when i used to love you

I felt as if the world had fallen silent.All sounds stopped abruptly.Even the tiny electric sound from the microphone and his shallow breathing disappeared.

I heard myself say calmly in a very dry tone: "Congratulations, is the bride Miss Xin? The two of you really are a perfect match, a natural pair."

There was silence for a moment, and then said: "I accept your good words."

Then we all fell silent.We've had many moments of silence, many times of embarrassment, but none as sad as this, which was... suffocating to me.

"Senior, will you...will you come?"

There was a voice telling me not to agree, going would only increase my sorrow.But for five years, the whole five years, I have never seen a boy whom I cherish dearly.Even if it's at a wedding banquet, beside someone else, with a smile that wasn't for me...

"Okay, I will prepare a big red envelope..." I smiled.

"It's okay..." Something seemed to be said there, but when I tried to hear it, I suddenly heard the sound of "beep".I just kept a posture, leaning against the wall, and stood for a long, long time...

Their wedding banquet will be held in the most luxurious hotel in T City a month later.It was only after I arrived that I found out that Xin Xueqi was actually the daughter of the deputy mayor of T City. Really... I couldn't help but sigh.

"Are... are you okay?" Dr. Lu walked beside me, holding my arm without any trace.

"Well... everything is normal now, and my legs don't hurt so much anymore." I replied with a smile.

"You know what I mean." Dr. Lu's eyes were restrained and worried, I paused and turned my head.

"I wanted to come by myself. Doctor Lu, you are really meddling more and more. I didn't expect you to be an old lady!"

Dr. Lu was not amused by me... It's impossible to think about it.He didn't say anything, just turned his head silently.It's just that the arm holding me feels more firm.

"Then, I'll go first." Dr. Lu sent me to the entrance of the banquet hall, and patted me on the shoulder encouragingly.I smiled gratefully at him, took a deep breath, and pushed open the door.

The banquet hall is magnificent, just like any big company's reception.When I was thinking about where to sit, a waiter came to me, bowed slightly, and asked politely: "Hello, which side are you from?"

"I'm... the groom's high school alumni." I hesitated for a moment before answering.

"Okay, can you sit at the groom's classmate table?" the waiter asked politely.

I nodded, followed her around, and walked to a relatively remote table.

"I wish you a happy banquet." The waiter bowed again and turned to leave.

I looked at the people sitting at the table, they should be Zhiyu's classmates.All are well-dressed.Seeing me as a stranger, they all stopped talking and looked at me.

"Excuse me... who are you?" A man wearing glasses asked cautiously.

"I am... the senior of the groom, one class above you." I replied with a smile.

"Ah, could it be that you are...Senior Yang Feng?" Suddenly, a girl exclaimed excitedly.Then the eyes of the people around him instantly became very eager.

"Um... yes." I secretly thought, am I famous?

"So it's really a master! The one who got the top score in science in the school and broke the score record of the college entrance examination in the past ten years!" The person just adjusted his glasses excitedly, "Although we are liberal arts students, when we were in school, we already listened to You are already a senior! And you led the school football team to the national competition in the first year of high school! We thought you were a physical training student, senior... But why didn’t you play after that? What a pity! Oh, yes, senior, I Call Wang Dong!"

I smiled awkwardly: "It's all in the past..."

Everyone calmed down a bit, and only then did we realize that the banquet had already begun.The bride Xin Xueqi was wearing a pure white wedding dress, dotted with many golden crystals, shining brightly in the dim light like stars.She was much plumper than before, but still beautiful.

I looked at the wedding photos of the two of them constantly flashing on the big screen, how happy it must be... I didn't hear what the host said, as if a lot of procedures had been carried out, and then someone whispered: "The groom is going to play." My whole body trembled like an electric shock, and I quickly searched for that figure.

—He stood over the stage.Still as handsome as five years ago.He was wearing a white suit with gold thread on the cuffs and neckline, which perfectly matched Xin Xueqi in the center of the stage.Step by step, he walked towards her, his bride.My eyes have been following him, for a while in the rain, his immature back running to the distance, for a while at the train station, his tear-stained figure who kept turning back when he walked towards the carriage, and for a while in countless dreams Among them, his tall and straight back as he walked further and further away...

"Senior, senior?" Hearing Wang Dong's voice, I suddenly came back to my senses.

"Senior, are you okay?" Wang Dong looked at me worriedly, and then asked, "You...why are you crying?"

I was startled to realize that my eyes were blurred, so I hurriedly took off my glasses, wiped my eyes vigorously with the back of my hand, and then smiled at him: "Maybe I am too... touched, after all, he has been chasing after him since high school." Ms. Xin is gone..."

He nodded in agreement, and then said to me mysteriously: "I heard from those waiters that there seems to be a special arrangement in a while! It seems to be planned by the groom, especially the romantic one! Hey, in a while It seems to have begun!"

As he spoke, he took a bite of the biscuit, then stared intently at the stage with his eyes wide open.I took a deep breath and looked towards the stage.For some reason, I don't seem to want to be here, even though this may be my most honest chance to gaze at him...

"Wow, it's so romantic..." Someone exclaimed in a low voice, and I raised my head.

Zhiyu... a blond, blue-eyed foreigner dressed as a priest, standing in front of them holding a Bible.Infected by this solemn atmosphere, the hall gradually became quiet.The thick and deep voice of the foreigner sounded in the hall, making me feel like I was sitting in a church.

"Miss Xin Xueqi, whether poor or rich, sick or healthy, are you willing to marry Mr. Yue Zhiyu and love him forever?"

"I am willing." She lowered her head, her voice soft and firm.

"Mr. Yue Zhiyu, whether you are poor or rich, sick or healthy, are you willing to marry Miss Xin Xueqi and love her forever?"

"...I would," he said.

"Hey, Senior Yang Feng, where are you going? It's not over yet!" Wang Dong looked at me blankly and asked in a low voice.

"I... feel a little uncomfortable, go out to get some air, and leave me alone." I forced a smile, staggered and pushed the chair away, almost fleeing.

Closing the door, I took a deep breath.A previous conversation with Dr. Lu suddenly flashed in his mind.

"He is going to get married, will you still like... love him?"

"Please, I don't want to be a bad man who destroys other people's marriages."

Therefore, we can only keep this feeling as an unspeakable secret as always.It's nothing, you're used to it, aren't you?Over the past few decades, this feeling has changed from the initial throbbing of adolescence to now a brand that has been integrated into my flesh and blood and into my life, which cannot be eliminated or forgotten.What I'm worried about is whether I have the courage to continue to hurt my pain and get used to my habits after seeing the happy couple, after seeing him and her talking and laughing.

Inadvertently, I glanced out the window, and there was a branch of sweet-scented osmanthus swaying in the breeze.The pale yellow petals seemed to be shining brightly in the sun, which slightly hurt my eyes.But I walked out through the back door as if I was summoned by something, looking for something.

Standing in the hotel's frighteningly large back garden, the depression in my heart also dissipated a little.It was a very tall sweet-scented osmanthus tree, which looked out of place in a western-style garden.But it still stands by the window, exuding a burst of fragrance.I walked under the tree, sat on the bench under the tree, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath of the fragrance.I seem to be back in high school again, the time when the fragrance of sweet-scented osmanthus was wafting.

In this faint fragrance, I fell asleep unconsciously.In my dream, I was still the ordinary high school teenager who was studying hard every day and playing football after school. I had an alcoholic mother and an incomplete heart.However, something seems to be missing.Successfully admitted to the best university, studied abroad, found a good job with no worries about food and clothing, married a virtuous wife who liked each other, and lived an ordinary life of three points and one line.Obviously smooth sailing, obviously rich and healthy... This dream is very long and covers my whole life. It made me wake up from the dream while closing my eyes peacefully.But this dream was very short. It was obviously a very important thing for everyone, but it passed by like a revolving lantern without leaving a trace.

I slowly opened my eyes, the sudden light made me a little uncomfortable.However, I saw a tall figure standing in front of me in the direction of the backlight.I don't need to look to know who it is.His body seemed to be tainted with the fragrance of sweet-scented osmanthus, instantly filling my heart in a dream.

"Officer groom, why did the people from the next hall come running? Be careful of the bride making trouble." I made a joke.

"The wedding is over." He looked at me steadily until I lowered my head.His eyes seemed to have magic.If you look at it for a long time, you will involuntarily fall into that deep pool.

He sat next to me and leaned back in the chair relaxed.I couldn't help but glance at him.He had already replaced the eye-catching suit. He was only wearing a white shirt with two buttons unbuttoned, revealing his fair chest.The sun shines through the gaps in the trees and casts mottled spots on his face, swaying gently with the wind, making me a little dazed.

"Senior, I heard that you opened a clinic. Why don't you do such a good job?" He asked softly.Although he was asking me, he kept looking up at the tree, or the sky above the tree, without looking at me.

"Well... I'm a little tired. Although I used to earn a lot of money, I was too nervous..." I also relaxed, and leaned back on the chair like him, "I want to experience the life of the elderly in advance." Life is pretty good, why don’t you try it too, it’s guaranteed to prolong your life and live a hundred years.”

I added it half-jokingly, then laughed at myself.

"Well, it's really good. Living in the small second floor with a garden, every day is so leisurely..." When Zhiyu said this, his eyes were full of smiles.

"Coincidentally, I live on the small second floor with a garden, and I also built a grape trellis, cultivated a field for growing tomatoes, and a..."

"Acacia tree." Zhiyu said suddenly.

"Eh? How do you know?" I was a little surprised.

"That's right... because I saw you always looking at the locust tree, I wondered if you would like it very much." Zhiyu showed a slightly smug smile.

We chatted wildly under the locust tree, but we all avoided some topics in a tacit understanding.It seems that at this moment, we are just us, Yang Feng and Yue Zhiyu, seniors and juniors, without so many additional things.

"Ah, it's already this time..." Hearing someone calling Zhiyu's name not far away, I slowly raised my wrist and looked at my watch. The good mood just now was suddenly burst like a balloon up.

"Really..." Zhiyu obviously heard it too, and showed a wry smile, "Then I'll go first, senior, you should go back too, sorry for taking you so long."

Yet neither of us moved.It's like waiting, waiting for who will go first.I heard the sound of approaching and chaotic footsteps, so I stood up slowly.At this moment, I don't know what I'm thinking in my heart, and I don't know what Zhiyu who is staring at me is thinking, or all the confusion, misunderstanding, and alienation before are all at this moment, the same sweet-scented osmanthus This moment of incense inexplicably dissipated again.

I smiled at him and turned around.

"Thank you, goodbye..." Suddenly, a warm breath brushed my ears, as if it was the night elf's slander again, which confused me.I turned around hastily, but only saw the back of Zhiyu gradually going away.Suddenly, I felt as if something that I had taken for granted was going away from me.A certain scabbed wound in my heart seemed to expand a little bit, and blood oozes out, sharply reminding me of its existence.I finally couldn't help but bent down and pressed my chest tightly.I wanted to say something, and said "don't go" to the back, but I still couldn't say it, so I could only be lost in the wind, in my heart, forever.