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Chapter 26 Emotional Quotient: Success (1)
set an achievable goal
A long time ago there was a farmer who owned a piece of land and lived a pretty good life.But he had heard that if he could find a field where diamonds were buried and dig it up, he would be unimaginably rich.So the farmer sold his land, ran away from home, and looked around for places where diamonds could be found.He traveled a long way, drifted to a foreign country, but failed to find diamonds.Finally, penniless, he committed suicide on a beach.

Many of us will regard the farmer in the story as a fool, because only a fool is willing to give up the life in front of him, and go to that illusory distant place to pursue futile pursuits.In fact, many people, like this farmer, have low emotional intelligence and pursue unrealistic goals.

An American institution that studies success has done a study. They have followed 100 young people for a long time until they reached the age of 65.The results of the survey found that: Among the 100 people, only one person is very rich, 5 of them are financially secure, and the remaining 94 people are not so good, so they are regarded as losers.

The final research shows that the reason why these 94 people are unsuccessful in their later years is not that they did not work hard enough when they were young, but mainly because they did not choose a particularly clear goal for themselves.

In fact, as potential winners, they have ideals, pursuits, and self-motivation just like ordinary people, but the most important difference between them and ordinary people is that they have a clear goal, that is to say, they understand What are you living for.Therefore, all their efforts can be carried out around a relatively long-term goal. They know that what they do is correct and useful, and those who deviate from the goal are doing useless work or wasting time and life.

Someone once asked President Roosevelt's wife: "Dear Madam, can you give some advice to those who are eager to succeed, especially those young people?"

The President's wife shook her head modestly, saying that she did not have any suggestions, but she said: "Sir, your question reminds me of something when I was young: At that time, I was studying at Bennington College, and I wanted to find something while studying. A job to do, I thought at the time, it would be better to get a job in the telecommunications industry, so that I can still take a few credits. My father offered to help me, and he took me to meet a friend of his, who was then the American Radio General Sallov, chairman of the company.

"When I met General Sallov, he asked me directly what kind of job I was looking for and what to do. I thought: I like any job in the company under him, and it doesn't matter whether I choose it or not. So , I said to him, any job will do!

"The general stopped his busy work, stared at me, and said seriously, young man, there is no such thing as a 'casual' job in the world, and the road to success is paved with goals!"

The general was right when he said that all outstanding performers followed a constant path to success.Mr. Anthony Robin, the world-renowned master of potential stimulation, called this approach "the formula for sure success".And the first step of this formula is what we are after, and we must have a clear goal.The second step is to know how to do it, otherwise you are just dreaming, and you should immediately take the most likely way to achieve your goal.

If we pay close attention to the practices of successful people, we will find that they follow these steps.At the beginning, there is a goal, and it is a relatively clear goal, otherwise it is impossible to hit it; then take action, and have the ability to study and judge, and know the nature of the feedback; then constantly revise, adjust, and change your approach until it produces actual results Effect.

If you know your goal, and you can fully commit to it, all the opportunities will come your way.You have to know clearly that everyone has laziness, even those who want to succeed, they sometimes lose their energy.However, they can adjust themselves at any time, and insist on not giving in to their inner inertia.If we can do this, success is just around the corner.

Set deadlines for achieving goals

Once, I was at Harvard for a golf tournament organized by the local business association.I hit the ball into the grass at the edge of the grass.There happened to be a young man sweeping fallen leaves there, and he was looking for balls with me.The two of us had a conversation.

"I want to find a time to ask you." "When?" I asked him.

"Oh! Anytime is fine." He seemed surprised by my question.

I said to him: "If you ask me like this, you will never have a chance to communicate with me. How about it, let's meet and talk at No.18 hole in half an hour!" After 30 minutes, we sat down under the shade, I asked his name first, and then said: "You tell me clearly, what do you want to discuss with me?"

"I can't say, I just want to do something." His answer was vague.I asked him what he wanted to do specifically, and he replied that he didn't know very well, but he just wanted to do something different from what he is doing now, but he didn't know what to do.He looked confused.

I asked again, "So, when are you going to achieve that undetermined goal?" Confused and excited by the question, he said sincerely, "I don't know. I just mean one day. One day." Want to do something.” I tried to get him to say what he really liked to do, and he thought about it for a while, but in the end he couldn’t think of anything he liked in particular.

In fact, many young people are in the same situation as him, eager to do certain things to change their lives.However, they don't know what to do and when to do it.

Of course, they don't even know what they are best at or like.This is actually a manifestation of a lack of emotional intelligence.

These people have the hope of success, but they have not organized their thoughts or lacked an overall vision.They are smart, good-natured, and highly self-motivated.In this regard, I suggest that young people who are eager to succeed but are confused should spend more time thinking about their future and clarifying their goals.It is best to write down these goals in the simplest words.Estimate when it will be successfully realized, and write it on the card after reaching the conclusion.

By doing this, you will have a clear and complete vision, and you will have a grasp of your goals.Then work towards this goal step by step.

The young man I mentioned said he wanted to be a golf course manager.While the current manager is retiring in five years, he set a target date of five years from now.In five years, he really learned the knowledge and leadership skills necessary to be a manager.It can be said that once the manager's position is vacant, no one is his competitor.Later, he successfully became the manager of the golf course.Now he lives very happily and is very satisfied with his life.

Goals are very important to a person, but what is more important is to set a time limit for yourself to achieve them, so that you can achieve them more effectively.

accept different voices
A person who is good at accepting "different voices" is a manifestation of high emotional intelligence.At the same time, they understand their own shortcomings, correct their mistakes faster, and have a better chance of success.And those who think they are not good at accepting other people's opinions, because their emotional intelligence is too low, they cannot see their own weaknesses, and the road to success is extremely difficult.

To cultivate emotional intelligence and accept the opinions of others, you must first understand that you are not as good as you imagined.If we pay close attention to ourselves, we will obviously feel that we are not perfect, and it is very difficult to make everyone happy with us.In fact, if 50% of people are happy with you, that's an exciting fact.Be aware that at least half of the people around you will disagree with more than half of what you say.

Just look at political elections in the West: Even if the winner receives an overwhelming majority, 40% of the people will still vote against it.And it is impossible for these candidates to participate in the election to be poor. In many people's minds, they are already relatively perfect.This is true for these outstanding people, let alone us ordinary people.So no matter when you make an opinion, 50% of the people say it's against it, which is a very normal thing.

Recognizing this allows us to look at other people's objections from another angle.We don't get depressed when others take issue with what we say, nor do we change our views on the fly to win the other person's approval.Instead, we think that the person who disagrees happens to be one of the 50% who disagrees with me.

So, you can get rid of your low mood simply by realizing that every emotion, every opinion, every word, or everything you have will always be met with opposition.In other words, when we have anticipated a certain consequence before doing something, once such a consequence occurs, we will not experience great mood swings.

In this regard, President Lincoln of the United States has a deep understanding.He once said: "I work to the best of my knowledge and ability, and I will remain so. If I am proven right, those objections will be defeated; if I am proven wrong, even if there are Ten angels who swear that I am right will not help."

Don't lose your "decisiveness"

Being good at making decisions is a manifestation of a person's high emotional intelligence.We all know that because there are too many options to choose from, many decision makers often find that there is no perfect solution after repeated weighing, so they dare not make a decision easily.They ignore the fact that there is never a best solution.People with higher emotional intelligence understand this fact. They weigh it repeatedly and finally accept an imperfect solution. This is the real reason for their strong decision-making.

The disadvantage of showing indecision by losing decisiveness is not just that you lose the chance of success when you think twice, but that it gives people mental pressure.It is most necessary to control emotions and reduce stress. Decisive people will have less hesitation while acting cautiously, which increases their possibility of success.

We all know that a person's success or failure is closely related to whether he seizes the opportunity and makes decisive decisions.No matter how big or small it is, it is more beneficial to act decisively than to complain and hesitate.The same is true in real life. Decisive decision-making and never procrastinating are the style of successful people, while indecision and indecision are the common attributes of mediocre people.

We can say that different attitudes will produce different results.If you have the ability to make decisive decisions, you will soon create brilliant performance in the brutal and fierce competition.Therefore, get rid of the indecisive work attitude and act decisively, in order to achieve the expected goal and continue to succeed.

Many people know the importance of decisive decision-making, and they are working hard to acquire this ability.However, there are also people who worry about whether making decisive decisions means taking risks or facing unpredictable risks.In other words, how to balance prudence and decisiveness is what everyone really cares about.

To this end, I give the following suggestions:

1. Before you decide on a certain thing, you should have an understanding of all aspects.Before making a decision, you should use all your common sense and reason to think carefully and give yourself enough time to think about the problem.Only when you are mentally prepared can you make a decisive decision.Once a decision is made, don't go back on it easily.Of course, many people take it for granted that adequate preparation requires a lot of time, which will instead lead to indecisive decision-making.In fact, full preparation will be done quickly, and what we emphasize is comprehensive consideration, not long-term meaningless thinking.

2. If you find a good opportunity, you must seize the time and take immediate action.The most taboo thing in the face of opportunities is to keep thinking about a problem, thinking about this aspect for a while, and thinking about that aspect for a while.You need to make a quick decision and take your decision as the final unchanging decision.Once the habit of making quick decisions is formed, you can develop strong self-confidence.

3. Play by ear and learn to respond decisively.What we emphasize here is that when good opportunities arise, we must dare to seize the opportunity and reverse the course; when bad news comes, we must dare to throw our hands away.Usually, successful people in the workplace are able to calmly, objectively and calmly analyze various situations and change decisions quickly when external conditions suddenly change.

We must admit that it is not easy to make a decision in a dilemma.But, right or wrong, you must react quickly and take action.People who are afraid to make decisions usually fear losing something they already have, such as fear of being judged by their boss, fear of losing their job, or any other reason to give up control of their work.In fact, if they passively choose not to make a decision, they will be determined by reality.In this way, rather than passively allowing reality to control us, we should make decisions to control ourselves.

4. Learn to put aside the rigid concept of right and wrong when making a decision, so that the decision will be made easily.We often consider the consequences before making a decision.It is important to note that you should not view the various possible outcomes as right or wrong, good or bad, or even better or worse.Because the results of various choices are just different, basically there is no difference between right and wrong.So once you let go of your self-defeating standards of right and wrong, you realize that when you make different decisions, you are only weighing the consequences.

If you regret your decision afterwards and realize that regretting was a waste of time, you will definitely decide differently next time to live up to your expectations.Still, we should never describe our decisions as "right" or "wrong."Decisive decision makers are bound to make mistakes, but they are undoubtedly quicker than those who hesitate.Because, hesitators simply don't dare to start working.Without making a decision, you will lose the courage and determination to challenge failure.

5. The courage to make a choice in a dilemma must be accompanied by a keen insight to see the problem clearly.Keen insight is the key factor for quick decision-making, and it is also the biggest factor that determines the final result.Before making a decision, if you don't think about it, don't see the problem clearly, and only have the courage to ignore the consequences, thinking that it doesn't matter even if you make a wrong decision, then it's not worth it.Because the courage to make a blind decision without careful consideration is the courage of the common man.To do so, the consequences may be unimaginable.

keep calm in a crisis
We all experience mood swings from high to low.In fact, if people cannot control and manage their emotions well, they will do some unreasonable things.Someone said after doing something impulsive, "At the time, I was so angry that I couldn't think well".The fact is, it can be difficult to think clearly and thoroughly when we are highly emotional.Especially in a crisis, the emotional imbalance is exacerbated, making us like a pendulum that keeps swinging, unable to make the right decision.

(End of this chapter)