The World I Was Supporting Was Real

Episode 32. The Thing I Least Want to Admit

“……!”

Eirene quickly hid herself.

Fortunately, it seemed Rayfield hadn’t noticed her.

“We’re not here to cause trouble. We just want to check if someone is here, so it would be nice if you cooperated quickly.”

Instead of the bewildered abbess, it was Igeon’s role to deal with the man.

“That’s difficult. No matter how much it’s the emperor’s order, is it okay to intrude into the monastery like this without notice?”

“Come on. Do you think this is the time of Magnitipus, or are you seriously saying that?”

“I am serious. And I heard the emperor is currently on the run. You said it was an imperial order, but I’d like to ask whose order exactly you are following.”

From noble mtl dot com

Thump, thump.

Eirene placed her hand on her chest and sank to the ground.

She prayed that the sound of her heartbeat wouldn’t escape.

“Yes. You spoke well. Yes. The Emperor.”

“Pardon?”

“We have information that the deposed Emperor is hiding here.”

“……!”

“So, we just want to conduct a brief search. I mean, it’s not like I’m here to set the monastery on fire. I don’t understand why you’re being so strict. The less you cooperate, the more suspicious It looks.”

As he said that, he brushed past Lee Gun.

“The moment you step into the monastery.”

“?”

“From the moment you step into the monastery without permission, it can be considered that the newly enthroned Emperor is hostile to the Gwodun Church and the Holy Lady, right?”

Rayfield’s expression, which had been unchanged, finally crumbled slightly as he glared at Lee Gun.

Lee Gun did not avoid his gaze. Instead, he looked even more directly at him and repeated the word.

“The cathedral and monastery of the Gwodun Church are all territories of God, and they exist under the management of the Holy Lady, who is chosen by God. To rummage through this place without the Holy Lady’s permission can only be seen as a challenge to “Our Gwodun Church. Unless.”

Step, step.

Lee Gun, who was a head taller than Rayfield, looked down at him and said.

“Did you get the Holy Lady’s permission? If so, I will cooperate.”

“……Ha!”

Rayfield turned his head and sighed as if annoyed.

Muttering something about religious fanatics.

Lee Gun just stared at him without falling for the provocation.

“Well, fine. I’ll get the Holy Lady’s permission. I just need to bring her along, right?”

“Yes. If you can do that.”

“Always nitpicking until the end…!”

Rayfield, who had been momentarily angry, quickly composed himself faster than expected.

“Ha…… Look, Father. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but if you’re really hiding the Emperor, you’re making a huge mistake. Do you think keeping that fallen woman will restore Gwodun Church as the A new era is coming soon.”

“…….”

“Yes. A new era. When an era of new order and new rules comes, you and the deposed Emperor will just be relics of the past.”

As Rayfield said that, he placed his hand on Lee Gun’s shoulder-

“I will come back again today. If you want to continue the legacy of the Gwodongyo under the new order, you should think carefully.”

Only after confirming that they were retreating with the soldiers-

‘… … .’

Thud.

With my legs giving out, I could only collapse on the spot.

What? New order? What does that even mean?

Setting aside the incomprehensible sentence, the most despairing fact right now is―

―that they have discovered I am here.

* * *

“…….”

“Thank you, Abbot.”

A late dinner was set on the table.

The menu was simple. The usual rye bread, dried herring, and pickled vegetables.

Eirene liked dinner time. There was nothing else that made her feel alive and breathing as much as tearing into bread after a day of hard labor.

However, today she couldn’t bring herself to touch any of it.

“Then, I will excuse myself first, Brother.”

“Yes. Thank you.”

The Abbot also greeted Eirene before leaving.

Was it her way of being considered?

“Please, eat. Rinashita.”

“…….”

Egon continued his meal in silence.

He didn’t ask why she wasn’t eating, just carried on as usual.

The only sound filling the quiet space was that of utensils clinking against the plates.

And then, it was Eirene who broke the silence.

“Just now…….”

“Don’t worry. The Saint is a very wise person. She won’t comply just because they demand it.”

“No, that’s not it…….”

Eirene’s trembling voice contrasted with Egon’s calm tone.

And then-

“I believe.”

“Huh…?”

“I believe in you, Rinasita. No matter what happens.”

“……”

The words ‘I believe’ felt like they were digging into a corner of my heart once again.

However, given the situation… I couldn’t stay buried in sweet dreams forever.

“……Egon. I have something to tell you.”

“Please, go ahead.”

“I have deceived you.”

As I spoke, Egon’s hand, which had been moving the utensils, stopped.

Eirene couldn’t bear to make eye contact, so she continued speaking with her head slightly bowed.

“I am not Rinasita. My name is Eirene von Einsberg. Until a few days ago, I was sitting on the emperor’s throne… the deposed emperor.”

“You believed in me, but I couldn’t believe in you. That’s why I used a pseudonym. If you ask me how I feel now, well, I still might not be able to believe in you. If I had believed in you Even a little, I would have told you the truth long before this happened. Don’t you think so?”

Yes.

A person who can’t trust anyone can’t possibly believe in a god.

I was just playing pretend, wearing a nun’s habit… I couldn’t escape my destiny.

“I am well aware of the situation with the Gwodun Church. I know that the saint has manifested… but if it comes to a full-scale power struggle, the imperial army won’t lose. You know that well, don’ t you might even be harmed Among a deposed emperor and a saint chosen by god, who is more important—”

—As a religious person like you, wouldn’t you be able to choose without difficulty?

“So, I will return. Living as a woman who doesn’t believe in god while wearing a nun’s habit wasn’t very enjoyable. Besides, even though I am deposed, they won’t execute me immediately. I am used to dealing with such people and preserving my life, so you don’t need to worry.”

Just a little more.

Just a little more.

Deceiving people without treating them sincerely was her specialty.

She had never once revealed her true feelings in front of others. She always wore the necessary mask and dealt with people accordingly.

It was a truly lonely life, but inversely, because she trusted no one, she never got hurt or disappointed. She thought such a lonely life suited her well.

“I owe you. I will never forget this kindness. If things go well and I am reinstated as emperor… even if that doesn’t happen, I will surely repay you.”

“Rayfield said he would come back today. I will join him and leave this place. Thank you for your kindness.”

…That’s enough.

Egon was a smart person, so he would understand this much.

He was a devout priest. He couldn’t overlook a situation where the saint was in danger.

Eirene didn’t want the saint to be in trouble either. Egon would surely be sad. The devout Egon might even blame himself.

So… this is fine.

At that moment.

“…!!”

Egon’s hand brushed against Eirene’s eyes.

“Egon… Wh-what are you―”

“Please don’t cry, Rinasita.”

“Huh…?”

Only then.

Only then did Eirene realize that she was crying.

“How can I hand you over to them when you’re crying like this?”

“No, that’s… that’s not…”

“Should I call you Eirene now? Anyway… I mentioned before, didn’t I? That I don’t know how to make you trust me, how to persuade you to believe in me.”

Once again, Egon effortlessly crosses the wall that Eirene had built to deceive him.

As if he intended to share in her ruin―

“Let’s start by trusting each other. You trust me, and I’ll trust you. Then we’ll surely find out what’s truly important to you right now.”

“I… I…”

“And―”

Before Eirene could hear the rest of Egon’s words, she stood up in a panic.

“Eirene…!”

“S-sorry! I don’t want to… talk anymore. Until they come back, please… don’t look for me. Then…!”

―Tat tat tat tat tat…

As she ran through the monastery’s corridor, the only thing dominating Eirene’s mind was the sound of her heartbeat.

Thump, thump. The sound pounding as if it would burst out of her chest at any moment.

And that voice. The voice she heard in front of the portrait――Believe in God.

Just believe. Just try to believe, that unknown, yet somehow familiar voice…

Among the various images swirling like a storm in her mind, the one thing she least wanted to admit―

‘…!’

As soon as she realized that fact.

Eirene, clutching her chest that felt like it would explode, could only run away.

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