Qingqingmoshangmulberry

Chapter 19
I found out that He Linfu and I have a lot in common.

We are all left-handed, and we are not right-handed except for writing.

We all have a small plum blossom mole on the right neck.

We all have a bad habit, there is always one mouthful left after drinking soup, and there is only one mouthful left.

Also, I like sweets, comics, and martial arts dramas, but I didn't expect, ah, I didn't expect that He Linfu, a majestic master of medicine student at the University of London, would not give way to a little girl like me.

One afternoon, I lay down in front of him, lazily pulled out a book, turned to a certain page at random, and after studying the human body structure diagram countless times, I smiled and said, "Mr. He, I have confirmed one thing." "He raised his eyebrows with great interest: "Oh?" I tapped the piece of paper: "I am this, and then," I drew a little bit, "You are this."

His face was very serious: "Why?"

I shrugged: "Who told you to copy my habits everywhere."

He looked ridiculous: "I'm older than you, who copied who?" He squinted at the paper, and pointed his finger at the bony rib with some distaste, "How do I resemble it?"

I said seriously: "Temperament."

He shook his head and sighed, shook again, sighed again, I glared at him: "How long will the old man live?" So full of worries and vicissitudes?
He pulled me to his side almost with a smile in his eyes: "Ruotang, have you always been so naughty, or after you met me?" A lot of people have been blessed.”

I continued to stare at him, stared at him, couldn't hold it any longer, and fell on his chest, laughing with him.

Under the lazy sunshine, we kept laughing and laughing until the sun went down, until we lost ourselves completely.

That afternoon, we overdrawn all the happiness in this life.

Not long after, Linfu proposed to formally engage me: "Let's go and tell my aunt, shall we?"

He has come to the house several times. Of course, in front of my mother, he always keeps a distance of more than three people from me.I pouted, not in a hurry, there will be plenty of time to expose his true colors in the future.

He looked a little anxious: "What will my aunt say?" He has always been a good boy, good at both character and learning, and he is used to being sought after and praised by everyone, and he always feels that his mother's attitude towards him is a bit indifferent.I once laughed at him: "My mother has always been like that." Isn't it the same for me?
He still held my hand nervously: "Ruotang, I've never proposed to anyone."

What is this?I almost fainted, as if I begged.No way, who told me to fall in love with an out-and-out nerd.I could only comfort him: "It's okay, my mother won't make things difficult for you." In fact, I was even more uncertain than he was.It was the first time I made a boyfriend, and the first time I showed my cards to my mother. I had no idea how my mother would react.However, I immediately comforted myself, isn't Uncle He a friend of my mother?
Linfu entered the study.My heart was pounding like a deer, and I waited outside fidgeting.

Not long after, he came out, and I observed him carefully, his face seemed normal.I sneaked out following him, he took my hand, walked to a corner with less people, turned around and said, "Guess."

I hold my breath.

He slowly unfolded a dazzling smile that I have never seen before: "Auntie said, let me go back and ask Dad for advice."

After being stunned for a long time, I slowly digested his meaning.

He stared at me, slowly: "Ruotang, wait for me."

I lowered my head, and the corners of my eyes were unexpectedly a little wet.

Linfu has been back for ten days.

It's been half a month since Linfu went back.

It's been a month since Linfu went back.

……

He went back and was never heard from again.

During this period, my mother was ill.Until now, I didn't know that my mother had already suffered from lung cancer.

Before I went back to China last time.No wonder she is always in poor spirits, no wonder she always coughs every night.I sent her to the hospital and stayed with her every day.

Moreover, in just a few days, her beauty seemed to be covered with a thin layer of dust, and she suddenly aged by more than ten years.

She always looked like she was not interested in anything, and she was more silent than ever.Her pair of still beautiful but incomparably empty eyes, for some reason, give me chills from time to time.She knew exactly what disease she had. She was in pain all over her body, but she didn't say a word from the beginning to the end.If she was taciturn before, then she is completely indifferent now.

Ignore everything.

I can not do it.On the one hand, I am worried about her condition, on the other hand, Linfu, I am concerned about him, but why hasn't he come back yet?

All the time, never come back.

Heart like dual screen, there Chien knot.

I'm exhausted.

Mother is getting more and more haggard day by day.She started coughing up blood, mouthful after mouthful, as if it would never end.

The doctor said to me: "Take her back and give her whatever she wants."

I took her back.I am with her every day.

She was tired and frowned, "Why don't you go to class?" I didn't know how to answer her.She frowned again, and said impatiently, "I'm such a big girl, I don't know how to dress up, she wears shirts and jeans all day long." She half stood up from the bed, "Go and bring that box over."

She opened the oversized box that I had never seen before.I was almost stunned.I have never seen so many exquisite clothes, from evening wear to cheongsam, from casual wear to business wear, everything is unique and chic.She stared at it, and after a long time, casually picked up a light taupe-colored cheongsam: "Come and try." She seems to be in surprisingly good spirits today.

I put it on without interest, but she looked at me and gave a rare smile: "You are tall and have a good figure, which is very suitable." I was silent.

She looked up at the ceiling, sighed deeply, and slowly closed her eyes.After a while, a tear slowly oozed from the bottom of her eyes.

I suppressed the slight sourness in my heart, and said cautiously, "Mom..."

She opened her eyes and looked at me, with complex eyes that I had never seen before. After a long, long time: "Silly girl, you will suffer in the future." The tears in her eyes accumulated more and more, and finally dripped down, "If Tang, I'm sorry."

Mother left alone.

That night, I made myself a cup of scented tea, and sat alone in front of the fireplace in the living room in a daze. I didn't know how long I sat there until there was a babbling sound outside the window.My mother is from Zhejiang, and she liked to listen to Yue opera the most during her lifetime.

In the past, at this time, she would sit in this rocking chair and listen quietly.

When the clock struck twelve o'clock, I finally mourned and wept.today is my birthday. 20 years ago today, my mother gave birth to me, and on the same day 20 years later, she disappeared.

The world is vast, and I am the only one left.

In a trance, I heard the phone ringing.With tears all over my face, I reached out to catch it.I heard a vague and choked voice floating from thousands of mountains and rivers: "Ruotang, Ruotang, Ruotang..."

I was like a drowning man catching a straw, I opened my hands to grab it, desperately trying to grab it: "Linfu, Linfu..."

I heard desperately suppressed crying on the other end of the phone.That voice was beyond description.

I also cried bitterly: "Linfu, Linfu..." Linfu, do you know that I... lost my mother...

The other end of the phone did not speak, but still kept crying.After an unknown period of time, the phone was suddenly disconnected.

Later, I found out that he was saying goodbye to me.

A week later, I took a leave of absence from school and hit the road alone.

My mother is gone, and I need a shoulder to lean on.There has been no news of Lin Fu for nearly half a year.The crowd is vast, and I am left with him alone.

I found the house that was once warm by memory.In front of the door, there was a bustling scene of people coming and going.I am numb.In fact, I understand, in fact, I have long understood that if Linfu has not heard from him for such a long time, something must have happened.

So, I calmly listened to a middle-aged woman chatting with her friend word by word: "Mrs. , looking happy from the bottom of my heart."

I turned around and walked step by step to the place where the crowd gathered the most.I raised my head and read each word slowly:

The engagement ceremony of Mr. He Linfu and Ms. Fang Jiayu.

I saw Uncle He and Aunt He entertaining the guests warmly.As for him, he stood there, very thin, with a silent face, silently watching everything in front of him.Standing beside him was a woman who was talking and laughing.

Talent and appearance are all very good.

I gently pushed aside the crowd, and I approached him.

He saw me, his face changed suddenly, as if he wanted to say something.I stood quietly in front of him and smiled at him: "Congratulations."

He rushed forward in an instant, the circles of his eyes turned red, and he choked up slightly: "Ruotang."

There were whispers and whispers all around, and then, I saw Uncle He and Aunt He, they rushed over, their faces were very ugly, Aunt He's face was full of complex expressions of sadness, hatred, and helplessness.

I raised my hand lightly.

He stared at the mess all over the floor with a dead face.

I turn around.

I heard the voice behind me: "Ruotang, Ruotang, Ruotang..." and Aunt He's pleading voice: "Linfu—"

After a while, they all disappeared.

See you, fight like you don't see each other.

It doesn't matter if you get drunk, I'm afraid it's the most heartbreaking when you wake up.

The person walking on the campus seems to be the original me. I concentrate on painting, and I am praised by professional teachers. My classmates treat me very well.But I know that some things have died suddenly.

I started smoking the strongest cigarettes and drinking the strongest alcohol, and I suffered from insomnia every night.

There is no one who can bring me back to sobriety.

I can't afford the rent of this house now, so I'm going to move out and rent a small house to live in.On a sweltering afternoon, I sorted out a lot of things.Complete sets of mahogany furniture, porcelain, and handicrafts have all been sold by me.When I got to the big box, I gently opened it.

Silk, pure wool, velvet, coats, coats, cheongsams, dresses, quietly remnants of the breath and words of my mother that day, with 20 years of incomplete memories, come to my heart bit by bit.

"Ruotang, you grow up too fast."

"Ruotang, why don't you remember to bring your umbrella?"

"Ruotang, the tuition fee for this semester is on the table, you can collect it yourself."

"Ruotang..."

"Ruotang..."

I don't think about it anymore.I dump out all my clothes.These fine clothes are not suitable for me, so I might as well donate them all.

I am a fickle person.

In the end, I simply turned the box over and tried to cover it on the ground. Then, I saw those two thin pieces of paper.I picked up.

One is my birth certificate with two names listed: Aronld Hode, MEI Shan.

The other one was left to me by my mother:
He is kind to me.He never hid from me the fact that he had a wife and children.I have never regretted it.

I'm sorry, daughter.

I looked, looked again, and put them back very calmly.My alcohol-numbed brain began to tingle.

Almost at the same time, a flash of lightning flashed across the window, and the clothes in my hand fell to the ground suddenly.Mother, is this what you want to see?

You should have expected it, so you chose to tell me in this way.

Aronld Hode, He Kaikun.

Outside the window, pouring rain poured down, and lightning came one after another. I sat on the ground in a mess.I don't know how long it took, but I actually fell asleep.

I dreamed of a pair of hands gently brushing my hair away, I dreamed of a lip, slowly touching my forehead, I heard a voice, anxious and painful: "Ruotang, Ruotang, Ruotang... "

"Ruotang, wait for me."

It's him.

In my dream, I stretched out my hand sadly and happily: "Linfu, Linfu..."

……

I open my eyes.

It was completely dark, the rain was still falling, and there was no one else in the empty room except me.

I am dreaming again.

I turned on the light and sighed softly.I turned my head away, but was startled.

On the long table that my mother loved most during her lifetime, there was a small iron box.My heart almost jumped out too.He has been here!
I didn't bother to open the umbrella or close the door, so I ran outside like crazy.The heavy rain instantly obliterated me.Panting heavily, I searched everywhere in the endless stream of people. I squeezed and searched desperately, but I heard a long series of horns behind me, but I turned a deaf ear to them.

At the intersection, I wiped the rain off my face vigorously, and when I turned around, I saw him.

Just across the street, sitting alone in the back seat of a taxi, he bowed his head.

In the pouring rain, I stood at the end of the street, looked at him, and passed me.

"Ruotang, here you are."

"Osmanthus cake?" I smiled maliciously, "Isn't it your favorite, why are you willing to give it to me?"

He flattened his mouth: "Don't you really want this box to adjust the color?" He was reluctant to part.

I picked up a piece of cake: "Well, my mouth is watering, it's so good..."

His face changed and changed, like a ready-made palette.

……

I open it.

I saw the china plate, it has been restored.

I took it out, looked at it carefully under the light, and saw tiny cracks, like cobwebs, criss-crossing.

I don't know how those thousands of fragments can be glued together little by little, just like in the past.

Linfu, once he returns, he will know everything.

Linfu, this time, are you serious, are you going to say goodbye to me?
Spring goes and spring returns.Some things, missed, is a long life.

I returned all the remittance slips that must be remitted every month, and I avoided He Yukun who came to London to look for me.I know that Aunt He passed away suddenly because of a relapse.

He Linfu, he is a dutiful son.

Just, what do I do?
Even if you eat mashed potatoes every day, you may not be able to starve to death.

Under the introduction of Mrs. Phillips, I began to teach painting for a living.One of my students is a chubby freckled boy of fifteen or sixteen years old who lives in a spooky old castle on the outskirts of London. It is said that his family is somewhat related to the British royal family.

Therefore, his temper is also full of royal style, defiant.In the past, I must have turned my face and left, but now, I have learned to endure.

But unfortunately, my self-cultivation is still not enough.

One day, he put down his drawing board, jumped onto the table in front of me, dangled his legs and said condescendingly: "Hey——"

I glanced at him.A small palm-sized vase has been painted for a month and I haven't finished it. If I were him, I would have found a piece of tofu and smashed it to death.

He knocked on the table, trying to get my attention, and then said maliciously: "Hey, I heard that there are many of you Chinese in the Eight-Power Allied Forces, so, in the eyes of us British, the Japanese have done a real job." That's right!" He dragged his voice very contemptuously, "Chinese, Chinese—"

There was a slight bang in my head.I stared at him, he still smiled presumptuously and frivolously.I closed the drawing board with a slap, and the corners of my lips twitched contemptuously, "Some people are so stupid that they are not suitable for learning painting at all, and they waste their time with others by being arty..." The corners of my eyes swept away. The antiques in the corner looked at his reddened and paled face again, and said extremely harshly, "There are also some people who are born to be robbers, have nothing valuable at home, and are vain, so they go to other people's houses." Robbing and stealing at home," I said word by word, "shame-of-especially-"

I stopped looking at him, dropped the drawing board, slammed the door and left without looking back.

I huddled in a small corner with a cotton coat on my body.This year's London has a colder winter than any previous year.

I haven't eaten anything for a whole day, I don't have the strength to stand up, the heat in the house has been turned off because I have no money.

Suddenly, the phone rang.

I was weak and crawled over to pick it up.It belonged to Henry, and he cut to the point: "Christina, I heard that you haven't paid the tuition for this semester."

I snorted softly, but didn't answer.

He didn't mind my indifference: "If you want, I can help you pay the tuition." I refused without thinking, "No need." Help you." He paused, "Christina, you are the best student in the class, if you feel that you lose your dignity and don't want to owe me, why don't you sell me the painting." He smiled, "Don't worry , the price I offered will definitely satisfy you."

I didn't make a sound.

After a while, he spoke again: "It's okay, you can think about it."

It didn't take long for me to pay my tuition fees.

I bought an elegant cemetery for my mother.

I went to Europe for a trip.

……

I never asked Henry what happened to those paintings.I draw whatever he asks me to draw, hand in the paintings on time, collect money, and become the only connection between us.It can be seen that he is very satisfied with my painting, because the salary has been rising.So one day, I found out that my deposit was enough to buy such a one-story building.Even though it was just an old wooden building, even though the location was not good, and even though the owner was a profiteer, I bought it without hesitation.

That was the place where He Linfu once lived.

In early April, I went to Japan.

The most beautiful cherry blossoms in the world bloom in Ueno.

When I heard this sentence for the first time, I was still combing two thick braids, and I was ignorant.Now, I come here alone, and the cherry blossoms are still blooming like a tide.

I wandered around for a long time.

When I was about to board the plane to leave Japan, I received an overseas call from Henry. He said nervously and incoherently: "Christina, don't go back to England for the time being." He almost shouted, "Remember, don't come back for a while -"

Before I could ask a single question, the voice stopped abruptly.

I am stunned.

I didn't listen to him and I went back to England anyway.

As soon as I got off the plane, I was taken to the police station.When I got there, I found out that Henry's family had been arrested.I finally know what they do.

In fact, I have been pretending to be confused.

In fact, I have already guessed that they are brokers who specialize in buying and selling high imitation paintings and making huge profits from them.And I am an insignificant but indispensable link in this chain of rights and interests.

Facing harsh or seductive questions from the police, I remained silent.

It wasn't long before I was released.After I came out, I found out that the Hos and his sons flew to London as soon as they heard the news, spent a lot of energy and money, tried their best to run around for me, found a lawyer to defend me, and proved my innocence and ignorance .

Henry's family was convicted of a felony, and I was the only one who survived.However, since then, there has been a bad record in my file: I am suspected of falsification for personal gain.

That night, the same torrential rain poured in.I was standing inside the house, they were standing outside, and through a door, I heard He Kekun's old voice: "Ruotang, your mother has already left, come back with us." After he stopped talking for a while, " Me, and...your brother..."

I heard my own voice and cut him off coldly: "In the past 20 years, you have lived just as well without me."

He didn't make a sound, and after a long time, his voice was sad: "Ruotang..."

He actually cried.

Linfu is back.

I seemed to be dreaming, sad but happy.

He is back.I don't know how he persuaded Uncle He to leave and stay here by himself.We live together on that floor.They go to class during the day and come back at night, talking and laughing about the day's anecdotes.

We never talk about everything that has happened, past, present, and future.He has been with me, painting with me, going out with me.

I fall asleep in his arms every night.I hugged him tightly for a moment.I am still in a long dream.I just pray that the dream is longer.

But I know that dreams are too fragile.

I began to hear gossip and malicious speculation from my neighbors, more and more, more and more suffocating.Linfu didn't seem to notice anything, but I could tell that I had seen that look too much since I was a child.

Until one day, she came to me.

She is the second Aunt He, always dignified, always graceful, and never showing emotions.

She picked up the cup of tea in front of her very gracefully: "Linfu will be graduating next month, right?"

I looked at her warily and said nothing.The smiling enemy is always the most dangerous.

She still smiled slightly: "Are you going to go on like this forever? Lover, or..." Her eyes slightly curved, "Brothers and sisters?"

My heart skipped a beat.

Her eyes are still so beautifully curved: "Don't worry, no one else will know except me." She looked at me carefully, "No wonder Linfu was so fascinated by you that he knelt for three days and three nights, Don't say any reason, and resolutely want to divorce."

In my heart, there are mixed feelings.

She still took a sip of tea gracefully: "But, are you really planning to go on like this?" Her eyes gradually turned cold, "Do you know how Aunt He passed away?" She stared at me, "Is Linfu okay?" Tell you, his father," she paused and sighed, "your father..."

She stood up: "Mei Ruotang, I admit that I have selfishness. We all have selfishness. But," she said softly, "Can you escape your fate?"

Can you escape your fate?

Can you escape your fate? ?
Can you escape your fate? ? ?

……

In the middle of the night, I had nightmares again and again.

I dreamed of a little boy with a big head out of proportion to his body, dull eyes, saliva all over his face, inarticulate: "...Mom...Mom..."

Behind him, countless people threw stones at him, spat at him, laughed at him, and cursed him.

I was dripping with cold sweat: "Don't...don't..."

I heard a gentle voice: "Ruotang, Ruotang, wake up..."

I opened my eyes and saw a worried face: "Ruotang, why do you always have nightmares recently?"

I hugged him like crazy: "Linfu..." I kissed him over and over again in despair, "Linfu, Linfu..."

He hugs me back.We hug each other tightly.

I shuddered.

I know I'm going to lose him forever.

I quickly found an English boyfriend.

We hugged, we kissed, I played wildly, I got home late every night.He Linfu had a panoramic view, and his face became more and more serious day by day.

I pretended I didn't know anything, and one day, I told him, "I want to move out."

He looked at me with a terrifying expression, and after a long, long time, he said slowly, "I can go."

I said briskly, "Okay," I smiled, "it just so happens that Harry can move here."

He slapped me hard.He hit me for the first and last time.

he's gone.

I know that Uncle He is terminally ill.He has been struggling alone.

He has lost too much for me.

sorry Sorry.

There's only so much I can do.

A long, long time later, I received a note with only two lines on it:
world without you
can't go forever

It only takes a few evenings to ruin a lifetime of haggardness.

(End of this chapter)