[APH Luzhong] Ivan Diary

I barely tiptoed to reach the picture frame on the shelf.

"Ivan?" Wang Yao held the chessboard and called out to Ivan in surprise.

"Hmm..." Ivan turned his head back in shock, and quickly withdrew his hand.As if he was caught doing something bad, Ivan was embarrassed and embarrassed: "I'm sorry..."

To be honest, when Wang Yao saw Ivan looking at that photo, his heart was stabbed suddenly, as if the blood scab on the wound was torn off - he was really shocked.If possible, he hoped that Ivan would not know about his family's crap.

But when he looked up and saw Ivan's apologetic expression, he was suddenly relieved.Because if you think about it carefully, Ivan is special, he is different, so although he is uneasy, if he wants to understand, Wang Yao is willing to tell him about himself, or in other words, Wang Yao expects Ivan to understand his own affairs, And had this idea from a long time ago.

Thinking of this, Wang Yao suddenly had the courage.

"That's my mother." Wang Yao said clearly.Ivan looked at him in bewilderment, wondering if he had done something wrong.

Wang Yao put the chessboard on the table, walked to the bookshelf, tiptoed and took down the photo of his mother.

Spreading the frame over his hands, he studied the young woman in the photograph.Even if the photo is black and white, it can't hide the beauty of the woman. The woman is standing under a tree. She wears a floral dress and a headscarf, but she doesn't look like any Russian woman, because her hair is It's black, and her appearance is surprisingly similar to Wang Yao's, but her face is dull, with a dead air.

Wang Yao may not have looked at his mother's photo seriously for a long time, but no matter how long it has passed, he still thinks his mother is beautiful and sad.

Ivan tilted his head, and said in a deliberate tone, "Your mother is so beautiful, you both look like..."

"She is the most beautiful woman in the world." Wang Yao said firmly, with a hint of stubbornness in his tone, "But she shouldn't be here, she shouldn't have given birth to me—I'm a child that shouldn't have been born." He His lips trembled slightly.

Want to speak out?

"What does that mean..." Ivan gasped for breath.

Let's say it.Because, Ivan has been trying to be close to me, I know.

"My mother was forced to give birth to me." Wang Yao was silent for a while, then suddenly burst into a smile, he squeezed the photo frame tightly, "She is not from Russia, but she married and had children in Russia, She doesn't even understand Russian, why is she here?" He was terrified of what he was about to say.

want to answer him.He can't be alone all the time.

"What?" Ivan felt scared for no reason.He suddenly wanted to hug Wang Yao and tell Wang Yao to stop talking. He had a premonition that it was a bad thing.

I don't want to be alone anymore either.

Wang Yao blinked his black eyes, and said word by word, "That man raped her and took her captive to Russia."

"There was no one to save her because that man bought her like an animal."

"He didn't let his mother go out, for fear that she would run away," Wang Yao continued, "but everyone in the town knows that Yakov Ostrovsky hid a Han woman at home, and I, He raped the baby born to the mother," he said sharply, and pressed his lips together.

The secret that had been hidden for many years was finally revealed, as if letting out a bad breath, Wang Yao didn't know whether the burden on his body was lightened or heavy, but he just felt a sense of powerlessness being taken away.

However, he made an effort to speak out.Since his mother died, he has finally been able to reveal himself to people.

The person who changed him in this way was Ivan.Ivan he...

He looked up at Ivan, and suddenly tears welled up in Ivan's blue eyes.

"Yi..." Wang Yao's heartbeat missed half a beat, and he hurriedly wiped the tears on Iwan's face, "What's wrong with you? Why did you suddenly..."

It was only then that Ivan realized that he was crying, and he didn't know why. What was inexplicable was that he felt so sad, so uncomfortable that he couldn't breathe.He hurriedly wiped away his tears: "What happened to her?——your mother."

"What's the matter..." Wang Yao looked at Ivan's red eyes, and his own eyes suddenly became moist.It must be infected by Ivan, Wang Yao thought, it has been so long, why is he still so sad?

However, these things may not be very good for Ivan.

Wang Yao pursed his lips: "...passed away when I was five years old. Because of illness..." She was weak and sick. Even though the man invited a doctor, she still couldn't survive.

Ivan held Wang Yao's cool little hand and whispered, "Can you tell me about her?"

Wang Yao couldn't refuse Ivan, so he nodded.He hesitated and said: "...she is really gentle. Even though I am that person's son, she is still very kind to me. I still remember that she likes to drink tea. That person never let her go out, but sometimes she can take I walk around the door of the house, basking in the sun. Every time that person gets drunk, she protects me..."

Wang Yao babbled and talked incoherently, but Ivan still listened carefully, because these things are the most precious memories for Wang Yao, even if they are hidden in dust and wrapped in spider webs, they still shine brightly in his heart .

It was only then that Wang Yao realized that he couldn't remember many things about his mother clearly, things he obviously didn't want to forget, and things he obviously couldn't forget.

How did my mother come here in those years, Wang Yaoguang felt pain in his bones just thinking about it.He didn't know what kind of existence it was in his mother's eyes, sin?burden?He never thought about this when he was a child, and his mother didn't even tell him anything, that if he is alone, he is injured or lonely.It's a lot like someone.

But she is still so gentle, she always protects Wang Yao and never dislikes him.

——I miss her so much.

Miss her hug.

Think of Chinese that she doesn't understand.

Think of her scent.

Think of the temperature of her fingertips.

Think of the curve of her mouth when she smiles.

Think of her gentle attitude towards everything.

Miss her so much.

"If only I hadn't been born, if only she hadn't been taken captive here. She'll live a long, long life, have lots and lots of kids, and she'll find happiness..."

Wang Yao couldn't continue because he was crying too.He choked up and didn't cry out.

"Yaojun..." Ivan took Wang Yao's hand.His heart ached, but he was honored to hear Wang Yao tell him these things.

"—Yaojun's birth is not a bad thing, because Yaojun is a gift from God to Vanya." Ivan hugged Wang Yao tightly, he knew he had to say something, Wang Yao needed him at this moment, Incomparably needed, "I think it's great that Yaojun was born, and your mother must think so, so she treats you well..."

Even if I can't heal Yaojun's heart disease, I will try my best not to make him feel lonely.Ivan thought.That child must have worked hard for a long time to come to this point, and he can no longer be left alone.

"Thank you very much for telling me these things." Ivan felt some hot and humid liquid on his shoulders, and the child in his arms trembled slightly.He tilted his head back, letting tears well into his eyes.

If you are willing to tell me, I am willing to bear with you.Whatever it is, please leave it to me, I want you to laugh, this is a vow I made a long time ago.

Thank you so much for treating me like someone special.

"So, don't cry."

*

night.

Ivan sat at the table and finished writing the diary.He put away his pen and diary, and suddenly felt very calm.

In the past, he always thought that he and Wang Yao were two isolated islands, but now it seemed that Wang Yao had left his island long ago and came to his side.

I want to know him, I want to be close to him, I want to be intimate with him.Probably, this is how the two of them slowly came together.

Ivan imagined Wang Yao's childhood, and his heart ached suddenly.

Wanting him to be no longer alone or sad—can it be done?

Ivan nodded firmly: Even if you can't do it, you have to do it!

However, there was one more thing he cared about.He looked at Natasha who was doing needlework: "Nata, do you know who Yakov Ostrovsky killed?"

Suddenly asked about such a strange thing, Natasha raised her head and looked at Ivan suspiciously: "...it seems to be his wife. What's the matter, brother?" Ivan stayed with her all afternoon today, and she felt much better, but Sophia still hasn't come home.

Ivan's eyes widened: "...Didn't he die of illness?"

"I don't know, that person seems to have never appeared in front of others. I don't know whether he died of illness or was killed..." Natasha said slowly.She heard a lot of gossip while she was washing clothes by the river.She didn't understand why Ivan asked this. Could it be related to the black-haired man last time?

"Oh..." Ivan lowered his head.Seeing him like this, Natasha didn't speak again.

The two fell silent.This is always the case when Sofia is not around.

Ivan was a little sleepy and was about to go to bed.At this time, he suddenly seemed to hear a knock on the door, slow, weak, and irregular. He suddenly asked Natasha: "Is there someone knocking on the door?" Much more sensitive.

Natasha hesitated for a moment, but did not answer.Ivan went to open the door to see.

The girl covered her face and stood outside the door, dragging her muddy skirt and shoes, shivering.Ivan shivered—it was Sofia.

"Sister..." Ivan didn't dare to speak loudly for fear of frightening Sofia, "Why do you..."

Natasha squeezed to the door just in time, pulled Sophia in, and closed the door.She found that Sophia's hands were abnormally cold: "Brother, please boil some hot water." She suddenly became calm and calm.

"Huh? Oh..." Although puzzled, Ivan still