[Comprehensive Mythology] I don't want to have sex with you

Xu Xian lay powerless on the bed, "You hypocritical and lecherous little Erlang! He dared to do such a thing in my sister's house. He is insane and dressed like a beast. It is unforgivable!"

Erlang God lightly bit the soft flesh on the back of his neck, "Don't worry, yesterday I made two dummies pretending to be the two of us to have dinner, your sister won't doubt it."

Xu Xian pointed at him in disbelief, "When you did that kind of thing, you still had such a thoughtful mind! You are insane! Dressed like a beast! Unforgivable!"

Erlang Shen: "...Okay! Let's do it again, I will definitely not think about anything else."

"Don't, don't, don't! Brother, please spare me! My waist and kidneys are failing. If this continues, I will become a human."

Erlang pinched the soft flesh on his waist, "Get up quickly! Your sister and brother-in-law are both up."

After getting dressed and washing up, Xu Xian is a handsome young man again.

Xu Jiaorong arranged the breakfast, and Li Gongfu called Erlang Shen and Xu Xian to come over for breakfast.

During the meal, Li Gongfu approached Erlangshen and said flatteringly, "Mr. Yang, I know what you are capable of. Our county government warehouse has recently recruited thieves. We squat around the county government every day, but we haven't caught even a ghost." .Can you...can you help me?"

Xu Xian was not happy anymore, "Brother-in-law, don't bother the two masters, I've already given you the magic talisman, why are you still looking for my master?"

Li Gongfu said: "The talisman you gave me doesn't work either!"

"Have you lost Kuyin recently?"

Li Gongfu shook his head, "That's not true."

"You didn't lose the money, who am I to arrest!"

Li Gongfu said shyly, "That's true."

Erlang smiled and said: "Brother-in-law, don't worry, Xu Xian has learned a lot now, it's still possible to catch a few thieves."

"Mr. Yang can say that, I feel more at ease."

Xu Xian said: "Brother-in-law, you must be better than me in solving cases and catching thieves. If you can't catch a thief, it means that he is not a mortal. Just wait patiently, if he dares to commit crimes again, Master and I will be here! He can't escape even with wings!"

Li Gongfu said happily: "Okay! Your words are a reassurance! Mr. Yang, take your time, I'm going to the Yamen."

Xu Jiaorong sent him to the door, turned around and came back to complain to Xu Xian: "The magistrate of the county can't catch the thief, so he will take it out on your brother-in-law. Let me see! Your brother-in-law will be guarding the warehouse again tonight."

Xu Xian served her a bowl of porridge, and softly advised, "Sister, don't get angry. I'll make some soup for my brother-in-law in a while, and let him make up for it."

After buying some goji berries, Xu Xian stewed a big pot of yam pork ribs soup.He took out a row of small earthen jars, packed the soup in the earthen jars and sealed them, and went to the yamen with two huge food boxes.

The yamen servants and catchers in the county government all knew Xu Xian and knew that he was the brother-in-law of Butou Li.The yamen guard at the gate didn't report, so he took him directly to the yamen soap room.

When Li Gongfu heard that his brother-in-law was coming, he hurried in and asked, "Hanwen! Why are you here?"

Xu Xian stood up and saluted Li Gongfu, "Brother-in-law, sister said that you have worked hard recently, let me bring you some soup to make up for it."

Li Gongfu wiped the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve, "Hey! What can I do? If I don't catch the thief, I will not live in peace for a day. When I can catch the thief, I will be like taking a big tonic pill. What can I do?" All panaceas work!"

Xu Xian opened the food box and took out the earthen jar, "Brother-in-law, I brought all of them, you and brothers can drink a little!"

Li Gongfu saw that there was so much soup, it would be a waste if he didn't drink it, the big guy had been up for several days to catch thieves, and he really needed to make up for it.He thought for a while, and ordered his subordinates to call all the brothers, "Greeting everyone, let them come over to drink soup in shifts. The thief usually comes to steal things at night, and they won't come during the day."

Li Gongfu's subordinates went to call people happily, and after a while, the soap room of the yamen was full of people, each of them held a can of soup in their hands, and drank happily.

As soon as the soup was in his mouth, Li Gongfu knew that it was Xu Xian's handicraft.

My brother-in-law cooks a good dish. There is not much oil slick on the pork rib soup, and it is not greasy at all when you drink it.With a piece of spare ribs, the stewed meat is soft and rotten, and the bones will fall off automatically with a light bite.Eat another piece of yam, soft and glutinous, full of the meaty fragrance of the ribs.

Holding the earthen pot, Xilihulu drank up a pot of soup.Li Gongfu sighed contentedly. When he was tired, it was so beautiful to drink such a bowl of hot soup!

The soup that Xu Xian brought was all gone, and the policemen gathered together in twos and threes, chatting while drinking the soup, "Look at how many of our team leaders are good at marrying wives, the soup is so delicious, and my brother-in-law is so obedient. I'm really envious."

An older policeman said: "Do you know that when the team leader married a wife, many people laughed at him!"

"Oh? What do you say?"

"The boss's wife came over and brought her younger brother. Everyone was waiting to see the joke of the boss. After all, the Xu and the Li were not a family. After he raised his brother-in-law, he had his own family. , who still remembers brother-in-law?"

A young policeman said: "What nonsense! I think the brother-in-law of the team leader is respectful to him, as close as his own father, so he will not be ungrateful!"

The old policeman said in disapproval: "Hey! You know people, you know your face, but you don't know your heart!"

Xu Xian has good hearing, so he didn't pay attention to the gossip of the policemen.There are too many people gossiping every day, and he has heard worse gossip than this, if he cares about all of them, he will really piss himself off.

He said to Li Gongfu: "Brother-in-law, is it okay that most of your men are here?"

"It's okay, that little thief only comes at night, not during the day."

Xu Xian nodded, but suddenly his heart moved. He stood up and slapped the table and shouted, "Stop drinking! Go to the storeroom, that thief is here!"

Everyone is still in a daze!I saw Xu Xian stepping on the table, soaring into the air, and flying towards the warehouse.

Li Gongfu grabbed his waist knife and rushed out, "Hurry up! A team guards the gate, and a team follows me to the warehouse!"

When Xu Xian first arrived at the warehouse, the guards guarding the gate hadn't reacted yet!

"Xu Xianggong? You are not staying in the yamen soap room, what are you doing here? This is an important place for the yamen, and outsiders are not allowed to come here casually."

Xu Xian said: "Guard the door, the thief who steals money is coming!"

Xu Xian walked to the door of the warehouse, and saw that more than half of the talisman he had given to Li Gongfu had been burned.He leaned on the door of the guest room and listened, and there was the sound of opening the box cover.

"Open the door quickly, they have opened the lid!"

The guard at the door didn't believe it at all, "How is it possible? Our brothers have been guarding here. You brought the soup, but we didn't go to eat it. Not even a fly flew into this warehouse. How could people enter? ? Xu Xianggong, you are not from the yamen, in order to avoid suspicion, you should not stay here."

Xu Xian sighed, and he took out a few talismans from his pocket and handed them to the police officers, "If you're scared, put the talismans on your body."

Xu Xian took a few steps back, and stood at the door of the warehouse with the magic formula in hand.

Li Gongfu ran over panting, "Han Wen, where is the little thief?"

Xu Xian stared at the door intently, "It's inside, I haven't come out yet!"

Li Gongfu told others, "Open the door quickly, let's go in and catch the thief!"

Xu Xian stopped him, "No need, it's too late to go in."

As soon as Xu Xian finished speaking, silver ingots came out of the vermilion gate one after another, and everyone present was stunned.How could this silver ingot come out through the door?This is really strange!

The policeman who prevented Xu Xian from entering the door just now quickly pasted the magic talisman on his body, and he moved to Xu Xian's side and asked, "Xu Xianggong, what's going on?"

"There's an evil spirit at work, step back a little, I'm going to cast a spell!"

Xu Xian took out a large handful of talismans from his pocket and threw them out in the wind. The yellow-brown talisman paper was fixed in mid-air, sealing the outside of the warehouse airtight.

The silver ingot flew to the left and then to the right, but it couldn't fly no matter what.

Li Gongfu approached Xu Xian and whispered, "Your talisman is so effective that even Ku Yin can't fly out."

Xu Xian's expression didn't seem to relax. He patted a spell on Li Gongfu's shoulder, "That thing is coming, stay away from me, and protect yourself."

Xu Xian stepped forward, collected the flying money, and stuffed it into a cloth bag. "Put these Kuyin back in a while."

When the policemen saw a green shadow suddenly appearing behind Xu Xian, their faces turned pale with fright, and they all shouted: "Xu Xianggong, be careful!"

Xu Xian took the bag and slammed it back hard. The ten big silver ingots were quite heavy, and the man was smashed by Xu Xian, showing his figure.This man was dressed in green and looked handsome. He said with a smile at the corner of his mouth, "Young Master is very capable."

After finishing speaking, he slapped Xu Xian on the shoulder with a flat palm.

Xu Xian didn't dodge, he held a talisman between his index finger and middle finger, and poked at the man's palm.

The man seemed to be afraid of the magic talisman, so he withdrew his palm, turned his body sideways, slipped his footsteps, avoided Xu Xian's finger, and walked away with the money bag in Xu Xian's other hand.

In one round, the winner is already divided.The man shook the purse in his hand, smiled at Xu Xian, "Little Master, I'll take the money! Don't cry if you are inferior to others."

He stretched out his hand and pointed, and all the talismans on the east side were burned, and he, the thief who stole the silver, disappeared.Xu Xian asked, "Where is the east side of the county government office? He flew there."

Li Gongfu said: "It's too bad! The east is where the adults live! Everyone, go and protect the adults!"

Xu Xian jumped onto the wall and flew to chase after him. Li Gongfu ran on the ground with the men.

The magistrate Yang of Qiantang County was having fun drinking with his favorite third concubine, when he heard footsteps and shouts on the roof, the third concubine leaned on the magistrate's arms delicately, "Master, what happened?" What's wrong? I'm so scared!"

The magistrate has a gray beard, and the creases on his face are like a dog ignoring a steamed stuffed bun.He and his third aunt sat together like a grandfather and grandson.He put his arms around the beautiful third aunt and said cheerfully: "Don't be afraid, don't be afraid. The master will protect you!"

He called out to his followers in a tone of voice, "What's going on? Who's making trouble on the roof?"

The entourage said in panic: "The thief who stole the silver from the treasury has appeared again. Captain Li and his brother-in-law are arresting people."

"What?" The magistrate hurriedly ran out to look at the roof.

Xu Xian and the man in Tsing Yi stood on the roof, facing each other.The man in Tsing Yi smiled and said: "Little Master, you can't win against me, why don't you let me go, everyone is at their own convenience."

Xu Xian sneered: "You have lived for hundreds of years, nothing else but shame? For the sake of your hard work, if you return the money, this is the end of the matter. If you refuse to pay back the money, you will Don't blame me for being cruel and merciless, for ruining your morality!"

Before the man in Tsing Yi said anything, the magistrate standing under the house shouted, "We can't just let it go! Catch this little thief! Don't let him get away!"

The county magistrate turned to Li Gongfu again and said, "Captain Li, what are you still doing in a daze? Hurry up and arrest people! If you can't catch the thief, I'll beat you!"

Xu Xian was very angry when he heard the words of the county magistrate. His brother-in-law has worked hard and worked hard for more than ten years.This grown-up is so unreasonable, he will hit someone on the board at every turn, what does he think of my brother-in-law!

He explained to the magistrate: "Lord Yang, he is a snake demon who has cultivated for hundreds of years, and his magic power is very strong! He can do demon magic, and everyone present is no match for him."

The magistrate said dissatisfiedly: "You just said that you will abolish his morality! What? How dare you deceive me?"

Xu Xian said frantically: "My lord, who doesn't talk about scenes when fighting? Master Yang! I really can't beat him! If he changes back to his original shape, he can swallow us all in one bite. How many people treat him like that? It’s just a small snack before dinner.”

The man in Tsing Yi smiled and said, "Little brother really has a pair of eyes. For your sake, I don't want today's money." He threw the money into Xu Xian's arms, and his body turned into a wisp of green smoke and disappeared.

Xu Xian floated down from the roof and handed the bag of silver to the magistrate. "Master Yang, please accept Ku Yin!"

Master Yang took the silver and asked angrily, "Who are you to Li Gongfu?"

Li Gongfu squeezed over to block Xu Xian, "My lord, this is my subordinate's brother-in-law."

"The county government office is an important office. Your brother-in-law is not from the county government office. Why does he appear here?"

Xu Xian cupped his hands and said, "My lord, I'm here to deliver something to my brother-in-law. I happened to meet that little thief, so I ran over to help."

Master Yang looked at Xu Xian, what kind of abilities could a thin, fair-faced boy have.He said very disgustedly: "That sounds good! You are here to help!"

The third aunt saw that the thief who stole the money had already left, so she came out of the house enchantingly, "Master, this is obstructing official duties! You can't ignore it."

Mr. Yang said: "That's right! Come here! Arrest this thief who obstructed the official business and broke into the county government privately, and put him in a prison to be punished!"

Everyone begged for mercy, "My lord, Mr. Xu helped a lot, otherwise the thief would have taken Ku Yin away long ago, and the subordinates would not be able to catch up with him!"

Master Yang was unmoved, "You are a bunch of trash! You can't even catch a thief, what are you doing!"

Xu Xian was very bored, so he summoned a thunderbolt with a cold face, which struck right between Mr. Yang and his third aunt.

Lei Guang sprang to the ground twice like a spirit snake, and then disappeared.Master Yang and Third Aunt looked down at the hole in the ground that had been struck by lightning, their faces pale with fright.

Xu Xian stretched out his wrist, "Everyone, listen to Master Yang's order and arrest me! Take out all the shackles!"

Master Yang said cautiously: "No! No need! Mr. Xu has a lot of people, please don't argue with me."

"Master Yang didn't say that just now, did he? You said that I was in the way of official duties, and that my brother-in-law and his subordinates are useless." Xu Xian turned to Li Gongfu and said, "Brother-in-law, you should just take the blame and resign! How capable is Master Yang?" That little thief Mr. Yang and his third concubine can deal with it, and he doesn’t need you. I’m going to the prison and tell my sister not to worry about me.”

After Xu Xian finished speaking, he ran to the cell and squatted down.The face of the magistrate's face turned green and red, and he wished he could find a hole in the ground and get into it.

Li Gongfu sighed, Xu Xian entered the cell, how could he explain to Jiao Rong!

"Brother-in-law, don't worry, I will take care of Xu Xian here."

Li Gongfu recognized that it was Mr. Yang's voice, and he turned his head to look around. Although he didn't see Mr. Yang's person, he was inexplicably relieved.

The cell boss knew that Xu Xian was a relative of Li Gongfu, so he took good care of him and specially arranged a single room for him.

Xu Xian lifted his robe and sat on the pile of straw, his chin slightly lifted, his back straight, he didn't look like he was in a prison, but rather he was here as a guest.

Erlangshen saw that there was no one around, so he appeared in the cell, "What's the matter with that muddled county magistrate? Aren't you the one who suffers in the end?"

Xu Xian grinned, "I have to ask the county magistrate to come and apologize in person, and eight palanquins will carry me out. Hey! Come here, I'll show you something good!"

Erlangshen believed his nonsense, walked over and sat beside him, "What are you looking at?"

Xu Xian grabbed a big black spider and approached Erlangshen, "Ha! I'll ask you if you're afraid!"