behind him were a few guns with weak recoil, all of which were held by children and teenagers.

Asuka's heart ached. He hated putting children and guns together, but that's how the world is.

"Let's talk about a deal." Osamu Dazai put the key rings of the two keys in his fingers and kept turning them, and said to the child standing in the front, "I will give you clean water, food within the expiration date, a large amount of medicine, and more. A small number of firearms, how about you give me the last key?"

……

Mori Ouwai sent Dazai away.

He fell back into the swivel chair and pulled the round button connected to the drawer. In the iron drawer lay a pile of medical certificates that looked like scrap paper, and an old hard-shell cowhide book.

He was very busy, and he was not interested in the thoughts of adolescents. After the book fell into his hands, Sen Ouwai only scanned it several times at a glance, looking at the parts he needed, and skipped most of the things related to love.

[A professional spy and qualified military police should not keep a diary. There are too many secrets in the diary. In addition to making it easier for others to decipher the truth and connect various stories decades later, it is very important to the people of the time, especially the author. It is not beneficial in itself. ]

[From this aspect alone, Fujishui is a romantic person by nature. ]

Opening the book, he couldn't help laughing at the words engraved on the title page. It was a mocking, sarcastic laugh.

/ For love, what is year?Part minute, part century.It is a minute because it is as fleeting as lightning in the sweetness of love; it is a century because it builds a happy eternal life after life in us. - Hugo /

Fujisui said: "I fell in love with her at first sight."

"I really love her."

Sen Ouwai has no way of knowing the state of mind of the dead when they were alive, but he knows that Fujisui knew from the very beginning what kind of person this year was, including her love and hatred, and the evil in her soul. Sen Owai couldn't help laughing at the eccentric talent and enthusiasm shown on the Internet. In fact, her comprehensive grades in pharmacy this year are not very good. She is not good at researching those medicines that can save lives and help people get health. The human mind and body are faster.

[Shot in the abdomen, removal of the uterus, and the death of the only child are indeed tragedies. ]

[However, if we explore from the root, the order is probably like this? ] He found a blank piece of paper, and held the pen with his right hand.

Until this year, he secretly joined the Mafia organization and became a pharmacist—the organization became big, and drugs flowed out of Yokohama, threatening the whole country—causing the attention of the military and police, and sent Fujimizu to investigate—Fujimizu successfully undercovered and destroyed the organization—remnants of the organization People retaliate against Fujimizu, shoot and kill Fujiwara Yaka

He puts an end to the narrative of broken tragedy.

"The last person to be revenged should be Ah Zhi himself."

……

Asuka made several consecutive phone calls, and Osamu Dazai took him to the warehouse. The small warehouse that had not been used for many years was full of wooden boxes.

The warehouse is very cold, and the temperature is maintained at about 3 degrees. Many medicines rely on low temperature to maintain their activity, and it is the same here.

"Yes, that's right, we found some medicine."

"The specifics are not clear, and we have to wait for relevant people to identify it."

"The location is at 21-35, Yokohama South Shore Port."

"Yes, that's right, sorry to trouble you."

He had been on the phone, and the line had been busy for a long time. Nakamura and the others tried their best to get through the phone.

"Nakamura, what's the matter?" He vaguely remembered that he saw 32 missed calls just now.

"Senior Asuka." The panic on the other side of the receiver came over his face, "Kusama is missing."

"what?"

"I went to his house and any place where he might be found, but no one was there." Nakamura stumbled, "Using the system to investigate the place where his mobile phone was last turned on, it was on the edge of Nanwan."

"..."

Asuka took a deep breath and looked back at Dazai: "Mr. Dazai, you said earlier that you have a clue about the criminal's identity?"

"It's not just that I have a clue." Osamu Dazai said, "You can say it directly, you know who it is." He paused and said, "But Kusama must be hopeless." He seemed to hear the conversation between the two , but Asuka knew that Dazai didn't hear a word, he was too far away.

"Then why didn't you say it sooner?!" After seeing Dazai's inhuman intelligence, Asuka completely believed what he said, so Kusama was sentenced to death, which made him very unacceptable. do you know?"

"I can't say I knew it a long time ago." He didn't mean to evade when he spoke, he just narrated it very coldly, "If the time is accurate, I found it the night before yesterday." At that time, Kusama was still sitting in the office.

"Why didn't you remind him?" Asuka couldn't help asking, "Are you just watching him die?"

"correct."

The weight of two words is too light.

"Even if I remind him, no one will believe me. Those people think I'm a freak. Didn't you hear what they said, Asuka?" Dazai said, "Reminding him rashly will only be regarded as a provocation, and the person concerned feels guilty. It’s impossible to admit it, but on the contrary, they will express their anger with old fists, and at the worst, they will howl like a barking wild dog, as if the louder they shout, the more convincing they will be.”

"The Japanese have always believed that it is enough not to cause trouble to others, and it is enough to manage oneself by writing." He was no longer silent, and the voice flowing deep in Dazai's heart finally penetrated into the ears of others. He just likes to be a spectator , When I was young, I couldn’t help interjecting a few comments. The unbelievable and angry distorted expressions of others seemed to soothe Dazai’s heart, but when I was an adult, I couldn’t help thinking that it was vulgar, so I kept most of my words in my stomach.

Not saying it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, flood discharge only needs an opportunity.

"not to mention……"

Dazai said, "Does he have anything to do with me when he goes to die?"

……

[Xiuzhi-kun said that he went to find the guardian. ]

Sasaki was very worried about Shuji Tsushima's safety. He went back to the bookstore to look for him twice, one time when he was away and the other time when he was away. When he found that the child had run away, he hurriedly called him. After three busy tones, he was connected immediately. The child's voice was still clear and melodious. , He said that he went to find the guardian so that Sasaki didn't have to worry.

It was impossible for Sasaki not to be worried, so he called Dazai Osamu, who said, "Shuji-kun is safe, just let him go."

He didn't say whether the child was with him or not, but he preconceived it when he heard "very safe". Sasaki still muttered "Great", so he got off work and prepared to go on a secret date.

He received the address of the book club.

Sasaki thought of Shuji Tsushima's words when cleaning himself up. He looked at his gun for a long time, turning over and over again the strange things that sounded the alarm in his mind.

[To take or not to take? ]

He didn't think about it.

……

10: 00pm

She was about to open the door this year, and the ice that had never melted on her face finally melted away.

"You came."

[Sorry, this is the last time. ]