when you look at me

Yuan Yiping knows.

When "Your Name" was released, he went to see it alone. When the little girl beside him was crying, he breathed a sigh of relief trembling.

That's right, he has gradually understood that there are many, many people in this world who fear "impermanence" just like him.

What is impermanence?

The town where Sanye lived was hit by a comet overnight, and Tachibana Taki could never find the girl again.

It was that afternoon that Wenchuan suddenly collapsed, and people are still buried in the ruins to this day.

It was that blue autumn day, in the consultation room of Gancheng Second Hospital, the doctor said, you guys... hurry up and go to the hospital.

A moment of grief for my life, Yuan Yiping thinks that a moment is not the most terrible thing.The scariest thing is that you don't know when death will part us forever.

Maybe decades later, maybe tomorrow.Maybe the person who smiled at you an hour ago died in a car accident an hour later; maybe the person who said good night to each other before going to bed died suddenly in his sleep that night.Maybe Yuan Yiping and Chen Shuo planned to go to Weihai to play, and then the word "cancer" on the diagnosis sheet smashed everything.

So in a sense, Yuan Yiping thinks that love is a kind of burden. If you fall in love with others, you will care about each other, so one person has to bear double risks and fears.

Isn't this cocooning yourself?

Of course, there are also people like Chen Shuo—it doesn't matter, he doesn't care, so he is not afraid of losing.

Yuan Yiping stopped talking, turned around and left on his own.

Chen Shuo stood where he was and didn't chase after him.

Three days later, Yuan Yiping received a WeChat message from Chen Shuo: "I have already gone back, I have troubled you for the past few days."

Yuan Yiping stared at this simple sentence and didn't know what to answer. He guessed that Chen Shuo had probably given up—no, that's not right, it seemed that Chen Shuo had insisted on something.

To be precise, maybe Chen Shuo had teased enough.Can't think of any other reason.

Two days later, Yuan Yiping received a call from an unfamiliar number.

"Hey?"

"My brother is me," the person on the other end of the phone said in a relaxed, almost frivolous tone, "That fat man, remember? That night in Changsha..."

"Are you okay?" Yuan Yiping interrupted him coldly.

"Hey, don't be so angry, Chen Shuo and I didn't sleep," the man smiled, "When are you free? Come out and have a chat."

"There's nothing to talk about." After Yuan Yiping finished speaking, he immediately hung up the phone.

The other side quickly called again, Yuan Yiping hung up directly and blocked the number.

It stopped.

Yuan Yiping cursed secretly, crazy.

However, half an hour later, another strange number sent a text message:

It's fine if you don't answer the phone, but do you know how much Chen Shuo likes you?Before he came to Shenzhen, he handed in his resignation report. He didn't intend to leave a way out for himself, but he didn't expect you to be so desperate.Brother, think about it differently. Chen Shuo has loved you for so many years, but you ignore him, and you can’t see him even if you want to see him. He is still urged by his family to get married. It’s not unforgivable to make an appointment to relieve the pressure once in a while. Bar?

Also, we didn't sleep at all.

Yuan Yiping was silent for a moment, and opened WeChat.

Chen Shuo's phrase "I'm going back, I've troubled you for the past few days" came into view—he resigned?Then what will he do when he goes back?Yuan Yiping couldn't help but wonder if Chen Shuo's fucking brain was flooded. His parents entrusted him with a relationship to find a job in a state-owned enterprise, so he just resigned. Doesn't he know how difficult it is for a person in his 30s to find a job in the third-tier small town in Gancheng?

No, it may be that his work unit found out about his disgusting things, and he insisted on doing so.for me?It can't be for me, the fat man probably lied to me on purpose.

Yuan Yiping dialed his mother's phone number, and he got connected after a while.

"Yiping, hey, I was about to call you!" Mom paused, then lowered her voice slightly: "Do you know what happened to Chen Shuo?"

"...What's the matter?" Yuan Yiping decided to play dumb: "Didn't he go back to Gancheng?"

"He's back. He arrived yesterday afternoon, and his mother came to our house in the evening. Alas... He really didn't tell you anything?"

"Didn't say anything," Yuan Yiping pursed his lips: "He didn't stay for a few days."

"Yeah, I was worried at first, thinking that you didn't treat Chen Shuo well and let him come back so soon, but his mother told me that Chen Shuo resigned! I don't know what happened to this kid—— Going to your place to stay for a few days, is it to avoid the limelight?"

Yuan Yiping was speechless, so he had no choice but to answer: "It seems normal for him."

"Then something really happened, and you didn't even tell me," the old mother sighed, "His parents were so angry, this child, you say... is too old, and the wedding room at home is too big." It’s been prepared a long time ago, and the girls introduced him one by one, but he is not in a hurry. Now it’s good, I don’t do work anymore, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Yuan Yiping hesitated for two seconds, and asked, "His parents introduced him many partners? He didn't agree?"

"Isn't it? Just last month, I introduced him to a physics teacher from the No. 25 Middle School. He graduated from Southwest University. He was only [-] years old and looked very fresh... That little girl fell in love with Chen Shuo, and it turned out that Chen Shuo I don’t want to, no matter how much I persuade him, it’s useless, I made his father so angry that he almost didn’t go to the hospital.”

Yuan Yiping remembered that night by the Xiangjiang River, he scolded Chen Shuo, you have the virtue of being able to sleep with any man, you don't have any psychological barriers to cheat a little girl into marriage, right?

How did Chen Shuo answer?

He didn't answer anything and was silent.

Now recalling the scene at that time, the white street lamps by the river reflected on Chen Shuo's face, his eyes were drooping and his lips were stretched, the corners of his eyes and mouth were also down——he had a mournful face, an expression of extreme grievance.

After Yuan Yiping left, did he cry?

Just like that night on Bar Street a few days ago, he lowered his head and wiped away the tears on his face, his chest heaving slightly.

"Yiping, you can persuade Chen Shuo when you have time," my mother said, "Chen Shuo is a good boy, but he——I don't know what happened to him these years, it's as if he got stuck in the corner and couldn't get out. , you have nothing to persuade him, huh?"

"...I have nothing to persuade him. I haven't had much contact in the past few years."

"Isn't it because you are all busy with work, but now Chen Shuo is really...his parents can't persuade you. You young people have something to say, you should talk to him more. How much Chen Shuo...helped our family... "

Yuan Yiping's chest tightened: "I see, Mom, I'm going to eat."

"Hey, let's go."

"What's wrong with you these days?" Liang Yuyi asked, "You're out of your mind."

"It's okay," Yuan Yiping clicked on the EXCEL document on the desktop: "Last time, I agreed with the programmer of Huike Company to upgrade the system, do you want to do it?"

"I think his asking price is a bit high, but it really needs to be upgraded..." Liang Yuyi walked over while talking, her eyes suddenly stopped on Yuan Yiping's computer desktop, and she said softly after a few seconds: "Yuan Yiping Yiping, the form you opened is not a quotation form."

Yuan Yiping took a closer look, only to realize that the EXCEL he opened in a daze was the accounting form when he bought office supplies not long ago.

"...I'm sorry," Yuan Yiping stood up, "I'm going out to smoke a cigarette."