The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Everyone probably has memories of their youth that would make them smile happily, make them sigh in bitterness, or make them blush in embarrassment and want to forget about.

To a certain someone, today was a very special day. He didn’t know yet whether what he was going to do today would create a dark history which would make him smash his head on a table in embarrassment, or if it would be the start of an unforgettable sweet memory.

“I like you, please be my girlfriend.”

With only two people standing on the rooftop of the building, with their friends spying from the corner, the completely red-faced boy shouted out his feelings to the girl, and the entire world was filled with the scent of youth.

“Alright. Actually, I have liked you for a long time as well.”

If the girl were to sweetly accept the confession of the boy like this, going by the story development, it could very well be the start of an incredibly sweet youth comedy. However, most of the time, the recollections of one’s youth would always be bittersweet. 99% of such developments would never be so successful.

“…I’m sorry. Actually, I already have someone that I like.”

This was probably a more realistic development. The development might end up to be winding, but as long as the male protagonist worked hard in pursuing her, there might still be a chance.

But sometimes…

“You useless trash, you dare to confess to me despite your background? How much money do you have? How much do you earn every year? What college do you intend to go to? What kind of job do you intend to do in the future? Let me clarify that if your annual salary doesn’t hit a million, you can scram.”

Alright, this was probably an even more realistic development, as well as a pain in the hearts of countless mature men. However, this wasn’t even the worst-case scenario.

At the very least, there was still a possibility for the man to fight on. It wouldn’t be as despairing as the following one.

“I’m sorry. I like girls.”

This… The difficulty was really a little too high. If this wasn’t an excuse cooked up by the girl to reject you, it would be best if you directly gave up.

“Haha. Actually, I am your mother/father/elder sister/younger brother.”

This was even more complicated. If that person didn’t watch too much Star Wars or Korean dramas, if what she said was true… Anyway, before you bring her for a blood test to determine your relationship, it might be better for you to bring her to a psychiatrist.

“I’m sorry. I am only into the 2D. I have no interest in 3D apes who grow leg and chest hair!”

This was even more despairing. Of course, to a small portion of comrades who had unique life habits, this kind of female otaku might seem more desirable… However, the truth was that if the female shut-ins used the 2D as a standard for comparison, they would have a much higher expectation for one’s physical appearance. Thus, the male otakus would be in for a tragedy.

Sometimes, the main difference between a novel and reality was that novels needed to be logical. However, reality didn’t have to be logical.

“I like you, please be my girlfriend.”

“I’m sorry, I am a vampire and my family said that I am banned from going out with humans. Although you are only half human, you are also part of the 3D. I am only interested in the 2D and I do not have any interest in 3D apes who grow leg hair and chest hair! The ones that I like the most are 2D girls! Furthermore, I already have someone that I like!”

This scene… sorry, this third-person narrator has no idea how to comment. There are too many points to even start commenting on…

“Smile, it is all fine as long as I smile… The hell! How is that any different from the tragedies up above!? Furthermore, it’s all of the tragedies put together as one! How much of a failure does one have to be to meet with this kind of incident? Furthermore, what do you mean by vampire? Is this really a high school in the real world? Give me back the perspective of a normal scientific world!”

In the classroom, even though a day had passed after that absolute failure of a confession, Roxia’s continuous comments still echoed throughout the classroom. His new friends that met him only two weeks ago reevaluated what type of person this young man was due to his energetic howls of anger.

He was Roxia M. Harloys, a rather strange name. He had an appearance which was even younger than his true age. Even though he just had his 16th birthday recently, people would believe it if he claimed he was only 10 years old. Others would often comment that his golden hair and small red face were extremely cute. Yep, he had a natural babyface.

Roxia’s weight was slightly under 50 kilograms, and his height was about 1.5 meters. Considering how he was 1/4th wood spirit in bloodline, he could already be quite proud of his height as wood spirits were known to remain eternally youthful.

Roxia didn’t have any special features. In fact, he had much dark history in his life already due to his overly young appearance…

“I’d feel a lot of pressure if I went out with you. I could accept it if I was simply viewed as being your older sister, but I look more like your mother… Last month, Asha was treated as an auntie when she simply went out shopping with you. That’s too hard for me to handle.”

“I’m sorry. Although I’m really moved by your confession, I’ve actually always viewed you as my little brother/younger brother/little cutie/pet…”

Roxia received rejections like these. Wait a moment, wasn’t there something problematic mixed in with the word “pet”? Shouldn’t the police be called!?

Although Roxia’s physical appearance was rather unique, he really was quite an ordinary boy from Earth on the inside.

If one had to find something out of the ordinary about him, that would be the natural talents he was born with as a mixed-blood. Roxia had outstanding athleticism. Even though he didn’t exercise very much, he would always become a key member on any sports team. However, even this didn’t count as much of a specialty in this special school that he just transferred to.

“Brave hero, no need to be heartbroken. It’s your own fault for having such an unreachable goal. She’s Isabelle, the daughter of the Ferd Family. However, her rejection has already become famous throughout the entire school. There’s also many others who are heartbroken just like you. Tsk, she’s in love with the 2D, which means that every single boy in this school no longer has a chance.”

Kaen was a boy who sat in front of Roxia, as well as the first friend that Roxia had made at this school.

“Hero?”

“Indeed. You even dared to reach for the untouchable flower of our school who’s shot down 100% of the boys who confessed to her even though you transferred here less than a week ago. Not to mention, there’s the things that you did at the school this month. What else could you be apart from a hero?”

This sounded nice, so Roxia felt slightly better after hitting the bottom. However, Roxia’s deskmate, the human class representative Su Nana, adjusted her eyeglasses, and teasingly said, “Roxia is a trash hero. Still, we don’t have the right to comment about you.”

Roxia was instantly rendered speechless. He could only complain depressedly while laying his head on his desk.

“Trash or whatever? I don’t think so. I was a top athlete at my previous school, and I was quite popular…”

However, Roxia’s childhood friend Su Nana, who came to this school with him together from Earth, didn’t seem like she wanted to spare his feelings.

“Top athlete? What’s your 100-meter dash time?”

“13.2 seconds! I was #3 for the 100-meter dash at my last school!”

Roxia had high expectations placed on him by his school due to his outstanding athleticism. However, he had zero interest in sweating, so he unhesitatingly rejected the track team’s invitation. Despite this, he was still one of the strongest competitors at the school’s sports meet.

“…10 seconds for the 100-meter dash is the passing mark for the athletics department here. Even a girl like me is under 11 seconds.”

Su Nana set aside the suspicious drink “Real Tauren Milk from the Underground” which she was drinking. Even though Su Nana was clearly a “literature girl”, she was looking down on the “athletic student” Roxia.

“10 seconds is a passing grade? It seems that the records at the Olympics are so weak. Aaah! Hurry and return an ordinary person’s world and worldview to me! Also, return my literature girl childhood friend who idolized me so much to me!”

“Stop acting stupid. This isn’t Earth. Besides, you never could have been an ordinary person since the start, wood spirit mixed-blood prince.”

“Don’t joke with me like that. I’m just an ordinary 25% mixed-blood. Those wood spirits must have made a mistake. Did you think that I wanted to come here? I met an irresistible force.”

Indeed, Roxia really wanted to ask himself why an ordinary Earthling like him had come to another planet, and entered this mystical universe filled with creatures from fantasy. Roxia was now an alien (from Earth) who was a transfer student in Eich.

Eich and Earth were both universes that were members of the Overwatch Association. However, Earth had developed far more scientifically, while Eich was obviously supernatural. The supernatural abilities in stories from Earth were real here, but part of Roxia’s bloodline had also originated from Eich.

Although Roxia was also somewhat of an Eich native with his 25% wood spirit bloodline, which helped him to get accustomed to the primal Elemental Tide here, he was experiencing a lot of culture shock as an Earthling who had completely different values from native Eich residents, causing many laughable situations.

Roxia originally planned out his life already. He would properly go to school, properly study, find an average college to attend, learn a skill that could earn money, find an easy job that didn’t have much room for promotions, work while continuing his hobbies, and once he could no longer stay single due to his friends and relatives’ nagging, he would marry a wife who wasn’t too beautiful or ugly.

Once Roxia reached middle age, he planned on pushing his work over to youngsters who joined the same company, and slack off as a salary thief until he retired. He would then pass away amongst his children’s complaints about “why is that old geezer still alive?” If he could scam some tears at his funeral, that would be perfect. As for all the mystical things in his family…

“I can leave all of that to my younger twin sister who likes those things. Compared to the ordinary eldest son, she’s far more suitable for this crazy and inconceivable universe than I am in every way.”

But unfortunately for Roxia, he received a letter one week ago which completely shattered all of his original plans and life goals.

“My dear older brother. By the time that you read this letter, it’s likely that I’m dead already. If you want to know who killed your beloved younger twin sister, please enter the Interstellar Overwatch Academy in Sor of Eich, and court the girl named Isabelle. By the way, Belle is an avid 2D loving otaku, so remember to attack her using her interests.

“Your cutest younger twin sister: Rori H. Harloys.”

Indeed, on Roxia’s 16th birthday, he didn’t receive anything pleasant as a birthday present. Instead, he received the dying message and will of his younger twin sister.

Ever since then, Roxia’s entire world was overturned. He had no choice but to come to such a strange place, and try to court a girl he had never met before in order to try and find out the truth behind his younger twin sister’s death. On top of all that, he had to start his new life in Eich with the status of being a weak piece of mega trash.

Originally, he didn’t want to care about his family matters, and he wanted to ignore this and carry on with his planned goals in life, but Roxia felt most uneasy about the postscripts in the letter.

“PS: remember to offer me a Milos cake from the cake shop next to our home as a tribute to me. I really want to eat one.

“PPS: I want matcha, chocolate, and strawberry flavored cakes! A minimum of 10 each! I want double the number of cream-filled cakes! That lady at the cake shop is really easy to talk to. You just have to talk to her more often.

“PPPS: right, even if I’m not around anymore, you’re not allowed to sulk! You already have trouble getting along with other people, so you’re forbidden from venting your anger on others!”

After seeing these postscripts, Roxia was quite certain that this letter had really come from Rori. Apart from his cute foodie twin sister, nobody else would possibly write such postscripts.

“Hey, hey, hey, Rori, are you really dead? How come a dead person can still write a letter and wants to eat? Also, just who exactly killed you!?”

Three days ago, when Roxia had just turned 16 years old, he had just finished the funnest summer vacation of his life. However, he was different from other naughty children who went crazy with playing after all the tests were over. Roxia’s choice was quite practical as he worked the entire summer to earn money.

In a way, Roxia had refused his family’s arrangements for him as he stubbornly insisted on living an ordinary person’s life. This was basically cutting off his own economical support. Although his younger sister would often try and give him some money, she wasn’t very rich, either. On top of that, she was a huge foodie who loved to eat. Every time that Roxia secretly met with Rori, he could see her drooling at the cake shop next door. He also imagined himself going over and feeding his younger sister as there was nothing cuter in the world than a younger sister who was willing to be fed… Ahem, please forget about what was accidentally exposed just now. Roxia was simply thinking that it was time for him to become independent for the sake of his upcoming future.

Working? What job would hire a teenager who was less than 16 years old? There was a reason behind this. A distantly related uncle had introduced a part-time job to him where he could also study while earning sufficient living expenses. He was originally a “novice who used connections”, but his past two months of hard work helped the seniors at his job give him some slight recognition. Roxia was also able to begin some tasks at work all by himself.

Maybe some readers had managed to successfully guess Roxia’s part-time job. He worked part-time for an unknown magazine, running errands, writing simple articles, and writing novels to earn some money.

Due to Roxia’s lack of life experience, he could only write articles such as game reviews, science fiction or fantasy short stories, and so on. His editor and the readers kept commenting “this is too fake,” “the emotional connections between the characters are such a mess, does the author not have any friends?”, “the techniques and word choice is so chuunibyou, and it’s really embarrassing to read. Author, do you dare to read these names out loud?”.

The result was that Roxia remarked, “I’m so sorry for not having any friends, but since all of you are wasting time commenting on holidays and weekends, it seems that we’re pretty much the same. No, I’m still salvageable since I’m young, but you old otakus can just continue with your FFF Inquisition!”

Since Roxia spoke the truth, his seniors hunted him down while hitting him with posters and magazines…

Roxia had been working at this job for almost two years now, and had made quite a bit of progress, especially with his most recent novel. Since Roxia had started panicking due not to producing decent results recently, he wrote about the ridiculous adventures that he had heard from his godmother.

The “Crazy Lich” series was extremely well received due to its realism, wondrous plot, and really silly personality of the main character Roland creating a comical story. Although Roxia was really delighted to receive many supportive comments from his readers, he also secretly prayed that his godmother wouldn’t see the story he wrote, as otherwise he would likely meet with something terrible.

Roxia was making some progress with his work now, and had received his seniors’ recognition. He even started hesitating on whether he should drop out of high school and join the workforce early since his line of work didn’t really require an academic resume.

“…Rori, I think that writing is the funnest time of my life. I want to write for my entire life. How about I drop out of school early? I feel that continuing to study will be nothing but a waste of time.”

However, just mentioning this made his younger sister so angry that she wouldn’t accept any calls from him for 10 days straight. She even scolded him by saying, “I don’t want Brother to become a useless otaku like those men in your editing department. If you dare to drop out from school, I’m going to tell Dad that I won’t do his work anymore, and make him capture you to go back and take over the family business.”

Roxia received quite a heavy blow from this even though it was only through a cell phone. Not only that, the senior who tutored him in this field also opposed Roxia’s way of thinking, and told him, “If you don’t have any real life experience, even the most brilliant imagination will still lack the element of realism. Even if you can temporarily attract some attention, readers will find that carefully tasting your novel will be like chewing wax. You should study more while you’re still young. Don’t be afraid of wasting time. Think of it as accumulating more for your own future.”

Roxia couldn’t tell if this pudgy senior of his really had good intentions for him or not. Moreover, Roxia felt extremely unmotivated about being forced to learn things which would likely be useless to him for his entire life in such a boring classroom. However, his younger sister refused to let him quit school.

Thus, the unfortunate Roxia could only “continue to waste time in high school”.

Actually, Roxia had already planned out his own future. Even if he still had to study, he would simply go to an average high school, and he could still focus mainly on writing. When it came time to sign up for college after college entrance examinations, he would sign up for some random second-rate college’s Chinese major or journalism major. He would then keep slacking off, but Rori would no longer lecture him as long as he was still “studying”.

However, everything that Roxia had, including his future goals and dreams, and his only relative that he trusted, was all shattered by that black letter which seemed so ice-cold.

“Rori is dead, so you must go to Eich and become an interstellar knight in her place.”