Life is more than just living

Although Guo Jian couldn't see it, he could feel Zhang Jiaqi's sadness. He wanted her to cry happily, but even when she cried, Zhang Jiaqi restrained herself for fear of being discovered. He couldn't bear to expose it. After a long time, Guo Jian said again: "Are you willing to tell me your sadness and grievances?"

Zhang Jiaqi took several deep breaths before speaking, "I have been walking on thin ice during my four years of college. I was afraid of losing this way of making money. I didn't dare to be too attentive to Cheng Qi for fear of arousing her suspicion. Now think about how stupid I am! If I could be friends with Cheng Qi, would my job be easier? But at the beginning, I only dared to regard this as a job, and I was careful not to make any mistakes. I was stupid, but I also wanted to graduate from college smoothly. , find a job that can support myself and my mother. Chengdu gives me 3 yuan every year, which is more than enough if I just use it to go to college, but I have to give my mother more than 1 yuan for living expenses and tuition fees. , I have to work hard to hold on to the remaining money. Mom may go to a hospital at any time, and it will be spent all at once. Although President Cheng once said that if my mother is hospitalized, he can pay for the hospitalization expenses, but I really don't have the nerve to ask people for money. It's not that I have much self-esteem. I'm afraid that people will think I'm greedy and I won't have 3 yuan in the future.

I finally graduated and joined Chengdu's company. The salary was not particularly high, more than 3000 yuan a month, but I had all kinds of insurances, so I was very satisfied. But my mother is in poor health and has to spend money. My monthly salary has to be calculated and spent. Mr. Guo, the reason why I asked you to turn off the lights is because I can’t say these words to anyone when I look at them. It’s disgusting to keep talking about these things to make others empathize. But for more than 20 years, no matter what grievances I have suffered or what difficulties I have, I have no one to talk to. Today, I don’t know what happened, but suddenly I have someone to talk to. desire. It's ridiculous, it's only been a dozen hours since we met, but if I don't talk about it, I'm afraid I'll go crazy. I'm getting worse and worse. Last time I managed to save 1 yuan, but my mother spent it all in one hospital stay. She fell asleep that day, and I looked at her and even thought, is she just coming to me? Debt collector? I felt suffocated and couldn't breathe. I thought if she couldn't wake up, would I be free? I knew it was inappropriate to think like this, but at that moment I really thought like that. Afterwards, I kept praying to God to forgive me for my unfilial piety, because I was so afraid of retribution.

I have no future. My family has been poor since I was a child, and I don’t dare to expect a better life. But I see no hope in my current life. No matter how hard I work, I will never have enough money. I have two driver’s licenses. I have a credit card. Sometimes when my mother is hospitalized, I have to swipe the credit card. If my salary is not enough, I use another credit card to repay it. It’s so difficult to live like this!

My aunt has introduced me to several people before, but once they heard about my family's situation, they would not meet me for a second time. With my conditions, the only people I can find are poor people. Who doesn’t have much money? Who is willing to take such a big burden? Who can bear it? Today is the first time I have eaten instant noodles. I remember my colleagues at work often complained that I was a moonlight earner, and when I had no money at the end of the month, I could only eat instant noodles in the last few days, saying how pitiful I was. But do you know? To me, instant noodles are all delicious, because a bucket of instant noodles costs four or five yuan, so I have never been willing to buy them.

Some people say that the happiness brought by material things is limited. But people who don't have abundant material resources can't have any spiritual pursuits. The happiest day of every month for me is the day when I get paid. If I tell you this, you won’t believe it: Our wages are put on the card. When I get paid every month, I go to the ATM machine to take out all the money and count it over and over again. The money in the card is just a number. Only when I touch real money can I feel at ease. But after a while, I carefully saved some of it because I wanted to save it for emergencies. "Zhang Jiaqi burst into tears and couldn't continue talking.

In the darkness, Zhang Jiaqi trembled because her left hand was suddenly grabbed by Guo Jian. Although Zhang Jiaqi was surprised, she did not withdraw her hand. She quietly waited for Guo Jian's next move. Subconsciously, she even hoped that Guo Jian would be violent to her. Then she would have a reason to die, because living is so tiring. ah!

Guo Jian just held her hand tightly without saying a word, as if he wanted to convey something through his hand. After a long time, Zhang Jiaqi said, "Mr. Guo, I don't understand what you mean!" Guo Jian's voice was a little hoarse, "Zhang Jiaqi, right? Are you willing, I will take care of you!" Upon hearing this, Zhang Jiaqi suddenly became desperate She pulled her hand back, but Guo Jian's hand was big and strong. Zhang Jiaqi suddenly became excited, "Mr. Guo, stop joking, let me go!"