when you look at me

"For a long time after his death, I felt that I had been trying to live a good life, which was completely futile. It seemed that the only meaning of my life was to wait for death. I didn't know when death would come, It might be 50 years later, it might be tomorrow—this feeling, how should I put it? It’s... powerless, destiny is not mine at all, it’s not in my hands at all.”

Song Ran wiped her eyes, lowered her head, and asked softly, "Then what should I do?"

"What can we do?" Yuan Yiping smiled wryly, "Let's resign ourselves to fate."

Coming out of the cafe, Yuan Yiping sat on a chair by the side of the road and smoked a cigarette by himself.Recently, the frequency of his smoking has increased significantly, perhaps because, Yuan Yiping thought, in the long-term fear, people can't help but find some meaningless little things to kill their energy.

While smoking, he repeated Song Ran's words in his mind.Thinking about it, he felt relieved—Yuan Yiping scolded himself secretly, do you have a conscience, how can you feel this way?

But it was real, really, a sense of relief: it turned out he wasn't alone.

It turned out that it wasn't just that his life was disrupted or even destroyed by the sudden death of a close relative, it wasn't just that he couldn't accept that everything around him quickly returned to normal after that, it wasn't just that he felt confused and frustrated in this "unacceptable" situation. fear.Yuan Yiping feels that life is like an assembly line, and people are machines on the assembly line. If a machine breaks down, it will be replaced immediately and replaced by a new machine.So, life doesn't fall apart because of someone's death.It all happened so quickly and so orderly that it was as if—as if man were really an emotionless machine.

But the problem is that man is not a machine, at least he is not.Therefore, Yuan Yizhi's death was like a blow to the head, and it made him feel dizzy and trembling for many years.

Why did you call Chen Shuo that day?Yuan Yiping didn't want to think about it.He had clearly expressed his attitude to Chen Shuo, they were impossible.Later, Chen Shuo also said that in Shenzhen, it was just a crime.After Yuan Yizhi passed away, Chen Shuo lived a carefree life again, having sex with others and roaming around.Chen Shuo was the part of Yuan Yiping's life that quickly returned to normal.He didn't understand, Yuan Yiping rejected him coldly, not only because he hated his corruption, but also because they were different.Yuan Yiping is still in the collapse and fear of ten years ago, while Chen Shuo has gone a long way.

As for Chen Shuo saying "I won't die now" on the phone that day, Yuan Yiping thought that Chen Shuo was probably just following his words to comfort him. Chen Shuo didn't know what death was at all.

After that phone call, Chen Shuo never contacted Yuan Yiping, and of course Yuan Yiping never contacted him again.It seemed that the choked phone call was just a big dream.

"Are you okay?" Liang Yuyi put a cup of brewed fruit tea on Yuan Yiping's table: "You seem to have lost weight these days."

"Really," Yuan Yiping picked up the cup and took a sip, the sweet fruit flavor filled his mouth: "Thanks, I'm fine--have you picked out the wedding dress yet?" The wedding dress was called away by Wang Jingjing.

"I've chosen it, I guess I'll take pictures next month."

Yuan Yiping quickly glanced at Duan Hang's position, it was lunch break, Duan Hang was wearing earphones, and an anime that Yuan Yiping couldn't name was playing on the computer screen, a beautiful girl with big breasts was hula la circling, Know what to do.

Yuan Yiping lowered his voice and asked, "Are you taking pictures yourself, or..."

"He's with me." Liang Yuyi replied softly.

Yuan Yiping was stunned for a moment: "He? It's Zhang..."

Liang Yuyi shook her head and said almost breathlessly, "The one from the listed company."

Yuan Yiping nodded and did not continue to ask.He had heard from Liang Yuyi that the vice president of the listed company was married, so taking wedding photos with Liang Yuyi was probably to fulfill Liang Yuyi's dream?What a naive man.

Yuan Yiping suddenly thought of Song Ran again. Duan Hang was staring at the beautiful girl and shaking his legs. Yuan Yiping said in a low voice: "When I went to the hospital to see Teacher Cui, I met Wang Yuan. It turns out that his fiancée It's... Teacher Cui's daughter."

A few seconds later, Liang Yuyi said "oh", and there was no other reaction.

"No... you already knew?" Yuan Yiping asked in surprise, "Do you know that his fiancée is Teacher Cui's daughter?"

"I don't know it's Teacher Cui's daughter," Liang Yuyi explained, "But I've heard that Wang Yuan's fiancée is the daughter of Teacher Shen University. It seems that the girl's father is an official. Got it, isn't Teacher Cui's lover the party secretary of some college?"

Yuan Yiping hesitated for a moment, but still asked: "Then he...is he reliable?"

"Why, go to the hero to save the beauty and reveal the true face of the scumbag?" Liang Yuyi frowned, "Let's see, after all, Wang Yuan looks good, and he works as an administrator in the school, so it's not bad. "

"He is not……"

"He should be very serious about Teacher Cui's daughter." Liang Yuyi's eyes drifted to the white wall behind Yuan Yiping: "He was able to stay in school and work, probably because of the help of Teacher Cui's wife. The school is so easy to stay... Just because of the conditions of that girl's family, Wang Yuan probably wouldn't dare to do anything. People like Wang Yuan, you can see that he seems to have slipped out now, but in fact, he is far from it. Gotta hold on to his girlfriend's thigh all the time."

"He—" The phone on the table rang suddenly, it was my mother.

Yuan Yiping answered the phone, walked out of the office, and replied, "Mom."

"Yiping!" Mom's voice trembled: "Do you know that Chen Shuo... likes men?!"