How can I get confused with the top start

Thousands of threads will not change in the end, let him gather and divide as he likes.

Shaohua has no roots in laughing.

The good wind sent me to Qingyun by force! ]

Every episode of the variety show will share a poem from "Dream of Red Mansions". In order to let the show pass the review and cover it with the skin of promoting classical culture, Mango TV has a lot of work.

Pang Pu, Wei Tongzi, and the follow-up cameraman Jelly took their places. They walked into the study room. Chu Zhi watched the replays of the highlights of the previous episodes. Other stars spoiled fans in this session. He completed this step in the karaoke room and started to torture of.

Some people want to ask, is it necessary to set up a person for a lifetime for fans to see, in front of the camera, isn't it tiring?

Chu Zhi just wanted to answer, that would be really cool, he could act for a lifetime.

Some people love to act by nature, such as the emperor beast Chu Zhi, who didn't give him too many opportunities and stages in his previous life, so he is right in this life.

Chapter 63 Depression and Suicide Notes

Chu Zhi's study perfectly fits people's definition of a study, with a lot of books. The small study room of more than 50 square meters has three walls, all of which are built with sky-high bookcases, and there are more than 2000 books in the visual inspection.

"Where do we start?" Pump said.

The photographer Jelly panned the mirror and looked around very interestingly. Since it was an exploration session, the two communicators first read a few books piled up next to the books according to the barrage in the live broadcast room, "Round Hole", "Shining White and Black" ", "Li Si's Four Poems Collection", "Ponderousse Poems Collection" and so on.

They are all famous poetry collections from parallel worlds, which are works that do not exist on Earth. Chu Zhi laid the groundwork for them in a small way.

It's not the right time to not reveal any news about writing poems on the Internet in front of the camera.

"Does Teacher Chu like poetry very much? I took notes." Pang Pu flipped through.

"It's just a random sentence written after reading a poem, it's of no value." Chu Zhi explained.

Immediately afterwards, Pang Pu rummaged through the study room and found many things that Chu Zhi left on purpose.

For example, report clipping. One of Yuanshen’s hobbies is to cut out the newspaper’s criticisms of him, and then frame them in a diary, thinking about correcting them one day, although most of them have not been corrected.Of course, Chu Zhi also admired Yuanshen's behavior, because he didn't care about criticism at all, and Yuanshen still had the consciousness of wanting to correct it.

While answering Pang Pu's question, Chu Zhi lamented her own kindness. Originally, there were photos of grandpa and photos with her parents in the study, which could be sold badly, but they were put away in the early stage.

Why is there no fan circle that you like to hear and see?Pang Pu was puzzled, and then he thought that it was exaggerated in the karaoke room, and it seemed that there was really no other way.

"Brother Jiu loves learning, loves poetry and loves life", "Can you look at the cabinet under the orange desk instead of just the drawer", "Where are the fan letters that you like to hear?", "Ajiu is the best!"...

The content of the barrage is varied.

No one noticed that Wei Tongzi's expression was more serious. She wanted to find out the clues of the idol's depression. After deliberation in the morning, Wei realized that the idol might not want to be known, but the hardships of the road must be known to the little fruits. Idols cannot be left alone.

The best ninth brother will be guarded by our little fruit, Wei Tongzi made a decision in his heart.

"Huh? What's that pile on the top?" Wei Tongzi's gaze was fixed. There was a cardboard box on the top shelf near the corner of the bookshelf, roughly the size of a basketball and a few tennis balls, half covered by books.

She built a bench and moved the small box down, bumping into two books in the process, "Ping Ping Ping Ping—" the noise made by the books falling to the ground.

Pang Pu and Chu Zhi, who were chatting, were attracted to them. Although they explored freely, climbing up and down was exaggerated.

Pang Pu immediately said: "Tongtong, be gentle in front of the show, especially in front of your idol. Did Teacher Chu take out all the toys from childhood?"

While talking, Pang Pu paid attention to Chu Zhi from the corner of his eye. If he showed embarrassment, he would immediately find a way to change the subject and not take pictures of the cardboard boxes.

In front of the chrysanthemum and wolfberry tea, Pang Pu was definitely afraid that things would not be a big deal, but now he didn't realize it, subconsciously defending the guests, not from the perspective of the show.

"Exploring Baoyu, we must explore Baoyu well." Wei Tongzi replied, "Is there a toy inside?"

After confirming that there was no change in the faces of the guests, Pang Pu signaled Jelly to follow suit.

"It's nothing, it's probably other songs I wrote, and it's not suitable for this album." Chu Zhi explained.

Wei Tongzi pulled it out to have a look, there are two numbered notations, the first notation is normal, it is a song called "Light Falling in Life", the lyrics are warm and warm love songs: [You are a bouquet falling in my world] Light, come to me, all things grow. ...]

The key is the name of the second song, "You Are Not Real Happiness". She can't sing even if she can't read the numbered notation. She just watched intently, and the camera moved over to capture—

[Crowd crying

You just want to be a transparent color,

You will never dream again, or pain or heartbeat.

you have decided,

you have decided,

You are quiet and bear with it.

Hold yesterday tightly in your fists,

[…]

But she is literate and can read it. There is a lyric that she couldn't help but read aloud: "You are not really happy, your smile is just a protective color you wear, you decide not to hate, and you decide not to love, put your soul , imprisoned forever, locked body..."

The lyrics made Wei Tongzi's heart twitch. Is the gentle smile on his mouth just a protective look?Pang Pu is a man with a different way of thinking. His first reaction was, the lyrics are well written, why not use them in the new album, because it doesn’t fit the theme of the album?

Wei Tongzi raised his head and saw that Chu Zhi opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something. The next file was a document, a case, a diagnostic case, a diagnosis report from the Mental Health Center of Shanghai, and a very bad feeling enveloped him instantly.

[Name: Chu Zhi

Department: Psychological Counseling and Treatment Clinic, Clinic Number: 154278454

Sex: Male

Age: 22 years old

Occupation: Other

Marriage: Unmarried

日期：2019－8－15，13：16

……

Main statement: Headache, auditory and visual hallucinations, insomnia and persistent nightmares, depressed mood and strong suicide intention

Results of Self-Rating Depression Scale (SDS): Subjects had severe depressive symptoms

Evaluation results of the Self-Rating Anxiety Scale (SAS): The subjects had moderate anxiety

Examination: Collision bruises on hands and legs

Mental examination: clear consciousness, strong auditory hallucinations, normal dialogue, slow speech, slow thinking, weak will to survive, and a small amount of self-awareness.

Diagnosis: Major depressive state, moderate anxiety disorder

Treatment advice:

1. Review and receive psychological treatment on time every week, communicate with friends more, and maintain a good attitude.

2. Oral mirtazapine tablets 15mg once in the morning and evening, estazolam tablets orally 2mg every night, and duloxetine hydrochloride enteric-coated capsules orally 20mg once at noon and evening.

3. Standardize work, rest and diet, regularly check blood concentration, blood routine, liver function and electrocardiogram after taking the medicine.

4. If you feel unwell, see a doctor in time and follow up regularly. ]

Below it is the doctor's signature and the hospital's red badge.

It's not over yet, below the case is a letter, and there are very few words on it, only two lines——

[Sorry, I feel like I can't hold on anymore, sorry, sorry.

I'm not adopted, I'm not married, please believe me, please. 】

The symptoms on the case, plus the remaining medicine in the small box, needless to say what this letter is.

suicide note!

It's a suicide note.

Two heavy characters hit people's minds, Wei Tongzi and Jelly temporarily lost their ability to think, and even the well-informed Pang Pu temporarily lost his ability to speak.

The dense barrage in the live broadcast room decreased a lot in a short time, because whether it was a medical case or a suicide note, it was clearly displayed in the eyes of the little friends in the live broadcast room through the camera.

Not to mention the fans couldn't stand it, even passers-by were crushed into silence by the huge sense of oppression.

Chapter 64 Children of a Beautiful World

The suicide note written by the original body is in the memo on the mobile phone. The text version is copied by Chu Zhi. "The Light that Falls into Life" was temporarily put in after he won the gift bag of miscellaneous songs. How to say...

Chu Zhi's body trembled unconsciously, it wasn't acting, and she exposed the scars in her heart to the public, bloody, and ugly wounds, which would be extremely stressful for normal people, let alone depression.

"It's okay, no one will scold you anymore, people believe that you are not adopted, and you are not married, be good, don't be afraid." Chu Zhi said to Yuanshen in his heart, not sure if it was his psychology or Yuanshen. The residual reaction of the body, after saying this to the original body in the heart, the trembling of the body stopped.

Movie Emperor Beast suddenly felt the subtle sense of rejection between himself and his body disappear, which also meant that the last trace of the original body's remaining feeling in the body also dissipated, and the original body completely disappeared in the parallel world, leaving nothing behind.

Letting people know what exactly the child went through was one of the purposes of Chu Zhi's tricks.

Gudong.

The study room is so quiet that the sound of saliva can be heard. What is a professional photographer?Tactical leaning back, Jelly is professional, even if he has not regained his senses, his hands are not consciously aimed at the person involved, so the guest's reaction from trembling to returning to calm is broadcast live without reservation.

"Teacher Chu..." Wei Tongzi's tears welled up in his eyes, distress and fear coexisted.

Distress is easy to understand. Passers-by who are not Xiaoguo will also feel distressed when they see this situation. The fear comes from the fact that she did not expect the matter to be so serious. She just wants more Xiaoguo to know that her idol has depression and give more support.I didn't want to expose the idol's scars completely, including the suicide note.

"It's a thing of the past, so it's okay to say it." Chu Zhi didn't have much expression on her face.

"I..." Wei Tongzi wished he could slap himself twice.

It's all like this, and I have to ask Brother Nine to comfort you in turn, why are you so capable?Wei Tongzi blamed himself in his heart.

The barrage exploded and cracked: "Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh ” “5555” “There are many things I want to say, but I don’t know where to start, Chu Zhi looks quite normal Yes", "I want to hug an orange", "No"...

The message in the live broadcast room has a little science: "Auditory hallucinations are the main symptom of mental illness. Generally speaking, they are a typical feature of schizophrenia. In the case of depression, only when the disease is severe to a certain extent can there be segmental command hallucinations. Listen. So it is not an exaggeration to say that Brother Jiu's depression is severe..."

The atmosphere in the study room was tense, and the good live broadcast had to continue, and the guests had to speak to break the silence. Chu Zhi felt that she had endured too much for the show.

"If Brother Pang and Tongtong have any questions, you can ask them directly." Chu Zhi said, "Don't delay the recording of the program."

"Cough cough." Pang Pu coughed dryly. Having seen the strong wind and waves, he quickly adjusted, and asked straightforwardly: "Mr. Chu, is this a suicide note? When was it written?"

"August [-]th, it's indeed a suicide note." Chu Zhi said, "I'm going to take sleeping pills after I finish writing it, um—that's not accurate."

"I swallowed sleeping pills. At that time, I felt that the whole world was targeting me."

"Of course I know that's just my belief, because the world doesn't have time for me."

Chu Zhi also made a little joke when she was telling the story, but of course no one could laugh, so she paused and continued: "For more than two months, I desperately hope that someone can prove my innocence. My people came out to clarify, I obviously didn't do it."

"So I read Weibo every day, hoping for a reversal, but I see bad comments every day."

"Even if you don't watch it later, just use your mobile phone, push various software, there are similar news [Where is the lower limit of the entertainment circle, I hope the country can severely punish unethical stars], [Use money to suppress other people's quota, analyze the future son champion tricky] and so on."

"It started to have nightmares. I still remember a nightmare. In the dream, I went back to when I was a child, and my parents reached out to me to hug me. When I rushed towards me, my mother suddenly said [Why did you become a liar? Children, even if you are married, you still have to lie about not being married], Dad said [blame us for not teaching you well, and why don’t you hurry up to apologize].”

Although the tone was like that of a bystander, and there was no ups and downs in the narration of the experience, but none of the three present, Pang Pu, Wei Tongzi, and Jelly, would think that this experience had no ups and downs.

To what extent do you have to be tortured?To have such a nightmare.

The nightmare described was Yuan's own experience, and Chu Zhi told the story of depression from the perspective of a bystander.

"Because of having nightmares, my mental state is not very good. I always have chest tightness and headaches. For a month in a row, I feel that I can hear a faint voice saying to me [go to death], [you go to death] when I sleep. ], even with earplugs, there is no way to block it, even if I hit my arms and legs hard, the pain can't make this sound disappear from my ears."

"It lasted for more than two months. I thought I couldn't hold it anymore, so I wrote a suicide note and took sleeping pills." Chu Zhi didn't go into more detail, and quickly concluded the story.

Don’t think that the medicines prescribed in the medical certificate do not have sleeping pills. Sleeping pills are a general term for drugs, not their names. For example, zopiclone and zaleplon are both sleeping pills, as are estazolam tablets prescribed in the natural medical certificate. Generally, sleeping pills in hospitals are prescribed in outpatient clinics. Prescribed for a week, the estazolam tablet topped the [-]-square-meter tablet.

But if a person really wants to commit suicide, there is nothing doctors can do, and the country has no choice. Sleeping pills only belong to the second category of psychotropic drugs, and there is no first-class control like ID card network registration. Hospitals, public security departments, health departments, etc. share information. In the parallel world, sleeping pills can Go to different hospitals to buy repeatedly.

It doesn’t work on the earth, and the second-class drugs on the earth are also connected to the Internet.

They all thought it was very convenient to take sleeping pills to commit suicide without pain, but it was the scenes of film and television dramas that deceived people, and Chu Zhi knew it very clearly from memory.

"Who rescued Teacher Chu?" Wei Tongzi didn't notice that her voice was trembling slightly.

"Maybe I didn't swallow enough pills and woke up by vomit." Chu Zhi explained, and he also sincerely hoped that the original body was woken up by choking instead of dying.

He said solemnly: "Basically, sleeping pills contain epecoline on purpose. The emetic effect is specially created by pharmaceutical institutions. When you want to keep swallowing, your stomach will be very uncomfortable. They are also to prevent people from using sleeping pills to commit suicide. , During the process of swallowing sleeping pills, your stomach and throat feel like swallowing sulfuric acid, and then the vomit will block the breathing ducts. Those in movies and TV dramas who take sleeping pills and die easily are all fiction."

Wei Tongzi asked again: "How... did you survive?"

Pang Pu shook his head in his heart. Will he be more tactful? How can he survive? In case the guest still has suicidal thoughts in his heart, he should ask, "How is Teacher Chu doing now? The truth will come to light."Wei Tongzi completely lost the composure of the host at the moment, and automatically acquiesced to what he hoped for in his heart, and it was reasonable to think about it. How rational is it that the idol almost died.

"As for how to survive - just to talk about this topic, I also hope to say something to my fans, or passers-by who have seen the video." Chu Zhi turned sideways to the camera and said: "I know, life There will be many insurmountable problems that will make you unable to survive."

"Before I committed suicide, I thought countless times, can someone help me, lend a helping hand, but no, I know the feeling of being abandoned by everyone around me, so I think I can be the one who lends a helping hand. "

"So I wrote "Backlight" to tell the fans, it's not that no one cares, I really care about you." Chu Zhi said: "We have persisted for so many years, let's persist for a while, okay, persist for a few more years, I invite everyone to watch my [-]th anniversary concert for free."

Not to mention Wei Tongzi, Pang Pu was made to cry by his words, but he was very professional, still holding the small lifting board in both hands, and did not wipe his tears, so there were two lines of tears on his face.