Lovers are not full Just A Bit Confusing

James is happy to watch those happy couples, and the happy ending in reality seems to make others shine.But seeing Ryan's elder brother kissing his family on the deck chair by the pool, he was so jealous that he was dying, and at the same time, he clearly realized that Ryan's tall and strong body was leaning leisurely against the pool To the side, only a few meters away from him, this feeling was so clear that he felt a sting.Ryan was relaxed, his head thrown back, his eyes closed, the sun caressing his smooth, shiny skin.

"Well, I still find it weird." Ryan opened his eyes and glanced at Zach and Tristan.

"Why?" James said. "You have a brother who's 'I'm gay and proud' and he's been out for years and you still haven't accepted it?"

"I don't mean that," Ryan said. "You know I don't care about where their dicks go." He shrugged and glanced at the pair over there with a smile. "But I still think it's strange that Zach is so...fascinated...he was reasonable when he was in a relationship with Donna, but look at him now."

They both looked over there and saw Zach kissing harder, his hand inside Tristan's swimming trunks, rubbing half of his ass.

"Ugh," James' face started to heat up.

Ryan booed them and said, "I have titanium alloy dog ​​eyes!"

Tristan pulled away temporarily, his eyes flew towards Ryan like knives, but his cheeks were flushed and his face was spring, so those knives didn't have much lethality. "Fuck off, Ryan, and pack up your hairy-haired follower."

"I told you, my blonde hair is natural." James sighed.He didn't understand how he had offended Zack's boyfriend.

"That's right," Ryan put his arms around James. "Here, prove it to Zach's little one." He hooked a finger around the hem of Jamie's swimming trunks. "Take it off and show him the hair underneath you."

James didn't move.

"You two are too gay," Tristan said. "And I'm not Zack's baby."

"You call my brother's name every night, and you're so embarrassed to say it." Ryan grinned sinisterly, and screamed in a particularly annoying way: "It's so cool, Zach, try hard--"

Tristan grabs a can of Red Bull and throws it at him on the head.

Ryan ducked out of the way.

"I didn't call it that!" said Tristan.

Zach laughed. "It's a good learning."

"I hate you," Tristan said, glaring at Ryan fiercely, "besides, even if I call you that, I'm not as gay as you two."

Ryan didn't seem too happy to hear that, and the sarcasm faded from his face.He sighed and said, "Come on, too many interesting stalks will get boring." At this time, his voice sounded really angry, "There is still a kind of relationship in this world called friendship, you understand. I am Say, I don't know why I love this idiot," James nudged him, and he laughed meanly. "But if I talk about sleeping with him, I'm going to throw up. It feels like fucking my own brother."

James forced a smile: "Yeah, it's like fucking your own twin brother. It's disgusting. I mean his naked ass. Have you ever seen it?" His voice sounded natural and lively , with a narrow tone.No one could notice that he felt as if someone had pushed his hand down his throat and grabbed his heart tightly.brother.

What a brother.

Ryan giggled and gave Jamie a wet kiss on the cheek. "Baby, I'm sexy, you know it in your heart."

Sometimes he really fucking hates Ryan.

Jamie guessed he rolled his eyes and added a shit-eating look, but he wasn't sure.His face was as dull as a broken toy.

"Like fucking your own twin brother?" Tristan raised his eyebrows. "Have you ever heard of 'twin incest'?"

"You're so bad," Ryan said, grinning.

"Yes." James barely made a sound after a while.You gotta get the fuck under control, Grayson.

"Right." Zach said with a laugh.

Tristan elbowed him in the ribs.Zach smiled.

"But no matter how bad he is, he's mine." Zach said, pecking Tristan's forehead lightly.

Tristan buried his face in Zack's shoulder. "Why are you getting more and more numb?" The tips of his ears turned red.

James smiled.He made fun of Tristan's red face.He laughed.He taunts Tristan and Zack for the sour smell of love.He did all the things that had to be done and said all the things that had to be said.Everything Ryan thought he could say and do he did.But he felt that everything was so far away, as if someone was talking, smiling, or teasing.

Like a brother... I feel sick at the thought of sleeping with him...

He felt a little sick to his stomach.Maybe he was really sick.

"Okay, that's enough," Zach said suddenly.His voice was grim, and his arms tightened around Tristan. "Stop teasing him."

Ryan and James exchanged glances, shook their heads, and the two swam to the other side of the pool.

"Strange guy," James commented softly, not looking at Ryan.His nerves were still tense, and there was a familiar void in his chest.He knew he had to keep talking to distract Ryan, or Ryan was sure to notice something was wrong.Ryan could always notice that the two of them had always been on the same page.

Ryan leaned back against the pool. "He made Zach happy," he said with a shrug. "So I think Tristan is okay. Honestly, I think—"

"I'm gay," James blurted out.

A moment of silence.

He didn't dare to look at Ryan.

"What?"

James shrugged and folded his arms across his chest. "I'm gay," he repeated in a softer voice.

He felt some familiar pressure on his neck, and he took a deep breath—Ryan's hand was on his neck again.James turned his head reluctantly, meeting his best friend's eyes.

Ryan stared at him, black brow furrowed, jaw set tight. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? Don't you trust me?"

"How is it possible," James averted his gaze.

Ryan lifted James' chin with his fingers.James is not short by any means, but Ryan is 8 cm taller than him, which forces James to look up at him.

"Jamie," Ryan's voice sounded soft and angry. "You really think I care? I don't give a shit about that, you fool."

James gave a pale smile.God, why is everything still so painful after all these years?He knew that Ryan wouldn't care, but as long as Ryan didn't say it clearly, he could expect Ryan to "care" in vain and absurdly.Well, he couldn't lie to himself now, not anymore.

"I didn't let anyone know about it," James said.

"I don't feel like I'm someone else," Ryan said sharply, his voice possessive.

James glanced at him indifferently, but his smile became more real. "We've already talked about it, you giant baby. I'm not your brother, so I don't need to tell you everything." Ryan has always been like this. He has been overly protective and possessive of James since he was a child, a bit The feeling of "an elder brother is like a father", but in fact he is only one month older than James.How many years have passed, but Ryan has never changed on this point.

James did not deny that he was still a little attached to the deep affection Ryan gave; but most of the time, it made him extremely uncomfortable.Because this relationship is too "buddy".Ryan treats him like a brother, but he wants to taste Ryan's cock like a pervert.

Ryan snorted. "This matter is very important, don't you think?"

"Honestly, no," James said calmly. "My sexuality does not define my personality."

Ryan continued to grimace. "Fart. If you really think so, then you should speak up when I help you hook up with the girl." His eyes lit up with curiosity.

"But why now? Why tell me now?"

James opened his mouth and closed it again.He looked at Ryan, at his firm jaw and classically handsome face.He glanced at Ryan's emerald emerald eyes, his unruly black hair, his tight lips and broad, glistening shoulders.He wanted so much to snuggle into Ryan's arms, hide his face in the man's neck, and tell his heart.He's tired, he's really fucking tired.

But of course he couldn't do that, it would make things awkward for the two of them.While the incident wasn't enough to ruin their long and strong friendship, the unrequited affection was just too awkward and had the potential to ruin everything.

No, he couldn't say anything to Ryan.Ryan has a great relationship with his girlfriend, and it's not fair to carry this emotional baggage on him.

There is only one thing he can do now: drop everything and look forward.He needs to go out and date other people, find a relationship with a guy who doesn't treat him like a dick, but finds him sexy and cute,

"You're right," James said, his voice firm.He's a Grayson, a real Grayson.People in the Grayson family have always believed in it, and they still smile even when they are hurt.James smiled. "I want someone to love me. Right now I want to have a serious relationship, but I'm not ready to come out. So when I'm with my boyfriend during this time, if my parents want me, you have to Cover for me. That's why I choose to tell you now."

"Boyfriend?" Ryan said after a moment.

"Yeah," James said, "I'm going to have a boyfriend, I want to." He walked away from Ryan and climbed out of the pool, feeling his stomach swell with water.He turned his back to Ryan, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.

Then let go.

This is the hardest thing he has ever done: give up unrealistic expectations, smash the dream of "Ryan will fall in love with him too".This is so fucking painful, so fucking hard.But he did.His throat was hurting, his chest was hurting—everywhere, the pain brought tears to his eyes.But he won't let it flow.When he opened his eyes, Jamie's, no, James' face was calm and collected.He's James, just James.Jamie was a fool for falling in love with the unattainable, he wasn't.Jamie just stay in the past.

He was James William Arthur Grayson, and it was time for him to move on.