Endless Debt

Compared with other diaries, this diary is almost as good as new. It can be seen that Adele also cherishes these memories. After so many years, these diaries have been preserved very well.

Turning over the first page, the date above was just one year ago. This was the last diary in Adele's life, and it accompanied Adele to the end.

After entering her twilight years, Adele obviously no longer had the energy to write a diary. She basically only recorded it every few days, and her life became monotonous and peaceful.

"I suddenly realized that such a monotonous life has been repeated for a long time, without any ups and downs, just like the calm sea, silent until death."

Adele wrote in her diary that her life had lost its emotions, and gradually, her life became more like hanging on for a breath.

"I feel like I'm waiting for death... Come to think of it, I'm already so old, I've experienced everything I need to go through, and I've done everything I need to do. Now I should be lying in bed, waiting for death to come. right."

When writing these pages, Adele often mentioned death, but Bologg did not feel fear from the words on it, but instead felt a sense of relief.

Adele is like a warrior. She has fought the good fight and it is time for death to judge her life.

“Sometimes I often think, how did I become like this?

The wonderful thing about life is that you are immersed in it without knowing it. When you look back, you are shocked to find that you have become a different person. "

Even in her old age, Adele's handwriting is still neat and her thoughts are clear and never confused.

"I think it probably comes from my parents, I can't remember what they looked like now, but the strange thing is, I still remember that last scene.

I remember the doctor pulled up the bed curtain and the hazy white gauze separated us. I could only see their stooped figures tortured by the disease. They were crying and apologizing to me.

I didn't understand why they were crying or apologizing to me, but soon they all passed away.

I seem to understand.

I hate suffering, and I hate suffering, but I can't stop suffering, but I think I can help others and help them get out of suffering.

Just as the nuns helped me, they often said that I was a child who grew up eating Holy Communion, that I was blessed by God and that it was my duty to spread that blessing to others who were suffering. "

She has never doubted herself. Adele has never been confused from the beginning. Now she is just looking back at the legend of her life at the end of her life.

“I did what I wanted to do, became who I wanted to be, and I have a lot of children who will pass on my blessings.

I think I am happy. "

After this page, Adele stopped writing in her diary for a long time. She seemed to be really preparing to face death. These words were just the last confession in her life.

Bologo thought it was a good idea to end her long autobiography with such a sentence.

He continued to turn the pages, and according to the date, a month later Adele picked up the pen again and wrote a new page.

"God, you will never believe who I met."

Adele's writing rarely got out of control, and her handwriting seemed to have a soul, screaming on the paper.

"I saw him, Borogo Lazarus, as I last saw him.

God, what on earth was I thinking, what was going on? I...I even took him home. "

In an instant, Adele seemed to be young again, standing opposite Boluogo. She squatted in the corner with her head in her hands, distressed loudly.

Boluogo's expression was a little complicated, and he couldn't help but smile, and finally laughed out loud.

When he met Adele after being released from prison, Boluogo was extremely nervous, fearing that the impact he would bring would frighten the old lady, but she actually accepted it calmly.

Boluogo thought that his status as a believer allowed Adele to accept everyone calmly. At that time, he was still deeply in awe of Adele like this. In fact, this guy was just too old and too slow to even make facial expressions. Not coming out.

In the days that followed, Adele wrote in her diary more frequently. She didn't mention anything about death and peace, but about random things.

He was like a catfish, getting into a school of sardines, causing chaos in Adele's life and breaking the tranquility full of death.

"Dear Borogo Lazarus."

Suddenly, the page begins with Borlog's name, as if this is no longer a diary but a letter to Borlog.

"As you can see, this is my life, Adele Doveland."

A strange feeling came to his heart, and Boluogo couldn't explain it. He wanted to look away, but the words were like magic, tightly binding his sight, making it impossible for him to escape.

“Here I show you all I have.

Kind, indifferent, loving, numb, innocent, free, compassionate and full of love, everything, everything. "

It was as if a pair of gentle hands were holding his head. He was unable to struggle. He could only continue to read along the path of the text with trembling eyes.

"Bellogo, sometimes I wonder, is what the nuns said true? They said that I grew up eating the Holy Communion and was a child blessed by God. But looking back on everything I have experienced, I feel that I am not Blessed, sometimes it feels more like a curse.

I saw a lot of suffering. I tried my best to pull people out of the mire, but then I saw more people trapped in the mire.

It seems that everything I do is useless. No matter how hard I try, I still can't eradicate suffering from this world. Every night, I often can't sleep because of such pain, but my efforts are... Truly, one person after another was saved by me.

Caught in hesitation, neither up nor down.

Gradually, I no longer think about such distant things. I put all my energy in front of me to help those I can touch. They are my extension. Even if I am powerless or die, There will always be someone who will keep this going. "

Adele sat next to Boluogo and whispered to him, as if reciting an ancient story.

"Bologo, I did what I wanted to do, became who I wanted to be, and I lived a happy life.

After this, I think I am ready to welcome death. I lie calmly on the bed, close my eyes contentedly, and no longer look forward to the arrival of the sun the next day.

But every day and every night, I always wake up, and sometimes I complain, why doesn’t God want me to die? I am so old, my consciousness is groggy, my bones are fragile, and sometimes I cannot even take care of myself.

Why should I continue this earthly ascetic life instead of entering the kingdom of heaven?

I always doubted this, until that day, when I knew the news that you were still alive, when I saw you... on the streets of Opos. "

Adele's voice was surprised and happy, but still so gentle.

“I can’t believe my eyes, it’s as if the years have frozen and reversed, everything is just as it was when we parted.

I saw you standing confused on the street, your eyes full of exhaustion and darkness. It seemed that there was an evil will that had inflicted all the suffering on you. It wanted to twist your mind and turn you into a bloodthirsty monster. monster.

But after all this, you still haven't compromised, hovering on the edge of human nature, but I know that you can't hold on anymore, the abyss is behind you, and you will be doomed if you step back even a little bit.

At that moment I suddenly understood, Boluogo.

I understood why God allowed me to live in such a mess until now, and I also realized that all the hardships and ups and downs in my life were just for this moment.

for you.

In order to save you, the lost lamb, from suffering. "

Boluogo looked at the words in the diary in silence, his heart went blank, as if all his thoughts had been emptied, leaving only dullness and numbness.

“I feel like I’m like a teacher, I teach you everything I know, and when I have nothing to teach you, that’s when you and I part.

This is okay, the fate of teachers is to be no longer needed by students.

I don't know what happened to you in the past. That is the past after all. You just need to focus on the present. But I can also feel that you must live longer than me. Maybe you are still immortal.

Ah... I really want to ask you what you have experienced in these years, but when you think about it, you know that they should all be sad things.

Immortal...

This sounds terrible. When my life ends, I will finally be able to enjoy the complete peace. Such peace does not exist for you, but fortunately, you can always walk in this world and be you. Do whatever you want until everything goes your way.

So… do what you want to do and be who you want to be.

Happy Vow Day, Bologo Lazarus. "

Seeing this last line, Boluogo understood why Lawson said this was a gift. It was a vow-day gift that Adele had prepared for herself, but she could no longer hand it to herself.

Boluogo turned the pages in a panic, praying in his heart. He didn't want this to be the end of the story, even if everything ended a long time ago.

Turning to the next page, there is a date written by Adele, which is the day after the Vow Festival, and there is a line under the date.

“You are blessed and loved.”

This is the gift Adele prepared for Boluogo, a diary waiting for him to continue writing.

Boluogo put the diary aside, looked at the unfinished sweater, took off his shirt, and put the sweater on.

Because it was not finished knitting, it only covered Boluogo's chest, and his navel was completely exposed. With the colorful colors, it looked like a ridiculous navel-baring outfit.

But Boluogo couldn't laugh.

Losing all strength, Boluogo felt that all the bones in his body had been drained. The warmth brought by the sweater was like a fire, burning his body, reminiscent of the burning method of executing prisoners a hundred years ago.

Suddenly Boluogo felt sad. He thought he was sad enough at Adele's funeral, but now it was like a cold arrow, which penetrated time and space, and pierced his heart. Nailed to the wall.

A wave of sorrow engulfed Borogo.