Lovers are not full Just A Bit Confusing

Hannah wanted to take her time, and didn't want to start another relationship rashly.She hopes to rebuild trust between each other.

Ryan understands that.

Deep down, Ryan couldn't deny that he was relieved.

***

They didn't have sex, they didn't kiss, they just had friendly dates.

Most of the time, they watch movies together.The two sat together, their eyes firmly glued to the TV screen, with a distance of several centimeters between their bodies.It stands to reason that Ryan should have a familiar feeling, but he doesn't.A month ago, he would hold her hand, and she would rest her head on his shoulder; but now there is embarrassment in the air, a sense of separation that is hard to ignore.

Still, he made an effort one night.He took her hand.Her hands are like catkins, and her ten fingers are slender.

After 4 minutes passed, he let go of her, clenched his hands by his thighs.

He cleared his throat and asked, "Would you like a drink?"

"No," Hannah's voice sounded peaceful. "You shouldn't drink either."

His jaw tightened.

He said nothing.

For the rest of the night, they barely looked at each other again.

She finally left.He grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge, threw himself on the couch, and held the bottle to his lips.

***

On the third week of the new year Hannah kissed him.

Her lips are soft and familiar.Ryan put his hand on the back of her neck and kissed her back.She didn't shudder as his tongue deepened, nor did she lean eagerly toward his touch.He gently rubbed his thumb against her ear, but she still didn't make any sound.

He pulled back, and her blue eyes didn't blaze with naked longing.She's just a little out of breath.

Ryan watched her, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with him.

Hannah sighed. "Yeah, that's what I thought." She seemed to give up, with a little sadness on her face. "I think things are already clear, and there is no point in our reunion."

Ryan leaned back on the sofa and rubbed his eyebrows.He was about to explode with a headache.Maybe he shouldn't have had so much alcohol at Gehry's party.He usually takes a lot to get drunk.

"You're not surprised at all," Hannah said. "At least put it on."

"I've been such a jerk these last few weeks, Hannah," he said. "If I were you, I'd hate it too."

"You're not an asshole," Hannah said. "But you're not the man I loved. Not anymore." She shook her head. "You broke my heart once and didn't give me any explanation. But I'm giving you a second chance. It's been almost a month and I don't see any enthusiasm from you, as if you expect to tick your fingers The two of us make up automatically, as if I'm not worth your effort at all, as if I'm someone who can get away with anything."

"I don't think so."

She softened her voice. "Hey, I'm not blind, you didn't put your heart on me. It's a woman's sixth sense. Sometimes you are so cruel and unfeeling, I can't believe you are the easy-going and considerate man I have loved. I can't even remember a time when you laughed. You've been smoking and drinking too much lately, which isn't healthy, Ryan." She frowned. "I can feel - feel the dark side of you, you are not the same as before, it's like something sucks the light from you. Now your eyes are colder, sometimes it scares me .”

Ryan sighed, wiped his face with one hand, shoulders slumped forward.He thought back on the past month, and indeed, he could understand why she said that.He's either insensitive or emotionally out of control these days.He is irritable when things go well, and he is more irritable when things go wrong, and recently there have been a lot more times when things don't go well.Damn, he just got into a fight with Nick yesterday, because Nick made some harmless jokes.

"What's the matter with you?" Hannah asked softly.She touched his shoulder, exuding the scent of flowers.

"Tell me what happened."

Ryan almost laughed.Everyone around him thought there was something wrong with him: his brother, his colleagues, his friends, and now Hannah.In fact, he didn't feel that there was anything wrong with him at all.He began to suspect that this was in his nature.Maybe he was just a natural jerk and Jamie just made him better.Ryan flinched, and Jamie's flash in his mind just aroused a series of tangled and contradictory thoughts in him, and he thought it's better not to delve into it.

"Is it related to James?" Hannah's tone was cautious. "I haven't seen him. Did you quarrel with him?"

"Don't mention him." He held her hand and tried to soften his voice. "We're talking about 'our' issues."

She smiled at him, with sadness in her eyes. "Ryan, there is no 'us'. Haven't you noticed yet? Everyone says true love is not afraid of life's ups and downs, maybe our love isn't strong enough." He looked at her, feeling... not like him As sad as I imagined.When they broke up a month and a half ago, he had to get drunk to numb the pain inside.But now there was only a little bitterness of bewilderment in him--that's all.

"I'm sorry," he said, reaching out to touch her cheek, and leaning forward, rubbing his lips against Hannah's without any sexual undertones.

"I understand," she said. "You know what? We didn't get back together, but I'm so glad you begged me to give you a second chance. I finally got closure and I needed it. Sad. I can let it go now." She kissed him on the cheek. "Still friends?"

Watching her lovely face, Ryan knew she was right: the last few weeks had given him a much-needed closure, too.At least the Hannah part is over.

"Still friends." He said, hugging her.There was still a familiar smell on her body, but that smell no longer brought him light satisfaction.He no longer wanted to nuzzle her, smell her, and then swallow her impulsively.She has no taste of "home".

She didn't have that "belonging to him" smell about her.

But then again, she never belonged to him.