when you look at me

"Yuan Yiping!" Chen Shuo put down the bowl in his hand heavily, and growled, "Why do you treat me like this?! Do you treat me like something you want to push away? You——you can't use this Reason to send me."

"Why did I push you away?" Yuan Yiping turned his eyes away, not looking at Chen Shuo's angry and painful face: "Because I don't want to be with you, I told Chen Shuo just now, if you want to... If you get entangled, then I can only push you away."

"You said you don't want to be with me." Chen Shuo suddenly leaned forward and grabbed Yuan Yiping's hand on the table: "You don't want to be with me, but you also like me, right?"

Yuan Yiping looked at his own hand and Chen Shuo's. Chen Shuo was holding his wrist very, very tightly, his fingertips were almost turning white.Yuan Yiping thought this was probably the last time they had such close contact.This time you chased me and hid too much tacit understanding, too much dilemma, too much greed and self-blame, it should be completely over.

Yuan Yiping separated Chen Shuo's fingers one by one, and said lightly:

"I liked you before, but after seeing those photos, to be honest, I only feel disgusted. Chen Shuo, the reason I can talk to you so calmly now is because of my brother, you help me when my brother is sick. You have done a lot of work, this is what our family owes you, and I want to thank you."

Chen Shuo lowered his head and did not speak.

The mutton soup on the table still exudes a delicious meaty smell. A few minutes ago, they were still eating soup and eating meat lively.The business of this mutton restaurant is booming, and the owner keeps greeting customers with a northeast accent. In the small place, the voices of laughing and bragging keep coming and going.

Yuan Yiping suddenly felt ridiculous, why did he enter this mutton restaurant, because Chen Shuo was only wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt.But why did he feel that Chen Shuo was cold? Chen Shuo never said that he was cold.The warm mutton soup entered the throat, and the dense white steam was wrapped in the smell of meat. This scene was too warm and intimate. Why did he say these words to Chen Shuo in such a scene.

Chen Shuo bowed his head and said nothing, Yuan Yiping felt that the silence was like a file, scratching his empty chest once and for all.He knew very clearly that he was lying, and every one of those cruel words to reject Chen Shuo was a lie.From the first time he met Chen Shuo ten years ago to the present moment, ten years have passed, and he has left his hometown. out of sight.

But he can't help it, he admits that he is a person who is two parts greedy and eight parts cowardly.

After a long time, Chen Shuo raised his face.He looked calm, but his crescent-shaped eyes were completely devoid of energy.

"I'll treat you to this meal," Chen Shuo said, "Do you still remember that I told you that the first time I saw you was you playing basketball alone on the basketball court? Please eat."

"From the beginning to the end, let me treat you to this meal."

When they parted, Yuan Yiping didn't ask Chen Shuo where he was going.Will he go back to Gancheng?But he quit his job.Stay in Shenzhen?It doesn't look like it either.After much deliberation, I can only warn myself in the end, don't ask.

Back home, Yuan Yiping put the bag of condom lubricant left by Chen Shuo into the storage box.It's useless to keep this thing, but it was Chen Shuo who gave it to him—I don't know what Chen Shuo was thinking when he bought these things?At first Yuan Yiping thought that Chen Shuo was purely trying to disgust him, but when Chen Shuo half-kneeled and took off his underwear, the incandescent light on the ceiling reflected in his eyes, showing a cautious and ingratiating look, at that moment Yuan Yiping suddenly I understand, Chen Shuo is serious.He was serious about trying to please him.

Understanding is rarer than love, but it turns out that love is tolerance, sacrifice, and gratification.

Suddenly, late autumn came overnight.