Thank you everyone, I am with the protagonist

(nine)

When Ji Bian was in An, he left his hometown and went to other places to study.

His grades are in the middle of this small place, but he is not impressive in the whole province, so in the end, he went to an ordinary undergraduate college—neither 985 nor 211.

But Ji Bianding was very unlucky, and met some not-so-good roommates.

He has suffered from insomnia since high school, and it was exhausting for him to take classes and learn painting continuously, and he needed rest.

But among his five roommates, three roommates are addicted to games. They turn on the language from morning to night, tap on the mechanical keyboard, and play games crackling.

He communicated many times, but the three promised well but still went their own way every day. Ji Bianding could only take sleeping pills to rest after they fell asleep.

But if these three people rest, whenever there is a little noise, they will attack and accuse others.

One of the top students in the dormitory found out about this situation, and moved out after a month of school, and the other couldn't afford to provoke them, anyway, he didn't care and didn't bother to provoke them.

Only Ji Bianding was in pain.

He also wanted to move out, but he had no money.

It cost money for him to learn painting, and he didn't have any part-time job when he just went to college.The old man at home is sick, the salary of his parents is mediocre, and his sister is still working hard at the bottom of the workplace. He already spends a lot of money, so he has no face to ask for money

He endured it afterwards and tried to stay outside as much as possible, but he still had to come back to rest after all.

On this day, he had been sketching outside all day, and he was very exhausted.

He kind of wanted to get a room outside, but that day happened to be the weekend, and he came back late, the surrounding hotels were already full, and the three of them usually stayed overnight on weekends.

He was already very tired of them, but he still tried his best to discuss with them calmly: could he turn off the lights, could he keep his voice down.

"No problem! After finishing this game, it will be closed! Hey! How dare you xx..."

As soon as he saw it, he knew there was no hope.

He lay discouraged on the bed, put on noise-cancelling headphones, put on an eye mask, and covered himself in the quilt, but he still couldn't stop the crackling sound.

He was suddenly very angry, he had a headache and chest tightness, and he couldn't calm down no matter how deep he took a breath.

He lay on the bed and turned over several times, held the sleeping pills under the pillow several times, and fought against the idea of ​​taking medicine in his mind... He finally put down the medicine, got up, reached out and pulled off one of the earphones, and talked with them There was a quarrel.

However, in the end Ji Bianding was beaten by a group of people and entered the school hospital.

Soon, Ji Bianding woke up, curled up in a ball under the quilt, and was scolded bitterly by his sister Ji Bian'an.

After scolding, she contacted her friends here to help her look at the rental houses near Ji Bianding's school, and then asked her boyfriend to go to the dormitory together, and hurriedly removed all of Ji Bianding's things.

While helping to organize things, her boyfriend suddenly said to her: "An An, does your brother often take sleeping pills?"

Ji Bian'an was stunned for a moment, and directly threw away those half-empty medicine bottles, but did not answer her boyfriend's words.

Before leaving, she once again showed her domineering nature and directly cursed at Ji Bianding's roommates.After scolding, she patted her butt and left, completely ignoring the ugly faces of those people and some onlookers watching the excitement.

She stayed there for a few days, settled procedures for Ji Bian, applied for a night out, and took him to the rental room.

Before leaving, she still looked like an egg who was the only one in the world, and scolded Ji Bianding again.

"What a fool! How long have you endured that kind of thing? Aren't you very attractive before!"

"Also, look at you like this, how long have you been away from home? The one I sent to this school was obviously a fresh and handsome boy, why has it turned into a sauerkraut now?"

She was heartbroken: "From now on, let's call at least once every three days! Remember to tell me if you have anything to do! Remember to clean up yourself, otherwise our mother will not recognize you as a son when you go home!"

After a crackling meal, she finally stopped to take a sip of water, and said slowly: "I picked a bear doll for you in the past few days, it's exactly the same as the one at home, and I put it on the bed."

"Whatever happens in the future, remember I'm still there. I scolded those turtles so badly, I think they will hate you, if you keep cowarding, I will blow your head off first!"

She stood at the door with no makeup, just a little powder and a little lipstick, so the dark circles under the eyes were obvious, the eyes looked tired, the bags under the eyes were heavy, and some pimples were showing off on the forehead, not at all like Ji Bianding's impression The bone spirits in the workplace in the middle of the day can't wait to wear makeup exquisitely every day, even when sleeping.

But still pretty good.

Ji Bian'an urged him a few more words, and left in the car overnight.

Ji Bianding opened his bedroom door, it was empty inside, his things were packed and piled aside.

He sat on the edge of the bed and touched the little bear. The fur was soft and tasteless.Unlike the raccoon at home, the soft hairs have begun to fall into pinches, and there is a smell of disinfectant and dead mites.

But this doll is just as warm.

Ji Bianding hugged the doll and had a very comfortable sleep.

On the second day, he was calm and continued to go to class with an indifferent face.

After that, he threw away all the sleeping pills he bought before, locked away the cosmetics used to enhance his complexion, and made a detailed and appropriate schedule for himself.

He must not commit suicide.

He shouldn't get too involved with those unpleasant things, the world is big, and he has to work hard for his family.

Even if he doesn't care, as long as Ji's family cares, he does.

(ten)

But his mental state is still getting worse, his mood is getting more and more pessimistic, and he is getting more and more prone to losing control.

The more he wanted to get rid of it, the more he felt the mountain of pressure made him breathless; the more optimistic he was, the more he forced to find fun, the more he was overwhelmed by overwhelming sadness after the happy emotions.

He was so sad that every day when he went back to his rented house and lay on the bed, he began to have a headache and heartache.

That bear cub was permanently useless.

He was so painful that he wanted to die, and he was so painful that he didn't want to die.

But he still couldn't help having the idea that he couldn't survive, and even deliberately refused to eat or drink, and did various dangerous behaviors.

He dared not tell his family about these feelings. His grandma had high blood sugar and was paralyzed by a stroke. The family was already very worried. He could only tell his best friend Xie Heng.

Calling and crying with Xie Heng, losing his temper with him... The two of them rely on modern means of communication, and are even busier than the lovers around them.

Until graduating from university, Ji Bianding became more and more dependent on Xie Heng.

(eleven)

Ji Bianding rented a house in another city by himself, and used it as a foothold for himself, living there alone.

Just to survive, to survive in pain.

He didn't dare to let his family know everything about him, so he had to pretend that he had nothing to do.

Ji Bian'an seemed to have guessed a little bit of the situation, but he was not sure. He just kept laughing and joking as before, and then secretly tested.

But it didn't work.

Ji Bianding thought more than once, why is he in so much pain?Why so sad?

Obviously nothing happened, why is he in so much pain...

Looking at the empty room without a trace of life, he felt a kind of lonely safety, but also wanted to escape in pain.

He finally couldn't bear to call Xie Heng again.

He cried on the phone again, crying heartbreakingly, hiccupping and panting non-stop, crying until Xie Heng's heart was broken.

He said to Xie Heng: "Brother Xie, I miss you so much."

So Xie Heng put down the phone and asked for leave to take a plane.

When Xie Heng saw Ji Bianding, he had a haggard face, and when he saw someone, he rushed up and hugged him tightly.

Xie Heng hugged him with both hands, and kicked the door shut with his feet.

Ji Bianding buried himself in his arms and sobbed, taking deep breaths continuously.

Xie Heng asked distressedly: "Ah Ding, what's wrong?"

Ji Bianding closed his eyes: "Brother Xie, I'm so sad."

Xie Heng gently stroked his sweat-soaked hair, and said in a low voice, "It's okay, Ah Ding, I'm here~ Don't be afraid, don't cry..."

Ji Bianding hiccupped and asked, "Brother Xie, do you like me?"

Xie Heng's heart skipped a beat, but he nodded hesitantly.

Ji Bianding looked up at him, his eyes were red and swollen, and he kept crying.He reached out to touch Xie Heng's face, stood on tiptoe, and took the initiative to kiss Xie Heng's lips.

Ji Bianding kissed Xie Heng's lips and said, "Let's do it."

Xie Heng felt something was wrong, he grabbed Ji Bianding's hand, frowned and asked, "What's wrong with you? Ah Ding? What happened?"

Ji Bianding, however, had red eyes, grabbed Xie Heng's collar, and kissed him madly: "Nothing! Let's do it! Let's do it! Can't I let you go!"

Xie Heng grabbed his hand with a serious face: "Ji Bianding! Ji Bianding! Be sober!"

He bit Xie Heng's chin and cried, "I'm sober, Brother Xie, Xie Heng! I'm just in so much pain! Let's do it!"

"What's the matter with you! Where are you hurting? Ah Ding!"

Ji Bianding shook his head, buried in Xie Heng's neck and wept.

Xie Heng kissed his forehead softly.

After Ji Bianding was tired from crying, he took Xie Heng's hand, maintained this hugging posture, took Xie Heng into the bedroom, and both of them fell on the bed.

He forcefully tore off Xie Heng's clothes, and pressed his face against Xie Heng's warm skin, his expression finally calmed down.

Xie Heng hugged him, lowered his head and kissed his face, from forehead to chin, then to ears, neck...

Ji Bianding whispered: "Brother Xie, my heart hurts..."

Xie Heng sighed: "Ah Ding, what happened to you..."

"There's nothing wrong with it, it's been hurting all the time, I've been enduring it, I can't help it..."

"Ah Ding...Ah Ding...you open your eyes and look at me, I won't hurt anymore..."

"I can't see it...you bite me! You pinch me! You hit me! You fuck me! My head hurts, my heart hurts!"

"Ah Ding...it can't be like this...Ah Ding...look at me, I'm kissing you, I'm loving you...Ah Ding..."

(twelve)

Ji Bianding and Xie Heng are together.

One day, Ji Bianding lost control of his emotions again, and the two quarreled.

He left the house of the two in a fit of anger, but he didn't know where he was going.

He can't go home, he will be forced by his parents to go on a blind date; he can't go to his sister Ji Bian'an either, after she finds out about his condition, she will force him to see a doctor...

He ended up renting a house and changing his cell phone number, only giving new numbers to his family.

Xie Heng got his new number and called, but he didn't answer.

Xie Heng changed the number and called again, but he hung up immediately.

Xie Heng came to find him, but he sneaked away again.

(Thirteen)

Ji Bianding swallowed sleeping pills in his new house, cried and called 120 for help after swallowing, and was finally admitted to the hospital for treatment.

Ji Bianan arrived and forced him to see a psychiatrist, but he pretended to agree, but left quietly.

Ji Bianding overeats in the self-service hot pot restaurant, but is sent to the hospital for treatment by the clerk.

Ji Bian'an became cruel this time, took a long vacation to stare at him personally, and called a psychologist to try to treat him.

He refused medical treatment and violently opposed it.

At the request of Ji Bian'an, the doctor tried hypnotherapy on him.

Ji Bianding suddenly lost control of his emotions again, and kept calling Xie Heng.

Xie Heng didn't answer.

After that, Ji Bianding had amnesia after waking up, but the situation improved.

Hypnotherapy stopped.

Three months later, Ji Bianding was mentally stable and persuaded Ji Bianan to live alone again.

(fourteen)

Ji Bianan suddenly asked: "Do you know Xie Heng?"

Ji Bianding was stunned, he thought the name sounded familiar, but he had no impression of it.

Ji Bian'an said haha ​​and hung up the phone.

A day later, Ji Bianding suddenly went on a hunger strike again, fell into a coma, and lost his soul.

The author has something to say: everything serves the plot, the author's brain was eaten by a dog, and everything is made up