I'm waiting for you in the wind and snow

Chapter 453 It's time to accept fate
Ye Zhi's back is facing me, but I'm not very used to her current back view, because she has cut her hair short. Although she looks cleaner and neater, compared to before, she feels a little less warm.

In the past, I always liked to touch her hair when I was holding her, especially the ones hanging on my shoulders. With her body temperature, I would feel that I was very close to her.

Now even the back is so strange, how to measure the distance between the heart and the heart?

After I sighed, I said to her: "Over the years, every time I come to Shanghai, I have a different mood. Sometimes I am very happy, sometimes I am afraid, and sometimes I feel lonely... I don't know why. , since I feel that I don't belong to this city, I can no longer get along with this city with a normal heart... But, who would have thought that a few years ago, this was the place I most wanted to set up a family and start a business!"

Ye Zhi still didn't turn around, she replied in a low voice: "So, what's your mood when you come to Shanghai this time?"

I didn't want to tell her my feelings very bluntly, I first smiled, and then said: "Before I came to the Bund, I found a taxi, and I gave the master 200 yuan to take me around. Going around, he asked me if I came to Shanghai for the first time, I said yes...he took me around, and brought me here before the 200 yuan ran out...In his opinion, if it is It’s the first time I come to Shanghai, so I must visit the Bund... But he doesn’t know, before I go to the Bund, I look at those places I’ve never been to, and the mood is the best, because I feel very fresh, Although I have been in Shanghai for so long, there are really so many places that I have never heard of... As for the Bund, there is nothing new, but I must come... Even if I don't want to come, the master sent me here... ...Then tell me, how am I feeling now?"

"You came to the Bund because you lied to the driver...you don't have to come."

"I want to forget my former self and face this city with a different mood. Is it wrong?...I'm not lying, I just hate the experience of these years, so I want to forget some things!"

My emotions began to become agitated again. I wanted to light myself a cigarette, but found that there was nothing in the pack.

Ye Zhi finally turned around and looked at me, she still had a cold expression, and then said to me: "If you want to forget, you should forget it completely...you are so hesitant, sometimes sober, sometimes in a trance, only Make yourself more miserable."

"Yes, you're so right...all my pain, I asked for it...it's all fucking, I asked for it."

My emotions were inexplicably out of control, and then I kicked hard at the guardrail. The guardrail didn't move at all, but my toes hurt like they were about to break off. I sat on the ground and held my feet...

With such an ugly look, I yelled at Ye Zhi again: "I don't have any extravagance... I just want you to smile at me, is it that difficult... Tell me, is it that difficult?"

"You don't want to look like this!"

"I know I'm ugly now... If you think it's embarrassing, just pretend you don't know me, and then leave quickly."

"I won't go. If you think this will make you more comfortable, then I will accompany you."

I looked at her, and she was condescending, looking at me too.

It took me a long time to calm myself down, and then I said to her: "We have not been together for a long time, but we have experienced a lot of things together... Isn't there such a thing that you think about now , can you smile?"

"I can't laugh...I'm sorry...I'm getting married."

I opened my mouth and looked at her under the light, my head was buzzing...

I finally asked her with great difficulty: "What did you say?"

"I'm already engaged..."

I stood up from the ground, she avoided my gaze, I held back the great pain, squeezed out a smile and said to her: "Then I want to see you smile too."

My heart is broken, but I'm still holding on... I know, she is a woman of one word, and when she said she was going to get married, she probably meant she was really going to get married... There was no anger at all, and it was a process. She is thoughtful.

She finally spoke to me and said, "I'm sorry...I don't know what else to say, but I really hope...you will be happier than me...I should be happy for you too, maybe you will live before me to married life."

"Who comes first, does it matter?"

"unimportant."

"Who is the man you want to marry?"

"It doesn't matter who it is."

"You don't want to tell me, it's okay... But I know, this must be your choice after careful consideration... What else can I say? Just let yourself be a generous and easy man... But I really don't want you Happier than me...Because until now, I don't know what I did wrong, what I saw was your giving up."

"I don't want you to hate me...Hate makes people miserable."

"Don't worry, I will learn to get closer to you... But there is one thing I don't agree with... I will never hurt a person who is sincerely good to me."

Ye Zhi chose to remain silent.

I took her hand and turned her palm to mine. I wanted to say "treasure" with a smile, but in the end, I found that I was not that generous at all... I can't say evil words, and I can't say blessings if.

My heart was blown very cold by the wind, like frozen water, and those passing ships, like a knife, left deep and shallow scars in my heart.

……

Ye Zhi left before me, but I still have her warmth in my palm, this feeling is both real and illusory...

I lay on the guardrail and looked at the buildings on the opposite bank. I thought my brain was blank, but deep down, a question emerged uncontrollably: the man she was going to marry would hurt like her in the future. Do I want to hurt her too?

I don't have an answer, but I see myself like a hedgehog... I no longer imagine love as beautiful, I think love has the property of cyclical damage, just like when I hurt others, I will be hurt by another person.

……

I wanted to smoke so much, so I asked another man who was lying on the guardrail for a cigarette. When I lit the cigarette, I saw a brightly lit city, but my heart was as lonely as ever.

The emotional system I insist on seems to be destroyed by something.

None of this was my choice.

It's not what I want either.

I really want to know, at the dinner party that day, when Ye Zhi heard the news that I was going to get married, was he in the same mood as I am now?
And are we two people who are in love?

It's just that one of them has to compromise with reality...the other one also has deep karma in his heart.

Hehe... There is no perfect world, no perfect rules, and no perfect love!
It's time to resign!

But I haven't told her yet... During the time when she lost contact with me, I was also a rich person. I bought a very expensive car and owned two houses... Although there is still a long way to go before becoming rich... Although I have to leave, I have the ability to build a small family with no worries about food and drink.

But what she pursues is destined not to be a small family with no worries about food and drink.

This is probably the real reason why we can't be together.

(End of this chapter)