I want to have a date with Superman

"Hehe." At two o'clock in the morning, Constantine was leaning against the mottled old wall. His body was exhausted, but his expression was very excited, and a strange and proud laugh came from his mouth.

"Ahem." After laughing for a while, he couldn't help but cough violently.

When he opened the palm covering his mouth, he saw a pool of crimson and smelly blood.

"Damn it, my lungs hurt so much, it hurts so much that I almost can't feel anything." He cursed, spat bloody phlegm onto the floor where the magic circle was drawn, and lit another Silka cigarette.

I smoked seven or eight cigarettes in a row, and my stomach felt warm and full.

"Hehehehe" he stood up and let out a dark and decisive laugh again, "Fuck Satan's asshole!"

He ran to the kitchen, found whiskey next to the box containing half a piece of moldy pizza, and drank the remaining half bottle in one go.

He burped full of alcohol and threw away the empty bottle, "Crack!"

Then, he stood on tiptoe and rummaged through the display window where the plates were placed and found a hand-length knife.

Zha Kang opened his eyes and frowned. The knife had not been used for a long time and was stained with rust.

He looked around, threw the knife into the sink, bent down and picked up half a sharp glass bottle fragment from the dirty floor where debris had fallen.

Back in the living room, the glass piece was pressed against the right artery, and it was scratched hard.

"呲呲——" Dark red blood shot out, covering half of his face.

Lower your hands and let the blood flow.

In an instant, a pool of bright red accumulated on the wooden floor.

Zha Kang intuitively felt that the energy that was already lacking was quickly disappearing with the loss of blood.

"Bang -" He fell weakly on the sofa, and his vision began to blur.

"Tick tick tick." Blood's low voice was so clear that it seemed like it was the only thing left in the world.

"Tick-tock-tick." A second dripping sound appeared in his ear, not from his right wrist, but from the left side.

It also smells of sulfur and burnt asphalt.

Zha Kang wanted to smile, but the muscles at the corners of his mouth refused to obey, and he could only turn to the left with an expressionless expression.

A pair of big feet!

He saw a pair of paws with black nails that looked like cat claws.

There were wounds cut with sharp objects on the soles of the feet, insteps, and ankles, and a black liquid that looked like crude oil oozed from the wounds.

The liquid dripped onto the floor and immediately ignited the floor, emitting bursts of black smoke.

Constantine wanted to look up and see the owner of Bigfoot.

But he was weak and found it difficult to move.

He could only wait for the big foot to fall slowly and land on the wooden floor. He also saw the owner of the foot.

A cut man with disheveled hair, horns on his forehead, and only a strip of cloth wrapped around his waist.

"Satan? You look different from the last time I saw you. That time in Ireland, you dressed up like a gay gentleman with a family history of 800 years. Now you look like a tramp who has been taught a lesson by ten men with hot sausages. "

Constantine shook his lips a few times and said weakly.

While talking, he moved his left hand with difficulty and covered the wound on the artery of his right wrist with his palm.

"Satan has as many faces as there are ways for people to die. If you cut your own veins, I will greet you with a cut body."

“So that’s how it is”

"Constantine, I didn't expect you to commit suicide. But it's no wonder. You have terminal lung cancer and are desperate?"

Come, come with me, and I will lead you to eternal damnation!

Hehehe, from now on, you belong to me and you will belong to me forever.

I promise you that for an infinite number of days in the future, you will be able to enjoy ten times the pain and despair you feel now. "

Satan's golden eyes were filled with a cheerful smile.

"You, my cousin, are you here a little early? How many more minutes can I hold on?" Zha Kang scolded with a smile.

Satan said coldly: "I came to see you and see how miserable you are in the remaining few minutes."

"Don't look anymore, I'll tell you."

Constantine gritted his teeth and persisted, squeezing out the little strength left in his body like chewing sugarcane bagasse.

In an instant, his face was covered with cold sweat.

"The pain I feel now is like my belly is filled with the urine of Nazareth, hahaha"

Nazareth is the place name, replaced by Jesus. The urine of Nazareth is Zaccon's scornful name for holy water.

"I promise you, you will regret saying this for countless thousands of years to come." Satan said with a dull face.

"Boss, I understand that I am unparalleled and my soul is unique in the world, but you shouldn't be so obsessed with the bright future of Yiyin getting my soul that you ignore the present." Zha Kang forced a strange smile on his pale cheeks.

"What's wrong now?" Satan was stunned.

"Look around, is the light a little dark?" Zha Kang reminded.

"Dark?" Satan didn't react for a moment.

"A guy who likes to devour light is here."

Satan suddenly turned around, "Beelzebub, why did you invade my territory?"

"Invasion? No, Boss Lucifer, the soul of the person in front of you belongs to me, based on the oldest right in hell - the soul contract." The hesitant voice of Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies, came from the darkness.

"You signed a contract? When did it happen? I have already reached a 'hell contract' with him, don't you know?" Satan asked in surprise.

"What hell contract? I just signed a soul contract with him today, just two hours ago." Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies, felt something bad in his heart, and his tone became urgent, "Constantine, what did you do?"

"Hehehe, half a month ago, I went to Ireland to renew my life with my old brother Brendan.

He is a master of forbidden arts, and I want to find him for a life-saving prescription.

Unfortunately, I am addicted to cigarettes and he is addicted to alcohol. I have terminal lung cancer and he has terminal cirrhosis of the liver.

To make matters worse, that bastard has already signed a soul contract with your boss.

Shit, I've never seen a magician that stupid.

Others at least wanted power, but Brendan traded his soul and Satan for the knowledge and ability to brew wine.

Farke, stupid pig! "

The plot enters the Gao Dynasty, Constantine regains his consciousness, suddenly full of strength, and screams loudly.

Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies, glanced at Satan.

Lucifer looked gloomy and said nothing.

"Then what?"

"I know Brendan loves wine, so naturally I have to bring a small gift. Do you know what the best wine in the world is?" Zha Kang smiled lowly, "Many people think it is 'Paradise Mountain Wine', which comes from Gotham Cathedral. , the private holy pool of the Heavenly Mountain King.”

The Lord of the Flies glanced at the gloomy boss, "Use magic to turn the holy water of heaven into wine?"

Zha Kang nodded slightly and said proudly: "Everyone must have heard about the Arkham War God's banquet.

One of the drinks used at the banquet was the highest purity holy water wine.

I have an invitation letter to the God of War Banquet, and even though I’m late, I’m still drinking.

It just so happened that the night I went to Ireland to see Brendan happened to be when he passed away.

Just like today, His Majesty Satan arrived a few minutes early.

It seems that He is satisfied and happy in the wailing and begging for mercy of us unlucky contractors before death.

Well, this is not His Majesty Satan’s special habit. You bastards all have the same virtues. "

"You dare to insult the Lord of Hell?" The Lord of the Flies took a step forward, pretending to harvest his soul.

Zha Kang smiled sarcastically and remained unmoved.

Satan moved, stepped forward to stop Him, and said seriously: "Beelzebub, for the sake of my face, just pretend that you have never been here today."

"Boss Lucifer, I signed a contract with Constantine!" the Lord of the Flies said excitedly.

"Hehe, the authority of the ancient contract is very high, but the law of hell that 'humiliation must be repaid' cannot be violated." Zha Kang said with a smile: "The arrival of His Majesty Lucifer scared Brendan who was tasting wine with me to the point of peeing. , the soul of the dead leaves the body.

His Majesty found great satisfaction in his performance.

After that, I used some sweet words to get Him to accept my toast.

Hahahaha, He took the wine glass I handed over and clinked it with me,"

"Drank the holy water?" The Lord of the Flies stared in disbelief and said, "Can a trick like holy water and wine fool Satan?"

Zha Kang said proudly: "No matter how simple a trick, in the hands of a skilled magician, it can turn decay into magic and falsehood into reality.

Of course, no matter how real it is, its essence is still holy water.

As long as I snap my fingers, it can instantly turn back into holy water in your Lucifer belly. "

Under the shocked gaze of the Lord of the Flies, Satan became a little angry and said, "I was careless. He is as cunning as the witch."

"Holy water can kill ordinary demons, but for Satan, it is just a good medicine for diarrhea.

But while Satan was piercing his intestines and wailing, my old brother died.

Poor Brendan, lucky Brendan, who has done many evil things, took my helicopter card to heaven and happily entered the "sheepfold" of the Lord. "

Zha Kang gave the Lord of the Flies a weird smile, "So, you understand, right? Your boss was humiliated by a mortal mage again.

Tell me, how many times was He humiliated that night? "

"Only once." Lucifer said immediately.

The Lord of the Flies opened his mouth, wanting to say that drinking holy water and taking away the mage's soul that already belonged to him should be considered two things, two humiliations.

But then, he thought of the present. If he were to

"Well, just once," said the Lord of the Flies against his will.

Zha Kang laughed for a while, nodded and said: "Okay, once, there are already three anyway, one less is a lot, and one more is not much."

"What three?" The Lord of the Flies had a bad premonition.

"Bellyel, the king of lies, come out." Satan said gloomily.

The light in the room became even dimmer, and a dark shadow made up of thousands of faces emerged from the floor.

"I also signed a soul contract with him, just tonight, an hour ago, in this room." Belial said gloomily.

Constantine smiled and said: "I have humiliated His Majesty Satan, and according to the laws of hell, my soul should belong to him.

But I also signed a soul contract with the Lord of Flies and the King of Lies - as long as I die, my soul will belong to you.

Pay attention to your soul contract. It is a complete soul and cannot be divided.

By the way, this restriction was imposed by your majesties.

He said he was worried that I would use my soul to escape 'punishment', hehehe."

"Are you deliberately setting up a trap to deceive us?!"

The dark demonic flames on the Lord of Flies and the Lord of Lies rippled fiercely like water waves, exuding a variety of emotions such as annoyance, gloom, shame, anger, and murderous intent.

"Idiot, when you signed the contract with him, didn't you realize that he was already my prey? What's even more stupid is that he actually signed soul contracts with the two of you in a rented house, but you didn't notice anything unusual. !?" Satan said angrily.

"I" the Lord of the Flies opened his mouth and had no words to explain. He could only turn to Zha Kang and roared: "You bastard, what have you done and how did you do it?"

ps: This is a famous scene in the history of American comics, and it is also one of the pinnacles of Zha Kang's life.

Many Easterners, especially those in China today, find it difficult to understand and think this plot is extremely nonsense.

They felt that the mighty Lucifer was so much higher than Constant, so why should he be manipulated by him?

In fact, this is mainly the cultural difference between East and West.

First of all, Easterners deify the gods and deities, thinking that the gods are all right and that they are all noble beings who know everything.

Western gods are just powerful people with very similar personalities to humans.

Finally, as modern Chinese people, most of us now disapprove of the behavior of "the only person holding the pillar" when it comes to credit.

Well, in ancient times, we Chinese people actually paid great attention to credibility, but now, no matter whether it is a white cat or a black cat, it is a good cat if it catches mice.

Going a step further, there are some Westerners who are dishonest, but the "spirit of contract" is at least openly accepted by the general public.

This is why even Satan cannot break the contract - similarly, the Sanqing cannot break its agreement with mortals, not because of the morality of the Sanqing, but because of the power of the contract.

If it were the Eastern Immortal, all the rules of the contract would be broken free by the powerful magic power.

But in Western fantasy novels, no matter how powerful you are, no matter how humble others are, the contract you signed cannot be broken.