The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Translator: imperfectluck  Editor: Pranav

Even without a way to swiftly get information from the mortal plane, I pretty much knew what would happen next.

The world would never act according to the will of a single person. There were plenty of examples of those who were crushed underneath the wheels of history. If someone knew about what would happen in the future due to whatever method, they would be better off buying some stocks to make money. If they wanted to make use of their knowledge of the future to meddle in international affairs, then the butterfly effect they created would likely come back to kill them.

“Those who follow the will of heaven shall live, while those who go against heaven shall die. Forcefully going against the heavens and changing your fate? If you want to use your personal strength to change the entire world, you must first mentally prepare yourself to die several hundred times.”

Even I didn’t want to forcefully change the future. I only wanted to slowly accumulate things and sit on the very edge of the scale, tipping it ever so slightly, trying to act as a tiny amount of force to change the overall direction.

“Directly eliminating all my enemies? I’ve never even considered that. However, I can begin by weakening my enemies and increasing our combat strength, postponing when the enemies arrive in the mortal plane. I don’t need to single-handedly kill off the endless amounts of demons and devils. I can instead increase the number and quality of ‘heroes’ saving the world, using small accumulations to emerge victorious in the end and overturn the situation.”

Actually, the current developments proved that this strategy of mine was already somewhat effective.

The Justice Points system and the currently developing field of magical engineering had both vastly improved the entire mortal plane’s average combat strength and potential. When science was at this level, technology would typically evolve by two generations every ten years. This head start would give us a bigger and bigger lead as time passed.

The changes in the Underground and the Northlands gave us hope. They were all important changes that never occurred in the game’s history.

And the original “leader of the human world,” the Holy Church, was now shaken to its foundation. It seemed like it was only because of my personal grudge—fine, I admit it was indeed partially because of my personal grudge. But if you checked what they did in the game’s history, you would find out that what was even scarier than godlike enemies and garbage teammates were garbage teammate higher-ups who felt that they were the godlike ones.

“We have a great advantage, so let’s just attack them with no strategy.”

“Just defend the base, defend the base, and stall until next week so your victory will be a celebration present for the Pope’s birthday. Reinforcements? Your reinforcements will probably come next month! No, they’re not coming to help clean up your corpses, nor are they coming to steal your achievements… But there’s a Cardinal’s son among them, you understand how it is… F*ck, you actually dared to hang up on my magical message? I might just declare you to be a heretic!”

“…Ally? With those heretical dark-skinned non-believers? May the Holy Light descend upon them and burn them all to death. We need more Holy Wars!”

The biggest taboo on the battlefield was to have a non-combat expert be in charge of decisions. But it just so happened to be that in the game’s history, the Holy Church was at its peak of authority and possessed many God Envoys, angels and people capable of using God’s Descent, meaning that the Holy Church became the main core of the allied Order armies.

The Holy Church sent a Cardinal to every country to command the Holy War. The end result was that these new “commanders” kept saying that “we’re here to pray for the warriors and spread divine favor” but were actually quite helpful in battle… Yep, helpful in battle for the enemy, at least at the beginning.

As for why they only helped the enemy in the beginning? Since this happened far too much, the major countries started giving these “commanders” nothing but empty authority. Also, as the wars progressed, the accumulated losses and calamities made even more people turn to the Holy Light for salvation, but they simultaneously started ruining the Holy Church’s reputation.

The reason? The warriors forced to the brink would do anything but obey the commands of a bastard who didn’t know anything about actual combat. The cruelties of battle naturally eliminated the authority of these Cardinals who didn’t know anything about warfare.

Even without my Southern Sect, the Holy Church was destined to split into major factions, and it happened in the game’s history. The Holy Knights and Holy Light priests would split from the Holy Church’s higher-up Cardinals. Miracle Hand Estrada, the strongest Holy Knight, would lead his Holy Knights in separating from the Holy Church entirely. This was something destined to happen in history, based on objective factors of what humans needed to do. It would be impossible to stop.

Of course, it would be impossible to make up the losses if I really did allow the Holy Church to take overall command of the Order armies in the upcoming Holy War.

But now the present was far better than the current time in the game’s history. With the Holy Church’s current reputation, it would be difficult for them to send Cardinals as commanders to the various countries. They would need to first deal with the Southern Sect.

Also, thanks to the Holy Church’s attempt to steal credit for the victory at Oak Town, there was now a perfect excuse to refuse to allow them to take lead. When Armageddon arrived, it would likely be impossible for the Holy Church to play the role of the garbage teammate leader.

Judging from these factors, history had already changed in many ways. Yet the world’s development would never happen exactly as a single individual wished. Some parts were beneficial, but there would naturally be downsides as well.

For instance, the Bardi Empire. In the game’s history, the Titan Giants and Undead Emperors viciously fought each other after the Bardi Empire was destroyed, the end result being that both sides were completely wiped out. This was a miracle that would be impossible to replicate. Although the Bardi Empire was still intact, the Titan Giants and Undead Emperors were huge threats. Since it would be impossible for the Titan Giants and Undead Emperors to destroy each other, they would be huge problems for us in the future.

And now, even though the overall situation was arguably better than the game’s history, what was destined to happen still happened. Chaotic war started spreading on a worldwide scale. Preventing all this would be utterly impractical. Even if I somehow managed to stop all the wars, it would be very costly and tiresome and I’d obtain no benefits whatsoever.

To use an analogy, this was like a wooden ship with countless holes in it. Even if I plugged up every single hole in the ship, new holes would appear. By the time I plugged those up as well, the entire ship would have sunk.

That was why intervening in these small-scale conflicts was meaningless. Since it was now an era of all-out war, I was prepared to use any means necessary to obtain victory in the end. To use a phrase that might not fit the situation: “Get on me if you dare!”

Cough—I think I made a wording mistake just now. I meant to say “Come at me if you dare!” It’s the fault of the silly translator. [1]

“Are you ready?”

I shook the dust off my cape. This new article of clothing I just received wasn’t cheap in the least.

I was wearing a brilliantly blue crown, which was adorned with the emblem of the moonlight. Star power gathered upon this God Equipment crown, making it glow like a small moon on my head. I was yet to completely control this God Equipment’s power. When I closed my eyes, I could see its divine light—the purest power of the Moonlight Goddess.

[Patricia’s Protection. High-level God Equipment crown.]

It was the Moonlight Goddess Patricia’s favorite crown. Extravagantly crafted out of the essence of the moon, it would forever be covered in starlight, and its wearer would appear to have stars orbiting around them. It was indeed true that Patricia was blessed by the stars, and this crown was celebrated as the most beautiful crown in the entire world. Back in the immemorial generation, it had been the cause of multiple wars between the Moonlight Goddess and the Goddess of Beauty.

[First ability: Sealed; inactive.]

[Second ability: Sealed; inactive.]

[etc. etc.]

[Seventh ability: Star Power Summoning. Summon countless stars to crash down in an enormously destructive AOE attack with yourself as the center. Limited to one use per month.]

[System Notification: Princess Peach, wear this wonderful crown that even the Goddess of Beauty is jealous of and you’ll become the most beautiful flower at any dance. Ha, but if you activate the only currently usable ability, everyone will be watching a meteor shower together with you, and the entire Dragon City will be blown up into the skies. So you’ll also be the most dangerous flower at the dance. System Notification, addendum: Considering that the Goddess of Joy, Goddess of Laughter, Goddess of Beauty and a dozen other Goddesses are still fighting against Patricia for this crown even today, you should return it to Patricia as soon as possible. Unless, that is, you want to die to a Goddess’s Descent, Sora no Otoshimono , or some Goddess personally descending from the skies.]

Yes, I was wearing a God Equipment, one given to me by Patricia. Although the great majority of its abilities were sealed, the only ability which wasn’t was the most dangerous one this God Equipment possessed. The moment I activated it, its power would be no different from Patricia herself personally using this God Equipment. …I didn’t know the exact strength of this Star Power Summoning, but judging from the System’s comment about how the entire Dragon City would be blown up into the skies, its strength was far above that of a forbidden spell’s.

But right now, I wasn’t wearing only one God Equipment. I was wearing an entire set of God Equipment!

In my right hand, I held a black staff with an emblem of a snake and dragon twined together. It didn’t release any magical properties, making it easy for others to ignore its presence. However, I could confidently state that it was the second most dangerous God Equipment I had on me.

[Unpredictable Fate. High-level God Equipment staff.]

It even came together with a pair of reading glasses. The God of Fate was a truly sly one who typically loved to wear a cape, put on these glasses and support himself with this staff, pretending to be a common fortune teller, scholar or nomad. He would then hide in some dark alleyways and have fun giving guidance to others. If you listened to everything he said, you would be fine, but if you didn’t… Hehehe. Do you enjoy the feeling of accidentally slurping noodles up your nose? Or tripping and breaking every bone in your body? Actually, Catio didn’t even need to personally do anything. This staff would do everything for him.

[First ability: Sealed; inactive.]

[Second ability: Sealed; inactive.]

[Third ability: Fate is Watching You. Choose a target, and the target’s luck will decrease. The luck this individual loses will be added to you for the next two hours. This ability ignores all magic resistance and immunities. Even other True Gods are not immune to this ability. Note: This ability can only be used once on each target for their entire lifetime. The target will become immune to this ability afterward.]

[Fourth ability: Fate is Taking Care of You. Using this ability will make you the luckiest person in the entire world for the next ten minutes. But after this effect wears off, you will become the unluckiest person in the entire world with double the effects for the next three hours.]

[System Reminder: Don’t use the ‘Fate is Taking Care of You’ ability unless you absolutely, absolutely have to. Changing your fate will only bring misfortune.]

The third ability was easy to comprehend, but the fourth one’s true effects were confusing. Plus, it was rare that my System gave me a serious warning. In order to not be blindsided by the downside if I had to use it, I found an experimental subject and had him use this ability for me… and then I immediately understood how it worked.

Cough, my experimental subject was a mercenary absolutely addicted to gambling. I honestly told him the benefits and the downsides of this staff, and he immediately agreed to use it and started gambling. In just five minutes, he won enough gold coins to buy a palace despite the fact that he started out with only two copper coins. …But one hour later, he stepped on a banana peel and accidentally destroyed the family treasure of a noble. Just as I was sighing at how such a classical method was used, I learned to my astonishment that the broken family treasure’s value was exactly double the amount of gold coins that he won… putting the mercenary in debt for the same amount of money he just won. So it was a certain thing that whoever used this God Equipment’s fourth ability would lose more than they gained. But as long as I used it carefully, it could become an ace which could overturn the situation for me in a dire battle.

“Heehee, I won’t make you lose face by being your female companion.”

“…Actually, I feel that you should stand a bit farther away from me. You’re too tall. Am I supposed to wear high heels? Cough—I meant secret shoes.”

Wearing similarly extravagant clothing was a tall and beautiful elf standing in front of me. She was taller than me by so much I had to crank my neck to see her face. Her naturally perfect body proportions didn’t have a single blemish, and her form-fitting classical golden attire and snow-white skin perfectly complemented each other. Her bright, long dress gave her an elegant and extravagant appearance. Soft straps accentuated her curves, while her silky-smooth golden hair cascaded down behind her, glowing like the sun: a specialty of Gold Elves.

Harloys raised her dress and formally curtsied. Today, she was acting as my female companion, as we were going together to the party that the Dragon City had prepared for us.

“Where did you get this ceremonial attire? I thought that long dress would be too small to fit you. I’m surprised it even has the ability to automatically change its size.”

“…Yes, it has the function to automatically adjust its size as it’s a God Equipment. Don’t break it. No, don’t even get it dirty. Otherwise Beyana will charge us an astronomical amount.”

That’s right, the golden dress Harloys was wearing was also a God Equipment. I asked Beyana for a God Equipment as well, as we were all part of the same faction, but she gave me her personal long dress with clear evil intentions, even telling me to use it for myself. But I was no fool—I unhesitatingly gave this dress to Harloys and brought the silly cat along with me as my female companion.

The dress couldn’t be judged by its extravagance or sexy appearance that revealed quite a lot of skin. It was indeed an excellent God Equipment.

[Beyana’s Fortress of Wealth. Defensive God Equipment.]

It was a defensive item constructed out of pure gold. That’s right—its primary function was as a defensive item, not ornamental clothing. Beyana wasn’t a God who was foolish or wasteful of wealth; she was the opposite, quite practical and stingy. She created this endlessly morphing defensive equipment which was the representation of Wealth. As for why it had the form of a dress… I would never tell you that Princess Peach’s drama play was now a bestseller even in the heavens! Princess, whoever you are, your embarrassment has been seen even by the heavens!

[Ability: I’m Rich! This defensive equipment is the embodiment of the Concept of Wealth. The more money you have, the more defensive protection this equipment will provide. Each attack it takes will cause your wealth to decrease.]

[System Notification: When Beyana is wearing this, not even a Main God can break her defenses. But in your hands… it’s nothing more than a sexy dress. But you’ll look really good in it! I highly recommend you try it! Friendly System Reminder: While Harloys is wearing it, her defensive abilities are better than the ruler of an empire’s. You understand… Go and take her secret treasuries! The pet’s spending money should belong to the master! Another friendly System Reminder: If you put on this dress together with the Moonlight Crown, perhaps a certain grudge-bearing Goddess will be satisfied and stop being angry with you.]

Thanks to a certain grudge-bearing Goddess’s efforts, the other Gods didn’t give me any God Equipment. Well, there was one more helpless exception. A certain God sent over a robe I was quite familiar with: a silver judge robe.

[God Equipment: Justice’s Authority. Soulbound to you. Law mage robe.]

[First ability: Confession of the Guilty. Sealed, inactive.]

[Second ability: Iron-faced Judge. Sealed, inactive.]

[Third ability: Soul Container. Sealed, inactive.]

[Fourth ability: Law Set Equipment Effects. Sealed, inactive.]

[Fifth ability: Wumianzhe’s Will. The wearer of this robe can summon Wumianzhe’s divine power. You can use three True God level Divine Arts per day.]

[System Notification: Can you stop blatantly cheating like this?]

Mages wearing their mage robes to formal occasions was an established tradition. The silver Wumianzhe’s robe was majestic and contained his divine authority. It wouldn’t be inappropriate to wear it anywhere. Plus, since I was wearing the Moonlight Crown and had the Fate Staff, I would seem even more mysterious and respectable. I felt like I was walking on cloud nine as I looked at the young archmage in the mirror.

Harloys charmingly smiled as she did her hair, placing her other hand upon mine. But right now I was unable to bow and kiss her hand as I was holding an outrageously lurid white rose in my mouth…

This wasn’t because I suddenly wanted to act like a romantic. This rose was the most dangerous God Equipment I managed to borrow. That’s right—when I said that the second-most dangerous God Equipment I had was the Fate Staff, I never said that the most dangerous was the Moonlight Crown. The Fate Staff was actually more powerful than the Moonlight Crown, and this seemingly ordinary rose could make any True God pause in fear.

[Ayer’s White Rose. Wondrous mystical item. Highest-level God Equipment.]

[If the highest God of Death, Ayer, starts smiling at some other God, that God will probably pee his pants. And if Ayer shows his white rose to anyone, I recommend that person to commit suicide on the spot.]

[Ability: The chosen target will instantly die.]

[System Notification: Yep, that’s right. That’s how simple the explanation is. There are no other effects. Believe me—not even a Main God can handle being targeted by this rose.]

As for why Roland foolishly kept holding that rose in his mouth? That was because Ayer told him that this would help the God Equipment get accustomed to him and not accidentally kill him when he used it. However, Roland kept feeling like something was off.

As for the Gods secretly watching this spectacle:

” Ahh , he didn’t wear my dress! I spent so much effort designing it for him!”

“… Pahaha , he’s actually holding the rose in his mouth! He really believed it! Quick, give me a memory crystal—we must record this!”

For some reason, I felt a mysterious chill run down my spine. But it was time for us to leave.

Obviously, I wouldn’t be dressing myself so outlandishly for no reason. Compared to the power of these God Equipment, more important was the fact that the Ayer Faction True Gods had been willing to loan me their God Equipment. This represented the entire Ayer Faction’s unwavering and complete support for me. As I would soon need to negotiate with the dragons and fight the Titan Giants, all of this would be of great assistance.

From now on, I would no longer be on the level of a helper they could summon at any time. I was an equal. And to prove my strength to the dragons, I could only choose to attend their party in such a high-profile fashion.

“Ha! You think I’m going overboard? Compared to my ‘grand scheme’ I intend to execute, this isn’t enough at all.”

Note:

[1] TL/N: Yes, this is pretty much what it says. This isn’t my own comment! Ahaha, I’m just translating the author’s words!

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