Will of chaos

after Kira left for a town I spent the rest of the day reading books, there was nothing else I could do.

It's been a while since I felt so unable, since my reincarnation I've been able to do many things, I've been able to train, fight, talk and even build a house with my own hands.

Now it seems that I went back in time when I was still Human, when all I felt every day was a pain in my body, how much I didn't have the strength to get out of bed, and how much I needed the help of others to eat, clean myself, etc.

At that time all I had was my mind and my notebook, I spent my days creating my games, sometimes I created some new technologies to improve the performance of my games, with that time passed, the days became months and then years old.

Everything I've always been afraid of since I was a child came true, one day I went into the hospital and never left, the older I got the weaker my body and health got, I spent the last months of my life in and out of a coma, each Once I closed my eyes I didn't know if I would be able to open them again.

At that time all I had was my last game, I didn't expect anyone to play it, all I wanted was to finish it, I never did anything halfway in my life, I always gave everything I had in everything I did, for I had no regrets, even in and out of the coma I managed to finish that game, so I was happy to have died without leaving anything incomplete behind.

In this world I did the same, I struggled in every moment to survive without regrets, I keep giving my all in whatever I do and that kind of thinking brought me, girls, they are the closest to a family I have in this world.

Getting stuck in this bed and leaving all the work to them, knowing Diana might be in trouble and not being able to go to her for help, making Kira cross the woods alone to get news of Diana.

I don't like it, I don't like feeling helpless again, from what Erica said I must recover if I rest, but I can't stay still.

That's why I decided to take this time to read several of the books that Diana and Kira brought from the city of Valen.

After seeing the potato that looked like a thick carrot and eating the fruit that Kira peeled and cut for me, I decided to start with the cookbook and the book that describes various types of food.

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The next day I wake up feeling a little better, my body is still aching, but at least the pain in my head has gone down a little and I can move my arms a little now.

"Good morning Master." (Érica)

"Good Morning." (I)

Érica entered the room with a plate full of cut fruit, as soon as she sees me awake she opens a big smile and greets me.

"How are you feeling today?" (Érica)

"I'm still not fine, but at least I'm able to move around a bit." (I)

"I was thinking about using my ability to recover faster, what do you think?" (I)

"Avoid doing this, the skill you use forces the body to recover faster, it usually doesn't matter how well you are in good health and just wants to heal your wounds." (Érica)

"The problem is that you are suffering because you have overloaded your body and mind, if you use your ability it will only get worse" (Érica)

"The only things that would help you in this situation would be healing magic and a passive regeneration ability." (Érica)

"If you're saying that I'll listen." (I)

"All the master needs is to rest and not make any physical or magical effort, in a few days the master should recover." (Érica)

"In the meantime, I will continue reading the books the girls brought from Valen City." (I)

"(Since I can't train, I'll study.)" (I)

"Master, I forgot to tell you that I asked Kira to buy the magic to use the demonic magic of human transformation." (Érica)

"No problem, that's a good thing, when you start to learn this magic better beforehand." (I)

I spent some time talking to Érica, then Ibuki arrived and I started teaching her math when noon was approaching the two of them went to provide food and I was able to start reading the various books.

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After dark Ibuki and Érica came to my room for our daily meeting, this time there was nothing to talk about with them, so the meeting ended and I just chatted with them before they left for their duties.

As they are the only ones here with the ability to watch, they are taking turns watching each other.

Unable to do anything to help them, I go back to reading, asking Érica to use her magic that leaves a ball of light floating so I can read.

During the afternoon I managed to finish reading the two books on food and cooking, I learned that I have a lot of knowledge similar to my ancient world.

There are recipes for French bread, pasta, cake, chips, pizza, cheese, and lasagna.

The book makes it clear that most of the recipes were created by Outsiders, it seems to be true, when you are away from your hometown what you miss most is the food.

I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must have been for them to create these foods with unfamiliar ingredients.

I spent the rest of the night reading the book about the Outsiders, I managed to read it all in a few hours.

The book wasn't very thick, the book says the same thing the girls had already told me, but it also had several stories of Outsiders.

It seems that from a few hundred years ago until about fifty years ago many Outsiders started to appear, most of them were reincarnated, some reincarnated as adults and some are born as children.

These Outsiders said they came from the same world, they all talked about how they had health problems or suffered from some kind of disability before reincarnating.

It seems their fate in this world wasn't very pleasant at first, some called themselves the main characters and handled things silly, those who did that quickly died to monsters or other people.

Some had abilities or elemental affinities considered prohibited, these were imprisoned, killed, or in a few cases joined some religion where these powers were exchanged with the blessing of their God.

There were many who were deceived and became slaves or prohibited research material from clandestine organizations, these had fates worse than death.

But not everyone had unhappy lives, some hid the fact of being Outsiders, some joined Kingdoms and Guilds to have support in a world they didn't know.

It seems they tried to create a lot of things from their old world but failed most of the time, they were more successful in cooking and agriculture.

There's an excerpt from a comment that some of the smarter Outsiders always repeated, they said that this world had different laws of physics, different energies, and this system that they don't understand how it affects everything, so they couldn't replicate the things of their world in this.

"(I thought the same things in the past, but everything is so different in this world that I just decided to accept things as they are, I don't want to waste my time looking for answers to everything I don't understand.)" (I)

It seems that some were successful in this world, those who said they abandoned everything they knew and started from scratch in this world.

They sought new ways to do what they knew and new knowledge, most of them went to create jobs, of which one became a renowned Alchemist who created many types of potions such as liquid soap, one became a tailor and was the first to add spells to clothing that wasn't made of monster leather or armor, many joined the trade and adventurer guilds.

One of the most famous was the one who chose a country known for its corruption, he joined the King and showed how to investigate and collect evidence, that way the title of royal investors was created, this Outsider managed to cleanse the Kingdom from those who corrupted it.

I learned a lot from this book, I realized that some made the same decision as me, to create things from scratch, in trial and error.

What worries me is the information that was at the end of the book.

It said that some Outsiders were reincarnated as monsters, this caused a wave of destruction on a large scale, that's because the Outsiders were smart, but they became crazy.

There were a few examples, the most famous of which was that of an Outlander who reincarnated as a Goblin, he wasn't able to control the violent and perverted instincts that the Goblins had.

He used his wits to kidnap only the weakest women to **** them and kill the weakest monsters and people to get strong, when someone noticed him years had passed and he had built a great Goblin kingdom, he had evolved into an Emperor Goblin with an army of thousands of Goblins, he ravaged several Realms before being killed and his army wiped out by an alliance between Realms.

He wasn't the only one, there were others who were reincarnated as monsters, everyone went crazy, an Outsider who claimed to have studied people's minds in his original world managed to capture one of these monsters and after months of study, he shared his findings.

He said that the moment of reincarnation was a confusing and traumatizing moment, these Outsiders who were once people living in a peaceful world became monsters in an unknown world and were alone, in despair they ended up being swallowed up by their bodies' survival instincts. , over time their minds and personalities were distorted by these primitive instincts until they became true monsters.

He also said that there must have been some who committed suicide upon discovering they had turned into monsters.

Since then any monster suspected of being an Outsider is hunted down and killed upon discovery.

"(I can understand their situation, even I find it hard to control my instincts sometimes.)" (I)

"(What happened to them could have happened to me, it probably just didn't happen because I was reborn as a Leech whose only instinct was hunger and because I didn't give in to despair.)" (I)

"(I also kept my mind open when looking at the world, I didn't deny my situation and I always tried to have a rational eye for things around me.)" (I)

"(To sum up, I was weird and distorted enough already, I quickly accepted the situation.)" (I)

"(But even so I've changed a lot, it's a fact that I'm different now and I don't know if it's because I'm a monster now or because of the things I've been through since reincarnation.)" (I)

"(That Outsider who said he studied people's minds must have been a psychologist or psychiatrist.)" (I)

I thought it would be safer to hide the fact of being a monster and an Outsider in the future, so I don't get into unnecessary trouble, this was a worrying discovery.