disqualified hero

It rained continuously for three days.

Even in Aomori County, where there is plenty of rain, this day is very unusual. Shuji Tsushima was trapped indoors. Since his father came back, his homework has become more and more difficult. It is said that it is so heavy that he can't breathe, but it is not true. But he could also feel the inexplicable anxiety shrouded in the other party.

Shuji Tsushima's eyes are very clear, and he can see through people's mind with a glance.

[It must be because of the person I met that day. ] He thought, [What I said was called Yandao Zhonger, it must be a pseudonym. In terms of seniority, he is probably from the uncle generation, the youngest son favored by the old man, and the occasional jealousy in his father's eyes also comes from him. ]

[It’s no wonder that they will show strange expressions to me, and they can’t hide their resentment towards the almost identical face. ]

When thinking about these things, his expression was also very calm, and he didn't show any self-deprecating meaning, but it was too mature to put this expression on the face of a young child.

He wore a cold face that seemed to be frozen in a mask, and walked all the way to the south, passing through a long corridor. There was an open space between the front and back yards. The mountains, trees, flowers and plants were exposed to the rain. Everyone is available.

Open the umbrella, walk into the rain curtain, and cross the spacious courtyard. The front yard is followed by the backyard. It looks a little small but exquisite. Most of the female family members live here.Shuji Tsushima put away his umbrella again and walked into the yard. He randomly picked out a book from his mother's favorite study room. Although they were mother and son, they had different reading tastes.

My mother didn't read much of his books.

Going three rooms to the right of the study is the back room. A servant woman in kimono is kneeling at the door, with a wooden plate beside her, containing a set of bowls and chopsticks. Shuji Tsushima asked, "Mother is up?"

"We've already eaten." The maid said sternly, "Madam is in good spirits now."

"Wow--" He pushed open the door directly, and the woman was already lying back on the bed.She has long and thick hair, how long it is, it is impossible to reach the ankles, but it must reach the hips, her face is undoubtedly beautiful, even showing a fragile and morbid beauty due to illness, although the hair is good, But it's not very dark, there are already a lot of gray hair.

"Good afternoon, mother." His voice suddenly became lighter, and there was an unnecessary gleam in his eyes, "It's still raining outside today, I just walked around the front yard, and my body is wet, as if stained with There is water vapor." He seemed to be complaining, but suddenly turned around, "But if you are, you must like this kind of weather very much. To put it in a more elegant way, it is too poetic." He described the yard vividly. The scene, in terms of Shuji Tsushima's literary quality, is too simple to put it nicely, Mrs. Tsushima lay on the bed, showing a weak smile.

"Actually, I heard it too." She said, "The sound insulation here is not very good, and the sound of the rain pattering patters can be heard in my ears." She sighed, "It's really a wonderful sound."

"Although I can't see it, I can imagine that the rain falls from the clouds and penetrates deep into the soil. The water drops seep in little by little, wrapping the earthworms and leaves in the soil, and moistening the seeds. There are blue grasses sprouting." She suddenly opened her eyes, the pupils were hollow and out of focus.

"That's great, it's raining."

Shuji Tsushima knew that the woman couldn't see, a look of almost mourning flashed in his eyes, and then he recovered, and said in a cheerful tone like a child acting like a spoiled child: "So today, what do you want to hear."

"Let me think about it." The woman said, "Just listen to Miss Akiko's story." The book she was talking about was written by A Zhi. He is a very popular writer these years, and most of his books embody the The deformity and darkness of human beings make me feel heavy after reading it. Shuji Tsushima quite likes his books.

Only one of them is different. The book published the year before last is called "Sun Spots". The author said that it is dedicated to the children of the sun, and Mrs. Tsushima likes it very much.

"Listening to Xiuzhi reading this book, even on a cold winter night, my body seems to warm up." She sighed happily, "It's so good to listen to Xiuzhi-jun reading."

"Hey, is it?" At a young age, Xiu Zhi had already practiced a glib accent, but the listeners didn't dislike it, "It's the other way around, men should be proud of studying for young and beautiful women. He said, "I'm about to roll on the tatami mat with joy."

As he spoke, he turned to the position he had read two days ago, and then went down.

"Akiko likes sunflowers for many reasons. Maybe it's because of her supernatural power. The supernatural power is the sun, so people like sunflowers. People think that way. But she knows, it's not because of this. Many times she is asking 'how can I have such a superpower', 'can I exert its power', 'what should I do with my ability'."

"...She just realized that she probably likes this kind of feeling. She likes to love and protect people, especially to burn herself into a bright fireball to protect the people behind her."

"It's a wonderful thing for a person to meet someone who is worthy of guarding wholeheartedly."

The book is closed.

Mother fell asleep.

He helped his mother lightly tuck the quilt and said, "Good afternoon, mother."

……

It is bright.

The dark clouds were about to recede, but the white clouds floated into the blue sky, and the sun was exposed, emitting a light that was not very dazzling.There are many trees in Aomori, and the roadside is full of tender green grass. Some water droplets hang on the front of the grass, some water droplets stop on the leaves, small reptiles pass by the grass, and the rain almost drips down.

There is a fresh scent of herbs in the air.

Osamu Dazai walked aimlessly. He was a few centimeters taller than when he was 15 years old. According to his age in this life, he is already 19 years old. The 19-year-old Dazai is different from him at the age of 15. Before, his eyes were black and full of light, and he could not see light. Now there is not much light, but there is a misty layer of water vapor floating on the surface of the pupil. When the sun shines on the face , The black eyes seem to reflect light.

A rainbow spanned the sky, starting from one end of the cloud and ending at another cloud. When he looked up, he happened to see this image, so he took out his mobile phone from his pocket and recorded the image accurately.

"Crack-"

He left a photo.

Just when he was about to put the phone back in his pocket, the music rang. He didn't even look at the screen, and pressed the connect button to his ear.

"Greetings from Jiushu, teacher." I don't know what the person on the other side of the phone said, and he replied with a smile, "It's rare to go back to my hometown. Compared with ten years ago, Aomori is still the same. Apple is very good, and crabs are also good. When I come back, I will remember to bring some souvenirs to the teacher, this is my heart as a disciple."

"Hey? At home, just like that." The irony of his words has not diminished, "My elder brother in name has been the same for ten years. At home? The home is the same as him, nothing has changed, and the furniture exudes a rotten smell. It's stale, and to be honest, I really hate the vibe there."

"Huh? I really hate things like kimonos and classical architecture." He put on a distressed gesture, "In comparison, it's better to live in a bungalow. A bungalow with an orchard is best near the seaside." "No no no, I didn't make excuses for not going home, it's just that, Tsugaru is really not a good place."

"But my brother's wife is an amazing woman, but she is about to die. Beauty always fades easily, just like the gorgeous cherry blossoms. Mr. Kurosawa's analogy is very good."

"Ah, boy, yes, I saw him." When the words extended to this point, Osamu Dazai stopped. He couldn't talk about it in a teasing, relaxed tone. When talking to Shuji Tsushima, His demeanor was utterly serious.

[That child looks exactly like him. ]

Thinking of this incident, he couldn't help but marvel at the magic of fate.

[Of course it is the same, from a genetic point of view, we are the same, but from a human point of view, we are completely different. ] Now, he can finally admit that he is human, not some inhuman monster.

It took him a long time to realize this. Even now, he still often has a gap with the world, but compared to the past, he is much better.

"What are you thinking?" An old but angry voice came from the other side of the receiver. He thought of his college life in the past few years, listening to his teachings in the class of this strict teacher, and interpreting the life of the other party. .

"I just think it's amazing." There was a bit of ambiguous intimacy in his tone, and the two membranes of the vocal cords were glued together, "That kid looks exactly like me." He paused and said, " Still using the same name."

"Similarity? Should I say less or more? Let me think about it, he shouldn't even struggle. Regarding his own fate, I don't know if I should use tragedy to describe his life so far. I used to be like that , "The tone suddenly softened, "But I met someone who treated me very well."

[For example, Ah Hong, for example, those friends, and for example the teacher. ]

"Yeah, I guess he hasn't met yet."

"Then why don't you become that person?" Dazai hated the sharpness of the teacher again, he saw it clearly, and he was open and upright, "You want to help him in your heart." The teacher said, "Then you should do that. "

Dazai: "..."

His tone was a bit weak, as if he was pretending: "That's too difficult for me!" He said, "I've lived for so long and haven't played this kind of role, what is saving people, helping people, and following I'm fine."

"Especially spiritual salvation, do you think I'm that kind of person, teacher?" He said, "Even if I teach students, I can only whip people with harsh words, praise and comfort, which is impossible."

What was said on the other end of the phone.

"Let me think about it, let me think about it again." His voice suddenly became distant, like a distant mountain in the sky.

"Then, see you later, Natsume-sensei."

He hung up the phone.

Dazai remembered what he wrote in "Born to Be a Human". That book was his confession. He originally wanted to call it "Disqualification in the World". If he is given a chance, he must jump out of the empty tomb and protest viciously in front of Ming Tian who has become a good person.

/ What is the difference between a child and an adult?It’s hard to define, but I’m probably a child until I die. In the final analysis, adults have to shoulder the responsibilities of adults, guide and educate children, no matter whether the results are good or bad, if they must grow up , I hope I can become the same person as Ahong, is it possible, probably not?

How can a person like me have the qualifications to guide others? /

Can he help the kid?

Can he teach that child?

Does he have the qualifications?

……

"genealogy?"

The sociology teacher squinted his eyes, and he lit a water pipe. It is not an exaggeration to call the pipes of this era antiques, not to mention the small bowls in which the tobacco leaves are placed, there are patchwork of gorgeous patterns, which are more beautiful than The waves drawn by Hokusai are exquisite.

"You shouldn't ask me." The gray-haired old man is hale and hearty, but you look at his expression, look at every wrinkle on his face, you can vaguely see the shadow of a suave and romantic young man, his young lips It must be rosy, with strands of hair, like water.

Shuji Tsushima said: "But father won't tell me, will he?" He said tactfully, "It's okay, you are probably the only one who knows the family tree, and I will try my best not to let father find out, even if I found out, you are his teacher, and he can't do anything about it." He shrugged, and said casually, "Keiko is clumsy, but she is still in the house. If Ah Zhong is to come to the school for the exam, the first You can't even pass the test, but if you look closely, she does have a beautiful face, which is very similar to a servant girl at home, but the diamond-shaped mouth and ruddy lips that seem to have been kissed by flowers are not the same as the teacher's face. You are exactly the same."

"Is the teacher's wife a beauty? Ah, I heard that she is a noble lady, but she looks too heroic. Many daughters of the Wu family are like this. In comparison, Keiko's facial features are too gorgeous."

When the sociology teacher put down his pipe, he was not afraid at all, but shook his head and said, "You, you." He said, "Chinese characters are extensive and profound, and I really like the words and poems formed by them (characters). I have seen four words before, called 'Huiji will hurt', it should be very appropriate to give it to you."

"Look, I've made up my mind just now. Even if you don't talk about Keiko, I'll tell you. If that's the case, the cards will be for nothing." In the long run, conspiracy is always better than conspiracy, I don’t believe in the idea of ​​convincing people with virtue, but coercion and temptation are tricks after all.” He said, “Try to think about the world a little bit better and open it up. , you are smart, but you are too narrow."

"I'm not talking about vision, I'm talking about the soul." Sociology teacher asked, "How much can you see? How much do you want to see?"

Shuji Tsushima no longer put on his cute childish appearance, his face was indifferent.

"Can't see anything," he said.

"I don't want to see anything either."

"No, you have something you want to see." The teacher smiled slyly, "Now you want to know a person, you want to check the family tree, and you want to know the connection between you."

"That's curiosity."

"Go." He said, "It's in the warehouse, there are 398 drawers, three rows from left to right, and then open a hidden compartment, you can find what you want."

Shuji Tsushima stiffened his neck, without thanking him, he opened the door and left without looking back.

When the person walked away, the handsome old man changed his posture. He was half lying on the ground, with his elbow resting on his cheek, his other hand holding a bong, and his two fingers delicately resting on the slender, plated Gold leaf on a rod.

The smoky, smoky smoke, like the purple smoke of Xianglu Peak, hovers and flies upwards.

He beat himself silently in his heart, and actually sang "Dun Sheng" in his mouth.

"Fifty years of life, like a dream or a fantasy, who was once alive, is there any immortal-"

He seemed to be happy, and he dragged his voice like a sigh: "Is there anything immortal——"

Behind him, a white light suddenly appeared.

Blade, straight cut.

"Boom-"

The head rolled to the ground.

……

[Shuji Tsushima, Shuji Tsushima, Shuji Tsushima...]

He unfolded the scroll and couldn't stop chanting his own name. The reason was not very clear. Even if he asked himself, he didn't know where the anxiety in his heart came from. He was a very smart child, and he already vaguely understood the specialness of his father's name, but he couldn't help it. Didn't see clearly.

[Shuji Tsushima, Tsushima Haraemon, here! ]

His fingers moved all the way backward along the cloth, and finally found his own position.Looking forward, it is the mother's name, and the father's name. Where it is juxtaposed with the father's name is a black spot.

The black spots are too thick and too hard. No matter what method is used, it is impossible to know what words were written under it. The ink dots seem to carry people's resentment, and thousands of thoughts are trapped in it.

He thought clearly: [Sure enough, are they brothers? ]

[Although I didn't find much, let's thank him later. ] he thought, [To the sociology old man. ]

"what----!!!"

Keiko's scream pierced the sky.