One big and one small are practicing love

After crying, Gu Liya got a pot of hot water and they both washed their faces. After making two more buckets of noodles, they each ate a bucket of hot instant noodles. Then they sat together on Liu Xiaochen's bed, sharing a quilt and wearing a pair of headphones, leaning against each other, listening to music on their mobile phones.

"The Decision with Tears"

Decided to turn my back to you

Go on with big strides

No longer look back and look into the distance

Forget you forever

Don't allow yourself to cry

Dare to love but dare not leave

Although I can't erase it from my heart

diary of first love

……

Suddenly longing for the blue sky

The coming of heavy rain

Maybe the tears can be washed away

The feeling of true love

Don’t allow yourself to rely solely on intuition

Drunken in love

……

Lively melody, simple and straightforward lyrics, and sweet girlish voice. Liu Xiaochen listened to it over and over again, and soon became familiar with it. He sang along, and Gu Liya also sang along with tears.

No matter what bad things happened to him in the past, Liu Xiaochen was accustomed to bear it silently. This was the first time he tried this kind of release. Unexpectedly, with the company of friends, a popular saliva song can really have the effect of a painkiller, bringing me short-term comfort.

The next morning, Liu Xiaochen woke up and couldn't help crying again. She understood that painkillers could only provide a short-term anesthesia, but could not completely cure the pain. Even after the anesthesia, the pain became more obvious.

Liu Xiaochen recalled that on the first day after his parents passed away, he was hungry and had no food to eat. At night I was hungry, cold, and scared, so I wanted to cook myself a bowl of noodles. I searched around the house for matches to light the gas stove. It took me a long time before I found a box of damp matches. I finally struck out all the matches, but none of them could ignite.

It was already dark and it was raining outside the house. I didn't dare to go to the village entrance to buy matches alone. That night, Liu Xiaochen was hungry and immersed in boundless fear. That experience made her understand that no matter what happens, as long as she still wants to live, she must protect her own survival.

Although I still have abdominal pain, weakness, and low mood. Liu Xiaochen sat up forcefully, washed his face and brushed his teeth, ate the wontons and steamed buns brought back by Gu Liya, then opened his laptop, browsed the recruitment website, revised his resume, and submitted his resume.

You can submit your resume to every company you want to go to, so you don’t have to think about the time and place to work. He also thought of Zuo Yan and Zuo Xu again. In fact, when he was considering leaving Zuo Kunmin the night before yesterday, Liu Xiaochen had seriously thought about the two children.

I have been accompanying and caring for them day and night for more than three years, and I have devoted countless efforts and emotions to them. Liu Xiaochen had all kinds of cares and worries about them, but now, she knew that she had no chance to accompany them anymore.

I have thought that without her, they will definitely have some discomforts in their lives, and they will have to face minor illnesses and pains, difficulties, setbacks, etc. alone, but these are not the accelerants of increased vitality.

For example, the sand in a shell secretes mucus when it protects itself, and the sand condenses into pearls. For example, if an agarwood plant is injured by insects, wind, etc., during the process of self-repair, energy gathers into the wound to form precious wood.

I know that it is not easy to grow through pain and discomfort. At the moment, Liu Xiaochen can only do his best to give them a little more strength and comfort. Write a farewell letter to each of your two children.

Stroke by stroke, word by word, sentence by line. Liu Xiaochen wrote seriously, writing each letter on three A4 pieces of paper, very carefully.

Tell them that you can't continue to accompany them because you have to work. Told them to be sensible, independent, eat well, and study hard. Dad works hard, so you should be more considerate of him. Finally, I sincerely thank them for all the good things they have brought to me over the years.

These two letters were sent to them together with six handwritten growth diaries and three thick photo albums written for them over the past three years. Before sending, buy beautiful envelopes, exquisite wrapping paper, colorful ribbons, and large gift boxes at the school supermarket.

Fold the letter into the shape of a heart, put it in an envelope, and write "Received from Zuo Yan" and "Received from Zuo" respectively. Choose wrapping paper with different patterns, wrap the notebooks and photo albums one by one, and tie a bow with a ribbon. Finally, put them into a gift box together, write Zuo Kunmin's home address and phone number, and send it out.

Finished this in one morning.

At noon, Liu Xiaochen finished lunch in the cafeteria, contacted Uncle Sun, and prepared to go to the hospital to take care of Sun Xinxin. When the call was connected, I thought Uncle Sun would be angry, but I didn't expect Uncle Sun to thank him repeatedly. Thanks to the people she invited, a full-time nurse and a professional caregiver, Sun Xinxin received good care.

Know he did it.

Liu Xiaochen was sitting in the empty and noisy cafeteria, holding his cell phone, editing text messages over and over again, and deleting them over and over again. In the end, not a word was uttered. Put on your headphones and listen to "The Decision with Shining Tears" in tears.

Don't allow yourself to cry, dare to love but not dare to leave, although you can't erase it from your heart, the diary of first love

In the afternoon, I went to a mobile phone store and got the repaired phone. The fuselage has been restored to factory settings, and all numbers and photos are gone. Liu Xiaochen changed his mobile phone number and registered a new WeChat account.

In the next two or three days, the temperature in Beijing dropped sharply and the north wind was strong. Liu Xiaochen dressed thickly for an interview and went to the hospital to take care of Xinxin.

On the way, I received calls from Zhang Chengjiu and Shen Liang, asking how she was doing and where she was, and said they would come to find her. Liu Xiaochen simply refused. She didn't want anyone to know her emotional state, and she didn't need any words of comfort.

For her, the best healing right now is doing things and being quiet. Write a diary quietly to sort yourself out, read a few pages of a book quietly and forget about it for the time being, and just be in a daze quietly.

On the third day, Liu Xiaochen received an offer from one of the interviewing companies. In an internationally renowned financial company, I participated in a financial project for a listed company. This project takes more than four months from training to work. The work is intensive and the entire process is closed.

Right now, Liu Xiaochen needed this large dose of anesthetic.