Zhangjialou Pingxie Hezhi

"Understood." I nodded and muttered in a vague way, "You stole an egg...then...you made a vengeance with a goose, you made a vendetta with a goose . "

"It's a group!" The fat man snatched the corn from my hand and said angrily, "I know you're not even listening!"

"A group of eleven?!" I pretended to be shocked, and then sighed with a smile, "Fatty, you can, this is planning to mix up human and animal ways, and finally unify both human and animal ways? Then you probably have to show your real body Ah." I patted him on the shoulder and said with a smile, "Marshal Tianpeng, come here, change yourself and show me your brother."

"Fuck you." The fat man patted his buttocks and stood up, "You're a worthless foodie, I'll find Pingzi." After speaking, he gnawed on the corn and left.

"It's okay for people to leave, but the corn stays." I quickly jumped up and followed him, trying to snatch the corn back, "What's wrong with the foodies, as the saying goes, those who know food are the best, and if you are uneducated, talk less. If you are clumsy, understand. "

"Hehe, Grandpa, I've always only done it to death. It's more suitable for you to hide this kind of thing." The fat man walked towards the kitchen, suddenly turned his head and smiled at me charmingly, and said, "Innocent, don't be afraid, when the time comes, it will be true." Once you do it, you are responsible for protecting yourself and living well.”

I said "Damn", quite disdainful, I haven't seen any monsters and goblins in all these years, but in the end I made a fuss over a few geese, is it necessary?It's such a comfortable life, the rough old men have become little princes.

While talking, he entered the kitchen, Poker Fever wore an apron, and was seriously cleaning the range hood when he heard the fat man say, "Brother, we are in trouble, the situation is serious, and you have to do it yourself. "

"Stop! Stop!" I quickly stopped him, "I declare in advance that this matter has nothing to do with me, so don't take everything with me." Then I turned and went to dig corn out of the rice cooker .

I heard the fat man say, "Do you still have a conscience? If it weren't for the fact that your brain is not very good recently, why would we both be trying to find something to fill your brain..."

"What?" I was stunned for a moment, turned my head inexplicably, the fat man and I looked at each other, and immediately turned to Poker Bottle. The latter paused to clean the range hood, remained silent for a while, and then slowly wiped it again. An aura of "I don't care about this matter" and "I don't know anything" exudes from all over his body.

I figured it out, the "we two" who dared to love Fatty didn't mean him and me, and Boyouping also had a part in this crap.I don't know what the two of them are planning for me behind my back. My brain is not good, so I want to make up my brain?Goose eggs are rich in lecithin, and it is true that they have the function of strengthening the brain. However, can this become a necessary and sufficient condition for a fat man to steal eggs and then be blocked by geese and dare not go out...

The fat man saw that Poker-Face turned his face and refused to recognize anyone, shook his head and sighed, put on an expression of "my heart is extremely chilling", and was about to speak, I deeply felt that a bloody drama was about to be staged, afraid of Poker-Face's embarrassment, I quickly stopped it The fat man said, "Wait a minute, I probably understand the matter, but now is not the time to pursue responsibility." Seeing that they were all looking at me, he took a breath and said slowly, "First of all, the most important thing is... ......I said... Where are the eggs?"

"Just these things?" I stood at the gate of the courtyard speechlessly, looking at the five big white geese hovering in front of the house, "Did you make a fucking mistake?!"

Fatty hid behind me, and whispered, "Maotou boy has a big tone, let me tell you, the fighting power of this goose soldier is higher than yours!"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, and said speechlessly, "You claim to have been chased and beaten, are you sure you're not prostitution? Let me ask one last time. Didn't you steal it?"

The fat man kicked me out, and at the same time quickly closed the door, saying, "If you succeed, then pretend to be aggressive. I'm optimistic about you."

I looked at the goose, said "hehe" twice, looked left and right, and shouted, "Whose goose is not tied properly? No one wants me to take it back."

After waiting for a while, no one responded, and I thought about it, this is a fucking goose without an owner!In an instant, goose in sauce, roast goose, and old goose stew with dried bamboo shoots came to mind.If there is an advantage, don't take advantage of the pig's head, and immediately want to go up and catch the goose.

Unexpectedly, as soon as I took a step forward, the five geese turned their heads and stared at me in unison.

To be honest, I was taken aback. Although it was just poultry, the opponent was not small, and there were so many geese, I didn't dare to act rashly, so I stopped and looked at them quietly, intending to observe the situation before I spoke.

Unexpectedly, less than 30 seconds after the two sides looked at each other peacefully, the leading goose suddenly screamed loudly and rushed towards me with flapping wings. A goose wall!

"Fuck!" I turned around and ran like a conditioned reflex, but the starting speed couldn't keep up with the acceleration of the goose, and soon I felt something hit my leg, followed by a tingling pain.

When I looked back, I saw that goose had grabbed my calf, and there were clearly two rows of fangs in its open beak!

In my limited knowledge base, birds have no teeth.However, this one now, not only has it, but also bit me with his teeth!This incident overturned my most extreme cognition, and I couldn't calm down immediately. While kicking my legs desperately to break free, I yelled at the fat man, "Open the door! Open the fucking door!"

"What's going on?!" I was still in shock, and looked out through the crack of the door, only to see the geese still rushing towards the courtyard door, feeling that something was wrong, "I didn't mess with them either. , how did you get attacked indiscriminately?"

The fat man thought for a while, then pondered, "Could it be that you have my body fragrance on you?"

"Fuck you!" I turned my head to look at the legs, and the two rows of teeth marks were clearly visible. I pinched it with my hand, and there were a few small blood spots, and I heard the fat man say, "I just observed carefully, your old man Combat strength is at most half a goose, no more."

"Mother Xipi." Whether it is tolerable or unbearable, I cursed secretly, saw the ax on the courtyard wall, picked it up and copied it in my hand, and planned to go out to fight.

The fat man stopped me, "Why are you going?"

"Nonsense." I weighed the ax in my hand, and said to the fat man, "The enemy has fangs, and the master has heavy weapons. Dare to break ground on Tai Sui's head, so that they can see how powerful the Black Whirlwind of Yucun is."

The fat man glanced at me with a half-smile, let go of his hand, and said with a smile, "Go."

I rushed out the door.

"The goose of the village chief's house." The fat man added slowly behind me.

I stopped abruptly, "Really?"

The fat man nodded, "Really, I asked several people about it."

"Damn it!" I was immediately discouraged and said speechlessly, "Then I'll go to the village chief and ask him to drag him back.

"The village chief is not here, his daughter is married, and the whole family has gone to the city." The fat man glanced out through the crack of the door again, "It is said that he will not be back until half a month later."

He... lord... I'm completely messed up.The geese of the village chief's house must not be chopped down casually. They still want to hang out in the village in the future, but if they don't cut them down, they are allowed to show off their power in front of their house. A few big men will sprint [-] meters in and out in the future, as if It's not a way, what should I do, unless...

"Hey, fat man, you said that I chopped up these broken geese, and then went to the town to buy five new ones for the house of village chief Sai. Will he find any changes in the geese when he comes back?"

The fat man looked at me indifferently, and replied, "What do you think?"

I was silent, and after a while, I said speechlessly, "The village chief feels that he is a polite person, how come the geese raised are so rascal..."

The fat man was also silent, and after a while, he tentatively asked me, "Why don't you...please take your uncle out of the mountain... If your uncle goes up, it feels more like what happened in nature. Accident......"

My uncle?I reacted for a long time before I understood, and said angrily, "Get out!"

At this moment, Poker Bottle came out of the kitchen and walked out while wiping his hands.

Fatty and I looked at each other, and we quickly stepped aside, watching him open the door and go out.

After Poker Fing went out, he ignored the geese at all, and Gu Zi put away the sheets hanging on the tree outside, then walked back calmly, and went into the room.

Fatty and I saw it, there is a door!So he also imitated the look of the oil bottle, walked out the door calmly, and tried not to make any eye contact with the geese...

After 30 seconds, we both screamed and fled back to the yard, and locked the gate in a hurry.

"No, no." The fat man panted heavily and waved his hands repeatedly, "Brother, ordinary people can't learn this invisibility technique."

I took two deep breaths to calm my breath, patted the fat man, and said, "Don't worry, don't worry, I have a solution, a solution."

"That's right!" The fat man patted me on the back, pulled my shoulders, and dragged him to Poker's room, "I should have begged my little brother a long time ago, let me tell you, you can fuck with him later." You're so cute, so cute, not to mention a few geese, even if a Tyrannosaurus rex comes, he can handle it for you on the spot."

"Why are you looking for my little brother? Is it useful to ask him for this?" I slapped the fat man's hand in disgust and explained. I think he is better at dealing with unknown species. He may not be able to deal with the geese of the village chief's family. There is a good way, I have a way, the premise is...you lend me some money first. "

The fat man said alertly, "What are you borrowing money for?"

"Buy cigarettes. Do you believe it?" I touched the fat man's trouser pocket impatiently, "Stop the ink, give me the money quickly, I have to go to town quickly."

"This is your old... method?"

"That's right." I looked proudly at the three geese with their wings tied together in the yard, and said with a smile, "Fighting poison with poison, fighting geese with geese, how about it? This idea is not bad."

The fat man had a deep expression on his face and remained silent.

I guess he was worried about how to win more with less, sighed, and said, "No way, the budget is not enough, you know that the geese are now tens of yuan a catty, I am really talking about it, I just bargained for it." Get these three down."

The fat man frowned, shook his hand, and said, "No, I said naive..."

"Don't look at these three geese who are not big, but they are all authentic free-range geese. They have very strong muscles. I have squeezed them." I squatted down and pulled out a goose leg, "How about you come and pinch them?" Pinch it?"

The fat man took a deep breath, looked at the goose legs, then at me, and said slowly, "Naive, have you noticed a problem..."

"It won't be a problem. Let me tell you, even if there are only three of them, if they are trained well, it won't be a problem to pick one out of a group. Think about the fighting cocks you saw at the temple fair a few days ago. The fighting power, tsk." I clapped my hands and stood up, and said gratifiedly, "I've already thought up a plan and plan to train them myself. The Wu family is quick, and the teacher will be out in two days. Just look at it."

"Not the question... naive..."

Just when the fat man was about to say something, Poker Face came out of the room. Seeing that I couldn't make sense with the fat man, I immediately abandoned him, turned to Poker Face's arms, pulled him and said, "Brother, Look at the goose I bought."

Poker-Face looked suspiciously at the goose on the ground, then at me, then looked at the goose and thought for a while, and finally frowned and looked at the fat man.

The fat man quickly waved his hand, "I've always wanted to tell him, but I didn't find a chance to speak up."

Only then did I feel that something was a little wrong, so I quickly turned my searching gaze on Fatty.

Poker-face saw this, shook his head, and said slowly, "Wu Xie, this is not a goose." He looked at me helplessly, "It's a duck."

depressed.

Very depressed.

It’s okay to be ignorant, but also to be cheated. As far as I know, ducks should be much cheaper than geese.I have always thought that the folk customs here are simple and honest, and such tragic fraud accidents should not happen. Unexpectedly, I followed the old saying that troublesome people come from poor mountains and rivers. Such tragedies have deceived my pure feelings, uncomfortable, aggrieved, and old-fashioned Blood clogged in my heart.

I sat in the yard and looked at the three ducks, doing deep self-reflection, learning from the pain, thinking that I should spend money to buy a lesson, but I couldn't let go of it.

Maybe it was because my expression was too tangled and painful, it was rare for the passing Poker Bottle to ignore my existence, and after a short pause, he sat down.

It's impossible to expect Poker Ping to open his mouth. We sat silently for a while. Although we didn't say anything, I felt a lot better.I have always felt at ease as long as I am around, no matter how big or small it is, and this time is no exception.

Maybe it's body fragrance, I was amused by my own thoughts, seeing Poker Bottle looking at me, I smiled and said, "Brother, thank you."

Poker bottle glanced at my legs, and said calmly, "For the goose?"

I reckoned that he really couldn't stand it anymore, and wanted to take care of the group of village geese, so he said, "It's okay, I'll find a way to get rid of the ducks tomorrow, and then I'll think about the geese." At this point, I couldn't help laughing , wanted to change the subject, and said, "It's really a wave of ups and downs, and you think it's because of that... Mercury retrograde, the screen of Moments is swiped, have you read it?"

Poker bottle looked at the duck, not knowing what he was thinking, after a while, he said slowly, "The duck lends me." After speaking, he stood up, squeezed my shoulder, and left.

Why do you want to borrow or not? Wait, why does he want a duck?Could it be... Porky Bottle wants to personally train them...to become special ducks?

I had a dream that night. In the dream, three ducks were sitting side by side, and they were seriously looking at Poker Bottle opposite, showing them "White Crane Spreading its Wings" and "Black Dragon's Heart"...... One was even taking notes.After the end, they lined up, swayed away, and carried a handful of small black gold... When they passed by me, they all showed contemptuous little eyes, as if they were laughing at me for less than half a day. Goose fights...

What the hell? !I woke up from the dream, the sky was already bright, I looked out the window, and saw Poker Bottle feeding the ducks in the yard, it was a completely normal day.Perhaps sensing movement in my room, he glanced in my direction.

I rushed out of the house and said to him, "Brother, you didn't teach the duck to do Tai Chi, did you?!"

Poker bottle was taken aback by my question, then he shook his head and said flatly, "The rice is in the kitchen."

I felt relieved, washed and dressed slowly, wandered into the kitchen, and started to eat with peace of mind.

When we were about to finish eating, the fat man suddenly rushed into the kitchen, pulled me up and ran out.

"What's the situation?" I didn't even have time to put down the bowl, so I was dragged out all the way, almost flying out of the gate by him.

"look!"

The fat man pointed, and I looked in the direction of his finger. I saw our ducks and the village head's geese entangled, as if they were fighting, but after a closer look, it didn't seem to be the case. I don't know what they were doing.

After a while, an unexpected scene happened, our duck pressed the goose under its body, and then started a piston movement...

I saw the stunned expression on the fat man's face, and knew that I must not be much better. I saw three ducks taking turns to go into battle with great hunger, and quickly overturned one goose, and then immediately turned to the second one. .....

When they overthrew the second one, the remaining geese probably felt that something was wrong and ran away one after another. Our ducks were burning with desire, so they were willing to give up and immediately chased them out. The three ducks chased the three ducks like this. A goose ran away at high speed.

Fuck!What kind of operation is this? !I was completely shocked, and didn't know what to say. After hesitating for a moment, I asked the fat man, "Where's the little brother? Where did the little brother go?"

The fat man ignored me, walked up to observe the situation of the two fallen geese, and sighed, "I'll fuck him! These two guys are fucking male..."

In the afternoon, rumors arose in the village, saying that some ducks appeared out of nowhere and did whatever they caught, even dogs.

The corner of my mouth twitched, and I asked Poker Ping, "Ancestor! What did you do?!"

Poker Ping put down the watermelon, and explained calmly that it was just a little herbal medicine from the mountain.

The fat man put down his phone and said excitedly that the latest news is that the ducks have already started to kill the sheep in the village party secretary's house.

I covered my face and said in pain, "This is not going to work, get the duck back quickly."

The fat man smiled and said, "Speaking lightly, what will you do if you get it back?"

I said angrily, "What nonsense! How tall is a duck? How tall am I?! Can you get me?!"

For some reason, Poker-Face suddenly stood up and walked out.

"Brother, where are you going?" I asked him quickly.

Poker-Face said flatly, "I'll kill the duck and bring it back, don't go out." After speaking, he left.

The two of us watched him go out, and I said to the fat man, "Slaughter and bring it back? Do you still plan to eat it? Who the hell would dare to eat this stuff..."

The fat man chuckled, sat down, picked up the watermelon and said, "Maybe my little brother wants to pickle it and give it away. Don't think too much about it. Come and sit down and eat melons and melons."

Let me go to his uncle, Poker Face looks at such a cold person, how can the ducks he raised be so erotic...

I sat down slowly, vaguely feeling a chill rise from behind.

End