Siheyuan: A Cook in the 60s

In the past, I couldn’t support this family.

So my life is boring.

Now I can take responsibility, I can support myself and my whole family.

Really.

When I truly had the ability to live, I found that the whole world was different.

Everyone around me has a smiling face.

Mom doesn't complain so much anymore.

Especially when my work level was raised to level two.

She was so happy that she kept muttering something about blessing and blessing.

If gods really exist, it was probably because of the gods' blessing that I met him.

He has been encouraging me and encouraging me to work hard. No matter what, every level of promotion brings me joy.

If you come across a problem you don't understand, think about what's wrong.

His comfort is different from others.

He always came up with a solution for me and taught me while I was learning.

He really wanted me to stand firm.

I asked him if he would no longer want me if I had established myself.

He was happy and told me that even if I wanted to run away, he would pull me back.

so good……

I swear, that year was truly the happiest year of my life.

Everything goes smoothly.

Even if mom finds out about what happened to me, I’ll pretend it never happened.

After all, we were all in the same yard, so it was only a matter of time before my mother found out. I had expected that. The old lady was very smart. After she found out, she didn't rush to reveal her cards, but secretly followed me.

I know she's following me.

That night, I deliberately slowed down and walked to the backyard silently.

The old lady saw me pass the Moon Gate and stopped following me.

She and I both know that after passing the Moon Gate, there will only be one person left.

What surprised me was that the old lady didn't say anything and was cheerful all day long. Moreover, she seemed to encourage my behavior.

I was nervous about this for a while. Later, he saw that I was in a bad mood and asked me about it, so I told him.

After listening to me, he told me not to worry, it was okay.

The old lady actually had nothing else in her mind. What she cared about was that I could support the family and I could not abandon the Jia family. As for whether I had a man outside, that was not important. And being with him was, in general, beneficial to the Jia family.

This is like I got a handle and handed it to the old lady. She was so happy that she couldn't even wait.

The days that followed were completely quiet.

But as time went by, I was not as calm as I had imagined.

To be honest, I feel a little uncomfortable...

Although this thought shouldn't have appeared, I still felt very uncomfortable.

When Xiao Dang found out about my situation, she was so sly that she came up to me and called me "Dad". This "Dad" made me feel a little confused. I knew she was worried that I didn't want her anymore. At this moment, I had a strange feeling, an indescribable discomfort.

Actually, before this, I wanted to have a child with him.

But when Xiaodang called out "Dad", I felt that I shouldn't have such an idea.

people.

It's always like this, once you get something, you want more and become more and more dissatisfied.

The desire to have a child with him did not fade with the passage of time, but instead became stronger.

In fact, he and I tacitly agreed not to mention this matter.

But in 76, he asked me about this for the first time.

He asked me if I wanted to have a child with him.

At that time, my heart was beating very fast.

I want it!

I want it so much!

I really want it!

I opened my mouth, wanting to tell him that I wanted it, but no matter what I did, I couldn't utter those two words.

In the end, he just smiled, kissed my cheek lightly, and told me that it was okay and it didn’t matter if I didn’t want it.

From that day on, I couldn't sleep all night.

I'm blaming myself.

Why not just agree?

But I don't dare.

I think this is unfair to the three children.

The scariest thing is, I had no idea how biased my heart would become after I had a child.

I love him, I love him so much...

But I can't abandon the Jia family.

It is my responsibility.

He once said that if a person is not willing to take responsibility, he is not really a human being. I think that is true.

I want it, but I dare not ask for it.

I am in pain.

This feeling is even more painful than when an old man taught me how to do something and I didn't understand it at all.

Later, when I was studying, I understood that this kind of suffering is called “not getting what you want,” the first of the eight great sufferings.

Perhaps, there is a reason.

I was in great pain during that time.

I have always been looking forward to one thing.

That is to live a peaceful life, preferably with a few children, working from sunrise to sunset, and living in harmony with the family...

But, in the end, I can't do it.

The stick is back.

He came back from the countryside.

I became slimmer and my worries were alleviated.

In fact, he is the only one in the family who doesn’t know about my relationship with him.

Perhaps it's time to show down.

Just as I expected, he is always so eloquent. Banggeng did not lose his temper, but accepted it silently.

Moreover, he also helped to arrange for him to become a professor's student.

They said they paid a few hundred bucks for the sticks, but I knew in my heart that this would be worth it even if the cost was ten or a hundred times more, as it is something that I can live on for the rest of my life.

During this time, I was not in a good mood and wanted to leave for a while.

It just so happens that they are going to build a farm over there, so I might as well go there.

This trip lasted for several years.

Sometimes, when people are helpless, they get used to the pain and I try to make peace with myself. If I can't have children, then I can't have children. Who made me like this?

A lot can change in a few years.

But all I can do is to suppress this unwillingness deep in my heart.

He is really nice and I want to be with him forever.

As the days passed, I originally thought that death was still very far away from me.

He is very resourceful. He takes me to practice boxing and martial arts all day long. He says that if I practice well, I can live a long life. I used to think that longevity is no big deal, but after being with him, I feel that longevity may be a good idea.

Lou Xiao'e doesn't like this kind of thing very much.

She said that life should be lived with passion, so why live so long?

I'm different. I want to be with him slowly, slowly.

The longer this time is, the better.

I'm different from her.

She always says that I am timid and have low self-esteem.

It doesn't matter.

Yes, that's it.

He said he loved me.

I love him too.

That's good, very good.

But I was a little unwilling.

If possible, in the next life, I want to be the first to meet him, marry him, just me and him. And have two more children, that would be great.