I'm waiting for you in the wind and snow

Chapter 337 The Most Responsible Man
This is my last morning in Thailand. On this morning, Yang Sisi booked our flight back to Kunming... The whole morning, my heart was filled with an unprecedented sense of despair...I am really sorry I am willing, but I don't know what else I can do; I have been in Thailand for more than a week, my body and mind have been overloaded with too many things... and the hope I still had when I first came is just So in the passing time, a little bit has been obliterated.

In the terminal building, I was reluctant to hand over my luggage to the staff to check in. I looked back frequently, and I longed for a miracle to happen... Maybe, like the kind of reversal plots often staged in TV dramas, in the At the last moment, she will miraculously appear in front of me...

These days, I have gone back and forth between reality and fantasy countless times. If I can only see her in my dreams, then I would rather live in dreams for the rest of my life... If I can see her again in reality, I'll be waiting as close as possible to her...

I will come to Thailand again...

I finally put my luggage on the conveyor belt, and then, the tight string in my heart finally broke...

I took one last look back, and entered the security checkpoint with Yang Sisi.

Yang Sisi said softly to me: "Don't be too sad...you have tried your best...no matter whether Ye Zhi lives or dies, she will be happy...because there is a man who treats her with such a sincere heart."

I looked at Yang Sisi, and replied after a long time: "Do you think people will have a next life?"

"There will be. No matter how painful you are in this life, how happy you will be in your next life... because this is a world of reincarnation and repayment."

I finally smiled and replied, "That's great!"

……

On the first night after returning to Dali, I started to have a high fever. I didn't even go back to my own residence, and stayed in the hospital directly... In a half-awake and half-conscious state, I thought of my parents...

I'm in so much pain...

No matter how much I felt guilty about them, Ye Zhi would accompany me to make amends, but now I am the only one left to face their anxieties and expectations alone, I feel so lonely...

When they know that Ye Zhi may have left our lives forever, they will definitely be very sad... I am already like this, how can I comfort them?
I buried my head in the quilt, shaking and crying softly.

Ye Zhi is gone, I don't know, what else in this world can make me feel good... She is my partner, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with in the depths of my heart... Especially I heard her difficulties and embarrassments from Jian Zihan, and I wanted to love her even more... But in my frail world, she has only become a memory!
……

The door of the ward was gently pushed open, and the nurse came in. I should change the medicine... Director Ma followed behind the nurse. These days, my hair that was shaved by Yang Sisi has already appeared. Some stubble, and he followed in my footsteps and shaved a bald head, I was played a prank by Yang Sisi, but he really wants to be empty.

He sat down beside me, and after being silent for a while, he said to me: "When you went to Thailand, I became a monk... From now on, in this world, there will be no Ma Yuan (his real name), only Huairang."

I looked at him and chose silence.

Director Ma, no, it was Huairang, took out a Buddhist scripture from the cloth pocket hanging on his body, put it beside my bed and said: "When you feel pain, just read this...you will have Inspired... In fact, in this world, whether it is you or me, suffering is inevitable, but you can clearly distinguish which pains are real and which pains are fake, which pains are born with you, and which pains come and go Go, go and come again..."

I finally said, "Pain is pain, why separate them into categories?"

"People are also divided into three, six, and nine grades, big treacherous and evil, and bodhisattva hearts..."

After being silent for a while, I replied: "I don't care how much pain I have, I just want to know...where will a person go after death, and whether there will be an afterlife..."

"Life is never born, death is never dead, life and death are the same."

"It's too profound, I can't understand it."

"Life is the continuation of death, and death is the transformation of life...Death is not disappearance. What dies is the body. The real life is continuous. It is a door to walk out of this life and enter another door of new life, just like, Switching from one environment to another... get it?"

"You mean, life can be reincarnated, right?"

Director Ma nodded...

"How can I believe that life has reincarnation?"

"The sun rises at sunset, the tide ebbs and flows, the seasons change, flowers wither and bloom...everywhere is reincarnation..."

I nodded, and felt that what he said made sense, and I finally felt better... I stretched out two fingers to him, motioning him to bring me a cigarette.

Director Ma handed me one, and when I was about halfway through smoking, he said to me: "It's still the same sentence, when you see through the world of mortals one day, I will wait for you at Jizu Mountain."

My heart actually moved, I was really in too much pain, and I couldn't find an exit... Maybe, seeing through the world is really a way out!
I seem to be less repulsed...

Just when I was about to ask something, Yang Sisi, who had gone out to buy food, came back suddenly. She stared at Director Ma first, then picked up the Buddhist scriptures that Director Ma had placed next to my pillow, and threw it hard on the bed in the ward. Outside, he scolded angrily: "You are just a demon monk...Why do you persuade Mi Gao to become a monk...You don't even look at how miserable you have caused Sister Bailu...She hasn't eaten for several days. It's time for dinner... Didn't you say that the monks are merciful, but you only care about saving yourself, but you don't care about Sister Bailu's life... Even if you see through the world of mortals, so what, after you die, you still have debts to pay off ...Because you are fake compassion and really selfish!"

"Everyone is..."

Before Director Ma finished speaking, she was roughly interrupted by Yang Sisi, and she scolded again: "It's all your size...except you, no one wants to be a bald donkey! You hurry up...you see through it Well, birth, old age, sickness and death have nothing to do with you...don’t come to a place like a hospital, it’s filthy here, don’t tarnish your Buddha’s holy light!”

Director Ma looked at Yang Sisi in astonishment, but Yang Sisi seemed to have been touched against the scales. She dragged Director Ma out of the chair and kicked him out of the ward... She was so angry, so she was very angry. The back of the horse-riding guide cursed again.

……

After Director Ma left, the ward became quiet in an instant, and I suddenly became extremely confused in this quiet atmosphere... I wanted to find a way to make myself less painful. It became a way out in my heart, I felt that I was in a state of no worries, and I even saw through life and death... because two extremely important women in my life left in such an unexpected way This world... Therefore, the two states of life and death gradually have no boundaries in my heart.

I believe in Ma's words, he said, "Life has never been born, and death has never died. Life and death are the same..." Since there is no difference between life and death, why should you care about how you live...Anyway, life and death Everything can be the result, then living is the most false thing in this world...

Yang Sisi kept shaking her hands in front of me, and after calling my attention back, she said to me: "Mi Gao, let me tell you, don't try to be a dead end, only Director Ma is worthless. Only a man like this would think of escaping from this world... He and you are not in the same realm at all. You are the most responsible man in my heart. You not only live for yourself, but you also have a lot of support around you You, the people who care about you... If you are really as worthless as Director Ma, you will only hurt more, more people than him..."

(End of this chapter)