One big and one small are practicing love

"Ah."

"Liu Xiaotu, have you finished your thesis defense? Let's have dinner together tonight."

Hearing this, Liu Xiaochen suddenly woke up and remembered everything that happened during the day. At the same time, he was aware of a large wet mark on his pillow. He squeezed out one word from his throat and said: "No."

"Are you crying, or did you just wake up?" Zhang Cheng asked with some vigilance.

"Just woke up."

"Didn't you defend in the morning and get the results in the afternoon? The results haven't come out yet, or there's something wrong with the defense."

Liu Xiaochen wiped the wet and itchy tears on his cheeks with the back of his hand, took two deep breaths, and said, "I was very sleepy at noon and have been sleeping until now. I just woke up and I don't know if the results are out. You hang up the phone first, I will check now."

"Okay, you check the results first and call me back later."

After hanging up the phone, Liu Xiaochen opened his eyes and lay on the bed blankly. The light around him was dim, and something seemed to have been dug out of his heart, which was empty, desolate and lonely.

It turns out that sleeping can't escape those fears, or in other words, sleeping is more awake than when awake. Reason, control, and practical matters disappear from the mind, leaving only strong intuition and instinct.

After this dream, Liu Xiaochen finally made his mind clear. Even if she gave everything but got nothing, even if she suffered pain and no one could tell, even if love was unavailable, she had no regrets and was still grateful to have met him in this life.

At the same time, Liu Xiaochen realized. My own heart is contradictory and complicated, greedy and lacking, lonely but longing for companionship, wanting to rely on but having nothing to rely on.

Among all the thoughts, only one voice echoed clearly and repeatedly.

"Xiaoxiao, my child. Don't look for us anymore, don't look for home, go find yourself."

Yes, it’s a long road through a long night, a long road through a long night, the external environment is constantly changing, and people are constantly changing. There are so many problems in my heart, how can I blame him? He just let her see that he was the mirror that reflected her heart.

Thinking of this, Liu Xiaochen grabbed her cell phone and called Zhang Cheng first, telling him that her roommates were back and that she would have dinner with them in the evening. He called Sun Xinxin again and asked her to come to Liu Xiaochen's school in the evening.

After making the call, Liu Xiaochen got out of bed, washed his face and tied his hair up casually. Turn on the lamp on the desk, find a pen and a4 white paper, lower your head and start writing a letter.

First, I gave it to Zhang Cheng. I wrote three pages, folded it into three folds, and stuffed it into a red envelope. The envelope says "Zhang Chengjie".

Next is Sun Xinxin's letter, which lasts two pages.

Finally, I wrote to Zuo Kunmin. As soon as I picked up my pen and wrote the three words "Teacher Zuo", I burst into tears. I lay on the table, trembling and crying for a long time, before I started writing a letter again. The paper was soaked with tears and crumpled. Get new paper.

Liu Xiaochen wrote the letter, which was less than one page, four or five times, either because the words did not express his feelings, or because he regretted writing some words, or because the handwriting was blurred by tears. After more than two hours, I finally finished writing this letter and stuffed it into a red envelope. On the cover, I solemnly wrote 'Teacher Zuo' and received it.

After writing the letter, Liu Xiaochen got up and packed his luggage. A few changes of clothes, some daily necessities, and Teacher Wang's diary wrapped in calendar paper filled a suitcase. Then use your laptop to buy a plane ticket to Hangzhou.

After finishing all this, Sun Xinxin called and she had arrived at the gate of Liu Xiaochen's school.

The two of them bought a dozen cans of beer, a roast chicken, some duck necks, duck collarbones, and some cold dishes at a snack bar on the back street of the school.

Then they returned to Liu Xiaochen's dormitory together. They placed two desks in the middle of the room, put food and beer on them, and sat facing each other.

"Xiaoxiao, your eyes are very red and swollen, why are you crying so hard?"

With a 'Peng' sound, Liu Xiaochen opened a can of beer, raised his head and took a few sips, and said slowly: "Xinxin, don't ask me anything, okay?"

"Since you don't want to tell me anything, why did you ask me to come?"

Liu Xiaochen looked at the beer can with a sad expression and said: "I'm very confused right now. I don't know what to say or what to say. Xinxin, I've been having nightmares this afternoon. I'm very scared. I want to find someone to accompany me." ." As he spoke, his red and swollen eyes filled with tears again.

"Alas!" Sun Xinxin sighed softly, took a tissue and handed it to Liu Xiaochen, saying: "Although I don't know what happened to you specifically, I can probably understand your current mood. When I was injured and couldn't move in bed , and I don’t want to say anything.” As he said that, he also opened a can of beer and drank by himself.

The deepest and true emotions and pain cannot be explained, and we cannot bear to say them out and let others judge them. Even if you say it, you can't really understand it. The speaker and the listener are both in vain.

After that, no one of them spoke anymore, they just drank, ate and cried by themselves.

In the middle of the night, Sun Xinxin felt sleepy, and Liu Xiaochen asked her to go to bed, saying that he still wanted to sit for a while.

While Sun Xinxin was sleeping, Liu Xiaochen packed away the garbage on the table. Three letters, a cardboard box, laptop computer, and mobile phone were all placed on the desk. I sat quietly until the dormitory door opened, then grabbed my suitcase and took a taxi to the airport.