Artoria the Big Liar

Instead, I was a little caught off guard, so that my brain temporarily became confused.

"Who told you these words?"

As soon as I said this sentence, I regretted it.

The answer is obvious, and you can know it without thinking.

"Father, have I talked to anyone other than you in the past few days?"

"...I don't remember saying those words."

I just said that I don't want to be king, I don't want to be Artoria.

As for "all I want is complete sleep," I don't say it, and I can't say it—because that's not what I really want.

I stopped looking at Mordred and stared at the dark wall-mounted TV directly in front of me.

When he first came to this era, Mordred used the TV as a mirror.

But now, it is really used as a mirror by me.

Mordred and I are reflected on the pitch-black screen, but because it is pitch-black, she and I on the screen seem to be in the dark, and it’s like performing a drama on an empty stage , without any sense of reality.

Mordred on the screen lowered his head, thinking about how to answer and how to ask questions.

Thinking takes time.For an adolescent child like Mordred, his consciousness is easily disturbed by irrelevant things, and his thinking time will only be longer.So, I didn't push, I didn't stare at her, it just put pressure on her, it just made her say something that came out of her mouth, and then she went into a state of agitation and excitement, and completely screwed up this father-son meeting.

"I came up with it myself, Father. These days, I have been thinking about it. Recalling why this happened. Recalling why Father asked me to kill you. Recalling why Father is always so painful, so painful that he is about to go crazy It's like falling, it's just...it's about to become a wraith that can't rest..."

That's an interesting statement.According to this logic, I do.

Doing a job called "King", playing another role, and his body is tattered by what happened in his childhood.

Moreover, I did change from a dead soul to a follower, and from a follower to a living person. To some extent, I am indeed a wraith.

I didn't say anything.Instead, wait for Mordred to continue speaking.

"On the battlefield of Camlan, my sword killed you. I still don't understand. I wonder if I did something wrong. I wonder if the retirement of many knights of the round table hurt you. I wonder if this The state has driven you to this extent—but the day before yesterday, just the day before yesterday, you showed me those two books, and told me that you have always had an old disease, and that you did not become king to reclaim your rights. The power I got, just because I didn't want to starve to death, I finally understood..."

Mordred stopped, she was sorting out her thoughts, trying to translate all the feelings in her heart into corresponding words.

It's hard.When a person is in an excited or excited state, it is almost impossible to express his thoughts accurately.At this time, the request sentence will become an imperative sentence, the interrogative sentence will become a questioning sentence, the use of vocabulary will tend to be strict, and the description of the sentence will tend to be exaggerated.

So I still didn't make a sound, quietly waiting for Mordred.

This wait is 3 minutes.

"That's right...that's right! I finally understand! I finally understood not long ago! You didn't want to live in the first place, you wanted to die a long time ago, but for some reason, you couldn't die no matter what, so you changed This is what it is now... Each of us—every lord, every soldier, every knight, me, mother, Merlin, the dead, the undead, forced you to live, to make you Had to live, locked on a throne with nowhere to go! Only... could only be 'King Arthur' in everyone's eyes, be that cursed king! Just like that cursed island... yes Is that so, father?"

The corners of my mouth curl into a smile—yes, a smile, not a curve.

The former is a heartfelt joy, while the latter is just a fake smile out of etiquette.

I am very happy that Mordred can say these words in full, and this alone is worthy of my pride.This shows that my education was very successful, she was able to express her thoughts clearly, and her trust in me was far greater than the fear in her heart.

Probably because I laughed really happily. Mordred on the screen seemed to relax a lot.

"Mordred, one of your words is correct, do you know which sentence it is?"

"I have no idea."

"You said that I am a wraith who cannot rest in peace. This is true. However, this sentence is only half true. It is true that I am an undead, but I am not a wraith. I have no resentment in my heart. I have never Never really hated anyone."

"What about the others? Other guesses... are all wrong?"

This statement is so general that I need to explain it word for word.

But I thought about it for a while, and decided not to answer this question, but to answer Mordred's doubts.

Yes, I already know why Mordred is in such pain, but why I dare not speak out about the pain.

But Mordred is different from me. My state of mind is very calm, while Mordred is still very excited and excited.

Even for me, it will take time to answer Mordred's doubts.

So, I had no choice but to confide my heart to her in a very slow, memory-like tone.

"Modred, living is a very painful thing. But this does not mean that people live only in pain. Since you have read "The Death of King Arthur" carefully, you should be able to notice a detail? Dredd' details. In that book, Merlin made a prophecy that a child born on May [-]st would destroy Britain. So King Arthur actually put the child born on that day on a ship, Let the ship float with the wind in the North Sea. Mordred, why do you think I didn't do that? Merlin did tell me about this, and I'm a violent king, so it's reasonable for me to do it? Why did that The noble knight king did such a cruel thing, but the violent evil dragon king did the opposite, do you know the reason?"

Mordred didn't answer.Her life experience is too short, so it is impossible for her to know my reasons.

She has lived with self-hatred since the campaign at Camlann began.In modern times, she has lived in hatred of Britain.I think it's her, it's Britain that's causing my pain.

Am I in pain?I am mentally exhausted, physically I often suffer from old illnesses, I think I am acting on the stage consciously, and I regard myself as a dead soul in my soul-but to be honest, maybe Artoria's life from the age of eight to 16 is really painful , but after that, when more and more people gather around, the pain will no longer be felt.

It's not that the pain is so numb, but that I really can't feel it.

However, I cannot speak directly to Mordred.

I should state my heart, not my experience.The two are similar when talking, but very different to the listener.Therefore, I can only change the angle and direction to explain to Mordred.

Mordred never answered.This not only allowed her to calm down and think about what I said, but also gave me time to think, allowing me to find a good angle and explain to her well.

"Modred, you are still young and have experienced too little. It is beyond your knowledge and ability to understand this matter—then, let me tell you, Mord Reid. It’s actually very simple—it’s painful for a person to live in this world, and it’s even more painful for a dead person to live in this world. But the pain is not all, and the diseases and scars on the body are not all. The reason why people live is for the one they love. For those who love themselves. A man's life is never his own, but all those who love him and his loved ones. Indeed, before Kamran, I was tired and wanted to rest, so please You want to end all of this—but, waking up from Paradise, seeing Morgan in tears, seeing Merlin who has been enduring guilt, and seeing you who hate yourself to the extreme, how can I say 'please Let me rest in peace' What about that?"

It seems that what I said was not quite right, as if the words I said did not convey my mind correctly.

Therefore, my mood instinctively became irritable.However, I still suppressed this impatience.

I inhale calmly, exhale calmly, then organize my words calmly, and speak out calmly——

"Mordred, I love you. I love each of you—every man, every soldier, every knight, you, Morgan, Merlin, the dead, the living, I love you all. Deeply in love. It is you who gave me the strength to transform me from an incompetent ordinary man into King Arthur who can conquer half of Europe. You gave me the determination to suppress all discontent and rebellion You have given me the will to carry on even when I am tired and my body hurts. I don’t want to be King Arthur, and it’s true. I never wanted to live, and that’s true. But, for All of you whom I love, I could be anyone—even I could be King Arthur and do more than those two books."

Because, even if it is distorted, my life is complete, and I have nothing to regret in my life.

Even the battle of Kamlan, I will not regret it - the curse of blood continues to work, the consciousness of Britain is forcing every pendragon, the battle of Kamlan is at least within my control, if it continues to drag Going on, I really can't imagine what Mordred will look like.

Of course, this kind of thinking cannot be said to Mordred, it involves her herself.

I had to change the subject again——

"... Ah, sorry, Mordred. I seem to be digressing—then answer the question just now. Why am I the opposite of that King Arthur about you? Because, compared to the brilliant Sun, I can only be a torch that burns in the dark. The sun treats all things on the earth equally, but the torch can only illuminate the closest person. So, I love you, but this love has a sequence and a sequence. High and low, not equal. Even if I didn't witness your birth, even if you were born because of Morgan's conspiracy against me, you are my child, and I still love you--like my real father, humble Like Wang Vutigeng. Even if I kill her, even if we never meet, she still loves me, wants me to leave, does not want me to be the king of Britain, and would rather be chained on the throne and witness all by herself. Loved Britain is reduced to ashes."

My memory is blurred, but I vaguely remember what Vortigern said before that.

As the king of Britain, Pendragon can only be killed by another Pendragon—this seems to be a curse, but in fact, the gentleness that only belongs to Pendragon revealed in it is only The people of the Pendragon family can only understand it themselves.

This kind of tenderness cannot be described in words, and there are no similar examples in the world, but it does exist, not fake.

Just like when I asked Mordred to kill me that night before going to Rome, this is a tenderness that only belongs to me, and only I, and only Mordred, can understand this kind of tenderness.

But... I still can't tell it in words after all.

"Mordred, the reality is complicated. You are not fully grown, and it is difficult for me to explain these things clearly in a few words. It is true that I am a king, but I do not know everything, and I am not omnipotent. You need to understand and understand by yourself. I can only give you suggestions, or use previous examples as a reference..."

I paused.I think it is still necessary to

"In Camlan, you asked me why you were not allowed to inherit the throne, right? Actually, my idea is not that complicated. Think about it, you are an artificial human created by magic, and your life is only eight years old. I don’t understand responsibility, obligation, love, hatred, fear, courage and many other things, and I’m not mature enough. How could I let you experience the pain of being a king so early?”

"Albion's glory is based on oppression and slavery. If there is a peaceful handover, you will definitely experience all kinds of betrayal and all kinds of painful things. You will be unaccompanied, and in the end you will become a lonely family, and then you will be killed by the enemy with a sword. Kill, or be killed by poison. In addition, you are an artificial human, with a limited lifespan, and there is no time to make changes, let alone shape Albion into what you want."

"So... since I feel so tired and I really feel the limit, why don't I use my life to do one last thing, let people know that you killed the evil dragon king of Albion, let people think that you can follow Yes. In this way, after you win the throne, you may be killed by another Pendragon because of the curse of blood, but it is better than complete disillusionment and despair, right? Uther understands this truth, Vortigern understands this Reason, I also understand this reason. So Pendragon chose such a path of inheritance—but, since you finally decided not to be a king, I also respect your decision, and I am even happy for you. You know, Mordred? I was really glad, you won't be killed by your children or sisters, you don't need to instigate your children or sisters to kill you, although it's a short life, it doesn't No need to go through the painful part..."

I'm a bit speechless.

I really can't go on.

I was a little discouraged, because I felt that I still hadn't expressed my heart.

There are too many parts here that could be misunderstood, too many parts that could be deemed lies.

Front and back logic【)

I even wanted to take out my heart, so that Mordred could understand my true feelings and thoughts.

After thinking about it, thinking about it carefully and seriously, I can only finally say the most helpless words in my life——

"If you can't understand something, then you can understand it later? Maybe after you have experienced enough things, you will be able to understand. But I can guarantee that what I said is what I want to say in my heart, and I don't want to fool you You... it's just that the power of words is limited, I can't express it clearly... anyway..."

Speaking of which, I really have nothing to say.

On the screen, Mordred still lowered his head.Her bangs hid her face so I couldn't see her eyes.

What will she think now?Will you blame me for not talking until now?Will some sentences or vocabulary be misunderstood?Do you think I'm fooling her by not talking about it before the expedition to Rome, but only now?Will there be no way to combine the situation on the Kamran battlefield and just take my words as a perfunctory and compromise?Could it be that she thinks she's mature enough that, in her view, the main premise of these claims is wrong?Could it be that what she is struggling with is actually not my feelings at all?

I don't know, I don't understand, I can't figure it out.

I have never been so nervous, no matter how difficult it is, it is even more difficult to say these things clearly.

Time passed by little by little, and it was extremely painful for me, as if every second was a century.

I do not know how long, I ushered in the final judgment.

Mordred looked up.Her eye circles were so red that it was like she had been crying all night.

Looking at her on the screen, I suddenly remembered that I forgot a very, very important thing.

——I don't seem to have explained at all why I said that in Avalon before being taken away by the power of prophecy.If you think about that passage carefully, it is equivalent to telling the other three people present that I have never loved or been loved in my life. to the end...

I don't even dare to imagine that hatred of Britain is implied in that passage, and whether it can be twisted to mean something else.

But it's too late now... I've finished my speech, and it's too late to explain that passage.

Almost instantly, after 22 years, the emotion called "fear" filled my heart.

However, the next moment, Mordred opened his mouth, and the words came out of her mouth——

"Actually... Father King... I..."

She seemed unable to express the feelings in her heart in words.

Yes, I hugged her, I took her in my arms.

Tears soon soaked my shirt.

She was shaking violently, and she was breathing rapidly, but she still couldn't let her vocal cords make a sound.

Then, I smiled again—and this time, too, without the corners of my mouth curling up.

In fact, I'm not very happy, and it's okay to even say I'm unhappy—I've said so many words, but none of them can express my feelings better than the actions of the person in my arms.This makes me a little annoyed, after all, it took me a lot of effort and intense brainstorming to say these words.

But... Mordred's feelings were truly conveyed to me without any discount.

At least for a long time in the future, I don't need to worry about Mordred's psychological construction anymore.

In this way, my purpose will be completely achieved.

(^【#

Note: This chapter has 7241 words.Although it can be considered a two-in-one, it will be updated as usual.

Zhang Ba Mutton Chowder Soup

(This chapter is the first perspective of Artoria.)

Mordred cried for a long time.

There is no clock in the living room. I don't know how much time has passed, but there is at least half an hour.

When we got to the back, I couldn't tell whether she was crying or simply didn't want to leave.

I actually don't care, it doesn't matter how long she stays, the big deal is that I will go out to eat tonight, and I won't make dinner.

However, in the end, she left my arms.

Her eye circles were extremely red, the whites of her eyes were bloodshot, and her upper and lower eyelids were swollen from crying.

From the first day I received her, she cried so hard for the first time, which made me a little distressed.

"Mordred, are you feeling better?" I asked softly, reaching out my hand to wipe the tears on her face.

"I..." She was still speechless.And I just smiled and looked at her and looked into her eyes.This time, although she still wanted to avoid it, she finally strengthened her heart, looked at me, looked at her reflection in my eyes, and then plucked up the courage, as if facing the next life, and asked: "Father Does Wang feel... better?"

"I've always been like this. It doesn't feel better and it doesn't feel worse."

"Father... that... I... I..." She was stuck for a long time, and after a few deep breaths, after her brain finally calmed down, she said, "Sorry... Father, I made you worry. "

"Actually, I'm not very worried. After all, Mordred, we are each clear about your feelings and mine. It's just some things in the past that made us each have doubts. But it's just doubts and won't develop into something else, right?"

"I still have a question...that is...does my father really not hate me?"