taste time

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Maybe it's because the books I read are too sad, and I feel that I've become indifferent to the impermanence of the world.I like not to open an umbrella when it rains, find a corner where there is no one, and let the rain run down my hair and cheeks with my head up.Then, even if you cry, no one will see it.When I come back, I will naturally get sick, but I still don't want to buy medicine, and I keep procrastinating like this.The most serious time, even fainted directly in the classroom.

I informed my parents. Although my mother was worried about me, she still had to teach me something.I was terrified before, but now I just don't feel it.With my head down, she asked a question and I answered it, and I kept silent when she didn't speak.I know it's wrong for me, but I just like that feeling.It's painful, but it's numb, with no emotion, no leisure, I just want to be alone and stay quietly.

In two months, my eyesight plummeted, and my glasses prescription soared from over 400 to over 600.I took off my glasses, my eyes were blurred, I raised my hand, and through my fingers, the colorful sky was fragmented and extremely beautiful in my eyes.Of course, it’s not just eyesight, grades that drop every time, and the best Chinese is not willing to take it seriously anymore. I always feel that those are rules and regulations, and I don’t want to stick to the rules anymore. It doesn't matter anymore.

At the beginning, the class teacher also gave me gentle education, talked about the truth with me, and asked me if I was in love.I shook my head and said no, after all, in the eyes of the teacher, poor grades are usually caused by love.Later, I saw that I hadn’t changed. I told me several times that I was still the same. In the end, I stopped talking to me, thinking that I was willing to degenerate, and just ignored me.

Suddenly I remembered what Liu Xin said, I was willing to degenerate when I was with Shiya.At that time, he tried his best to deny it, but he didn't expect to be hit by her.It's just that when I was willing to degenerate, there was no Huang Shiya by my side.

That's fine, my parents don't care about me, Huang Shiya doesn't care about me anymore, and even the teacher doesn't care about me anymore.Ye Hao, Ye Hao.In this way, I will no longer feel ashamed of anyone.

Of course, I still don't admit my current state in my heart, which is caused by Huang Shiya's rejection of me.What does it matter to her? I just suddenly feel that I have no direction or motivation to work harder.I'm gay, it's a fact that can't be changed, the future, my future, my miserable days are yet to come.

I don't want to continue thinking about it, I just think about living one day at a time, and everything else is fake, and it doesn't matter anymore.

For two months, I have been immersed in my own world.The classmates talked about me behind my back, and I sometimes heard a few words.Everyone doesn't like me anymore.

His temper gradually became irritable, and he often spoke sarcasticly to other people's good words. First, Yujuan was at the same table, and then the math class representative, and his popularity fell to zero all of a sudden.I thought of hedgehogs, I always need some thorns to protect myself.Indifference, ruthlessness, numbness, extreme. . . . . .

☆, meet again

The monthly exam results came out, ranking 23 in the class and 973 in the grade.

I don't want to sigh anymore.After two months, I was already numb after the exam, and I sighed countless times for my grades, but I still couldn't be truly free and easy.

The seat was changed to the inner seat, and I didn't want to sit next to the corridor, for fear of seeing Huang Shiya.That time I saw her talking and laughing with a tall girl who obviously had her hair permed and was wearing jewelry.It seems that it is also a background.It should be the same kind of person as Huang Shiya, they are all mixed.It's no wonder that when I was so sick that time, she was able to ignore it, so it turned out that she had a new love.Is the love for so long really exhausted? My heart throbbed again. Huang Shiya, you are so ruthless.

get out of class is over at noon, and there are still some students in the class who are doing homework in the classroom, and some of them are packing their schoolbags and going home one after another.I lay on the table and didn't want to move. Anyway, I'm alone now, and I can leave whenever I want.

Suddenly Yujuan patted my table.

"Gān?"

She pointed out the window, "Someone is looking for you outside."

Looking out of the window, it turned out to be Huang Shiya.You still came to look for me! I felt bad all of a sudden, thinking of her indifference to me recently, I suddenly didn't know whether I should go out or not.I wanted to go out in my heart, but my consciousness was struggling again.I actually want to know if I can be cruel to her.

Seeing that I was sitting there without moving, she simply came in. Seeing her walk in, her heart beat violently.I hate myself for being really useless.

"Let's go. I still can't invite you?" She pulled me away, and I forgot that she was also very hot-tempered.The voice was a bit loud, and all the students stopped and looked at us all at once.I thought I had a thick skin now, but I still feel my face is hot.

I didn't speak all the way, she pulled my hand so painfully.In one breath, he pulled me to the stone steps under the basketball court, where I saw her for the first time.At this time, there is no one here.Let go of my hand, the tone is very blunt. "Let's talk."

Only then did I look up and see her clearly, and I felt taller again, but her face was still so delicate and clean, it was still the Huang Shiya I was familiar with, and the Huang Shiya I loved.Suddenly, I laughed.I don't understand why I'm laughing, but when I see her, I feel out of breath. I just want to smile at her, like we used to, and forget that she has broken up with me.

She was puzzled by my smile, "What are you laughing at?"

I shook my head and started to get back to the topic, "What are you going to say to me?" I really couldn't guess what she was going to say to me.In the past, I almost didn't need to guess what the first sentence she spoke to me was, and what expression she had on her face.

"How are you recently?"

Ah.You ask me if I'm okay? Two months of grievances flooded into my mind, but I just don't want to admit it, and she is the real "instigator".Heartache, tears, no sleep.Which one is not because of her? And she, who ignores me, still asks me now, okay?

"It's okay. It's rare that you still remember me?" The words were yin and yang.

"Don't be so vicious with me here! Qingshan, look at you, what have you become? What have your grades become? Are you planning to destroy yourself?"

Oh, look at what she said, why didn't you care about me before, now that I'm like this, you just talk about this, why do you care about me! I also got angry, "My grades have nothing to do with you, I will be ruined I have nothing to do with you myself."

She slapped me again with a "snap". "Are you going to have any future? You're here to show your face to someone! Your grades belong to you, and your future can't be ruined by me. I'm trying to persuade you now, do you understand?" she asked. I'm used to swearing and swearing when I'm angry.

I was stunned for a moment, and even more angry because of her words.Am I like this because of her? She really has confidence.But I really did this because of her. She knew that I was going crazy because of her, but she still ignored me.All of a sudden, the fire also rose, and she yelled at her: "Why did you hit me? You hid from me for two months, and now you suddenly come out and talk to me, why do you care about me!" The whereabouts, and finally broke down in tears.I really hate myself, why I always cry in front of her.I'm not trying to be coquettish to win her sympathy, but I can't control myself time and time again in front of her.

"Why are you crying? Since you like me, you have to show some ability to make me look up to you. Look at you now, you are so fucking cowardly. Since you dare to love, you can't do anything f*ckingly." Come here, as if you are acting here, can you win Lao Tzu's sympathy?"

She speaks hard enough.I was so angry that I had no words of rebuttal.I jumped up and slapped her, but she didn't hide. She didn't slap me hard, but I slapped me hard. Seeing her left face flushed suddenly, my heart throbbed fiercely.

"Are you stupid? Why don't you hide? Why don't you hide?..." While crying, he beat himself hard.

She quickly stopped me, "Enough. Enough. It doesn't hurt, it really doesn't hurt."