My 26-year-old female tenant: Gufan on the Island

Le Yao said there was blood on the rivets of the leather jacket, so I subconsciously looked down and saw that the rivets were silver-white, and the red blood stains on them were really conspicuous. Then I remembered that I had nowhere to vent my grief just now. , I made such a self-harming action. It really hurt, but after that, I felt a little better. So, for me, what was shed was not blood, but the dregs in my heart...

I replied nonchalantly to Le Yao on the other end of the phone: "I accidentally rubbed it."

"Do you think I believe it or not?"

I looked at her in the camera, and she frowned, and then said to me: "Do you really think I haven't seen you drunk?...Last night, you were so drunk that you kept shouting Saying Jian Wei's name, crying that you feel uncomfortable... I was just thinking: How uncomfortable would it be to think about someone you can no longer have?... Before I got the answer, you jumped up from the ground. , and then ran straight to the middle of the road... You know, there are a lot of garbage trucks coming and going on that road. If I hadn't grabbed you with all my strength, maybe one of the garbage trucks would have passed you. He was run over..."

I was stunned for a while and then replied: "You are really alarmist! Anyway, I can't remember anything."

"Whether I am an alarmist or not is not important... What is important is that I found that you have a tendency to self-harm... Please switch the camera and let me see where you are now."

"It doesn't matter where I am."

"Come on... stop talking nonsense."

Under Le Yao's repeated urging, I finally switched the camera to let her see the moat in front of her; Le Yao suddenly fell silent, and while she was silent, I lit another cigarette for myself, and then I squinted at the water in the river, which was changing its direction with the wind, and felt a dull pain in my heart.

Le Yao finally spoke: "The moat is probably your and Jian Wei's favorite place... So, if you still think about her, but you can't think about her, your emotions will collapse again, and you will harm yourself if you collapse..."

I have never felt that I have a tendency to self-harm, but I can't say a single word to refute Le Yao, because what she said is true; if I had forgotten Jian Wei and let it go completely, I wouldn't have to worry about what Yan Yan said. The words broke the defense. If I didn't break the defense, how could I use this rivet to prick my hands full of blood?

I spit out the smoke that accumulated in my mouth, and then sighed: "When I was drunk, I really told you everything!"

"Zhaoyang, tell me, is it really as difficult as I saw in you to forget someone?"

"I also want to forget her and the relationship of those years... But I can't control my thoughts. Sometimes I think of her out of nowhere and the things that happened between us. It's more punctual than eating and sleeping... …So, I also want to ask you a question: Is there a kind of love-forgetting water in this world? As long as you drink it, you will become a brand new person and a brand new memory?"

"I don't know. If there is such a kind of love-forgetting water in this world, I will definitely get it and drink it until you are full... I really don't want you to harm yourself like this."

"I'll say it again, I have no tendency to harm myself at all..."

"You may not have had it before, but once you get some kind of release from self-harm, you will become addicted..."

Le Yao hesitated to speak, but I was really shocked, because the act of self-mutilation just now really relieved some of the pain in my heart. At this time, Le Yao said again: "You think you don't want to die?" Isn’t drinking a form of self-mutilation?...I heard CC say that the most serious time was when you drank yourself until your stomach bleeds...but no one could persuade you...it didn’t take long before you started going again. Bar, and I haven’t learned my lesson at all, and I still drink without restraint.”

“I don’t suffer from insomnia unless I drink too much.”

"So, is there anything wrong with what I said? ... You have become addicted to self-mutilation in order to achieve a certain goal."

I was speechless and felt a little worried, because after what she said, I seemed to really see my inner demon, which was devouring myself bit by bit in a self-harming way, but I couldn't stop it. Unless I can completely forget Jane Wei and let go of this relationship.

"Zhaoyang, I have never hated someone as much as I do now."

I came back to my senses, but I was still stunned, and then I replied: "I hurt myself, but I didn't hurt you... What do you hate about me?"

"It's not you I hate...it's Jian Wei."

I was even more surprised, and then said: "It makes no sense for you to hate her now. You have never even seen her face."

"But I've heard her name, how much you love her...I've heard that she chose to give up on you without any reason...I not only heard it, I also saw it, and I saw you breaking up because of her. , how painful it is... Is her heart really made of iron? Does she really not know how much you love her? If she knew, how could she be willing to break up with you and leave you alone in Suzhou in pain? ...Or, she really doesn’t think you will be in pain. If she thinks so, then she is too self-righteous!"

I laughed, laughed, laughed.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Do you like to compare your words when you talk?... It's like filming a Qiong Yao drama!"

Le Yao looked at me speechlessly. I took another deep breath of cigarette, and then looked at the river absentmindedly. There were countless dead leaves floating on the river, as if there was no life at all; then, that damn desire began to torture me again. Holding me, I look forward to the warmth of spring, the blooming of flowers, and the recovery of all things on both sides of the river. Maybe, some random morning, Jane Wei will come back... Before going to the United States, she told me that the day when she comes back is One day, it must be spring when the flowers are blooming.

"Zhaoyang, I have decided that after this new year, I will go to Suzhou... From now on, if you go to the bar to drink, I will go too."

"No, with my small salary...it's hard for me to go to a bar to drink alone. Plus, you are such a bottomless pit and only pick expensive places. How can I survive?"

"I will also find a job. Let's make money together and go to the bar to get drunk."

I laugh again...

Le Yao was a little angry: "You are still laughing!"

"No wonder you would tell me what I feel in my heart. You are addicted to alcohol yourself. You may like to go to bars more than me."

In this regard, Le Yao did not explain anything. She just said: "At least, I won't lose control after drinking like you... I heard from CC that you are either drunk, or if you are not drunk, you will have sex with the people in the bar." Those women fooling around... What is more terrible than alcoholism is the lack of alcoholism."

I didn't explain anything to this, I just replied: "Who knows if you are like me..." After a pause, I added: "But this is not important... because after this new year, I I don’t plan to stay in Suzhou anymore… I want to change my life in a city.”

"Can I interpret your behavior as an escape?"

I thought for a moment, then nodded.

"Then which city do you want to escape to?"

"It's most likely Xuzhou."

"Xuzhou? Where is it?"

"The northernmost part of Jiangsu is also my hometown."

"Then I will also go to Xuzhou and drink with you in a bar in Xuzhou."

I suspected that she was deliberately connoting me, so I replied: "You don't even know where the city of Xuzhou is, why are you running there?"

"If you run away, I will run away too... Since we are running away, do we still need to ask Xidong?"