Wandering witch the journey of elaina

On the Road: The Tale of Two Men Who Couldn’t

Settle a Contest

As I flew my broom over gently sloping meadows, the sound of the wind

rustling through the grass reached my ears. The warm sunlight and cool

breeze made a pleasant harmony. I wanted to fly around this place forever.

I steered my broom left and right, and I could hear it cut through the wind

—hyoom, hyoom—making my ride a little more fun. But unfortunately, the

fun never lasted long, and this time was no different, as a less pleasant sound

on the wind brought my enjoyment to an abrupt end.

“Huh? What’d you say? Try saying that again, bro!”

“Huh? I told you, I’m the best, bro!”

The uncommonly refreshing atmosphere was spoiled.

When I turned my head to figure out where the voices were coming from,

I saw two men standing in the middle of a meadow arguing about something.

They were dressed in different-colored clothes, and the snippet of

conversation I’d overheard told me they were brothers.

“No way, I’m better than you. Absolutely!”

“No way, of course I’m better. No younger brother has ever surpassed his

older brother!”

“Ha-ha! What an outdated way of thinking. A real antique outlook.

Younger brothers throughout history have grown by observing their older

brothers’ failings. They can avoid mistakes before they happen, and that

makes them stronger.”

“Ha-ha! What a stupid thing to say. That must be a story from back when

older brothers were useless human beings! But I myself am already a

flawless, perfect specimen! I don’t make mistakes, and even supposing that I

did, they would be mistakes at a level higher than you could ever reach.”

The two shouted nonsensical insults at each other, glaring and yelling

things like “Huh?” and “You wanna go?”

Anyway, what’s an “antique outlook”? Or a “high-level mistake”? I was

puzzling over this when I met the gaze of the one I assumed was the older

brother.

“All right then!” he shouted. “We’ll get that girl over there to tell us

which one of us is better, you or me!”

The (presumably) younger brother nodded. “I like that idea. Especially

because I’m going to win.”

I had a very, very bad feeling about this.

“So what are you two fighting about?”

I was sitting down on the grass, looking up at the two of them. Both had

the same features and the same haircut; in fact, the only difference between

them was the color of their clothing. The older brother wore red, while the

younger brother was in blue.

The red- and blue-clothed brothers spoke in unison. ““Magic tricks!””

“Magic tricks, is it?”

“Magic tricks!”

“I understand you, so you don’t need to say it a second time.”

“Magic—”

“Hey, didn’t you hear her? This is why kids like you…”

“Huh? Don’t act like you’re better just because you were born three years

before me, you jerk!”

“And you don’t understand the difference three years makes because

you’re still a kid, you dumb kid.”

“Oh, well, if those three years are such a big deal, then why are all your

magic tricks no better than mine? Huh?”

“Would the two of you please be quiet for a minute?”

“’Kay.”

“Sure.”

I told them to shut up, and they did. At last, there was quiet.

Magic tricks, huh…? Being a real witch, I’m unfamiliar with sleight of

hand. This is a toughie. Hmm… It’s annoying when they’re both talking at

once, so let’s have them give their sides of the story one at a time. I looked at

the younger brother and asked, “Why do you perform magic tricks?”

“In our homeland, there isn’t a single person who can use magic. One

reason is that it’s a small country, but there are also some religious reasons,

not to mention a historical taboo against it.”

“Hmm, hmm.” I had a feeling we were about to start quite a heavy

conversation.

The older brother continued the story. “But people are instinctively drawn

to the forbidden, and many young people like us aspire to be mages.”

“And so we thought, ‘Hmm, if we pretend to be mages, couldn’t we try to

turn a profit?’”

“And then we hit the road, as the Nearly-But-Not-Quite-Conjurers.”

Ah, this really is a heavy conversation, isn’t it?

The two of them were explaining proudly and happily when I interjected,

“No one got mad at you for doing that?”

The one who answered me was the one dressed in blue clothing—the

younger brother. “They sure did. We even got arrested. But we weren’t really

using magic; it was all illusion. So no matter how many times they arrested

us, they had to let us go.”

“Somehow…”

I bet people saw them as heroes. I can imagine what the other members of

their generation were saying, too. “The government in our country is no

good! It’s incompetent!” Or something like that…

“But did sleight of hand not get banned on account of you two?”

They gave simple answers. “Yeah, it was.”

“That’s why we were exiled. Now we’re flat broke.”

“Oh, so you were exiled?” I asked.

The two of them nodded in perfect sync.

“It’s been one month since we were exiled.”

“Since then, we’ve been working as traveling performers to make

money.”

“Uh-huh.”

“But then we ran into a problem with our act.”

“We don’t have a name for it.”

“A name, huh?”

“We discussed combining our names into one, as brothers, but we

disagree over whose name should go first.”

“And so we decided that whoever won a contest of illusions would get to

be first.”

I see. So that’s what’s going on. “And what was the outcome?”

This time it was the older brother who answered me. “As of right now…

zero wins, zero losses, and fifteen ties.”

“So nothing’s been decided at all…”

“That’s why we want you to decide a winner and loser once and for all.”

“Today we put an end to the stalemate.”

The two of them glared at each other, shouting, “You wanna go?” and

“Huh?” and so on.

Huh? This decision is kinda serious, isn’t it?

Their magic act was a truly incredible performance.

They pulled birds out of nowhere, caused coins to move instantly from

place to place, guessed the cards I drew, and all kinds of other exciting,

wondrous things.

Magic tricks are amazing.

The problem was that both of them were truly so impressive that I

absolutely could not choose who was better. I realized this was one of those

cases where it was impossible to decide.

“How about it? I was the most impressive, of course,” the younger brother

boasted.

“No way—my magic tricks were more incredible than yours. Anyone

could see that,” the older brother said in the same arrogant tone.

After looking back and forth between the two brothers, who were glaring

at each other, I had only one thing to say: “It’s a tie.”

Since both brothers were remarkably talented, someone like me couldn’t

possibly choose a winner and a loser. That was my official stance on the

matter.

To be honest, I had just gotten fed up with the whole mess. I would leave

the decision to someone else, somewhere else. I was ready for the brothers to

be upset with my answer, but despite their fifteen previous ties, the two of

them were surprisingly calm.

“…I see. Well, that’s that, then. We can’t decide on a name yet.”

“Come on, I’m telling you my name should go first.”

“What’d you say?”

“You heard me.”

“Both of you, stop it, please.”

“’Kay.”

“Sure.”

I made them quiet down and then took a step back.

“Well then, I’ll be taking my leave.” I need to hurry along to the next

country; I am a traveler, after all. With a forced smile, I started to leave.

But then—“H-hey! Wait a minute.”

“Aren’t you going to pay us?”

The two brothers stopped me.

Huh? Pay? “You’re going to charge me for that magic show?”

I turned around, and the two brothers shrugged in unison.

“I mean, of course.”

“Getting to see our incredible tricks for free would be too good to be true,

right? Right?”

“Right.”

What happened to the two people who had been snarling at each other

until just a moment ago? The men in front of me were in perfect sync.

Suddenly, I was very uncomfortable. “Wait, you never said a single word

about collecting payment…”

“I don’t remember saying it was free, either,” the younger brother said,

snorting.

“Wait just a minute. Let’s review, shall we? You two wanted me to

choose the superior illusionist, and you made me become the judge in your

contest. Am I correct so far?”

“Yes, that’s correct.” The older brother nodded.

“Okay,” I continued. “That’s right. Meaning this was a contest between

the two of you, not a magic show you were advertising? Is there a reason to

pay money for that?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Our magic tricks are always a contest between us.

Right?”

“Right.”

Seriously…?

They set me up. They were planning to trick me from the beginning.

Get into a fight, call a traveler over, then force her to watch your magic

show and charge money… No doubt this was the sixteenth time they’d pulled

their little scam. They should be ashamed of themselves.

“…Well, how much is the fee?” I decided to ask, just in case. It didn’t

mean I accepted their explanation.

“Four silver pieces.”

“The two of us together comes to eight silvers.”

“Whoa, that’s pricey.”

Since one silver was enough for one night at an inn, these two were telling

me to throw away enough money for over a week of lodging. What on earth

are they thinking?

“We showed you a first-rate traveling magic show. I’d say it’s a good

deal, wouldn’t you?” the older brother said.

Well, I can’t deny that the illusions were amazingly skillful.

“……”

I’m very, very reluctant, but unfortunately, they’re not wrong.

Technically, they could say it was my fault for not asking about the price, and

I wouldn’t be able to argue.

……

But I don’t wanna pay for something this stupid, especially when they’re

forcing me…

I thought on and on until I was worn out.

“Stop right there.” I turned around, and the giant muscleman from the

other day was posing there like a hero.

What in the world…?

“Um, hi there.” I gave a little bow, and he reacted a little bashfully.

“Good to see you again, Madam Witch.”

“It’s been a while, Muscleman.”

“Muscleman” was the incredibly brawny man I had met several days ago.

I had defaulted to calling him that because I had only met him once and

hadn’t even asked his name. He seemed to enjoy hearing the word muscle,

and he puffed out his chest. “Hmm, that’s right. I am a muscular man.”

Wow, he looks so dumb.

Frightened by the sudden appearance of the mysterious bodybuilder, the

two swindlers were visibly trembling.

“H-hey…who is that guy?”

“What? Don’t tell me he’s your boyfriend.”

“No way.” I was very clear. Meatheads are not my type.

Muscleman didn’t care about my attitude in the least (actually, he

probably didn’t even hear what I said) and spoke to the two magicians in a

booming voice.

“Anyway, you there! Even if the gods forgive you for deceiving people to

earn some easy coin, I shall not. Prepare yourselves.” It was hard to listen to

him, in more ways than one. I turned my head away.

“…Why do you avert your eyes?” He saw me.

“Uh, no reason,” I said. “By the way, why are you here, Muscleman?”

“Ah, the truth is, I was just on my way to defeat a legendary dragon that is

said to live in the next country. I was running there, racing the wind, when I

caught sight of you—”

“What about your sister?”

“Sister?” After he had been quiet for a moment, he said, “Ah, my sister…

my sister, yes. I was just thinking I would go look for her after I defeat the

legendary dragon. Ha-ha-ha!” His laughter was forced and fake and far too

loud.

You obviously forgot about her.

Even his brain had turned to muscle, but that was no surprise.

“…In that case, this man has nothing to do with this, right?”

“Yeah. Nothing at all. Which is why you need to leave.”

The two were startled into being overly direct. I mean, when you’re

suddenly confronted by a burly bruiser, it’s understandable to feel a bit

threatened.

“Silence!” Muscleman barked.

The two brothers squeaked in terror, and I almost burst out laughing.

“Extorting money from sweet girls like her is not something that people

should be doing! We’re going to whip your character into shape, starting

now! Come on!” Then Muscleman grabbed the two brothers by the napes of

their necks and ran off.

“Ah, hang on… Hey, that hurts! Stop it!”

“He’s muscle! All muscle!”

“I’ll show you the splendor of the muscle world! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!”

“Ow! Let me go! Let gooo!”

“Wahhh! I’m sorry! We won’t trick people anymore!”

“Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

……

I stood in the spot where I had taken the bait, and waved good-bye to the

two crying swindlers. Even when the three of them looked as small as rice

grains, their pitiful wailing echoed endlessly across the sweeping meadow.

Well, that was lucky. I wonder what will become of the two brothers and

the muscleman.

But of course, that wasn’t any of my business.