Mad Elf's Diary of a Scumbag

In order to highlight the nobility of the family, nobles will crazyly rely on some legendary figures when naming them.

In addition, after intermarriage, you can use the glorious surname of the other family, so the rate of name duplication among nobles is actually quite high.

Especially some distinguished first and last names.

For example, Lance, Roland, John, James, Andre, etc. are even worse.

Since every intermarriage allowed the other person's surname to be added to their name, nobles always had long and smelly names.

Sometimes, the names of nobles can even reach hundreds of characters.

So when people call others, they usually use the abbreviation of their glorious name.

For example, if a father and son are both named John, then the father is John Sr. and the son is called John Jr.

And if they were kings, they would be called John I and John II.

As for what their names are, who cares?

Maybe it could have the same name as myself!

"Young man, you don't understand. I am purifying evil."

Lance took back his hand and said with compassion:

"This is the evil figure of the demon princess. Just standing here will slowly gather dark power."

"She will attract the attention of ignorant boys and lure innocent boys into the abyss of desire."

"Answer me honestly, are you tempted by her?"

Lance stood in front of the young guard, looking sharply into his eyes.

"No, Father, I am not, I am not tempted! My soul is full of light!"

Lance's gaze sent chills down the young guard's back, and he said with some trepidation.

"Very well, kid."

Lance's eyes softened and a warm smile appeared on his face.

"May the God of Light shine upon you."

Lance stretched out his left hand, palm upward, and looked at the doubtful eyes of the young guard.

Lance emphasized his tone and repeated what he said before:

"May the God of Light shine upon you!"

"Oh! Oh oh!"

The young guard woke up from a dream and quickly went to dig out his wallet.

He originally wanted to take out a silver coin from it and donate it to the church to express his devotion to the God of Light.

But unexpectedly, a white hand quickly reached out and took away his money bag.

Weighing the weight of the money bag, Lance showed an amiable smile on his face.

"Good boy! What a good boy!"

The young guard who was patted hard on the shoulder by Lance showed a look of tears on his face.

"God, Father, that's my salary just paid today."

"Hey! Young people need to look forward, not to mention that we will not accept your donation in vain."

Lance put his hands behind his back, and a large scroll of atonement appeared in his hands.

Lance generously tore off a long strip and handed it to the young guard.

"Child, write your sins on it, go to the confessional in the church and pray, the Lord will forgive you!"

Seeing the young guard carefully putting away the atonement scroll, Lance nodded kindly.

Lance would never tell the young man in front of him that he had been using these indulgence rolls as toilet paper.

Soft and light cotton, when used, I digress.

Lance put his arm around the young guard's shoulders and whispered in his ear:

"You have to know that many noble ladies will choose to practice hard in the church for a period of time before they reach adulthood."

"I have arranged them all in the confessional room, and this opportunity has been given to you."

"As for whether you can grasp it and save 40 years of hard work, it depends on you."

"Hiss! Thank you! Dear Father Lance!"

Lance's words immediately cheered up the young guard, and his face became sunny and resolute.

"You're welcome!"

Lance used force in his hand and snatched the last silver coin from his hand.

Then he patted the young guard on the shoulder with satisfaction, pointed at the statue of the demon princess and said.

"Remember, she will seduce ignorant young men into the abyss of desire."

"Hate her! Despise her! Don't be tempted by her!"

"She will make you think about a woman's body all the time, remember!"

"Women are just pink skeletons! They have no effect except to weaken the hero's will!"

"Remember! Women are dung. If she dares to remind you of women in the future, just think of dung!"

"Yes, Father, I just think about dung, dirt."

The young guard's face looked a little ugly, but Lance had a smile on his face.

"Yes, that's the expression. If you keep it like this, no woman will be able to seduce you!"

At this moment, a church carriage drove slowly towards the city lord's palace.

Lance's eyes lit up, and he rushed forward holding the Holy Book of Light.

"Ah! May the God of Light be with you!"

"May the light always shine on us, Father Lance, what are you doing?"

The curtain of the carriage was lifted, and a kind old priest with a gray beard was looking at Lance who was blocking the carriage in confusion.

"It turns out to be Father Edward. You also came to the City Lord's Mansion to host the wedding?"

"also?"

The old priest looked at Lance with doubts on his face:

"But didn't the people from the City Lord's Mansion say they want me to host the wedding?"

"It's like this, old priest, haven't you been constipated recently? You've been squatting in the toilet for half a day."

"The people in the City Lord's Mansion were afraid that you would be unable to get out of the toilet again, so I decided to host the wedding instead."

"Oh, I am getting old and there is nothing I can do. I feel like I am about to be called by the Lord."

"But I'm already at the door, so I can't justify not attending the wedding of City Lord Liszt."

"Well, if the host of the wedding is changed, it will be changed. I won't care about this matter, but I still need to go in and give him a gift."

"Father Edward, there is no need to follow the courtesy. Liszt's comrades are competing in martial arts and drinking madly inside. It would be bad if I accidentally hurt you."

"Hey, how can this be done? You still have to follow the etiquette."

"Father Edward, the city master appreciates your kindness. Look, this is the gift that the city master Liszt specially asked me to bring to you, the water of life from the elves."

With a warm smile on his face, Lance took out a small, beautifully shaped bottle from his arms and handed it to Father Edward.

"This is the water of life!"

Edward's old face was obviously excited.

Lance uncorked the bottle and urged:

"Father Edward, drink it quickly. This stuff evaporates very quickly."

"oh oh!"

Father Edward quickly raised the bottle and drank the liquid in the bottle carefully.

"It's warm, what a good thing!"

Father Edward said, stroking his belly contentedly.

"Yes, it's a good thing. It enhances immunity, improves microcirculation, is nutritious, helps digestion, and can also moisturize the intestines and relieve constipation!"

"Oh, um~!"

Father Edward's stomach soon began to growl.

"Toilet! Toilet!"

Father Edward was so anxious that he didn't even want the carriage. He jumped off the carriage and headed for the city lord's palace.

"Father Edward, the toilet in the City Lord's Mansion is at the very back! It's too late!"

Lance grabbed the old priest, pointed to the alley in the distance and said:

"I know there is a toilet nearby. It has good lighting and ventilation. You can reach it by entering the alley and turning left and then right."

"Thank you!"

The old priest clutched his stomach, shook off Lance's hand and ran away.

"Father Edward! Do you have any paper?"

The old priest was shocked when he heard this, took out the atonement scroll in his arms, shook it towards Lance, and said shyly:

"I have!"