Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World



Chapter 160 – Paralympic Host Refuses to Void Florida Man's World Records as 99% of Athletes Self-Identified as Disabled

In this cultivation world, a person's strength was generally categorized into eight major tiers. Each tier was nicknamed as "Stage" so everybody could compare their strength with their peers.

The eight stages were as follows;

1st stage – Muscle Tempering Stage

2nd stage – Qi Condensation Stage

3rd stage - Foundation Establishment Stage

4th stage – Golden Core Stage

5th stage – Nascent Soul Stage

6th stage – Soul Formation Stage

7th stage – Soul Transformation Stage

8th stage – Quasi Immortal Stage

Each major stage was separated into nine minor ranks. Everybody started at the first rank. After a cultivator accumulated enough Qi, their rank naturally rose.

This general knowledge was widely accepted as the world's standard. There could be no other cultivation stage beyond the 8th stage. If there were, the person might be an immortal or someone who practiced an unorthodox cultivation method.

But in this case, the name of the new cultivation stage wasn't new to Yan Xiang and the people from the big clans. As their ancestors transcended the mortal realm, they were aware of the immortal realm's standards and cultivation bases.

Unlike the mortal ranks, the immortals were graded into nine major stages. Coincidentally, the first rank of immortal stages was the Earth Celestial Stage.

"An immortal?!" Yan Xiang was petrified.

Ivy, the blindfolded archlich, silently stared at the boulder. Her tattered black robe fluttered by the wind, revealing her jade white skin and her long legs. She pursed her lips, unsatisfied with the result.

"Your Holiness, can I use my full strength? This is humiliating."

Esen smacked Ivy's back. She cackled while her cold eyes glanced at Yan Zhu and Yan Xiang.

"That's enough. If you hit it too hard, the others won't have a chance to show their strength. Also, that sly fox will definitely find fault with us and disqualify our people again."

"… Understood, Your Holiness."

Ivy receded and stepped down from the stage. After Ivy got down, Leo gave her a new set of casual clothes as the tattered robe was too revealing. As she went commando under the short black robe, Leo, Gao Yan, and Tiger Swordsman could see almost everything whenever the wind blew.

"Little girl, put this on. You're practically naked."

Ivy looked up and gazed at Leo. She flinched and paused for a few seconds as if she saw something unexpected. After coming back to her senses, Ivy bowed like a medieval aristocrat.

"I'm grateful, Holy One. Your contribution will forever be remembered. The spirit will praise your generosity for millennia."

"…"

Something was wrong about her. Ivy's speech made Leo cringe. Still, Leo was curious about her. He leaned closer to her ear and whispered.

"Are you an arch lich?"

"Yes, Holy One."

"Can you also summon undead?"

"Yes, Holy One."

"I see. By the way, why are you calling me Holy One?"

"Because the purity of your Virgin Yang is as clean as newborn babies, yet your shadow hides the traces of death. Heaven's luck gathers around you, but you fail to grasp or use them. You and Her Holiness the Empress have a similar air. Since you are her equal, we cannot treat you the same way we treat cultivators. You deserve our utmost respect and worship."

"…"

She sounded too cryptic. Leo couldn't understand her.

While Leo sized up Ivy, the next servant of Esen proceeded to the boulder. However, Yan Xiang stopped them.

"Halt! You must be cheating! You all are disqualified!"

As Leo had predicted, Yan Xiang attempted to ruin their scheme once again. But this time, Esen confronted Yan Xiang.

"That's a baseless accusation. What's the evidence, smart ass?"

"Evidence? It's right here! Do you think I'm stupid?! Who do you think I am? I've been the emperor of this country for over 500 years, and I have met every quasi-immortal on the continent! Someone under 18 can't possibly reach the quasi-immortal stage!"

"Are you sure?" Esen held back her laughter.

"Of course! At the soul formation stage, it usually takes 10 years to complete one soul array to get stronger. Everybody needs at least 10 arrays to stabilize their foundation! Even the smartest and most talented cultivator still needed to spend 2-3 years per array!"

The other cultivators nodded as some of them already experienced such hardship. An average soul formation cultivator mostly spent at least 100 years getting stuck in this stage to refine their foundation before they advanced to the next rank. Thus, reaching the soul transformation stage under the age of 18 was impossible.

Still, Yan Xiang's words also contradicted his allies, who were his representatives. Everybody was younger than 18!

Esen caught on to the flaw of Yan Xiang's logic. She crossed her arms and tilted her head. Then, she glanced at Leo.

Leo had been listening to them. Since Esen didn't bother pointing out the faults, he had no choice but to take the initiative in the conversation. He stopped talking to Ivy and faced the emperor. Then, Leo pointed at Yan Xiang, mimicking a certain famous lawyer in a video game series.

"OBJECTION! RELEVENCE!"

"…What?" Yan Xiang frowned. "What do you object, Immortal Florida Man? Relevance? Do you think my reasoning is irrelevant?"

Leo smirked and stepped on the arena stage.

"It is indeed irrelevant, emperor. Do you think everybody in this world has to follow your standard, or else, their achievement is unacceptable?"

"Yes! Look. You are an immortal. Tell me. How long did it take for you to become what you are today? How many years did you spend as a mortal?!"

Leo smirked, "165!"

Yan Xiang burst into laughter, "See? You even spent a long time as a mortal!"

"165 years is the time I took I spent training from the 1st stage mortal to THIS!"

Leo clenched his fist, and a thunderous sound and black electrical statics erupted from his palm. Then, his entire right arm turned black as his cancer cells charged their energy, getting ready to unleash a black lightning bolt upon his foe.

The sky instantly turned black. Dark clouds gathered as if they came here to answer Leo's summon. Thunderbolts of various colors flashed in the sky.

"…"

Yan Xiang and others widened their eyes in astonishment and disbelief. Some of them had barely survived green or purple lightning bolts. However, they saw yellow, orange, red, and black lightning flash in the clouds.

Leo steeled the topic back to the point. He released his hand, and the tribulation clouds dispersed. His right arm also returned to normal.

"You see, Mr. Spineless Kim Jung Un. Although I stagnated for several ten thousand years doing nothing but eating and farming, I only needed 100ish years to become what I am today. Therefore, you cannot enforce your standard to the foreigners, whose standard is superior to your cheap 3rd world country's ass."

"W-What?"

Leo patted on Esen's head. Then, he winked at her.

"Esen, when you first learned a cultivation technique, how old were you?"

Esen smirked, "Seven!"

"Then, how long did it take for you to reach your current stage?"

Again, Esen laughed and came up with a random number, "Seven!"

The crowd widened their eyes in astonishment. They murmured, doubting Leo's reasoning. Everybody still believed that both Yan Xiang and Leo cheated, but they waited to see how Leo would come up with an excuse.

Leo turned to Ivy next, "What about you? How old were you when you stopped being a commoner?"

Ivy remained expressionless. She spoke the truth, "Ten."

"And how long did it take from the commoner stage to your current stage?"

"If we count the training period and the baptism period, three years."

"WHAT?!" Yan Xiang and his people couldn't believe it, "Liar! You must be older than 17! You must have drunk a lot of rejuvenation tea!"

Leo widely grinned. He turned back and started attacking Yan Xiang's logic. 

"By your logic, nobody under 18 should reach the soul transformation stage?"

"Of course!"

"Then, what in the frozen hell are those guys over there, there, there, there, and there? If I remember correctly, there are a bunch of young brats with that strength. How are you going to explain that?"

"…"

Yan Xiang's expression turned stiff. He widened his eyes and touched his mouth, realizing that he slipped up. Yan Zhu, Ouyang Ke, and Situ Bai bitterly laughed as they already realized it long ago, but nobody dared to stop Yan Xiang from screwing himself.

"Let me question you again, you idiot sandwich. By your standard, do you think those 14-year-old brats are so talented that they got stronger faster than so many white-haired geezers around here?!"

"…"

"Tell me, donkey emperor! You said yourself that it's impossible to become a soul transformation cultivator by the age of 18. Then, what in the sunny Ohio are those kids?! Did you cheat, donkey docker?!"

Yan Xiang was at a loss for words. He was aware of his mistake, and he couldn't come up with an excuse.

Situ Bai couldn't sit still anymore. He stepped up and refuted Leo.

"There is no fixed standard, Immortal Florida Man! Our people are just too talented!"

"Then, nobody cheated?" Asked Leo.

"Of course not! How could we cheat in this prestige event?!"

"I see! So, none of you cheated, am I right?"

"Exactly!"

"Good. Now, donkey docking emperor. Are you going to accuse my people that we are cheating?"

Yan Xiang frowned. He smacked his lips and was about to press on the accusation.

However, Situ Bai jumped up on the boulder and whispered in the emperor's ear.

"P-Please stop what you're doing, Your Majesty. If you keep accusing them, they might really kill us all. They're probably the immortal friends of Florida Man."

Yan Xiang glared at Situ Bai, "And what are we going to do? Send our men to their deaths? If we let them enter the tournament, we can't win!"

Situ Bai coughed and reminded Yan Xiang of their objective.

"You Majesty, we simply need to buy time for our ancestors to arrive. Even though we can't win this tournament, he has already shown his weaknesses. One of them is merely a nascent soul cultivator. As long as we can kill that guy to avenge the second prince, the rest of us can forfeit the tournament. Then, we will have the last laugh since he can't do anything about the dead disciple!"

"…"

Yan Xiang disliked the plan as it was pre-determined that their side would lose. Still, facing multiple immortals was too risky. He had no choice but to find a way to save his representatives from Leo's wrath.

"Alright," Yan Xiang made up his mind. "We can't judge cultivators by anybody's standard. So be it. Go ahead and show us what your representatives can do!"

Getting the permission, Leo was satisfied. He gestured to Esen and the other two to end this farce.

"Esen, you go last. Let your subordinates show a bit of their strength. Use the minimum force."

Esen acknowledged the order. She commanded the boy to go first.

"Go, Marc. Use one-tenth of your strength like how your sister did."

The boy knight with a large bastard sword beamed her with a bright smile, "Okay, Your Holiness. I'll do my best!"

He rushed to the boulder. Without using his sword, he lightly poked it with his finger.

PU!

His finger left behind a hole in the flat surface. Then, the boulder of verification revealed the brief information of the boy.

.

Name: Marc Dullahan

Age: 12

Cultivation Base: 9th Rank Quasi Immortal Stage

Power Output: 5th Rank Earth Celestial Stage

.

Marc looked up. Even though he was blindfolded, he could see everything clearly. Upon seeing the result, he gasped.

"Whoops. I overdid it."

Marc nervously looked back. Then, he noticed Esen's death glare. He immediately bowed 90 degrees, "I'm so sorry, Your Holiness! I didn't mean to!"

PLOP

Because Marc bowed too fast, his head slightly slipped off from his neck. Fortunately, Marc noticed it and immediately grabbed his head before it fell off his neck. Then, he returned to the Ivy's side while sweating profusely.

Esen slightly shook her head and complained, "Still an idiot as usual."

Leo laughed, "He's cute, though. He looks like an innocent boy."

"You won't laugh at him anymore if you see him fight seriously."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm looking forward to it. What about the other girl?"

Leo and Esen gazed at the last silver-haired girl in a gothic dress. As she came here without a storage ring or a weapon, Leo was curious about her.

"Death Knight, I assume," Leo randomly guessed. 

"You got it! I'm surprised you know about her."

"Just guessing. I was thinking banshee or vampire, but she's too silent to be one of those. A stoic knight suits her more."

"Hahahaha! You're a fan of my Molg Empire, I see. Wanna join my kingdom?"

"Nope. You join mine, not the other way around."

"Tsk."

The girl in question silently walked toward the boulder. She gently stroked on its surface. Then, she turned around to leave without looking back at the result.

RUMBLE

The entire boulder cracked, forcing Yan Xiang and Situ Bai to jump down. The result appeared.

.

Name: Beatrice D. Knight

Age: 17

Cultivation Base: 9th Rank Quasi Immortal Stage

Power Output: 1st Rank Sky Celestial Stage

.

Looking at the result, the spectators' expressions stiffened.

Sky Celestial?!

Leo was also curious as nobody had taught him about the immortal stages yet. He asked Esen for some clues.

"You've fought with the immortals, right? How many ranks are there in total?"

Esen chuckled and walked toward the boulder. Then, she raised four fingers.

"Four?"

"No," Esen stopped in front of the boulder. Then, she threw a punch. "Nine!"

BOOOM

The boulder exploded upon impact. Rocks and debris flew everywhere. Yet, the destroyed boulder still faintly released some words in the air, displaying the result before it quickly faded to smoke.

.

Name: Esen Sydin IV

Age: 7

Cultivation Base: Error

Power Output: Error