Overturned Tower

"...Don't talk about it for now, is it okay?"

"it does not matter."

Delphinium, on the other hand, smiled tolerantly, and comforted in a low voice: "It doesn't matter whether you can't speak, or you can't speak, or your heart is hazy...it doesn't matter.

"When you want to talk, I will always be there. No matter when or where... This is my promise to you as your chief."

"...is it just sir?"

Russell couldn't help asking.

Hearing this, he always felt a little empty in his heart.

If you want to describe it, it should be a "cognitive gap".

I already have a lot of knowledge about delphinium's past, but the other party still doesn't know anything about me—this gap in cognition creates a kind of gravitational potential energy between hearts.Just by looking at the delphinium, Russell would want to tell her something.

Seeing Russell who was restless, Delphinium squeezed his ears a little funny: "Otherwise?"

"I just think……"

"Thinking about how to pick me up?"

Delphinium smiled and asked straightforwardly.

As she spoke, she raised her left hand slightly: "I still hold this hand and don't want to let it go."

This made Russell's cheeks turn a little red, and he let go of Delphinium's hand like an electric shock.

But at this moment, Delphinium reached out to chase after him very naturally, and grabbed the back of his hand with his backhand.

Delphinium propped her cheek with her right hand, looking sideways with a smile on her face.

Her snow-white hair hung messily by her ears, making her look a little lazy.

"I didn't say no."

She leaned over and whispered in Russell's ear: "But have you thought about it? My love is poisonous... I once killed my favorite grandpa."

"I……"

Russell opened his mouth.

Delphinium chuckled, and loosened Russell's hand.

"You hesitated."

she affirmed.

"……Yes."

Russell took a deep breath and nodded slowly.

He did have a crush on Delphinium, but that was closer to the heat of the head after hearing the story.

But now that I have calmed down a little bit, I will find that it is just "like", or a little "pity" and "respect".

It's not even close to "love".

Not to mention putting in life and death.

"It's better to hesitate."

The corners of Delphinium's mouth raised slightly, and she said with relief: "If you hesitate, it means you are thinking. You are rational about feelings, seriously... that's good.

"I don't want short-term relationships. Otherwise, I'd have a boyfriend when I was in school... It's a bit bragging to say it, but I actually think I'm pretty cute."

Russell nodded in agreement.

She is indeed a rare beauty.Just sitting outside, you will be accosted.

Even in terms of Russell's adopted aesthetics, it can be called beautiful and generous.

Otherwise, he would not be easily charmed by Delphinium.

To put it bluntly... If another person were to tell the story of the past, maybe Russell would only feel pity, sadness and regret in his heart, and would never have the urge to "like".

As if aware of what Russell was thinking, Delphinium also said bluntly: "I also think you are very cute and suit my taste. That's why I told you these things.

"However, what I want... is a permanent covenant for a lifetime. If the relationship is based on marriage, we will know too little about each other. It is far from the appearance, ability, background, and appearance of character alone." It’s far from enough. The determination, seriousness, and responsibility required for this relationship are not something that can be promised on a first date.”

"……what?"

Russell was stunned: "Is this a date?"

He thought it was just pure psychotherapy.

"You can understand it as yes, or you can understand it as no."

Delphinium came over and touched Russell's head, showing a gentle expression: "For some girls, just walking together is a date; for some girls, going out to eat and having fun together is just getting along."

"how about you?"

"I can do it. It depends on what you think."

She reached out and stroked her left breast, where the heart was.

Delphinium sighed helplessly: "Now that things have happened, I don't dare to fall in love easily. Being in love with me is not a happy thing... I can't even imagine what kind of love will be brewed in that kind of love." New poison."

"...I know some girls too. But they are very tight-lipped about their true criteria for choosing a partner, about their emotions and thoughts."

Russell felt that he was not good at it: "You are not shy."

"Have they killed so many people and so many demons like me?"

Delphinium propped up her face, smiled and said terrible words: "After deeply realizing my own ugliness and understanding my true heart... a girl's longing for fairy tales is over. I need to seriously think about it. It is the reality of the future. Not illusory dreams and fantasies.

"...In the end, I also want to live such an ordinary life, dreaming the dreams that girls should dream, and having unrealistic fantasies."

She drank the last sip of fruit tea, raised the cup and shook it at Russell, and then got up.

At this moment, the barbecue was finally served.

Delphinium first helped Russell bring chopsticks and plates, poured him a glass of lemonade, and helped him replace the hot milk with new ones.

Then she brought her own portion and distributed it to Russell's full dipping saucer: "I remember you like to eat non-spicy ones. So I brought you a portion of dry ingredients and sauces. tell me when."

"Ah, yes...thank you."

After Russell took it, he whispered: "I have a bit of a cat's tongue. I can't eat spicy or hot food."

He has a strange sense of dislocation.

For the first time, he experienced this feeling of "sit in the seat and don't move at all" when he went out to eat with other people.

It's like he's the one who's being taken care of on a date, as the female side... while Delphinium is more like a calm, mature and active, reliable brother-like character.

When Delphinium was seated again, he brought Russell a disposable napkin.

She pulled Russell over and helped Russell put on the napkin carefully.Prevent the juices from the barbecue from splashing on you and staining your clothes.

At that moment, Russell had some inexplicable and inexplicable touches.

After the delphinium sat down, he continued the previous topic and said with a light smile: "But how should I put it... Maybe poverty is also a disease. Just reading its case book, you know that dreams and fantasies are a kind of disease. Unfavorable, unpalatable drink. Like wine."

"I think... the world is the one that is really sick."

Russell whispered.

Delphinium stared at him steadily, then nodded slowly.And staggered his eyes, picked up the barbecue and put it on the hot barbecue plate.

"Yeah," she said softly, "I think so sometimes too.

"Friend after friend fell or died before me, and I protected innocent lives and took the lives of equally innocent people.

"Some people have tried their best just to live, while others are doing their best to destroy the lives of others. Some people have done nothing wrong, but they have to experience despair... Some people make many mistakes and it doesn't hurt.

"Some people have changed their faces like beasts since they were born; some people have been alive and haven't aged for 1000 years.

"If it is said that the world is sick, I would feel relieved. After all, as long as it is a disease, there will be a day when it will be cured."

Delphinium helped Russell turn the barbecue, and whispered softly without looking back.

It was as if he was just talking to himself.

"... Rather, what I'm afraid of is that it's not sick. I'm afraid that this world should be like this... Isn't that the deepest despair?"

Chapter No.17 The Dog Walks the Cat

After that, Russell and Delphinium did not discuss some heavy stuff.

They deliberately changed the topic, discussing some anecdotes in daily life and work, as well as offensive skills under several typical forms of network defense.

But at that time, Delphinium also said some words that can be remembered deeply by Russell...

For example... When the two discussed the inferior, Delphinium persuaded Russell very seriously:

"In fact, at the beginning, I was very worried about conflicts between you."

"... Me? How could that be?" Russell asked in puzzlement. "The inferior one acts frankly. The most important thing is to know the technique of self-criticism. This is a friend worthy of trust and friendship."

Otherwise, Russell would not consider helping the poor get rid of the shackles of "fate" on him.

Unlike his immature appearance, Russell is not such an enthusiastic, carefree young man who wants to save everyone.

Perhaps in his previous life, when he was a teenager, he would have had the same thought.But when he grew up, he knew it was impossible.

Because people's interests are in conflict in many cases.This is exactly the animal nature of human beings—in the struggle against the outside world, there is always a struggle against the inside.Whether it is fighting against the outside world or against the inside, the essence is to allow yourself to survive better and for the continuation of future generations.

In the struggle against the outside world—enemies, nature, disasters, etc., people are so noble that they are willing to sacrifice. So despicable and cruel.This is the instinct for the continuation of the "self" imprint within the population.

The social nature of human beings... the state, laws, morals, and rules exist precisely to resist this animal nature.

And this world is completely different from the last one.

In this world, people more or less have animal characteristics, animal instincts, and animal temperaments.The social constraints are reduced to the weakest.

Comparing the two worlds, amidst the overwhelming wild instincts...the bestiality, goodness, and viciousness that belong to human beings are so prominent and remarkable.

— There is no difference.

Russell has such a clear understanding.

Under such circumstances, one is always aware of one's own shortcomings, does not blame others for one's faults, and is willing to take responsibility bravely... At the same time, one has the awareness of self-sacrifice, and the ability to fight against an invincible enemy. persistent.

The bad ones are already quite good people.

It's a friend you can make.

"That's because you have a kindness in yourself."

Delphinium replied like this at the time: "You may not feel it yourself. But the temper of a bad person is actually quite annoying... because he always points out the faults of others, and he never knows how to be euphemistic. The character of the inferior makes it easy to conflict with others. When he gives advice, he always fails to give advice... Over time, even wise people will avoid him and dare not ask him for guidance.

"It seems that he is too self-centered... Many people think so. But in the end, it is just his own confusion that is passed on to others."

"In my opinion, it's rather the opposite."

Russell shook his head, delighted at delphinium's habit of analyzing others: "In my opinion, it's precisely because the inferior doesn't take his own existence seriously. There is a kind of self-defeating in his heart." Self-destructive desire, which allows him to take pleasure in the pain of self-criticism."

"That comes from the inferiority complex deep in his heart."

Delphinium pointed out the root cause of the inferior nature: "Although people have to use low self-esteem as a springboard to jump higher and farther. But after he jumps up, he will never forget to step on that place in his life. The tactile feel on the springboard.

"Because of this, the essence of his anger is confusion, and the essence of his arrogance is low self-esteem. He is a very good and sensible child, but he still lacks an opportunity for him to grow up... If he says because of anger, If something is rude, I hope you can bear with him for two days. If he says something wrong, he will definitely apologize to you within two days...usually within the same day. "

"I'll let him. With that guy's personality, he's not stingy with digging out cancerous tumors in his flesh. I don't have any doubts about apologizing for his wrongdoings and making up for this behavior."

Russell nodded and readily agreed.

It is precisely because he admires the character of the inferior that he regards him as a friend.

And once he regards the inferior as a friend, Russell can no longer turn a blind eye to his painful fate.

... But speaking of it, Russell felt a subtle sense of dislocation.

The underdog is half a year older than Russell—his age is the oldest in the Special Operations Department.

But now Russell and Delphinium are seriously discussing such things as "let the children order at ordinary times" and "give the children some space for self-reflection".

I have to say that this caused Russell to have a wonderful illusion: as if the inferior was the child of the two.

But Russell soon felt guilty about the vision.

——It’s not roommates who live together, and it’s not enough to become a father-son relationship...

The delphinium ended up eating twice Russell's ration of roast.Oddly enough, delphiniums don't look fat...and average in stature.