The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Translator: StarveCleric  Editor: StarveCleric

“Lord, I beg you to help me!! I really don’t have any other means.”

The elf in front of me had tear stains all over his face, both of his eyes were filled with natural charm, his green hair was smooth and beautiful and his lips were bright red. Just simply by looking at outer appearance, he is definitely a calamity-level big beauty.

TL: Chinese have a saying which beauties cause the fall of kingdoms (e.g. Yang Yuhuan)

But right now, tears were flowing freely off his cheeks. Those two beautiful eyes looking at me were full of sincerity and imploration. In an instant, he dives into my embrace but I quickly pull away the robe he was holding on to and takes a step back, pulling apart out distance.

“What happened? Don’t forget, you are a lawyer and a man!”

Yes, the elf crying pitifully in front of me is the capable first-class defense attorney Krose.Ainta of the Supreme Court.

The male elves are naturally androgyny. Even more so, Krose is hailed as the top beauty of the legal system. People often suspect that he wrote the wrong gender on his work tag, and he even made history by being pulled into the female toilet by other people. He is also troubled by such circumstances and he tries to act more masculine in daily life.

Other people wear the silver mask to symbolize the surrendering of one’s individualism to be impartial and as far as I know, Krose wears the mask even after work. In fact, he has some kind of obsession with collecting masks and making them.

It is said that he has collected an entire cabinet of masks of the legal system. Those exquisite silver masks are made with handiwork unique to elves, the presence of intricate carvings, and he was willing to throw in mithril strips, pure gold, gems and different valuable goods into the mask. His dexterous hands are skilled to the extent that he was able to draw out Sulfur Mountain City’s scenery onto the mask. But, masks are also a part of the uniform, so how can they be different from what others wear. So, to not affect his job, his carvings are small to the extent that it is indiscernible without a magnifying glass. In other words, all of his efforts are in vain and he carved it for nothing…

Even so, he still sees them as his treasure and wipes them multiple times every day. He doesn’t take off the mask even while bathing and sleeping… Why would he do that, everyone knows it well in their mind but no one is so silly as to point it out.

In the past, these masks did indeed give this feminine defense attorney elf courage and dignity and his innate nature to be meticulous helped him to gain a deep understanding of the law. His faith and love in the law earns him my respect and in my eyes, ignoring his outer appearance, he is an extremely capable defense attorney and it was the first time he removes his mask and sobs in front of me, asking for help.

“Calm down, Krose. Take a deep breath. What happened, was Sulfur Mountain City Jail raided and all of the criminals escaped?

Krose shook his head vehemently and his tears splatter around, dampening my sleeves.

There already are people pointing and gossiping about us. In order to prevent suspicion in my sexuality and not to become the top news of the rotten ladies of this foreign world, I quietly took a step back, widening the distance.

TL: Rotten ladies -> Fujoshi (Same kanji characters)-> Mainly refer to girls who read yaoi

“Are the evil dragons coming to attack the city? Did you inform the city lord?”

He continues to shake his head, looks that that isn’t it.

“Did the demonic beasts invade…” I continued asking a few questions that would most likely be it but he only continues to shake his head. Finally, after Krose managed to catch his breath, he starts talking.

“It is Beifeng, that perverted dracon Beifeng.Herault! He went too far!”

In this moment, the beauty wipes away his tears. Recalling that he was still in the courtroom, he tries his best to squeeze out a smile. A smile by a beauty after the rain, it could be said to like the ink lotus that charms all that catches sight of it… Hearing voices of shock and shrieks, I quietly take another step back, pulling apart our distance by 3 meters.

TL: ??????? direct translate -> Ink Lotus Spread Faints One Charming Life, hard to translate it and I can only roughly guess its meaning, but anyway the main point is that it describes how beautiful he is in that instant.

Then, listening to ‘his’ narrative, I roughly got the hang of what happened.

That Dracon with a special hobby, after ?Restriction of relationship surpassing friendly between humanoid-life forms and non-humanoid life forms law? and ?The qualifications for the raising of pets? measures which were directed at him were quickly passed and his ‘pets’ and ‘lovers’ were taken away, indeed, he took a severe blow but very soon, he stood up again…

He is no longer a Beast Hunter, he changed his job to a veterinarian that specializes in gynecology…

Initially, this isn’t much as well. The Beast Hunter has deep knowledge on animals and treating pets is its expertise. Being a veterinarian is as though like his calling, coupled with his patience and passion, despite starting work for just a week ago, his nursing techniques that were full of love had many good reviews. He even created the ‘Touch of Love’, a method of calming down animals, but…

“I brought my family’s Little White to see the vet but I ended up meeting this pervert. How is this pervert a vet, he was obviously using wretched methods to play with everyone’s pets. He was even laughing at me gleefully while playing with my family’s Little White’s there… Wuuuuu, Little White was so innocent, he even happily licked his fingers… I, I must kill him and avenge Little White’s shame!!”

If I recall correctly, Little White is the pet dog he raises…

Krose was crying very pitiful. Born as a druid Wild Elf, he feels deep repulsion against these kinds of unnatural actions. As a lawyer, Krose even defended him. Beifeng’s actions were completely disregarding the law. Don’t just look at how Krose was crying as though like a young lady acting cute, I don’t doubt his will to kill Beifeng.

TL: The acting cute don’t have that kind of negative connotations as the English translation would have

From what I understand from his inflexibility, he will definitely come and confess to the crime begging for death after committing it. In the worst-case scenario, he could be here to resign as a lawyer then commit a double suicide with that pervert.

I was a bit speechless. If I were to let a capable subordinate commit suicide over work for such a dishonorable reason, I really don’t know how to deal with it.

Thus, I spoke weakly to the people behind me.

“Don’t just watch the show, help me invite the pervert here. This is the first time I am seeing an opponent that can disregard my laws.”

“Yes, my lord.”

“Yes, my lord, we will set off now.”

As expected, a dozen or so of them answered at the same time, they were indeed hiding at the corner of the wall to watch the joke.

Krose finally recalls that it is a public spot and hurriedly stands up. But his eyes that are filled with anticipation and trust really makes one at a loss on how to respond to it.

——————–

My office isn’t very big. I faced the pervert across my table and for an instant, I am unsure of what to say.

Do I have to erect a new law to prevent him from being a doctor? No, a law directed towards a crime is acceptable, but if I were to write a law that is directed towards a certain person, I will become a laughingstock.

Also, changing the laws too often is a big taboo. This means that the original legislation is problematic and this could negatively impact the dignity of the law and the judiciary.

Directly kill the other party? Is it easy to achieve that but the crime and the punishment handed down should be of equal scale, that is also the basic principle of the legal system. This lad may be a pervert, but that doesn’t warrant his death.

From a legal perspective, if we are unable to find evidence of his crime and judge him to capital punishment, it is a foolish act that undermines the existence of the entire legal system.

Lock him up? I’m sorry but he isn’t guilty of anything. He is just fulfilling his responsibility as a pet gynecologist and calming those cute pets down meticulously. Some ‘touch’ cannot be avoided… I’m guessing that would be how he would argue and it is logical, we do not have evidence…

I sat on my chair. This was the first time I felt so weak.

“We can’t kill him or lock him up, so does this mean we can only continue watch him do such indecent things to those cute pets? Even the alliance army of the Holy Church isn’t as hard to deal with as this pervert.

Beifeng.Herault’s eyes turned, as though as he had made up a decision.

“My lord, can I return now? I still have work to do, a lot of pets are still queuing up waiting for my diagnosis.

This lad may seem to be smiling honestly, but in reality, he was mocking me. “Is the Supreme Court incredible? But you still can’t do anything about me.”

“Normal methods aren’t suitable, but I am an expert at unorthodox method. Slander, rumor, frame and assassination, it is easy to kill you.” Just as I was about go about the unorthodox way to get rid of the pervert in front of me. It was a voice beside my ear.

“Master, based on your plan, we need one person to infiltrate the jail, isn’t him very suited…”

Thus, I smiled and paid close attention the man in front of me.

“Why is it that no matter how I look, he seems likes like a pervert that should be sent to jail. Maybe he is suited for it. Un, no mistake about that.”

After making up my mind, I raised two of my fingers up.

“Let’s make a legal deal then. Just 2 things, if you accomplish them, I will make a pet owner license for you so don’t being a veterinarian. As long as you don’t soil the climate of the city in public, you can do whatever you want at home, I will turn a blind eye to it.”

Yes, Beifeng’s hobby is only a sin if you see it from a moral side. As long as he doesn’t do it publicly, negatively influence the society and trigger the crime of soiling the city’s climate, he hasn’t really touched my red line and I can still tolerate it barely, but… Looking at the disgusting gleeful smile on the person in front of me, I feel really nauseated. If I could, I really want to send a finger of death to kill him.

I had to close my eyes to avoid seeing the glee on his crooked smile. It was only after a long time that I managed to calm my emotions and keep my killing intent in check.

“The first matter, apologize to Krose. Un, it is that elf lawyer that you drove to tears. No matter what, he defended you in court before and yet you repay him with ingratitude, how is this acceptable.”

“Yes, yes, my lord, I will apologize to Miss Krose immediately!!”

“It is Mister!” Predictably, a look of surprise appears on the Dracon. I continued speaking.

“The second matter, go and commit a crime. I will throw you into Sulfur Mountain City Jail, there’s is something I need you to do for me inside.”

“What?!”

“Raid the jail!!…”

When Beifeng finally left and I finished working on the work that had piled up over this period of time, 4 to 5 hours have already passed and it was time for the moon to set.

Standing by the window, I felt a little sentimental seeing the sight of prosperity outside.

“Sulfur Mountain City has been peaceful for too long. Too peaceful to the extent that some of them are overstepping their boundaries.”

“Isn’t this all thanks to your efforts. Are you self-praising?”

A venomous tongue as usual. But in this instant, I didn’t have the mood to bicker with her.

“No, we should be thankful to Adam and Margaret, they were the ones to fought fiercely in the underground city which was full of internal strife to protect this city. But apparently, some people have already forgot the grace they were bestowed with and it is time to remind them of it.”

Elisa nods her head.

“Traitors cannot be forgiven. Actually, following the rules of underground cities, we can just get rid of them. This is also the view of most of ‘Observer”s top spies…”

“This is Sulfur Mountain City where everyone is equal. There is no authoritarian might existing here. Un, at least on the surface there isn’t any. It was difficult for us to achieve peace, fine, peace on the surface so we should cherish it more. Let’s just work within the rules of Sulfur Mountain City. We need some ‘accident’ to gather evidence on those traitors and let some people die accidentally.”

“Yes, once chaos is created, my spies will begin to collect evidence. As long as we are able to find conclusive evidence, it would be time for the Hall of Enforcement and Hall of Judgement to do their work.”

“Have you finished preparing the trackers and magic tracking insignia? I don’t want any criminals to really escape.”

“Yes, I have finished preparing everything. The magic tracking insignia is already added into the drinking water of the prisoners and won’t vanish for 3 months, more than enough time to capture them all back. The entire 3600 members of our ‘Observer’ will participate in this mission. As long as the ones who break out is within a thousand people, then there won’t be a single innocent citizen getting hurt.”

“Un, then set the dogs out to bite then. Sulfur Mountain City has been too peaceful, and why should I be the one cutting away the rotten flesh personally.”

Letting the prisoners out to lure the snake out of its lair, it is a dangerous move. Back then when I was explaining the plan to the four heavenly kings, it spent me quite a bit of effort before I got their support for this movement.

“Yes, the ‘Observer’ will force the special criminals to a suitable location. Even if they do not head there, our internal spies will also bait them there. However, I am worried about whether that Beifeng can successfully raid the jail.”

“Don’t underestimate him, just look at this.”

Looking at the documents in front of her, even the emotionless Elisa gave out a shout of surprise.

“How can this be, a gold-rank Beastman Hunter! A Beastmaster?”

“Yes, this is an inborn advantage of those with long lifespans. As long as you live long enough, you will eventually become strong. A Beastman Hunter is also a natural Beastmaster, his love for animals… Forget it, let’s not talk about it. It’s too disgusting. Look at this report again…”

“Less than an hour after Target X entered the jail, all of his cellmates requested to change cells. There is even a person shouting ‘Don’t put me together with this pervert! If you don’t change my cell, then I will die!’. At the same time, there is really a prisoner who had really bashed his head into the wall asking to be killed… This is really too exaggerated!!”

“… Not just that, there is even a ‘jiji’ sound that is coming out from his cell. It should be him calling those mice to help him… I hope they are just helping him to raid the jail, I don’t want to go down this train of thoughts.”

Somehow, the killing intent that took me so hard to suppress rages once again.

“Must we really do it? There are no secrets that can be kept forever. If we let the prisoners out and news were to spread, your reputation…”

“Even if we manage to suppress the news, just the fact that the jail of the legal system was raid, a demotion, interrogation and punishment are something that can’t be avoided. Even if Adam doesn’t pass down any punishment, I will ask for it myself.”

After half a day, Elisa continues asking.

“Is it worth it for you to suppress your reputation like that?”

“If the reputation and prestige of a subordinate is higher than the highest leader, then it would be hard for the leader to do his job. Since I have decided to put Annie up as the city lord, then let’s just go through it. Besides…”

“Besides?”

“A new generation of change is coming, it is a tide which no one is able to stop. In the change of era, what does this reputation of mine count as. Besides…”

“Besides, you are thinking that maybe little Annie will be touched by your sacrifice and propose to you.”

My face was full of shock, but I heard the words that followed.

“Hmph, propose to you? Hoho, given her personality, she will only be angry at you, frustrated at you and ignores you. Hmph! It would be best if you ignore you the rest of your life!”

Looking at the red-faced half-demon lady was different from her expressionless face usually, I, as though cursed, said something taboo.

“You, are jealous? Jealous that I treat Annie better than you?”

After that, in an instant, the air in the office froze… Looking at how the redness on the venomous head maid extended to her ears and the embarrassment in her eyes, I started praying for those collections of mine.

“Finished, I misspoke. She would definitely get revenge for it!!”

How weird, she maintained the queer silence. Only half a day later did she squeeze out a sentence.

“If I was really jealous, then you…”

Elisa’s voice got quieter and quieter, the part behind was totally inaudible.

“What?”

Just as my mind was twirling to find some words or jokes to say to bring back the atmosphere, the door to my office was suddenly pushed out. Krose rushes in and the red-faced Elisa immediately disappears into the shadows.

“My lord, something bad has happened. Sulfur Mountain City Jail has been raided!!!”

“Why are you panicking? Isn’t this part of the plan.”

“But… But this isn’t part of our plan! That pervert hasn’t started digging a pathway yet but another sector has already been raided. Someone has invaded the jail! It is a true jail raid!! The prisoners have all escaped!! We are losing control of the situation.”

“Pacha!” This is the sound of me accidentally using too much force and breaking the armrest of the wooden chair. Following that, what that has lost control is a suffocating magic siphon.

In the next second, the entire world was warped. Only two colors, black and white, retains of this colorful world. Elisa was driven out from the shadows and Krose was sent flying by the magic power out of the door.

“Those bastards must be tired of living. To actually cause trouble on my jurisdiction!! Those blind bastards, I will slaughter you family!!”

Alright, in this office, the gangster-like declaration would eventually become the polite and restrained Supreme Judge Lord Wumianzhe’s black history…

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