taste time

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"Poetry"

"Let's go." I haven't seen her for a few days, and I feel that she is taller and thinner again.

Because it was still a make-up class, the front of the third year building was still very quiet, walking side by side, speechless for a while.

Ah.If you don't speak, let me speak. "Shiya, what do you want to say to me?"

She casually picked off a leaf from a small tree by the side of the road, "Qingshan, are we still friends?"

I smiled and replied, "I've never regarded you as a friend." I knew I was bi her.

"Qing Shan, I'm a woman. How could we..."

I still smiled "I made it very clear. I'm gay. If you were a man, I wouldn't like you." I despised myself in my heart, I was really ashamed Heart is gone.

I want to know your attitude!

She was speechless for a long time, probably because she has never seen such a thick-skinned person like me.

He sighed again in a low voice, "I wish I was really a man."

Ah.

"Aoyama, will we always be good friends?" She was evading.

"Then it's up to you."

My calmness seemed to make her angry, "Do you have to bi me?"

"I didn't bi you. I just told the truth."

She looked at me with a lonely and helpless expression.It took me a long time to say something angrily,

"You need to calm down, I'm going first"

Watching her leaving back.The heart is slowly sinking. Huang Shiya, she rejected me.

Her purpose is very clear, she wants to persuade me not to have other thoughts about her, we are still good friends.Otherwise, otherwise, it should be that you can't even be friends.

Heart, like being grabbed.Oh, you still refused.Although he knew this was the result, he still didn't give up. . . . . .

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☆, strange road

The swearing-in meeting was held in the playground in full swing.Speeches by the principal, speeches by school leaders, speeches by student representatives, speeches by student family members, and messages from the next student representatives. . . . . .Everything looks so solemn.

"Hey, what are you thinking? Put your hands up and swear!" Yujuan reminded me kindly.

My mind wandered again.Following the example of the Director of the Moral Education Department, he clenched his hands into fists and raised them almost at ear level.I just find it ironic.

By the time it was over, it was already more than an hour later.With the sound of "disband in an orderly manner", the playground was crowded with people walking and running, and the road was suddenly blocked.Yujuan pulled me and ran wildly among the crowd, "Hurry up, hurry up, there must be no place in the cafeteria again!"

I let her pull me through the crowd blindly.I don't want to think, I don't want to move, I don't feel motivated.

He raised his head suddenly, but couldn't move his eyes away. Huang Shiya, she is among the crowd not far away.I didn't know what I was thinking with my head down, but suddenly I looked up and saw me too.I wanted to lower my head quickly, but I couldn't move my eyes, so I hurriedly twitched the corners of my mouth at her.She smiled at me, a female classmate patted her on the shoulder, she turned around and chatted with her and left.

Did not come.But are you coming?

My heart was stabbed violently, and I almost burst into tears from the pain.

After the conversation that night, I had already guessed that it would be so.But, still can't accept it calmly.

After that, she never came to look for me again, and I never saw her shadow in the corridor again.Occasionally meet on the road, just nod as a greeting.I dare not search for her traces in the crowd, and I don't even have the courage to take the initiative to find her.I told her, I think it's really over.

I once regretted it, regretted that I was too impulsive, or at least we could pretend.After blaming myself for a long time, I figured it out again, what was wrong with me? I was right, I like her and love her, I just showed her my heart.

Words, once spoken, there is no room for maneuver.It's like a heart, once you give it to her, you can never take it back.

First of all, I am looking forward to seeing her, thinking about her like a devil, bewitching people, missing her crazily, even if I just look at her.It's just that her indifference and politeness are thorns every time, and I can't breathe.Gradually, I began to be afraid, afraid to look at her expression and her eyes.

What she asked, I couldn't do.What I want, she can't give.It seemed like this was two parallel lines, and we would never see each other again.

The comprehensive review has already started, and the books are piled up on the desk like a mountain, making it suffocating.Every day is a variety of test papers and exercises.An Qi has already entered the experimental class, and her deskmate has been replaced by Yujuan, who came down from the experimental class this semester.I didn’t have a partner in class, so when I saw me eating alone in the cafeteria, I came to sit with me, and at the end, I smiled and said friendlyly, “You are alone too, or let’s go together in the future! "Just about to say no, I'm not alone, and suddenly realized that there is no one else, Shiya, I will never come back again.With a bit of bitterness, he nodded and said, "Okay."

Gradually got used to insomnia.At first, I couldn’t sleep. Every night I lay on the bed and tossed and turned, my roommate’s breathing sounded one after another, but my heart was as clear as a mirror.Without my phone, and unable to see the hands on my watch in the dark, there were times when I thought it was almost dawn.Thinking about something in the dark, for a while it was the way Huang Shiya looked at me, for a while it was my grades, and for a while it was my parents' expectations for me.The more I think about it, the more irritable I become, my heart is on fire.Later, I started to be afraid of falling asleep, and felt that I would be sober when I touched the bed.He dozed off again during the day, his eyelids were heavy, and he pinched himself hard with his hands under the table to keep him from falling asleep, but he still fell asleep as if he didn't know the pain.

The teacher threw it with a chalk tip and woke up suddenly.Seeing the whole class looking at me, I can only say "sorry" nonchalantly

When I went back to see, there were several bruises on my legs, and now I realized that the pain was severe.Seeing that my grades were not bad the first few times, the teacher still let me go.And the teacher was also when his patience was worn out. Finally, there was an exam, and I fell asleep.Soon the head teacher talked to me.

"Qingshan, are you not feeling well? You are very distracted in class, and you have no energy at all. In your state, the third year of high school will not work."

Sometimes I wish the head teacher was my sister.What my parents told me the most was to study hard. In the past, Shiya would chat and laugh with me to make me happy.However, nowadays, no one really cares whether I am tired or uncomfortable.

"Teacher, I'm not feeling sick. I've been suffering from insomnia recently. Sometimes it's almost dawn and I haven't fallen asleep." I just feel very wronged.

"You are under too much pressure. Everyone in the third year of high school is under a lot of pressure. Seeing you like this, you have to adjust your state well. Otherwise, you will suffer from insomnia and have no energy to go to class the next day. If you continue like this No way."

"I see."

"Don't read and do homework when you go back to the dormitory, and don't think about it when you lie on the bed, just let it be. It's normal to be stressed, but don't worry too much. Your body is the most important thing. Do you understand?" The teacher said to me very gently Inculcate.

"Well, I know." Only I understand, and it's definitely not because of too much pressure.Instead, I feel that I have lost interest in everything and always feel that something is missing.

Listen to the teacher's words, go back to the dormitory and lie down on the bed after washing up.Close your eyes, but still awake in the middle of the night.I got up and discredited and sat there not knowing what to do, and I didn't dare to make the sound too loud for fear of waking them up.Yujuan got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, startled.I hurriedly told her not to bark, it was me.

"Get up in the middle of the night and sit without sleep, are you crazy?"

"I have insomnia. Go to sleep and leave me alone."

She still wanted to say something, I made a "shh" gesture, and pointed to her two roommates, signaling her to stop talking.She had no choice but to shut up, climb up obediently, and fell silent again after a while.

I still doze off during the day, and at night I either sit in a daze, or turn the lamp light to the weakest, and read some books that have nothing to do with the textbook.After reading Baby Annie's "August Is Young", I fell in love with her writing all of a sudden, and went to the bookstore to buy several copies of her works.Later, I bought novels, all kinds of them, fireworks and the like, and I was looking for nuè ones, all of which had tragic endings.I could read more than 100 pages all night, and was often nuèd to death, crying on the table but not daring to cry, tears streaming down my face.In fact, only I understand, I just use it to cry out.That way at least I can cry in a fair way.