Lovers are not full Just A Bit Confusing

"Get up! The sun's on your ass! Jimmy!"

James groaned and pulled the covers tighter at the sound of Luke's cheery voice.

"That's not okay." Luke said, pulling away the quilt forcefully, exposing James' bare skin to the cold air.

People say Russia is cold, but it's not—Russia is cold as hell.

"Give me back the quilt, or close the broken window." James muttered, trembling and hugging himself tightly. "This is Russia, it's February, it's not time to open the windows."

"I'll close it as soon as you roll out of bed. You don't want to stay in bed for another day."

James sighed, sitting up and staring at his friend. "I have nothing else to do without you."

There was no sympathy in Luke's soft brown eyes. "At least you don't have to go out and have a nonsense meeting with a bunch of people who can't even speak English in this freezing weather." He closed the window. "How do I look? Do I look more mature in this suit?"

James shrugged.It's hard for him to feel passionate about anything these days. "No. Why do you care?"

"I'm going to meet someone, I don't want to be underestimated by him." Luke said, frowning his golden eyebrows, grabbed the laptop from the table and handed it over. "look."

James looked at the dark-haired man on the screen and felt vaguely uneasy.The photo shouldn't give people such a cold feeling, but this photo made him feel it.It had nothing to do with what the man was wearing: he wore a fancy dark suit similar to the one on Luke; Will not exceed 35.

No, it was the eyes that disturbed James.Those light blue eyes stared at the camera... with a cold and cruel feeling.

"Who is he?" he asked.

"The person I'm going to meet."

"He looks familiar."

"He's a well-known businessman," Luke said. "He has a lot of companies in Europe, but this is his territory, you know what I mean. I asked around, and people say he's the boss here."

James' eyes widened. "Why did you go to see him? You said that your father won't let you deal with big shots."

"That's the point: he won't let it." Luke shuts down his laptop, grim but determined. "Dad doesn't know about this. I want to prove to him that I have the ability to deal with this kind of people." He looked at himself in the mirror and wrinkled his face. "I just wish I didn't look like a little boy. Oh, come on." He sighed. "Wish me luck, I need it badly."

"Good luck," James murmured.Luke put on his coat and stalked towards the door.

Luke stopped at the door and turned around. "I'm not sure how long I'm going, maybe a few days. Don't stay in bed when I'm out of town - someone will report to me - and don't drink, you haven't learned to control your alcohol. Promise me .”

"I promise," James said, forcing a smile.

Luke doesn't seem to trust him very much. "I told the people in the hotel that you are fed twice a day, but you have to go out at least once a day, understand?" He softened his voice. "It's not healthy, Jim, I'm worried about you. Maybe it's time for you to go home. Apparently it's no use running away from home."

"I can't go home. It's definitely not the way it is now. I promised him that I would never bother him again." James bit his lip. "I can't go home."

Luke shook his head. "Looking at you, I don't seem to be so eager for soul-stirring love. Maybe it's not worth all the trouble I've incurred."

A faint smile played on James' lips. "Sweet love is still great, as long as it's not hot."

"No," Luke said. "I wish I was smart enough not to fall so deep for a love that never gets reciprocated."

James laughed—Luke had no idea. "Go ahead. What's the number for the police here? If that Russian gangster kidnaps you, I have a number to call anyway."

Luke giggled. "If I was kidnapped by Russian gangsters, the last thing you should call is the local police." He smiled and walked away.

The door locked behind Luke with a click, and James was lost in thought again.

He remained motionless for a moment, then crawled back under the covers, closing his eyes and forcing himself to ignore the guilt he felt for breaking his promise to Luke.

In general, he didn't regret coming to Russia to find Luke.Luke is a good mate, and Russia is kind of...interesting: the people, the cultural differences, the vastness of the country, the serious class divisions, it's all interesting, and...

These were the longest and hardest two months of James' life.Sometimes he couldn't remember why he got up at all, and those mornings were the worst.He knew he was in a deep depression, but he didn't know how to get out of it, how to control himself.

Everything in his life seemed to fall apart: his family, his relationships, his raison d'être.They spoke on the phone a few times, and his dad yelled at him, throwing a fit over running away from home.After a few phone calls, James turned off his phone.He didn't need his dad's screams to remind him how irresponsible and reckless he was.He knew he shouldn't have left without saying goodbye.But he can't go back, at least not now.He can't handle his dad now.Arthur is pervasive, and he will not feel uneasy if he uses other people's weaknesses to deal with them; with James' current state of mind to see Arthur, I am afraid that he will marry Megan before he recovers.His dad was right: he was a weak man.He compromised for Ryan, he would, and he would still do so in the future; but without Ryan, he became weaker and weaker.

James sighed and rolled over on his stomach on the bed, wrapping his arms around the pillow.It's not that he doesn't want to move forward—he's not a masochist—but when every cell in his body is screaming for Ryan, it's impossible to move forward.No matter how fun Luke dragged him to, it couldn't heal the pain in his heart.It's almost like some sort of biological need, like hunger, like sleep.

God, he fucking hated the feeling of aimlessness and vacillation—just that someone was missing from his life.His pride loathed the emotion, but could not change it.At first Luke told him that it was normal to feel down after a traumatic breakup and that all he needed to do was move on through the storm, but it's been almost two months and Jamie knows it's too hard for him up.He didn't feel down.He felt like a fish out of water—struggling but unable to breathe.