Qingqingmoshangmulberry

Chapter 17

On the outskirts of London, it was drizzling.

I'm standing in front of a tombstone.Opposite is a small Catholic church with a cross in the distance.There are two black and white marble tombstones, with a heart-shaped porcelain figure embedded in the middle. There are no photos, only a small very unremarkable budding crabapple flower.There are only a few numbers on the tombstone: Mei Ruotang's tomb.Born in XX and died in XX.

An English sentence is engraved in the pattern on the lower right corner of the tombstone.Long Feimo stood beside me holding an umbrella, read it to me, and then translated: "'A world without you can't last forever.'" He looked at me, "It is said that it was designed completely according to her own wishes. of."

He leaned down and looked at the inscription carefully: "I seem to have seen this sentence somewhere."

I stand silently.Let the slanting wind and drizzle, bit by bit, blow away the ashes of memory.

In the darkness, there was a voice in front: "Sang Xiao, hold my hand."

I'm a bit night blind, and I'm not used to entering this three-story wooden building from the bright sun at first.I struggled to hold on to him, and followed him up the narrow wooden stairs that were old and in disrepair. There was a creaking sound under our feet.

Unexpectedly, in a foreign country, I would see such pure Chinese architecture. When I walked through the "London Chinatown" plaque, I was always in a daze.Long Feimo told me that compared with Manchester City, Liverpool and other places, Chinatown in London is much simpler and stingier.However, it is not easy to spend every inch of land and gold here.

At the corner, he stopped, and looked back at me under the slanting rays of light that leaked in from the small window, amidst the flying fine dust: "Sang Xiao, are you sure?"

My heart was pounding, but almost immediately I said, "I'm sure."

A wooden door slowly opened before my eyes.

I hold my breath.

Long Feimo was by my side, whispering for a while to the white-haired old woman who was holding a long bunch of jingling keys in her hand, and then stuffed a stack of banknotes in the past.The fat, expressionless old lady looked at me and looked at me again, turned and staggered away.

Long Feimo said to me softly: "She said that she has been entrusted by your mother to take care of this floor for nearly ten years, and she also complained that the money left by your mother is no longer enough."

I don't know, I'm behind that door with all my body and mind.I didn't expect that under such a dilapidated appearance and such a messy environment, there would be such a temple of art hidden.

After a long period of silence, Long Feimo also remained silent, and he seemed to be deeply shocked.

The dark curtains were closed and there was hardly any furniture, but it was spotlessly clean.It seems that although the old woman is full of complaints, she still takes care of her with great care.On the table on the right is a large pot of vigorous Sansevieria, and all the picture frames placed high and low all over the room are covered with light gauze, and they are scattered in large and small sizes.

I walked in gently, for fear of waking up the sleeping art boutiques.I suppressed the throbbing in my heart, gently lifted layers of white gauze, and slowly looked at each one.Still life paintings of the Dutch genre school in the [-]th century, famous paintings of the Italian Renaissance, the famous "Fate", portraits of the Iranian leader Khomeini, series of ladies, Shen Shichong and Dong Qichang's paintings...all I can think of or It is unexpected, known or ignorant, like a treasure, one by one.

I stand still.

Long Feimo has been standing by my side.

After an unknown amount of time, he gently held my hand and motioned me to look forward to the left.I looked up and saw a small picture frame on the wall, which was neither a photo nor a painting, but just a note with two lines of bold and unrestrained handwriting:
world without you
can't go forever

The signature is three letters: HLF.

Under the inscription, there are several lines of elegant and slightly smaller handwriting:
On this earth, we really can only love with pain, only in suffering!

We cannot love in any other way. For love, I am willing to suffer.

I wish, I long with tears to kiss only the earth I left,
I don't want to, I don't want to die and come back to life on another earth!
That's a passage from Dostoevsky.

I looked at Long Feimo in a blink of an eye, and he was also looking at me. His eyes said meaningfully: "Most of the paintings here are imitations."

I shuddered.I know that he will never come out of nowhere.I stared at him closely, but he didn't look at me, he lowered himself down again, and looked at the paintings carefully: "The paintings are good paintings, high imitations." He got up, and calmly said, "You Mom is amazing."

I looked at him and said word by word, "Go ahead."

He stroked my hair, his hands were cold, and his voice seemed to come from far away: "That fake." He turned his eyes to the fiery red maple tree outside the window, "My father bought The forgery of the painting is from your mother's hand."

There was a sudden buzz in my head.Although I was facing him, my eyes were blurred and dark.

"Sang Xiao, are you sure?" His voice, before opening the door, the words he repeated again echoed in my ears very clearly.

He knew it already, he knew it all.So, he would say that to me.

I bit my lip tightly, and I leaned against the wall so that I wouldn't slide down.

If you can't participate in the lens, it will always be empty after all.

He Linfu, He Yanqing's father, Mei Ruotang, me, He Yanqing, there must still be unknown connections between us.

I looked at Long Feimo, the person in front of me, he was faithful to his promise, cruelly and calmly, let me peel off everything, bloody everything.

He also looked at me, and smiled slightly: "Sang Xiao." Passively, I let him bow his head and slowly approach me, "Remember, today is our wedding anniversary."

Trafalgar Square.Sitting on a wooden chair facing the street, watching the black pigeons flying around, I suddenly felt a sense of unreal absurdity.A year ago, I was sitting alone on a wooden chair in the middle of the night, waiting for the unknown tomorrow. Today, one year later, I have crossed more than half of the world. I am sitting here, and there is another person beside me, and tomorrow is still unknown. confused.

I know, today is the first anniversary of our marriage, I know, he has arranged dinner, I know, he is going to take me to visit the street scene under the night, forgive me, I don't have any mood to taste and reminisce about it all.

I don't know, I have just uncovered a corner of the truth, and it is already so cruel. If I insist on continuing to pursue, what kind of scene will I encounter.

I can't forget Long Feimo's calmness and sophistication when he disintegrated the Yu family under the cloak of law.

I shudder at his methods.

What's even more sad is that I only know that in his sometimes gentle and sometimes unpredictable, I can't help myself, and gradually, little by little, I fall into the dust.

I drank cup after cup of coffee until I couldn't drink anything at all.I sat motionless, my fingertips were still warm from the coffee, until the moment the night fell, I finally said: "Long Feimo."

He said "no".

"You, hate it, my mother?"

He didn't answer, and after a long time: "Sang Xiao, do you remember that you saw Yu Dingbang at a street corner more than ten years ago, and ran over to him and said, 'Uncle, there is an old man over there who is very pitiful, but, I Forgot to bring money.'”

I looked at him blankly.I'm totally unimpressed.

"At that time, Yu Dingbang was in the car with my father, and I was sitting in the back row, feeling the slightly treacherous and tense atmosphere in the air. Just the night before, I heard my father lower his voice to talk to his mother,' Smuggling...''Be careful, it shouldn't matter...'..."

"I saw you lying on the car window, looking at him eagerly, but he didn't have time to pay attention to you, he didn't even look at you, holding the scroll tightly in his hand, and said nervously and rudely, 'Go, go !'"

"You are about ten years old, thin and small. I saw you biting your lip and backed away without saying a word. A day later, I saw you standing at that street corner, looking towards the poor-looking The old man puts money in his hand. You probably don’t know it, but it’s a professional beggar who is much richer than you.”

"Later..." He stopped and turned to look at me, "You really don't remember anything?"

I hesitated for a moment, then nodded.I have searched all over my memory, but there is no impression.

He was silent, and after a long time, he said lightly, "Yu Sangxiao." His tone and expression were very calm, but I knew that he was really annoyed.Sure enough, he spoke again: "I thought that I married you would be the best answer."

I turned from my pillow to look at him.He has his back to me.

From the beginning, he was in this position.I know he's not asleep.He just ignored me.

"I married you, that's the best answer."

After that sentence, he never talked to me again.

I was a little apprehensive and apprehensive.I was like a donkey who was always competing with myself. After walking for a long time, I realized that the carrot hanging in front of me might be a complete illusion.

Although I am selfish and cold, I don't want to be hypocritical.I bit my lip, and stretched out my hand timidly to shake him: "Long Feimo, are you... hungry?"

He remained silent.

I was silent for a moment, then retracted my hand somewhat embarrassingly, fumbled for my mobile phone under the moonlight, then got up quietly, walked to the door on tiptoe, and stretched out my hand to pull the doorknob.

A hand quietly covered mine, I looked back and saw his expression a little displeased: "What are you doing?"

I muttered: "...Give... Qiao Xu... a call." Otherwise, she would scold me badly for favoring sex over friends.

He stared at me for a moment, and suddenly, he sighed softly: "I must have done too many wrong things in my previous life." He held my hand, "Let's go."

I stared dumbfounded at the tall, strong young Caucasian man who weighed about 200 kilograms.He came up to greet Long Feimo with great enthusiasm: "Hi, buddy, long time no see!"

It turned out to be a tongue-in-cheek Beijing movie with correct words.

I will stay again.

I looked around, red lanterns hanging high around, Chinese screens, Chinese dining tables and chairs, the music of "What a Jasmine Flower" is soft and soothing, and the male and female waiters with oriental faces, if it weren't for the foreigners who are full of holes and valleys, they would hear it from time to time. I don't understand foreign languages, I really thought it was a city in China.

Behind the cash register, a middle-aged woman about 40 years old came forward, smiled, and said in nice Mandarin: "Hi, I'm Shen Mei." I breathed a sigh of relief, ah, compatriots.

Then, the over-enthusiastic man came over and hugged her affectionately: "Hi, let me introduce you, my wife."

I was stunned again.

He looked at Long Feimo, pointed at me, and couldn't hide his curiosity: "Long, she is..."

Long Feimo glanced at me: "My middle school classmate, Joseph, the owner of this restaurant." Then, lightly, "My wife."

Their eyes have never left me since then.

I was so bewildered by them that I could only say in embarrassment, "The streets of London are very clean."

Joseph froze: "so what?"

I touched my face and said angrily, "So there should be no gray on my face."

The two looked at each other and smiled.Leaving aside the apparent age gap, the two seem to be very compatible and seem to have a good relationship.

Long Feimo looked back: "Where's that kid?"

Joseph laughed loudly: "I knew you were coming, so I went to the back to direct the dinner!"

After dinner, I was led to a secluded lounge by Shen Mei, she introduced to me: "I recently opened a tea room." At the same time, she lightly reprimanded the little girl who followed us step by step, "You always What are you doing behind?"

The black-haired, blue-eyed, cute little Joseph put one finger in his mouth, pointed at me with the other hand, and said angrily, "Give her to me, give her to me!"

Joseph snatched him away and walked away with Long Feimo.

Shen Mei smiled at me: "He's jealous of you." She made tea for me, "He is Fei Mo's only godson."

I looked at the struggling little figure from the back: "He is very cute."

She handed me the tea, not hiding the pride and pride in her eyes: "Yes. It's just that if there is no Phi Mo, there would be no him." She looked at me, "You must be wondering how there is such a big age difference between me and Joseph .”

I'm a little embarrassed.

She didn't take it seriously: "When I was in China, I got married once, and later, my husband had an affair, and later, divorced, went abroad, opened a restaurant, and Joseph came to work. At that time, he was still a shy high school student. She smiled, "After he was admitted to university, he often ran back and forth. I was afraid of affecting his studies, so I introduced him to restaurants closer to the school. He still came almost every day and ignored my words."

I smiled.Foreigners are also reserved.

Her eyes were filled with memories: "Joseph is more than ten years younger than me, and when I was going abroad, I promised my parents that I would not marry abroad, at least I would never find a foreigner, but Joseph made me make an exception repeatedly. She smiled slightly, "It's a boring story, isn't it?"

I shook my head.I understand what she means by saying this.Sure enough, she took a sip of tea: "Later, I became pregnant, but during that time the restaurant was not well managed, the landlord kept threatening to raise the rent, and when we were about to give birth, we couldn't afford a car, and Fei Mo took us to the hospital in the middle of the night, and the result was a little The guy didn’t live up to expectations, and it was difficult to give birth. After I was born, my health was extremely poor, and it was Feimo who lent us money to tide us over.” She looked at me seriously, “It’s a very vulgar sentence—I’ve been with Joseph for the rest of my life. All thanks to him."

I bowed my head and said nothing.

She looked at me: "It's rare that Fei Mo is still so normal, and Joseph and I have been worried about his widowhood for the rest of his life. And, if I said, Joseph and I thought there would be someone else who could sit here with Fei Mo, would you Won't you be angry?" She didn't wait for my answer, and said immediately, "We are very happy, but," she smiled, "Little Joseph may be sad."

Why?I keep my eyes open.

She kindly explained: "He has always thought that he is the only person in this world who is favored by Feimo, and he is proud of it."

I couldn't help but smile when I thought of the infinitely sad eyes and Long Feimo's usual poker face.

I was laughing all the time.

Perhaps, without even realizing it, I've never been in such a good mood these days.

In the middle of the night, I was so sleepy that one Buddha was born and two Buddhas ascended to heaven, but there was still someone who inherited Shen Mei's mantle and pulled me to chat: "What did she tell you, it took so long?"

Although I was tired and dazed, I was still sensitive to his rare good mood and slight temptation.

I snorted and didn't answer.

He watched me, patiently waiting.

Together with Duke Zhou, I can't exhaust him, so I resentfully said, not as he wanted, "Say you're weird."

Shen Mei talked with Lala Zaza all night, many things I don't know, the other side I don't know.I'm not stupid, I know how to write the word lobbyist.

"What else?" A smile grew stronger in the voice.This man is eccentric and surprisingly good-spirited.

My head was nodding like a chicken pecking rice: "Also..." I tried to gather all my attention, almost moaning in annoyance, "You seem to have forgotten to pay."

I stood on the wooden floor again.

There are crumbling wooden boards under your feet, thick dark and mottled walls in front of you, and a scene of heavy traffic outside the window.Long Feimo glanced at me: "The three rooms on this floor, including the studio, were all bought by her. I think you would want to take a good look at them before you leave." He looked over, " Also, from the fact that she has been entrusting the old lady to take care of it, she should have expected that you will come one day, Sang Xiao, you have to be mentally prepared for how to deal with this floor of the house."

I was speechless as I watched him push open the door in the middle.

What I saw in front of me was the simplicity I expected, the simplicity to the extreme.One bed, one table, one table, nothing else.The only eye-catching thing is the wall next to the window, which is full of high and low photos, slightly yellowed black and white photos, which are gently raised and then dropped by the breeze.

It can be seen that the last days of her life were spent entirely by memories.

I stood in front of that wall and slowly looked over one by one.Almost all of them are single-person photos, showing the innocence of childhood, the liveliness of girlhood, the charm of youth, the vicissitudes of middle age, and the concentration in painting.One by one, faithfully recorded a woman's long and short life.

In the photo, she is tall, slender and thin. She is very elegant in her clothes, which is indescribable and discreet. Her appearance is not very good. There was a faint coldness in the room.Perhaps because of her long-term study of painting, her temperament is different from ordinary people.

She is not the person I imagined at all, she is more distant, colder and less real than I imagined.

I suddenly had an urge to rush out the door.

Long Feimo reached out to hold my hand, and looked up: "More than ten years ago, she rented the room next door to Fang Anhang. At that time, he was still a poor student. Later, for some reason, the two became inseparable. He tapped his finger lightly, "Sang Xiao, look."

My gaze was fixed there, and I almost held my breath.It was a very rare photo of two people, the photo was blurred and rough, but it didn't prevent me from seeing at a glance that the other person on it was He Yanqing's father, the son of He Yukun, a well-known old Chinese doctor. He Linfu is famous for his seriousness.

The young him in the photo, the cherry blossoms blooming all over the mountains and plains beside him, is not as bright as his smile.As for the other person, on the reserved face, there was a slight smile on the corner of his lips.

"Tokyo flowers, London fog, Prague spring." Long Feimo turned to look at me casually, "Sang Xiao, the most beautiful cherry blossoms in the world bloom in Ueno."

I'm almost speechless.Two young men and women, romantic age, romantic season, romantic location.Everything, spanning a long time and space, has been reduced to ashes.

He Linfu, in my memory, in He Yanqing's mouth, he never smiled.

I lowered my head, thinking of He Yanqing's pale face, and his decisiveness: "Sang Xiao, let's break up!"

My heart began to ache dull and boundless.At the same time as if I caught something, I lost it forever.

Long Feimo pondered for a moment, walked over and opened the drawer, took out a sealed envelope, looked at it, and handed it to me: "The old lady emphasized that she left it behind."

I took it, opened it, and there was a key inside.The key to the bank safe.

Outside the window was Yunshu Yunjuan.

I pulled down the flap and meditated quietly.That day, when the bank safe was opened, there was a letter, a land deed, and a diary lying quietly inside.

There are only a few words in the letter.The land deed and diary were all left to me.

On my lap, there is that thick diary.So far, my mood is extremely peaceful.I looked at Long Feimo at the side, he closed his eyes, half lying casually.

I hesitated for a while, and then hesitated for a while, still undecided.

From the moment I got this diary, my mood has been up and down like a kite, fluctuating.

After an unknown amount of time, I sighed softly, and almost at the same time, he opened his eyes, turned his face sideways, and said softly, "Sang Xiao, I'm here."

"As long as you look up," there is a kind of tenderness in his eyes that I have never seen before, "you will find that I am always there."

This is the most beautiful sentence I have heard from him in the past year.

I smiled and said, "Okay." In the past two days, the two of us went back and forth between the residence, the bank and the law firm, and he, who is fluent in English, took care of all the affairs.On the busy street in a foreign country, among the pedestrians, I discovered for the first time that I am also qualified to be weak. It turns out that I can also have someone to rely on quietly.

What Shen Mei said is quite right, fate is determined by nature, but happiness should be controlled by oneself.

I have missed it once, and this time, no matter what the result is, I don't want to let go.

I lowered my eyes, opened the notebook with yellowed pages, and fell into the boundless fleeting time almost immediately.

(End of this chapter)