Personality V: I will save everything

A mother's monologue:

I never thought that I could get pregnant a second time. This child was very well behaved when it was still in my belly. I basically had no discomfort during the entire pregnancy. When I was pregnant with those two children, my body was in turmoil every day, but this child is very well behaved, and I can even continue to go to work.

Although this child was considered an extra child at the time, our family was not so poor that we could not afford the fine for one child. After all, this was a life and our child. After discussing with my husband, we decided to keep him.

This child is really very well behaved. He hardly cried or made a fuss throughout his infancy. He would only hum a few times when he was hungry or uncomfortable.

When this child was born, my eldest daughter and second son were very happy that there was a new little one in the family. They also said at the time that they would be good older brothers and sisters.

Everything should be moving towards happiness, but when did it go off track?

This child is really well behaved. He will study and practice calligraphy obediently. He is not as naughty as his older brothers and sisters. He will help us with housework.

My husband and I were really happy at that time. We felt that such a well-behaved child must be a gift from God to us. The neighbors around us were also very envious of us.

But since when did all this change?

My husband and I chose to ignore the subtle changes in the family, thinking that it was just the children's mischief, until my daughter slapped her brother hard.

All the changes that we tried so hard to ignore were revealed.

When did this change begin?

The two children clearly said they wanted to be good brothers and good sisters, so when did they become so hostile to their younger brother?

My husband and I clearly wanted to be good parents, but we didn't even notice that the relationship between our children had become so strained.

My husband and I tried hard to change everything, to get everything back on track and back to the way it was before, but nothing changed.

Our youngest child remained a good kid, as always, but our oldest girl and middle son were falling further and further into depravity.

It seemed that all this began to change after the child was born.

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"If only he had been aborted at that time..."

When I said this to my husband, I was surprised. What on earth was I talking about?! Didn’t I want to be a good mother?!

I thought my husband would blame me, but he just looked at me and sighed.

It turns out that he thought so too......

From that moment on, we knew that the child was no longer safe with us.

After all, how can biological parents be good parents if they can have such thoughts about their own children?

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"That child is just like a blood-sucking poppy............"

I don't know when these words spread among the neighbors. Obviously, these words were very harsh to a five-year-old child, but everyone agreed that this was the most appropriate evaluation of the child.

Yes, he is like a poppy, beautiful and dazzling, but also extremely poisonous.

He is sucking the "blood" of the people around him to nourish himself and make himself more beautiful.

It was not until these rumors became more and more common that my husband and I finally made a decision.

We thought this decision would be very difficult, but when we took action, everything seemed so natural, as if we should have done it a long time ago.

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When my husband and I were driving home, the child was no longer in the back seat.

We did something that was heinous to both humans and gods, we abandoned our own children. We should have been filled with guilt, but we felt relieved. And this is the scariest part.

We actually treat our own children as a burden.

More terrible things are yet to come...

When they saw that we were the only ones who came back and that my younger brother who was supposed to follow us was missing, my eldest daughter and second son acted as if nothing had happened, as if this child had never existed in the family.

Soon we cleared out all the child's belongings, just like we were dealing with garbage, and removed all traces of him in this house.

Life continued as normal after that, and even everyone around acted as if nothing had happened.

What a terrible world...

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But gradually, not only me, but even my husband and all the adults around me, no, it should be said that everyone who had ever had any contact with that child discovered————

Nothing has changed.

Once upon a time, each of us seemed to subconsciously regard this child as the source of misfortune that happened to us. However, when that child really left, we finally realized that the source of the misfortune was ourselves, and that child was just a good child from beginning to end.

We are like the people in ancient times during famine years, who had to find a source for everything. It is just an excuse they made up to escape the cruelty of reality.

We are doing the same thing now...

What should we do? Find the child? If we want to find him, it's easy. We just need to go to that place and search every orphanage.

Obviously, all you need to do is to do this......

But neither my husband nor I brought it up......

People are really terrible and hateful creatures. They clearly know that they are wrong, but they just choose to continue making the mistake.

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The only ones who might have changed a little are my two children. Maybe if they didn't blindly vent their anger on that child, they could really be good brothers and sisters.

The birth of that child was an accident, so when he grew up and could no longer sleep in the crib, he slept with his brother because there was no extra room in the house.

I am pretty sure that my second son didn't have this habit originally, but from that day on, he had to hold something when he went to sleep.

Sometimes he couldn't sleep well at night, but would cry all night long, because I found that even his pillow was still wet when he woke up the next morning.

As for my eldest daughter, her reaction was even simpler. Sometimes she would hold her right hand in a daze from time to time. She might be regretting that she had slapped the child.

It’s a pity that the child is no longer here, and she will never be able to say sorry to him in person.

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My husband and I may have made some changes. Sometimes I always put five bowls on the table for no apparent reason, but there are obviously four people in the family.

Every time this happened, we would sit at the table in silence, and then I would take away the extra set of bowls and chopsticks.

My husband only buys snacks for the children during the Chinese New Year and keeps a portion there until it expires, and then he cleans it out.

It's really ridiculous, what's the point of doing this?

If you really feel sorry for that child, then go find him.

But none of us mentioned it...

We have sentenced ourselves to life imprisonment.

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The next time I heard about this child was in the newspaper.

A child who is the top scholar in the city is enough to attract other people's attention. If this child is an orphan, then this child will be an even more inspirational representative.

Although so many years have passed, I still recognized him at first sight. He is my child.

Then, what should I do? Go and recognize him?

At the most important moment of his life, would it be an eyesore to be beside him?

The answer was already obvious. My husband silently folded the newspaper and put it together with the stack of old newspapers, as if he had never seen the report.

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I originally thought that we would never meet again in this life, but I never expected that one day I would hear a knock on the door.

I didn't know who it was, but I still opened the door. I had considered everything before opening the door, but I never expected that it was the child who came back.

This is already an old town and is even about to be demolished. His brothers and sisters have already started working and moved away, and now my husband and I are the only ones left here.

After so many years, I have never thought about this child, but I still remember him.

So if you remember, why have you never...

What am I thinking?

Of course he has never contacted us and has never thought of coming back to visit us. We were the ones who abandoned him back then, so why should we ask him to contact us on his own initiative?

I invited him into my house, like an acquaintance but also like a stranger.

He helped me with the chores just like he did when he was a kid, we made lunch together, and he even washed the dishes for me after we finished eating.

He stayed until the evening, and then he said he had to take the train back to school, and left without waiting for his father to come back to see him.

From beginning to end, he never called me "Mom".

He should.

He has every right to hate us.

I just watched his back, just like he watched us leave his side.

But this time the roles are reversed, and he doesn't want us anymore.

If it was just like this, then I would have felt a little relieved, but I didn’t expect that…

He stopped halfway, picked up a very ordinary dandelion from the roadside, blew gently, and the dandelion seeds floated in the wind.

"Be careful on the road..."

How gentle.

At this moment, it seemed as if time and space overlapped, and he had said the same thing when he was a child.

It seemed as if all the suffering was concentrated on him, but he was still worried about the whereabouts of the tiny seed.

He is really a good boy.

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In the evening, my husband finally came back, and as if to take care of him, my eldest daughter and second son also came back.

We had a meal together, just like we had done countless times before.

As if nothing happened.

We seemed to sense each other, as if something was different, but it seemed as if nothing had changed.

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Until I had a dream at night,

The child was already old enough to go to elementary school. After returning home, he threw his schoolbag on the ground and lay down on the floor, eating snacks and watching TV.

When I urged him to go to bed, he just responded like his older brothers and sisters, "I'm so annoyed."

I felt disappointed, but also relieved from the bottom of my heart.

Really good.

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I woke up suddenly from my bed. It was only midnight.

I looked at the ticking clock on the wall and suddenly said in self-mockery,

"I really won't repent......"