heart beating

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At 1:35 in the morning, Xueman couldn't find Xiaochi and planned to go to her studio to write songs with her.However, Uncle Wang's octopus balls and Luo Ji's pork bone porridge were still steaming, but the lover in front of him was crying on another woman's chest.The two sat on the floor of the office with a long coat covering their knees.Koike buried his face in Anna's arms, and Anna stroked her wet hair and patted her on the back.

She didn't have time to give her comfort, but in exchange for a burst of heart-piercing pain.I once imagined in my mind that she might collapse after the boss left countless times, but never thought that it would be presented in such a way.The name that was about to come out froze on her lips, and she couldn't speak, as if there was an abyss lurking in her throat, and she couldn't make a sound even after throwing a boulder.Xueman turned around, blinked her eyes, and instantly rolled down two lines of tears.This is the first time she saw her so embarrassed.Not in front of her, but in someone else's arms.

It was past two o'clock when I got home.Xueman put the lunch box on the dining table and curled up on the sofa hugging the pillow and crying loudly.She really didn't understand, since they had already paid each other, why should they keep it?Could it be that she couldn't give the care that person gave her?Did I really do something wrong?

Tired of crying, Yinchi let go of his wrinkled clothes, and fell asleep directly on Anna's lap. Anna reached across her body, picked her up and put her on the sofa next to her, leaving the jacket to cover her body, then picked up the two empty wine bottles on the ground and left.

At 5:30, Yinchi woke up in a daze.She struggled to stand up, and the coat on her body slipped to the sofa. She needed time to recall the fragments of this night.She stood there for a long time, until the light outside the window made her eyes dry and painful. She blinked and came back to her senses. The short-term dizziness made her reach out to the wall to support herself.She felt that she had to wash her face to wake up, but she was knocked over by the carpet at the door and fell.His left arm touched the protruding iron corner under the sofa, and a stream of blood gushed out.

She looked at the bleeding arm in silence. The wound was not deep and the flow was not fast. The blood flowed down the arm to the elbow and dripped onto the white tile floor.One drop, two drops, three drops... A smile finally appeared on her face.

In the evening, Xueman walked into the café on the corner of the street, Anna hadn't gone to work yet, only the guy at the bar smiled at her.She recognized at a glance that it was the bar man in the former owner's shop.The cafe where they met has disappeared forever at the end of the street, and the memory is no longer there.Now, half of their seats are vacant, and they have a very comfortable and strange width alone.

"I'm late." Tong Shifeng appeared in front of Xueman on time. "No, I'm here early. Would you like something to eat?" He greeted the boy behind the bar, and Shi Feng said, "Two afternoon tea."

"A few days ago, a very happy friend of mine got sick." Shi Feng began to chat while eating something on his plate, "He is the most active person in our circle of friends, like an encyclopedia. Follow us Talking about music, movies, female stars, real estate and loan sharks... It’s very exciting to talk about everything. Last time we went to eat Hunan cuisine, he shared his experience and embarrassing stories in the red light district of Amsterdam. Four or five came later, and they refused to leave in the name of lending us some water." "Hmm. What do you want to say?" Xue Man cut the muffin on the plate and took a bite.

"But how do you know that a friend like me who is happy every day has recently been diagnosed with severe depression." "Depression?" Xue Man slowed down her eating. "In front of the doctor, he confessed that he couldn't sleep every night, and even thought of suicide more than once." "Suicide? Is it so serious?" Xueman found it incredible. "Breakdown is a kind of living without a sound. It looks normal, can talk, laugh, fight, socialize, calm on the surface, but actually the heartbreak has accumulated to a certain extent." "So, it won't happen Temper, not hysterical..." Xueman muttered to herself.

A week ago, she accompanied Yinchi to kelly's EP celebration banquet. With her "Notepad", the album has sold 200 million copies in Asia since its release.She said that day, "Everyone thinks it's a song full of sadness, but it's not like that. 'Burn the diary and start over' expresses a firm and open strength, and it's a performance of loving life..."

"One day, Xiaochi and I took the bus home after work..." Shifeng unintentionally interrupted Xueman's thoughts, and continued his topic, "I said that young people now have such clear eyes but like to look out the window and meditate. Guess she How to say it?" "I don't know, what did she say?" Shi Feng sighed: "She said, how do you know they are not considering the words of the suicide note."

After hearing these words, a tear accidentally fell into the coffee in front of Xueman. "So, it's because you love life and don't want to live at the same time." Suddenly, she forgave her for the unreasonableness last night. "At least she's still crying..."

Chapter 42 Pain Becomes the Only Perception

At the end of spring, summer solstice.The composing and recording of three singles was completed within a week. Shi Feng was amazed by Yinchi's speed. These three songs can bring a lot of profits to the studio.He was glad that his partner had finally come to his senses, and pretended to interpret the void on her face as physical exhaustion.So, he dragged her to the bar to relax, in the name of having more exchanges with people in the music circle.

The bar is a place for carnival and a gathering place for a bunch of prostitutes. Gaia will probably hate it because there are not many souls for him to absorb.Ginchi hid in the corner of the box drinking, turning a blind eye to the game they were playing.The excitement was theirs, not hers.

He hid in the bathroom again, blocking the deafening music.There were two missed calls on the phone and she didn't call back.There was a long list of contacts in the address book. She clicked down one by one, but she couldn't find the name she could dial.Randomly enter a string of numbers, empty numbers.The second string, no one answered.The third string, the answer, is a deep male voice.

"Hello"

"..."

"Hey! Who is it!"

"..."

"If you don't speak again, I'll hang up!"

"Can you just chat with me for a while?" She said quickly, feeling uneasy and helpless.

"Neuropathy!"

Hope is disillusioned.She stared at the phone screen until the light faded, and buried her head between her knees.There was a slight pain in the place where her right hand was grasping tightly. She raised her hand to look at the gauze wrapped around her left arm, and the pleasure of being cut a few days ago occupied her brain instantly.Pleasure, a sharp weapon across the skin brings peace and joy, and blood can release endorphins better than alcohol.

How can it be empty?You are not numb yet.You see, you still feel pain.A Swiss Army knife hangs from the keys in his pocket.Locking the toilet door tightly, Yinchi sat on the ground by the door and rolled up his sleeves.The knife's edge was reflected on her face under the refraction of the light, and the knife's edge touched the skin, causing a burst of coolness.The moment the knife fell, she paused, and then pulled up the trousers to her knees, and the Swiss knife left a bloody hole on the inner calf.Pain has become the only perception transmitted by the brain.

Xueman woke up for the second time tonight.This time, a familiar embrace came from behind.She thought it was ridiculous, thinking that she should be ruthless enough to hit the bull's-eye, but she just feinted.She turned around and met Shang Yinchi's eyes: "It's so early today?" She couldn't tell whether she was really asking her, or sarcastic. "Having a nightmare?" Yinchi reached out to wipe off the thin sweat on Xueman's forehead, "Is it related to me?" "Ask knowingly." Xueman took her hand and moved closer to her, "Have you eaten yet? ""Not yet.""I'll cook some noodles for you." He stood up, took the hair tie on the bedside table and tied up his long hair casually, "Go take a bath, you smell of alcohol."

In the bathroom, Ginchi took off his pants, opened the first aid kit, and indifferently nursed the incision on his calf with some blood oozing...

At the end of autumn, after the intense awards ceremonies and concerts, Xueman was invited by Teacher Huiyuan to go to Tokyo to participate in the "Voice of Asia" singing competition on Christmas Eve. Singers compete.Among them is her idol, Lisa Ono.Knowing that she will perform on the same stage with bossanova Tianhou, Xueman was very excited. "Xiaochi, can you go with me?" He hugged Yinchi who was washing his face, and printed an invisible lip print on the back of her neck. "You can sing well with or without me, can't you?" Ginchi took down the towel on his right hand and wiped his face. "That's what I said. But this is my first time on such a big stage, I want you to be there. You are here, okay~~~" Ginchi turned around and put the towel back on the towel rack , looking into Xueman's expectant eyes, couldn't bear to refuse.Folding his hands on his chest, he thought for a while and said, "Okay. I'll call Kelly." Then, he walked out of the bathroom.Xueman followed suspiciously, wondering: "What does it have to do with Kelly?"