The protagonist always says he loves me

Chen Ci was amused by the child's "Uncle". The taste was like rolling the freshly picked hawthorn in the icing sugar, and then sticking out the tip of the tongue to lick it. The sticky taste was sweet. .He pricked the other person's face with his chin, and said, "Hey, let me call again."

It's a pity that the child stared at him with wide eyes, pursed his lips and stopped talking.

The next day, according to what his personal doctor said, he took the child to the hospital for a comprehensive physical examination.

Originally, he didn't need to do this kind of work himself, and besides, he also felt that since he didn't plan to adopt a child, he shouldn't have too much contact with the other party, lest the other party become dependent on him.But these "originally" and "after all" are not worth the coat that the child stood by the door and handed him before he went out.

An adult's suit jacket is too long for a malnourished child, fully covering half of his body. He struggles to lift it on tiptoe, his thin arms stretched straight, like two bare branches without leaves.The open coat covered the child's face, and the exposed eye blinked, making Chen Ci immediately think of stray dogs on the side of the road, and would stop when he heard the hurried footsteps of pedestrians, as if The anxious heart will be filled with anticipation because of this little movement.

Chen Ci bent down, put on his coat, and when he straightened up again, there was already someone in his arms.

"Rearrange my itinerary." Chen Ci picked up the child and said to the secretary, "The afternoon meeting will be postponed until tomorrow."

The two soon arrived at the hospital.

This private hospital charges high fees, has good facilities, and caters to rich or expensive patients. Not only is it not crowded, but it seems a little too deserted.As the two walked in the hall, they could hear the sound of footsteps bumping against the empty white walls.

Chen Ci obviously noticed that the child shrank towards his trouser legs, he took the other's little hand, and comforted, "Don't be afraid."

All examinations were scheduled in advance, and what is rare is that the child was very cooperative, lying down when asked to lie down, opening mouth when asked to, and did not even cry or fuss when the blood was collected.When the nurse inserted the tip of the needle into the child's thin blood vessel, Chen Ci's arm went numb without warning, and the child's eyes did not blink, as if the little bit of blood that flowed back into the needle tube was not his.

After the blood was drawn, the nurse rewarded him with a candy as usual.The round hard candy, the size of a fingernail, is held by a child like a glass bead.

Chen Ci rubbed his head, looked down at the physical examination form, after the blood routine examination, they only had one last examination left.When he folded the medical examination form and put it in his pocket, he found that the child was still holding the candy, looking curiously at his right eye, watching very intently.

"Eat." Chen Ci thought he was reluctant to eat, and his heart was so soft. "If you want to eat, I will buy it for you later, a whole can."

The child tilted his head, his eyes were brighter than that hard candy.

Chen Ci snatched the candy and stuffed it into the child's mouth without saying anything.Then he picked up the child and strode towards the last department.The child obediently rested his chin on his shoulder, and pressed the hard candy against the tooth socket with the tip of his tongue.The occlusal muscles tensed for a moment, as if he wanted to bite the hard candy in half, but in the end he just narrowed his eyes slightly, rolled up the candy ball with the tip of his tongue, and licked it gently and slowly.

When the hard candy was finally licked clean, the last check was done.Chen Ci was about to leave when the doctor stopped him.

"Sir, can I talk to you?"

Chen Ci immediately became nervous, "What's wrong? Is there something wrong with the test results?"

The doctor said, "The test results won't come out until tomorrow at the earliest, so don't worry."

Seeing that he hesitated to speak, Chen Ci rubbed the child's head and asked him to sit on the seat beside him.The child's fingers rested on the edge of his palm, obviously reluctant to leave, but after he repeated that he was obedient, he walked away obediently with small steps.

"Doctor, I am his temporary guardian. If there is any problem with his health, please don't hide it from me." Chen Ci glanced at the child from afar, who was sitting on the armchair with his head down, quietly playing with his fingers , sometimes close together, sometimes twisted together, without showing a little irritability.

The doctor also looked over there, "Sir, this is just my personal suggestion, you can use it as a reference, or you can listen to it as you like. Have you...have you considered taking him to the psychology department?"

Chen Ci made an appointment for a routine children's comprehensive physical examination, which did not include psychological examinations.He looked at the doctor inexplicably. Isn't the psychology department only for hysterical, manic and uncontrollable people?In his opinion, the child is so well-behaved, why would he need to see a psychiatrist?

It was probably Chen Ci's eyes that made the doctor feel that his authority had been challenged. He looked serious and said seriously, "Sir, you may think I am scaremongering, but your child is very likely to have the tendency of autism."

"Children with autism?" Chen Ci, the name of the disease, has never been heard.

"It's commonly known as autism." The doctor said, "The clinical manifestations are usually language barriers and social communication barriers... The etiology is related to genetics, and it is also largely affected by childhood experiences..."

The more the doctor said, the more serious Chen Ci's face became.If it was another disease, he might feel that the doctor was exaggerating, but this one... is too similar to a child's performance.

In fact, it wasn't that he didn't feel that day, the child was a little too well-behaved, like the calm in the eye of a storm, faintly revealing signs of uneasiness.

The guest bedroom in Chen Ci’s villa was arranged in advance for Kong Zhou. There are many toys specially for children, such as plush dolls and remote control planes. I don't want to take a second look.When Chen Ci went to wake him up in the morning, the child woke up early and sat on the edge of the bed, the quilt and sheets were folded and made, and the clothes he was wearing were still the same set that Chen Ci changed into him yesterday.

And when eating... The child puts down the bowl and chopsticks after eating, and puts his hands on the table. The bowl is clean, and there is not a single grain of rice left. Not the slightest deviation.

Chen Ci saw all of this, but he didn't dare to think about it.He was afraid that the more he thought about it, the more reluctant he would be to send the child away.He didn't even dare to ask the child's name again.The name is not so much a sign as a connection, and it establishes a subtle connection between countless different faces and thousands of different individuals.Since he didn't intend to take the child in for a long time, he shouldn't let the two of them be bound by this invisible rope.

"Sir, sir?"

Chen Ci was immersed in guilt, and it took a long time before he heard the doctor's voice.

"It is recommended that you take him to see a professional doctor in this area. If it is really autism in children, if it is delayed without treatment, it may cause irreversible mental and intellectual damage, and in severe cases, it may even lead to self-harm..."

"it is good."

For the psychological examination, some items required the doctor and the patient to get along alone, and Chen Ci could only wait outside the door as an escort.Looking in through the glass window on the door, you can see the middle-aged female doctor asking the child questions with a gentle expression. The child is facing him, and he doesn't know what he said.

Chen Ci waited and became inexplicably agitated, took off his coat, threw it on the seat, stood up and paced back and forth, looked at his watch every few minutes, and almost wanted to push the door in and ask why it wasn't over yet.During this period, his phone vibrated several times, but he didn't notice it. The last time it rang for half a minute, he picked it up impatiently.

"what's up?"

His tone sounded impatient, and the secretary on the other end of the phone hurriedly said concisely, "Mr. Chen, the couple you asked us to check has been found, and the information has been sent to your mailbox."

Maybe something related to his lover finally attracted him. He temporarily suppressed his irritability, hung up the phone, and opened the mailbox of his mobile phone to check the email.Kong Zhou was adopted by a middle-class couple with a well-to-do family and a harmonious husband and wife. Because of health reasons, they could not have children, so they came up with the idea of ​​adoption.Neither party has any bad records. The husband is generous and the wife is gentle. They should be good parents...

Chen Ci should be happy for Kong Zhou, but when he thinks that the child is still undergoing psychological examination in a department separated by a wall, he can't cheer up anyway.

The doctor's words echoed in his mind.Autism... is largely influenced by childhood experiences... Although he doesn't know what the child has experienced in the past, but seeing the scene where the two met for the first time, he also knows that it is probably not a good memory.

Did the child sit alone on the corner of the street in the countless rainy days before meeting him?Why didn't he find a dry, warm place to hide from the rain?I would rather sit in a conspicuous place in the rain, because I was waiting for someone who might stop and take him in?

Chen Ci absently turned off the phone, and Huo Di stood up.

The door of the consulting room just happened to open.

The diagnosis is severe childhood autism, which requires drug treatment and active psychological treatment.While the female doctor was explaining the precautions one by one, the child leaned against Chen Ci's legs without saying a word, his fingers only dared to grab the seam of his suit pants.

After listening to Chen Ci, he was silent for a moment and asked, "In this situation, if the environment is changed, for him..."

"Oh, we do not recommend you to do this. For children with autism, it is much more difficult for children to adapt to changes in the environment, and a little carelessness will cause the condition to worsen. Can you understand me when I say this ? They need to re-accustom to everything around them, how many steps to walk from the bed to the desk, whether the bowl for eating is porcelain or iron..."

"I can understand." Chen Ci picked up the child and said to the doctor, "Excuse me, we will come to get the medical report tomorrow, and we will consult you in detail then."

After walking a few steps in the corridor, the child who had been silent all this time suddenly lay on his shoulders, and asked in an inaudible manner, "Am I sick?"

Chen Ci didn't know how to answer him.In fact, he was struggling violently in his heart, and a voice gradually became stronger and slowly occupied his heart.Kong Zhou has been adopted by a kind couple. They will definitely become good parents and give Kong Zhou a beautiful and warm childhood.Even if Kong Zhou is his lover, at this age, what he needs most is not him, the one who really needs him is one by one

"You don't want me anymore?"

……

The ten-year-old child hugged his knees and sat on the head of the bed, staring at the plush doll in the room in the darkness.His expression was dark and his eyes were cold, but no one would see him.Darkness is his best protective color.

He knew that the man who picked him up had relented, and he could continue to live in the house.Maybe stay longer.He has never lived in such a big house, and has never eaten such sweet candy, but these are not the reasons that attract him to stay.

When he was held in the arms of the man, blocking the wind and rain, when he leaned against the man's neck and smelled a damp, after-bathing fragrance, when he briefly licked the man's fingertips, tasted When it comes to the familiar taste that honey can't hide...

He knew he wanted to stay with him.Do anything for it.

In the emptiness and exhaustion caused by using his abilities, he vaguely heard voices that he didn't like very much.Monster, devil.No one likes or deserves to be liked.Should have died long ago.The vicious cursing came abruptly, and he had already anticipated what he would see next.

It wasn't an illusion, he could tell clearly.

The woman's face slowly became distorted before his eyes, and the gleaming fruit knife turned little by little, aiming at her own throat.

He saw the smaller and more childish version of himself take off the blindfold.

Just like what he did to that female doctor in the hospital consulting room today.

The same pure black pupils are gradually stained with blue color, eroding the soul of the person being watched over and over again.

"Do not kill me."

"Tell him not to leave me."

In the dark night, he bit his fingers nervously until he tasted the taste of blood, the restless soul that seemed to be missing something and would never be able to get peace returned to dead silence again.