Ask your heart and soul

Bai Wan didn't expect the last meeting to come so hastily, Bai Shiying seemed to have sensed Bai Wan's arrival, her wish was fulfilled, and the breath she had been holding on for so long was let go.According to Aunt Luo, after Bai Wan left, his blood pressure and heart rate dropped suddenly, and three electric shocks failed to save him. When Bai Wan arrived, he had closed his eyes forever.

Strange to say, on the way to the hospital, Bai Wan was still shivering uncontrollably from the cold, Fu Ye had to hug him tightly to prevent him from collapsing completely.But when he arrived at the hospital, Bai Wan calmed down instead. When he saw his father lying quietly on the bed, he gritted his teeth and covered him with a white cloth himself.

The moment my father's face disappeared, the world seemed to disappear as well.He stood in the middle of the endless void, feeling that all love and hatred follow the wind, and both he and Bai Shiying found peace.

He doesn't love him, and he doesn't hate him anymore.

Bai Shiying's funeral was very simple. According to his will, he didn't even hold a memorial service. He was directly cremated and his ashes were placed in the Wanbu Cemetery.On the day of the cremation ceremony, except for Aunt Luo, only two middle-aged men came to see him off for the last time.It was only then that Bai Wan discovered that Bai Shiying had no relatives or friends in Zhicheng for so many years.

He is as lonely as himself.

"He has a bad temper and withdrawn. Who would treat him sincerely except for his interests?" Aunt Luo murmured, "Even if there are friends who drink and eat, many of them actually don't contact each other in the end. He told me a long time ago that death If you die, you will die, don't inform these people. He came quietly with your mother back then, and now he is leaving quietly, which is very good."

Bai Wan sat quietly beside Aunt Luo and listened to her ramblings. He had a strange sense of admiration and guilt for this woman who had been with his father for more than ten years. He didn't know when she and Bai Shiying were together, let alone Knowing her poor and sick father, what attracted her.But if she didn't tell him, he wouldn't ask.

So they can only be silent.

A desolate wind blew between them, Bai Wan wrapped her coat tightly and looked at the cemetery not far away.Although it is winter, the hills are still green and green, and the most hopeless place is full of vitality.

"Your father bought two cemeteries here, before he got sick, and I know he left one for me." Aunt Luo's eyes also fell there, and her voice became erratic and soft, "At that time, I knew he recognized me, and I recognized him too. Bai Wan," she asked softly, "Auntie took away your father's ashes, do you have any objection?"

Bai Wan shook his head.

He is not entitled to an opinion.He won't want everything from Bai Shiying.He knew that his father's house, car, savings and other inheritance must have been given to Aunt Luo.

However, he still couldn't help wondering, would his father leave anything for himself?

Aunt Luo took out a jewelry box from her personal bag and put it in Bai Wan's hand: "This is left by your father. Although he didn't say it, I know that this is for you. He was often alone when he was alive." Open the box and look. Don’t blame him. I’ve followed him for so many years, and I know some things about you. He actually regrets that he didn’t take good care of this family and you, but he’s gone. Please forgive him. .”

Holding the jewelry box, Bai Wan hesitated to open it.

Aunt Luo walked away tactfully: "I'll go over there and be quiet for a while."

The box is small, and only two photos are packed inside.Bai Wan picked up the top one. The photo was old, the corners were curled up, and the color had faded, but it could still be seen that it was a precious color photo. A young man and a woman stood side by side by the rough seashore. The boy has thick eyebrows and big eyes, and smiles cautiously and sweetly, but the girl has a pale face, with a cold expression and no smile.

When she grows up, Bai Wan is almost like a girl.He immediately recognized that this was when his parents were still in their hometown, Rongcheng.Rongcheng is a seaside city, and it developed very fast back then. He once knew from his father's drunken words that his grandfather was once one of the top bosses in Rongcheng, but why did his mother leave home with Bai Shiying and come to Zhicheng? Without mentioning everything in the past, he no longer has a clue.

The only two people who know the inside story are secretive.

Looking at this photo, Bai Wan once again felt the emotion of indifference and indifference from his mother. In his childhood memory, this emotion was like a snake, entangled and tortured him all the time, and could drive people crazy .And the root of all these tragedies may have started when this photo was taken——

His mother, Qin Xiaoqin, had never loved Bai Shiying, and naturally she had never loved him either.

Bai Wan squeezed the photo tightly, and a surge of grief and pain rushed up like a volcanic eruption, instantly blocking his throat.Breathing heavily and trembling, he opened the second photo.

It was a photo of a small footprint, what looked like a baby's footprint.Bai Wan instantly understood that it was a photo taken when she was just born.

These two photos became Bai Shiying's only thoughts about the past half of his life.

Bai Wan suddenly felt that fate was very ironic. In the end, the one who stayed with Bai Shiying was neither his blood-related son nor his ex-wife who had been entangled with him for half his life, but a woman without any status.

But at the same time, he feels that fate is very kind, no matter how broken the relationship and life are, they finally have their destination, forgiveness and peace.

After the burial ceremony, Bai Wan asked Fu Ye to take Aunt Luo home first, and he wanted to stay in front of the tomb for a while.

Fu Ye carefully observed his state, seeing that his expression was calm and nothing unusual, so he agreed.

"I'll pick you up later."

"Ah."

I don't know when Bai Wan got used to accepting and relying on Fu Ye's kindness.

Fu Ye pressed his shoulder encouragingly, and led Aunt Luo away.

Seeing their backs disappear, Bai Wan turned around and whispered to Bai Shiying's photo on the tombstone, "Dad, let me chat with you."

He and Bai Shiying seldom get along peacefully, and it may be several years before he comes back after leaving.

While reminiscing, he told his father about the experience of studying abroad and working hard in the past few years. Before he knew it, the sky darkened, the cold wind howled, and the fallen leaves flew around. The whole cemetery became extremely cold, and it seemed that the next heavy rain.

Knowing that she couldn't stay for long, Bai Wan had no choice but to bid farewell to her father.

He stood still for a while, and finally said: "Dad, I seem to have fallen in love with a man, not just because of affection and liking, but, like you loved your mother back then, I... I'm actually very scared. I know Life is always lost, and there is nothing that can be held in your hands forever. Even ordinary love is hard to end, let alone my absurd homosexuality. So if I don’t catch it, will I not be hurt? Hurt? Just like back then, if you hadn't married my mother, wouldn't we all be happier?"

There is always a trace of anxiety in his heart, no matter how much he loves, there is always a kind of timidity and loneliness deep in his heart.

But the surroundings were silent, the tombstone was silent, and no one had an answer to this question.

The raindrops began to fall densely, Bai Wan sighed softly, bowed, put on his hat, and left the cemetery.

Holding a black umbrella, Fu Ye was waiting for him at the door.

Bai Wan saw his tall and determined figure in the pouring rain, and his footsteps suddenly became brisk. He suddenly felt that the answer to the question he asked in the cemetery just now was no longer important.

The important thing is that there is someone who is really holding an umbrella and waiting for you in front of you.

Bai Wan flew towards Fu Ye, ten meters, five meters, three meters... Just as he was about to run in front of him, a hesitant voice came from behind.

"Little night..."

Bai Wan turned his head abruptly, and a woman slowly walked towards him.At the beginning, her appearance was still clear, tall and plump, holding a blue umbrella, with an elegant appearance.But for some reason, the closer she got, the more blurred Bai Wan's vision became, as if the overwhelming rain curtain cut off their world, and they couldn't blend in anyway.

"Xiao Wan, is that you?" The woman finally stood still in front of him, raised her umbrella slightly, revealing a pair of indifferent eyes.

Bai Wan's lips trembled, and she tried her best to open them. Thousands of words came to her mind, but she couldn't utter the name no matter what.

The most common and warmest address in the world - mother.

Qin Xiaoqin sat in the warm cafe, looking at Bai Wan who was opposite.I haven't seen her for more than ten years, but her son has grown up to be a handsome man.Of course she'd seen him on TV, radio, and the Internet, and she'd heard his songs, but that was a completely different feeling than actually meeting this person.

She was very pleased, but at the same time, a little disappointed.For so many years, she thought she was strong enough and cruel enough, but when she heard the news of Bai Shiying's death, she couldn't help but return to Zhicheng.

Human feelings are very strange. She was sure that she didn't love Bai Shiying, and she didn't come to see him off for the last time, but she still came.

Maybe she just wants to say goodbye to her past self completely.

But when she met Bai Wan, she was unexpected, but after thinking about it, it was reasonable.

Due to emotion and reason, Bai Wan should come back, even more reason than her to come back.

Bai Wan changed into dry clothes and sat there, feeling completely calmed down.He looked deeply at the opposite mother, feeling an extremely peaceful strangeness.Countless times in the past, he had imagined the scene when he saw his mother again. No matter what the scene was, he would inevitably question loudly and cry bitterly, but now, except for the shock when he first appeared, there was no anger, no sadness, no emotion, even There was not a trace of disturbance.

He discovered that what he had been brooding over was nothing but a childhood loss.

But now, he's grown up.

He forced himself to face his problems like an adult instead of breaking down like a child, even in front of his own mother.

"How have you been all these years?" Bai Wan shifted her gaze from Qin Xiaoqin's face to her stomach. The slightly protruding belly seemed to prove the existence of another life.

Sensing his gaze, Qin Xiaoqin rubbed her belly in embarrassment, and said softly: "I'm fine, Bai Wan, I know you're living well too. I've been paying attention to you."

"Thank you then." Bai Wan asked softly, "Are you here to see him this time?"

"It was Luo Feng who told me the news." Qin Xiaoqin said, "Unfortunately, I missed it."

Bai Wan was a little surprised: "You mean, they all know your address?"

"How could you not know?" Qin Xiaoqin sighed slightly, "I really want to find someone these days, but how could I not find it? Your father already knew where I am many years ago."

Bai Wan suddenly realized, no wonder his father suddenly stopped looking after a year. He always thought that he had given up, but he didn't expect that he had already found his mother, but Qin Xiaoqin didn't want to come back.

This is another way of giving up.

Qin Xiaoqin looked at Bai Wan: "Xiao Wan, I think it's time for you to know some things. But I want to hear your thoughts first. If you don't want to know, then I won't say anything." She paused, Said, "Actually, knowing a lot of things is meaningless, it just increases troubles."

Bai Wan clenched the coffee cup tightly, but smiled and said, "No, I want to know."

That was the origin of his fate, part of his blood, and he had the right to know, no matter how cruel the truth was.

Qin Xiaoqin stared at him quietly, and Bai Wan found that his mother was much more popular than before, at least a trace of guilt and pity could be seen in her eyes, instead of the bone-chilling coldness and indifference.

"I'm sorry for you." Qin Xiaoqin began a long narration with this apology.

Every girl is herself first before she becomes the mother of her children.Qin Xiaoqin was born in Binhai Rongcheng. His grandfather Qin Haizhuang started his business in the fishing industry. After liberation, his business grew bigger and bigger, and he became a local rich man.Qin Haizhuang passed on this property to his son Qin Liushan, took advantage of the wave of reform and opening up, expanded overseas trade, and cooperated with the government to open factories and invest everywhere.

But Qin Liushan has always had a heart problem, that is, he has no children under his knees, and only one daughter, Qin Xiaoqin.

Qin Xiaoqin was raised by rich people since she was a child, and she is a real young lady.Qin Liushan originally wanted her to study art so that she could marry into a wealthy family and join forces with each other.But Qin Xiaoqin had a very high IQ since she was a child, and she was particularly interested in science. When she was in college, she applied for the physics major without hesitation, and went to graduate school in one go.

According to Qin Liushan, it's useless for a girl to read so many books, and if she goes out to find a job, she won't be able to make money from his single business for a year.He wanted Qin Xiaoqin to come back and marry Bai Shiying, the son of the Bai family, to marry government and business for mutual prosperity and mutual benefit.But unexpectedly, Qin Xiaoqin fell in love with her senior brother Du Liang when she was in college, and would rather die than agree to this marriage.

In fact, Qin Liushan didn't have to sell his daughter at first, he had always doted on this daughter and wanted her to be happy.But one of Qin Xiaoqin's actions angered him, she even ran away with Du Liang.At that time, the construction of the Northwest was in urgent need of scientific and technological talents. Qin Xiaoqin, at the instigation of Du Liang, went to the research institute there without telling Qin Liushan.

The results of the struggle were tragic.Qin Liushan took Qin Xiaoqin back to Rongcheng and forced her to marry Bai Shiying.But Qin Xiaoqin is also stubborn, she wanted to run away several times, and went on a hunger strike to protest, dying of hunger.In the end, Bai Shiying couldn't stand it anymore and decided to give up the engagement.However, on the night when Qin Xiaoqin thought she was about to win, Du Liang appeared. He bid farewell to Qin Xiaoqin with a pale face, and begged her not to come to him again.Only then did Qin Xiaoqin know what her father had done. In Rongcheng, if Qin Liushan wanted to kill a person, it was easier than crushing an ant.

The blow of Du Liang's departure to Qin Xiaoqin is not only in love, she feels that the world she believed in in the past has been subverted.It turns out that there is no absolute justice in this world, and there is no unswerving determination. Human nature is fragile, complicated, and even dark, even my own father is no exception.

She married Bai Shiying like a walking dead.

In the first year, Bai Shiying treated her very well and didn't even force her to have sex.But gradually, as Qin Liushan's business went downhill, and even the Bai family was implicated, Bai Shiying's temper became more and more bad.Finally, in the winter after two and a half years of their marriage, because of an unexplainable political case, Qin Liushan was detained, the Qin family plummeted, and the Bai family withdrew from the political arena.

The fathers of Qin Liushan and Bai Shiying were charged with all crimes in order to preserve the blood of the two families.Qin Liushan hanged himself in prison, and Qin Xiaoqin's mother died of a heart attack.Almost overnight, the world was turned upside down, and Bai Shiying brought Qin Xiaoqin to Zhicheng in order to avoid the limelight.

Bai Shiying started to learn to do business. He learned to drink in the business field, and gradually began to drink heavily.

After being drunk once, Bai Shiying raped his wife. It was the first time they had sex, but it was also Qin Xiaoqin's most painful experience.After learning that she was pregnant, she wanted to abort the child countless times, and even hammered her stomach violently, wanting to have a miscarriage.Bai Shiying had no choice but to lock her at home and find someone to watch her day and night.But going on like this is not an option. In order to appease Qin Xiaoqin, Bai Shiying finally agreed to her request to go out to work, and made her swear that she would definitely give birth to this child.

Later, Qin Xiaoqin found a job teaching in a school, half to forget the pain, half to forget the hatred, she devoted herself to the work like never before, and her relationship with Bai Shiying became more and more icy.

Bai Shiying originally thought that after the child was born, their family relationship would gradually improve. He named the child "Bai Wan".

But he was so naive.

Qin Xiaoqin doesn't love him, nor Bai Wan.She endured it for too long, and finally couldn't bear it anymore. After Bai Shiying's fury, she resolutely left the house.

She went to find Du Liang.

After so many years, she is still the stubborn, stubborn and indomitable [-]-year-old girl, and she still loves that young lover in her heart.

"So, this child belongs to Du Liang?" After Bai Wan heard the whole story, he tried his best to keep calm, but his voice couldn't stop shaking.

Qin Xiaoqin smiled bitterly, and shook her head: "I have been with Du Liang for two years, and then we broke up. My current husband treats me very well, so you can rest assured." She looked at Bai Wan, the coldness in her eyes melted It turned into tears, "Mom is very happy seeing your achievements now, Xiaowan, you have grown up."

Bai Wan said in her heart, yes, I have grown up, and I grew up with difficulty when you didn't know it.

"Xiao Wan, you, you don't hate mom, do you?" Qin Xiaoqin finally asked this sentence.

Bai Wan shook his head. He actually didn't hate his mother, especially after hearing this story, he realized that the real poor one might be Qin Xiaoqin.

What she encountered was an unimaginable misfortune for him.

She gave him life, and he has no right to blame him.

Seeing his statement, Qin Xiaoqin breathed a sigh of relief, and felt relaxed.Bai Wan thought, maybe what she wants when she comes back here is such an understanding and redemption.

Since she wants it, he will give it to her.

Give it back to her.

"Then we..." Qin Xiaoqin asked hesitantly: "Xiao Wan, we will..."

"Do you need money?"

"what?"

"If you need money, you can come to me."

"Ah, no, no, I don't need money, I live well." Qin Xiaoqin said repeatedly.

"That's good," Bai Wan nodded, "Then let's leave it alone!"

He didn't say goodbye or disappear, but Qin Xiaoqin read a kind of indifference from his expression, which she had imposed on him thousands of times.

Maybe he really doesn't hate her anymore, but he doesn't love her anymore either.

Qin Xiaoqin sighed softly. On the day she left, she had thought about such an ending. This was already the best result she could imagine.

"Then, Xiao Wan, goodbye." She stood up, staggered to the door of the cafe with her belly out, turned her head again, and smiled at Bai Wan from afar.

There is warmth and color in that smile, and there is the maternal love that Bai Wan once wanted most but was always elusive.

Then, she held up her umbrella and walked into the rain and fog.

Bai Wan looked at her back, knowing that this time, he was lost forever.

Sitting in the car, Fu Ye saw Bai Wan's mother coming out, and immediately got out of the car to look for Bai Wan.

He strode into the cafe and walked towards Bai Wan.

"Bai Wan, are you okay?"

As soon as Fu Ye leaned over to Bai Wan, Bai Wan stood up abruptly, and hugged his neck suddenly, his cold lips covered him regardless, like a snowflake falling into the sea.

Fu Ye was stunned.

But what surprised him even more was not the sudden kiss, but that he soon felt his whole face was wet. It was Bai Wan's surging tears that wet his cheeks.